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UPDATE: uplifting...I've made progress!


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#21 Chameleon Soul

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 10:40 AM

Make sure you keep us updated with your progress, it would be nice to hear hoe you go with it :)

I'm trying to reduce from bp most of the day to once per day ... I feel like recovery is this mythical thing that will never happen and am just aiming for long term management.

Have you been using any particular techniques or therapies that you would be happy sharing?

I will definitely keep you all updated as I make progress! :)

 

Good for you! :) That's what I started off aiming for: once a day. 

 

I have kinda just been "going with it". I take it day by day. I don't plan out my day or anything. If I slip up, I let myself know it's okay. I have commitment issues, so I try not to think of weekly goals or monthly goals. Sometimes I don't even take it day by day, but by periods of each day. I play it by ear. Planning drives me nuts sometimes!! Plus, I'm extremely indecisive and scatterbrained, so I just live in the moment. :)


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#22 Chameleon Soul

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 10:41 AM

That's a huge step forward. Congratulations. Just remember that this will take time. Don't let any minor setbacks discourage you from moving towards your bigger goal. I have to keeps telling myself this.

Thank you!! :) I'm trying to be patient with myself. ;)


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#23 earth.cry

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 12:51 PM

You're off to a fantastic start. I'm so happy for you. <3
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#24 Drops Of Jupiter

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 02:13 PM

You GOOOOOO! Hugs, you'll get through this shit!

CW: 49.1 KG (BMI 17,9)
UGW: Around 30 KG (BMI 10)
AN B/P | ENFJ 🎆 | LCHP ☕
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My personal Accountability Thread


Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going

 

I do not have a writer's block

My writer just hates the clock

It will not let me sleep, I guess I'll sleep when I'm dead

And sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head

Am I the only one I know

Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat? 
Shadows will scream that I'm alone
But I know we've made it this far, kid 

 

- Migraine, Twenty One Pilots 

 

H: 1,66.5cm (5'5.5") CW: 49kg (109) BMI - 17,9

HW: 52,9kg (117) - BMI 19,5 | LW: 37,8kg (83,4) - BMI 13,8

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GW3: 35kg (77,0) - BMI 12,7 GW4: 32kg (70,6) - BMI 11,6

UGW: 28kg (61,7) BMI - 10,2



Ultimate Goals:

Well... Just being so fucking thin that even I can see it.

 

Current Competitions: Longest fast: 89 hours (3 days & 17 hours)


#25 Kalan

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 02:21 PM

So happy for you, sweetie! <3


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#26 Holiday

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 03:04 PM

Hello friends,

Okay so there's this word that is eight letters long. It starts with an "r" and ends with a "y". I have commitment issues, so I'm not saying that's what I'm doing. I will however say that I have made productive progress, and am working towards it. The idea of the "r" word has become much more alluring and desirable. It seems tangible now, almost within reach. It isn't currently a goal, but it's something I see for myself in the not too distant future.

I've noticed that my mindset has changed- immensely- for the better. I used to use b/p'ing as a coping mechanism for everything that I couldn't control around me. It was my way to numb out and desensitize myself. It was the only way that I could make sure that no one could truly hurt me, more than I was hurting myself. It helped solidify and strengthen the wall I built up as a kid, because people always attacked, but never helped. I think I have managed to abolish the emotional correlation that b/p'ing has. I'm not saying I don't miss feeling numb- because I do- only that I no longer feel the need to b/p to alleviate emotions I've always repressed. It sucks. I have cried and yelled and screamed so much lately- more so than I've ever done in the past four years. It's so emotionally taxing, but it's a start. I'm feeling emotions, and allowing myself to continue feeling them. I guess I've learned to tell myself, "It's okay to feel."

Also, the frequency of my b/p'ing has decreased substantially. I went from b/p'ing every day multiple times a day to once a day. Then, I went one day without purging. Then two days, then three, and four, and five! This week, I have managed to only purge once. Yesterday I ate breakfast and dinner and even had a snack in between. Today, I did the same. Also, I haven't even weighed myself in about a week. Guess what? I don't even care. Sure it slightly bothers me not knowing where I'm at weight-wise, but it's not driving me bat shit crazy. I've become okay with only weighing once a week. Also, despite all the bullshit going on around me, I haven't let it trigger me or ruin any productive progress I have made.

Thanks for reading- just wanted to share!

Love,

Chameleon Soul


Girl I am so proud of you💖 I've been in treatment for several weeks now, and I can totally relate to crying more than I have in years. At first I wasn't b/ping because I was being monitored and literally couldn't, and it was soooo frustrating having to find new ways to deal with all these emotions because b/p had become my only coping skill. Now I'm at the point where my immediate reaction to anything negative isn't "I need to purge now". I even was in a situation last week where I could have purged with no one finding out but I didn't, and a few months ago that never would have happened. Not to say it's easy or the urges just go away, sometimes at night it's literally all I can think about. But with time it gets so much easier. You're super smart and insightful and that will get you so far in recovery. I'm here for you all the way if you ever need someone to talk to.

It's probably worth mentioning that the residential I'm in right now is a total fucking joke, so don't feel like being at a treatment center is the only way to recover. You have the motivation to do this and I so believe that you will succeed. That being said, you don't have to do this alone, I would recommend finding a therapist or counselor that you can talk to about what you're going through especially one who knows their stuff when it comes to EDs.

Best of luck, whatever happens you will get through this and come out stronger. All the hugs to you ❤❤❤
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AN b/p


#27 sqrrlgrrl

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 05:23 PM

I wonder if it has to do with you coming to the realization you want a life...or that you have something to live for


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#28 Jadeerebekkah

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 05:40 PM

Thats fantastic work you should be proud of all the hard work you are putting in.


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"you can never fail if you never try, so why not give it ago", "Unless you are willing to put in the hard yard you are never going to get anywhere" "all i want is not to be fat."


#29 Playschool

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 06:14 PM

That's brilliant!!! Keep this memento going, and you won't know yourself in a few weeks (in a good way!)
Delighted for you xx
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#30 Chameleon Soul

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 12:01 AM

You're off to a fantastic start. I'm so happy for you. <3

Aww thank you so much!! <3 :)


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#31 Chameleon Soul

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 12:02 AM

You GOOOOOO! Hugs, you'll get through this shit!
 

THANKS!!! Also, I hope so!! <3


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#32 Chameleon Soul

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 12:03 AM

So happy for you, sweetie! <3

Awww, thanks!! <3 :)


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#33 Chameleon Soul

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 12:31 AM

Girl I am so proud of you I've been in treatment for several weeks now, and I can totally relate to crying more than I have in years. At first I wasn't b/ping because I was being monitored and literally couldn't, and it was soooo frustrating having to find new ways to deal with all these emotions because b/p had become my only coping skill. Now I'm at the point where my immediate reaction to anything negative isn't "I need to purge now". I even was in a situation last week where I could have purged with no one finding out but I didn't, and a few months ago that never would have happened. Not to say it's easy or the urges just go away, sometimes at night it's literally all I can think about. But with time it gets so much easier. You're super smart and insightful and that will get you so far in recovery. I'm here for you all the way if you ever need someone to talk to.

It's probably worth mentioning that the residential I'm in right now is a total fucking joke, so don't feel like being at a treatment center is the only way to recover. You have the motivation to do this and I so believe that you will succeed. That being said, you don't have to do this alone, I would recommend finding a therapist or counselor that you can talk to about what you're going through especially one who knows their stuff when it comes to EDs.

Best of luck, whatever happens you will get through this and come out stronger. All the hugs to you ❤❤❤

Thanks hun! <3 Go you for sticking with treatment!!! That's no small task. But yes the crying is awful. I honestly hate crying, but I have just been extremely moody. It sucks. I didn't really realized how depressed I was all the time because I always just felt so numb and disconnected from everything and everyone. Now that I'm actually feeling all of my emotions, it just seems and feels so bizarre and foreign. I honestly hate it because even before my eating disorder and whatnot, I wasn't very emotional. It might just feel overwhelming to me because it's all new at the moment, and I'm trying to adapt and acclimate myself to so many things at once. My immediate reaction is still to go and purge, but whether or not I will is another story. I have even gone to the bathroom and just sat there staring at the toilet asking myself what seems like a never ending catalog of questions. For the month of January I only have to take one class. It's an afternoon class, so I have the entire morning to b/p if I want to. I haven't yet. I've only purged once in the month of January, and it wasn't even a binge. It also wasn't even an emotional choice. Afterwards, I was able to think logically about the reason of why I had purged and whatnot. It wasn't something that set me back at all.

 

Great job to you on resisting all of your b/p urges. I agree with you on the night thing. My digestion is really messed up, so all I ever think about before bed is how I could just purge dinner. That or I will just stare at the wall thinking of all the things I could b/p on that are in the kitchen and whether or not I actually will. I've come to realize how I actually tend to think logically, rather than illogically, now that my brain is not enshrouded by a veil of fog. I can think a lot clearer now, and I think...a lot! It keeps me up at night a lot; but, it makes me feel better knowing that I am thinking, rather than acting. It's great to hear that with time things get easier, reassurance is something that helps me a lot! Also, thanks- I've never had someone say that I'm insightful. :) I've been looking into seeing a therapist/counselor for a while. I'm going to keep everything the same for now since it seems to be working for me though. Later on, I will look further into it. Residential was something that I had considered very seriously for a while. I thought I was at a point where it was either that or death. Then I came to realize that if I wasn't ready to change myself or the mentality that I had, then it would just be detrimental to any progress.

 

I will definitely be sure to PM you if I ever need advice, or to just talk. Feel free to do the same! <3 

 

Thank you so much!!! Hugs <3


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#34 slightlydisturbed

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 12:46 AM

I'mso glad things are going well for you :)


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⭐️⭐️ I'm a disappointment ⭐️⭐️

 

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#35 Chameleon Soul

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 01:04 AM

I wonder if it has to do with you coming to the realization you want a life...or that you have something to live for

This is such a good point. I can't believe I've never thought about that before. Since you brought it up, I'm going to think about this for a bit. I'll come back and post afterwards. 


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                                                                                                           ~Accountability~

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#36 Chameleon Soul

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 01:05 AM

Thats fantastic work you should be proud of all the hard work you are putting in.

Thank you!! I am very proud! :D


                                                                                             Height: 5'10"  II  Weight: Still Loading...

                                                                                                           ~Accountability~

                                                                                                            ~Potato Face~

                                                  

                                                                                             

                                           


#37 Chameleon Soul

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 01:08 AM

That's brilliant!!! Keep this memento going, and you won't know yourself in a few weeks (in a good way!)
Delighted for you xx

I'm hoping that things remain progressive! :)

 

Thank you so much! <3


                                                                                             Height: 5'10"  II  Weight: Still Loading...

                                                                                                           ~Accountability~

                                                                                                            ~Potato Face~

                                                  

                                                                                             

                                           


#38 Chameleon Soul

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 01:08 AM

I'mso glad things are going well for you :)

Thank you!! <3 :)


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                                                                                                            ~Potato Face~

                                                  

                                                                                             

                                           


#39 mirrors.lies

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 01:14 AM

Proud of you!
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#40 Chameleon Soul

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 01:58 AM

Proud of you!

Thanks!!!


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