Jump to content


About MPA

MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.


Incredibly Strong Binge Urges!


  • Please log in to reply
18 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*

Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*
  • Guests

Posted 11 January 2017 - 02:28 AM

Please read! 

I am truly struggling, and looking for hep from the BED community. 

I have been binge eating every day for 5 weeks. Everyday I gorge myself, eating way more than I need. 

 

I've put together a list of everything I know about my binge cycle: 

 

The basics 

1. I usually binge at dinner (6pm), or/and after dinner (8-10pm) 

2. I binge on whatever I can find. I have no problem cooking for an hour, so I can have a meal I can eat till I'm stuffed. 

3. I eat normal sized healthy meals throughout the day. I have actually stopped counting calories, I just want the binges to stop. 

4. I drink at least a liter of water a day. 

5. I haven't been exercising.

6. most of my binges don't start from eating a certain food. (for example, at a party I could eat a slice of cake and be fine if It's during the day.)

 

My behaviors 

1. I have the mindset of "I just want to be thin, why can't I stop eating, I wish I could just lose weight." It's like I know I have the strength to stop, but when I don't- I keep asking myself "why? why? why?" I try not to doubt myself, but come on.. after 5 weeks? how could I not doubt myself. 

 

2. I feel horrible after every binge, but I'm starting to feel used to it.

 

3. I've been doing it for so long that I don't even want to binge, but just do it out of habit, I'm not hungry or starved, just stuck in a horrible cycle.

 

4. I destroy myself after every binge. Saying "its okay, it happens" after every fucking night made me hate myself more. I can't just brush it off like that. Maybe if I binged a couple times a month, but for 5 weeks straight?? 

 

5. I am very eager to quit this cycle/ lose weight/ restrict, but I feel as though everything I went over in the day (thoughts like "I've got this, I will lose weight, I don't need to eat, I'm gonna make progress today, I'm quiting this binge cycle".. ect. ect.) I forget all those thoughts, my brain just turns off and I eat an unhealthy meal, then a snack, then more and more. 

 

6. All of my binges are impulsive. I could be doing great, feeling positive, not hungry at all then next thing I know, I'm in the kitchen getting Ice cream. 

 

7. I regularly come up with coping techniques to try and avoid binges when I am not having the urges. but I forget all of it once the thought of binging comes into my head.  

 

I truly hate myself for what I'm doing my body. I've gained 4.6 pounds, and I feel so powerless. I don't feel in control at all. I have been trying to break this cycle since the very first day, but I haven't made any progress. I feel helpless. "just stop" isn't welcome, I feel trapped and addicted to eating. Every day that passes tightens my cuffs and its getting harder and harder to control, or break free. 

 My dilemma is that in 63 days I leave to Japan, and my goal is to be 115 pounds. I need to lose 19 pounds before I go. If I keep binging it won't happen. It gives me so much anxiety, and stress, I have to stop binging now. I can't do this anymore. 

 

If you have anything that might help, please let me know, I'm desperate! 

Thank you for visiting my post!



#2 UnfoldingWings

UnfoldingWings

    Warrior

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 207 posts
  • LocationSouthern California

Posted 11 January 2017 - 03:25 AM

 

Please read! 

I am truly struggling, and looking for hep from the BED community. 

I have been binge eating every day for 5 weeks. Everyday I gorge myself, eating way more than I need. 

 

I've put together a list of everything I know about my binge cycle: 

 

The basics 

1. I usually binge at dinner (6pm), or/and after dinner (8-10pm) 

2. I binge on whatever I can find. I have no problem cooking for an hour, so I can have a meal I can eat till I'm stuffed. 

3. I eat normal sized healthy meals throughout the day. I have actually stopped counting calories, I just want the binges to stop. 

4. I drink at least a liter of water a day. 

5. I haven't been exercising.

6. most of my binges don't start from eating a certain food. (for example, at a party I could eat a slice of cake and be fine if It's during the day.)

 

My behaviors 

1. I have the mindset of "I just want to be thin, why can't I stop eating, I wish I could just lose weight." It's like I know I have the strength to stop, but when I don't- I keep asking myself "why? why? why?" I try not to doubt myself, but come on.. after 5 weeks? how could I not doubt myself. 

 

2. I feel horrible after every binge, but I'm starting to feel used to it.

 

3. I've been doing it for so long that I don't even want to binge, but just do it out of habit, I'm not hungry or starved, just stuck in a horrible cycle.

 

4. I destroy myself after every binge. Saying "its okay, it happens" after every fucking night made me hate myself more. I can't just brush it off like that. Maybe if I binged a couple times a month, but for 5 weeks straight?? 

 

5. I am very eager to quit this cycle/ lose weight/ restrict, but I feel as though everything I went over in the day (thoughts like "I've got this, I will lose weight, I don't need to eat, I'm gonna make progress today, I'm quiting this binge cycle".. ect. ect.) I forget all those thoughts, my brain just turns off and I eat an unhealthy meal, then a snack, then more and more. 

 

6. All of my binges are impulsive. I could be doing great, feeling positive, not hungry at all then next thing I know, I'm in the kitchen getting Ice cream. 

 

7. I regularly come up with coping techniques to try and avoid binges when I am not having the urges. but I forget all of it once the thought of binging comes into my head.  

 

I truly hate myself for what I'm doing my body. I've gained 4.6 pounds, and I feel so powerless. I don't feel in control at all. I have been trying to break this cycle since the very first day, but I haven't made any progress. I feel helpless. "just stop" isn't welcome, I feel trapped and addicted to eating. Every day that passes tightens my cuffs and its getting harder and harder to control, or break free. 

 My dilemma is that in 63 days I leave to Japan, and my goal is to be 115 pounds. I need to lose 19 pounds before I go. If I keep binging it won't happen. It gives me so much anxiety, and stress, I have to stop binging now. I can't do this anymore. 

 

If you have anything that might help, please let me know, I'm desperate! 

Thank you for visiting my post!

 

i'm sorry i don't really have any advice because i've been stuck in a binge cycle too for much longer than you have and i literally feel like i am being driven crazy by it. but i just wanted to say that i really can relate to some of what you've said, especially all the points you made in that list. it is so frustrating and so hard. i've been dealing with it for two years. the only real solid thing i can say that i really believe is true is to try as much as you can to not carry around the anger and frustration with yourself and food because it seems those emotions are the catalyst for bingeing. maybe try writing it down, keeping a journal. try to incorporate some time every day for you to just be still and quiet and find some calm. i know the thought of being forgiving is scary because your'e afraid of becoming complacent and that it will just keep the bingeing happening. i struggle with this fear too. but i really believe that for some people (me, and possibly you), the building up of all those toxic emotions is a big part of what feeds binges. i hope you can find something that helps you. but at least know you are not alone.



#3 Crinny

Crinny

    Warrior

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 120 posts

Posted 11 January 2017 - 05:24 AM

I don't know if this is helpful, but I've always been a night time binger. Total control during the day, ate plenty, then during the evenings I would lose it every. single. night.

The only thing that has helped me is telling myself that I can have everything I'm wanting to binge on IN THE MORNING for breakfast right after I wake up.

Do I end up having chocolate cake or hot cheeto puffs dipped in sour cream for breakfast some mornings? Yes. But I usually eat far less of what I was wanting for breakfast then everything I would have demolished had I given in the night before. Plus then I'm in a good mood for the rest of my day because I started my day with chocolate cake 😂 I've gone from a size 14 to a size 3 in the last 6 months just from that one change. Heaviest weight was 196. Current weight is 129. I was 123 right before the holidays hit lol.
  • Blue_Raincoats likes this
Got milk?

#4 Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*

Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*
  • Guests

Posted 11 January 2017 - 05:25 AM

i'm sorry i don't really have any advice because i've been stuck in a binge cycle too for much longer than you have and i literally feel like i am being driven crazy by it. but i just wanted to say that i really can relate to some of what you've said, especially all the points you made in that list. it is so frustrating and so hard. i've been dealing with it for two years. the only real solid thing i can say that i really believe is true is to try as much as you can to not carry around the anger and frustration with yourself and food because it seems those emotions are the catalyst for bingeing. maybe try writing it down, keeping a journal. try to incorporate some time every day for you to just be still and quiet and find some calm. i know the thought of being forgiving is scary because your'e afraid of becoming complacent and that it will just keep the bingeing happening. i struggle with this fear too. but i really believe that for some people (me, and possibly you), the building up of all those toxic emotions is a big part of what feeds binges. i hope you can find something that helps you. but at least know you are not alone.

 

Thank you, I really appreciate your comment. I'm relieved that someone relates to what I'm going through, i'm glad i'm not alone in this. i'm sorry to hear you've been struggling for so long, I wish you luck. I guess I didn't think that those emotions could build up, and it made me really think. thank you again. 



#5 Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*

Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*
  • Guests

Posted 11 January 2017 - 05:30 AM

I don't know if this is helpful, but I've always been a night time binger. Total control during the day, ate plenty, then during the evenings I would lose it every. single. night.

The only thing that has helped me is telling myself that I can have everything I'm wanting to binge on IN THE MORNING for breakfast right after I wake up.

Do I end up having chocolate cake or hot cheeto puffs dipped in sour cream for breakfast some mornings? Yes. But I usually eat far less of what I was wanting for breakfast then everything I would have demolished had I given in the night before. Plus then I'm in a good mood for the rest of my day because I started my day with chocolate cake I've gone from a size 14 to a size 3 in the last 6 months just from that one change. Heaviest weight was 196. Current weight is 129. I was 123 right before the holidays hit lol.

 

I've never thought about doing that!! Thats some great progress! kudos to you. I want to try that, but I'm afraid I might just keep binging the rest of the day.  :unsure: who knows, I'll give it a go(: Thank you! 



#6 catwhispurrer

catwhispurrer

    Advanced Warrior

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 280 posts
  • Locationthe promised land

Posted 11 January 2017 - 12:12 PM

i've been bingeing on and off sometimes for periods lasting for 6 months. it's horrible, like i can't stop. but i found that eliminating all refined carbs from my diet reduced night time cravings. i only eat whole grain carbs now but still eat very little carbs in general and it has kinda killed my appetite. when i'm not hungry but find myself feeling like i gotta eat something because of the binge urge i brush my teeth and lie in bed while keeping the windows open. it gets cold and for some reason that makes me want to stay in bed and not get up to rummage around. i drink some water and scroll mpa and fall asleep.

20 years old | BN (NP)

sad girl accountability

~

5'6''

141 140 139 138 137 136 135 134 133 132 131 130 129 128 127 126 125 124 123 122 121 120 119 118 117 116 115 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100 99

~

tumblr_mx384intf51s8mgkyo3_400.gif


#7 Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*

Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*
  • Guests

Posted 11 January 2017 - 03:51 PM

i've been bingeing on and off sometimes for periods lasting for 6 months. it's horrible, like i can't stop. but i found that eliminating all refined carbs from my diet reduced night time cravings. i only eat whole grain carbs now but still eat very little carbs in general and it has kinda killed my appetite. when i'm not hungry but find myself feeling like i gotta eat something because of the binge urge i brush my teeth and lie in bed while keeping the windows open. it gets cold and for some reason that makes me want to stay in bed and not get up to rummage around. i drink some water and scroll mpa and fall asleep.

 

I see! How long after you cut out carbs did the night cravings slow? I'll definitely try it out, thanks so much!(: 



#8 Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*

Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*
  • Guests

Posted 11 January 2017 - 08:57 PM

I tried Crinny's strategy this morning and had pizza for breakfast. Its working so far! I've had no cravings at all today, and my intake is still low! Yay! thank you Crinny  ;) I've been staying positive as well, I'm now gonna work on cutting out carbs! 


  • clueless ✧ likes this

#9 catwhispurrer

catwhispurrer

    Advanced Warrior

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 280 posts
  • Locationthe promised land

Posted 12 January 2017 - 03:06 AM

I see! How long after you cut out carbs did the night cravings slow? I'll definitely try it out, thanks so much!(:


the first night it seemed to begin, but that is perhaps placebo effect. in three days, i found myself not really wanting to binge on the cookies and stuff that i'd always reach for at night. hope you find success!

20 years old | BN (NP)

sad girl accountability

~

5'6''

141 140 139 138 137 136 135 134 133 132 131 130 129 128 127 126 125 124 123 122 121 120 119 118 117 116 115 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100 99

~

tumblr_mx384intf51s8mgkyo3_400.gif


#10 Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*

Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*
  • Guests

Posted 12 January 2017 - 02:16 PM

the first night it seemed to begin, but that is perhaps placebo effect. in three days, i found myself not really wanting to binge on the cookies and stuff that i'd always reach for at night. hope you find success!

 

awesome, thank you!(:


  • catwhispurrer likes this

#11 Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*

Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*
  • Guests

Posted 12 January 2017 - 07:10 PM

Cutting carbs today, I as well chilled the room last night and It worked! I went to bed early, and stayed there. I kept telling myself "If you get up you'll freeze!1!" I also found that drinking hot coffee when I get cravings helps a ton. anyways thanks catwhispurrer!  :P



#12 Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*

Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*
  • Guests

Posted 13 January 2017 - 12:54 AM

low carb, high protein Meal Plan

I'm gonna try a low carb meal plan to cut my cravings.  

I will eat this same meal plan everyday, for three days

 

Breakfast: coffee w/ 1/4 cup milk (40 cals, protein 2g, carb 3g) and collagen (43 cals, protein 11g, carb 0)

                two eggs w/ pepper (140 cals, protein 12g, carb 0?) 

 

Lunch: 1/2 cup salmon (108 cals, protein 15g, carb 0) lettuce (10 cals, protein 0?, carb 1g?)

           coffee w/ 1/4 cup milk (40 cals, protein 2g, carb 3g)

 

Snack: 1 cup celery (6 cals, protein 0?, carbs 1.2) 1/4 cup pepper jack cheese chunks (220 cals, protein 12g, carbs 2g)

 

Dinner: 1 cup white mushrooms sautéed w/ water (20 cals, protein 2.2g, carb 2.3g)

            shirataki noodles marinated in 1 teaspoon chicken broth (10 cals, protein 1g, carbs 2g)

 

Total: 637 calories, protein 57.2g, carbs 14.5g 



#13 thinking-thin-forever

thinking-thin-forever

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 5 posts
  • LocationEngland

Posted 13 January 2017 - 09:33 AM

How did it go today? :)

#14 Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*

Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*
  • Guests

Posted 13 January 2017 - 03:05 PM

How did it go today? :)

 

it's been okay, the binging hasn't been bad anymore. but my intake has been really high. :(  

just glad to be back to restricting!! 



#15 Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*

Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*
  • Guests

Posted 17 January 2017 - 08:56 PM

I really hate myself, I've been trying so hard to get back to restricting, but I just keep binging. I just want to stop. 

I don't want to eat normal meals and wean off, i don't want to restrict high, I don't want to eat anymore. But I just keep binging, I want to restrict so badly, I want to be thin quickly, I want to just lose all this weight now. I want to stop binging, I'm sick and tired of this. I just want it to stop, please please please 



#16 Jennifer34

Jennifer34

    Newbie

  • New Members
  • Pip
  • 7 posts

Posted 18 January 2017 - 02:29 AM

I screwed up today after semi fasting for 2 days :( bread and my cheesy chili. A new day tomorrow.

#17 Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*

Guest_MyPlasticTaste_*
  • Guests

Posted 18 January 2017 - 04:05 AM

Alright i've had about enough of this. I feel that my BED symptoms are only going to get worse, I need to ask for outside assistance. 

I'm gonna fess up to my mom, luckily we're close, and I feel like she'll understand. There's a pill I can take that will stop my binge eating, and maybe even bring me down few pounds. Maybe I can ask her about it. I need to end my binging once and for all. 

I'm not gonna wait another month, not 2 months, not 6 months, not a year. I won't wait until I'm 20 pounds heavier. not me. I'm gonna end this. 

 

talk to someone 

raise intake to 1,300 calories

ask about meds 

drink more water and green tea 

start going to the gym 

go shopping for healthier foods 

clean my room 

 

fucking end this cycle or I'm gonna freaking kill myself 

I am cutting everyday I hate myself I can't binge anymore 

I'm killing myself with every bite i take ugh ugh ugh 

 

How do you guys to this for months?? years?? I would fucking die 

how do you stay sane?? I can't do it anymore 



#18 Guest_LaylaMae_*

Guest_LaylaMae_*
  • Guests

Posted 23 January 2017 - 05:26 PM

Alright i've had about enough of this. I feel that my BED symptoms are only going to get worse, I need to ask for outside assistance. 
I'm gonna fess up to my mom, luckily we're close, and I feel like she'll understand. There's a pill I can take that will stop my binge eating, and maybe even bring me down few pounds. Maybe I can ask her about it. I need to end my binging once and for all. 
I'm not gonna wait another month, not 2 months, not 6 months, not a year. I won't wait until I'm 20 pounds heavier. not me. I'm gonna end this. 
 
talk to someone 
raise intake to 1,300 calories
ask about meds 
drink more water and green tea 
start going to the gym 
go shopping for healthier foods 
clean my room 
 
fucking end this cycle or I'm gonna freaking kill myself 
I am cutting everyday I hate myself I can't binge anymore 
I'm killing myself with every bite i take ugh ugh ugh 
 
How do you guys to this for months?? years?? I would fucking die 
how do you stay sane?? I can't do it anymore


Those changes you were going to make sound really helpful and positive. How are you getting on with it all now?

#19 Blue_Raincoats

Blue_Raincoats

    Advanced Warrior

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 293 posts
  • LocationWith Billy Pilgrim

Posted 23 January 2017 - 06:12 PM

This sounds so much like me! For me, as soon as I take that first bite I know I'll want to take another and so on. The one definitive thing that I have found to be absolutely 100% helpful is to not restrict too heavily. You say you're eating very healthy etc during the day, but I very much agree with what the other posters have said about maybe indulging a little throughout the day. And give yourself some love, boo! If you wouldn't say it to an 8 year old or an 80 year old, try not to say it about yourself! For me, that always fueled every cycle, my negative comments about myself. I like to say now that "I do BLANK because I love my body, not because I hate it." (Even though I don't love my body yet, I want to get there, and I believe in the power of positivity.)

 

For me I "zone out" during a binge. I don't know if it's applicable to you, but trying some mindfulness exercises might help focus you. Sometimes I narrate what I'm doing (sounds crazy, I know). I'm grabbing another X, chewing X, swallowing X. I feel very full but I want another. Why do I want another? Now I am picking up my fourth piece of Y, it doesn't even taste good anymore" just because its really easy for me to lose track of what I'm going through. Other times I've looked over at my reflection occasionally as I'm eating just to say: "Hey there, hello, this is happening!" Another good one is: Move a muscle, change a thought! If you can interrupt yourself and engage in another activity--take a long bath (maybe give/get some personal attention), a walk around the block, engage your hands in something else--that could be what it takes. 

 

Just remember that it's a journey, one you're not going through alone, and that every little step counts. Celebrate every victory! And to paraphrase Edison, We didn't fail, we just found another way not to succeed, which brings us closer to our next success. 


June

 

     

    SW: 153.3   CW: 153.1   GW: 147

 

5'8"

 



0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users