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when you have ed but your fat as fuck


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#1 Salemfrancis13

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 03:50 PM

I love when you throw up and restrict and still can't manage to keep weight off because your gross fat side keeps eating and ruining all your hard work.

Is everyone out there just skinny and perfect or does anyone else struggle with being genuinely overweight while having a eating disorder and it being the most frustrating thing in the fucking world.

I know, I just have to pull my shit together and learn some self control. But how do you pros do it? I get so tempted and so inconsistent with purging when I do eat, out of sheer laziness.
I need to have a come to Jesus.
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#2 thehungryghost

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 03:58 PM

((not overweight, but normal weight))

 

and let me tell you, being inconsistent with purging is better than purging alot.

 

the past month(s) i've been purging (but not necessarily binging) 2-3 times a day, and i have been such a wreck. my heart is beating really hard, im lightheaded all the time, and i'm pretty sure im going to rip holes in my knuckles from grinding them on my teeth so much. 

 

my therapist is thinking about sending me a way to some sort of clinic, which i do NOT want.

 

 

but i do relate though. everyone in my friendgroup is either skinnier than me or actually underweight, i find it soo triggering. which is sorta sad.

but if i were you i would eat often during the whole day, but small portions. it helped me lose like 3kg!



#3 Geranium

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 04:53 PM

I have an eating disorder in which I heavily restrict and often purge, and I rarely binge. Even on my "normal" days, I still under-eat. However, I also have a thyroid problem that makes it super difficult for me to lose weight. You can only imagine how devastating that is.


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SW: 126 lbs (right before the first time I decided to purge)   HW: 163 lbs (first recovery attempt)   LW: 78 lbs (danger zone... hospitalization)

 

 

CW: Not allowed to use scales atm

GW1: ***

GW2: ***

GW3: ***

GW4: ***

GW5: ***

GW6: ***

UGW: 83 lbs

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#4 Threepatches

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 05:07 PM

My inconsistent cycles of normal eating-over eating-purging-restricting over and over again have had me yoyoing between underweight and overweight for over a decade now.

I'm currently overweight after an intuitive eating/overeating phase. Currently in a restrictive/purging phase and of course, because I'm overweight, no one gives a shit. The world thinks that "eating disorder" exclusively means "anorexia/bulimia" and "underweight".

I completely understand how shitty it feels to not be underweight but to be struggling with things like overexercise, purging, restricting etc. It feels... Invalid? Right? Like... 'Well, fuck it, I'm not skinny therefore I can't get help because it's not a problem.'
I feel like, despite knowing I have some major issues, my disorder is invalid because I'm not underweight.

On one hand - I can look at myself and say "I don't have a problem" because I'm not underweight.
But on the other hand - I look at myself and say "no one will believe I have a problem and no one will help me" because I'm not underweight.

Swings and roundabouts.
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#5 Ro10

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 06:18 PM

ALL THE FUCKING TIME


“The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along, I simply hadn't thought about it.” 
 
“I didn't know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of the throat and I'd cry for a week.” 
&nbsp;<p>―&nbsp;Sylvia Plath,&nbsp;The Bell Jar

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#6 PartyGirl

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 06:19 PM

I have an eating disorder in which I heavily restrict and often purge, and I rarely binge. Even on my "normal" days, I still under-eat. However, I also have a thyroid problem that makes it super difficult for me to lose weight. You can only imagine how devastating that is.

Same. My thyroid problem makes it so hard to lose a single pound.
Also, my bmi is 26, so no one takes my ed seriously, I'm fat as fuck.


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Maybe someone will kill me before I can do it myself.
 
 

 

 


#7 fruitlick

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 06:24 PM

Well I'm a Certified ED Pro(^TM) so I can tell you how I do it: uncontrollable anxiety when my stomach is full that can only be quelled by purging


fragile

 

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hw: 148 lw: 119

cw: 123

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ugw: 106


#8 violetly

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 06:45 PM

My inconsistent cycles of normal eating-over eating-purging-restricting over and over again have had me yoyoing between underweight and overweight for over a decade now.

I'm currently overweight after an intuitive eating/overeating phase. Currently in a restrictive/purging phase and of course, because I'm overweight, no one gives a shit. The world thinks that "eating disorder" exclusively means "anorexia/bulimia" and "underweight".

I completely understand how shitty it feels to not be underweight but to be struggling with things like overexercise, purging, restricting etc. It feels... Invalid? Right? Like... 'Well, fuck it, I'm not skinny therefore I can't get help because it's not a problem.'
I feel like, despite knowing I have some major issues, my disorder is invalid because I'm not underweight.

On one hand - I can look at myself and say "I don't have a problem" because I'm not underweight.
But on the other hand - I look at myself and say "no one will believe I have a problem and no one will help me" because I'm not underweight.

Swings and roundabouts.

 

you are me


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lazy egg 


#9 thylacine

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 01:28 AM

Trust me, there's plenty of us around here who are normal or overweight.



#10 Mermandie`

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 01:35 AM

Helloooo

​I binge and I barf

Because I carry the scars

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#11 Salemfrancis13

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 01:15 PM

Yeah I've definitely been focusing more on what I eat rather than purging lately because I find purging to be a real pain in the ass. And my husband is sort of freaking out about it lately. But of corse sometimes a slip up and eat crazy amounts of food then feel like I have to throw up but I know I never throw up enough. Like I never do it until it's bile or foam or nothing.
I have lost 100lbs twice and if I get down to my goal weight of 150 this would be the third time. I'm 5'11 so I feel 150 is reasonable. Anyway it just sucks, is rather everyone suspect the disorder than thibk I'm okay or not trying.
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#12 got bad feel bot dis scoob

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 02:27 PM

THISSSS
THIS THIS THIS
I'm fucking fat af but I purge, restrict, fast, like wtf
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88q5l.gif

 

 

 

 


#13 Salemfrancis13

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 02:31 PM

I guess this is why some people think fasting ruins your metabolism and doesn't work. It's just the lack of consistency.

#14 TrappedInMySkin

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 04:15 PM

Yes yes yes ME.

 

I'm currently a normal weight (24.3 BMI), but have been losing weight fairly quickly, especially over the past week as I'm back to restricting heavily. From about October to the beginning of December, however, it was a completely different story - I was stuck in a "binge-every-day-on-over-2000-calories-in-an-hour" state. I go back and forth a HELL of a lot - binge eating, then restricting, then binge eating, then restricting, and so on. Which means that my weight yo-yos up and down, switching from a normal weight to slightly overweight and back every couple of months. And no-one knows a thing. No-one suspects that anything is wrong or that I'm struggling with eating.

 

Like right now = I am dying inside because I am so hungry, and my mind is consumed every day with thoughts about food, but God forbid that I eat anything other than half a can of soup or 2 cups of vegetables! It's a daily battle. And it's horrible. Yet nobody knows what I'm going through because I'm not underweight. It's that age-old issue of "if you can't see it physically then it's not there, it's not real, and there's nothing wrong".

 

ITS INFURIATING.

*sigh*


Height: 5'5"

Start date: 01/12/16

CW: 155 154 153 152 151:angry: 150 149 148 147 146 145 144 143 142 141 140   :(   

139 138 137 136 135 134 133 132 131 130  :) 129 128 127 126 125 124 123 122 121 120  :D

 

BMI 24.0

 

 


#15 nevertheless

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 04:36 PM

I love when you throw up and restrict and still can't manage to keep weight off because your gross fat side keeps eating and ruining all your hard work.

Is everyone out there just skinny and perfect or does anyone else struggle with being genuinely overweight while having a eating disorder and it being the most frustrating thing in the fucking world.

I know, I just have to pull my shit together and learn some self control. But how do you pros do it? I get so tempted and so inconsistent with purging when I do eat, out of sheer laziness.
I need to have a come to Jesus.

 

 

 

You're not alone,honest.

 

I'm all over the place,always have been.

 

Many people with eds are not super skinny anorexics.


No binge February: red= fail,green= success. 1 2 3 4 5 brain fog here... 11 12 13 14

This quote is helping me to challenge my black and white mentality: "Saying 'Oh,I've ruined my good eating for today,I'll just binge now' is like saying 'Oh,I dropped my phone onto the ground,so I'll just smash it until it breaks,' "

Spoiler

#16 VulpixPhoebe

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 04:58 PM

Remember; 

Eating disorder doesn't equal skinny. Try and dissociate being skinny

with having an eating disorder and vice versa.

 

Don't think your any less ill than people with ED's who are skinny. And don't make 

yourself believe you'll only be ill when you are skinny. Most people who have eating 

disorders are a normal weight so don't worry about not being ill enough or anything.


                                                                    5'3  ¦  hw: 140lbs  ¦  cw: 130lbs  ¦ lw: 90lbs  ¦ gw1: 115lbs  ¦  gw2: 100lbs  ¦ ugw: 80lbs

                                                                                                            tumblr_ny2x0lQBcb1ub4zo5o1_250.gif

                                                                          "I smell lovely 'cause I don't eat meat."

 

                                                                              587fc2518f2f5800790708.gif

                                                                  giphy.gif

 

Spoiler

#17 sweet0202

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 06:40 PM

That's ednos for you
HW: 170
2017 SW:152

CW:142.5

Gw: 136 Feb 28th
Gw2: 126 Mar 31st
Gw3 : 116 Apr 30th
Gw4 : 100 June 29th friends wedding
UGW:99

1̶6̶0̶ ̶1̶5̶9̶ ̶1̶5̶8̶ ̶1̶5̶7̶ ̶1̶5̶6̶ ̶1̶5̶5̶ ̶1̶5̶4̶ ̶1̶5̶3̶ ̶1̶5̶2̶ ̶1̶5̶1̶ ̶1̶5̶0̶ ̶1̶4̶9̶ ̶1̶4̶8̶ ̶1̶4̶7̶ ̶1̶4̶6̶ ̶1̶4̶5̶ ̶1̶4̶4̶ 143 142 141 140 139 138 137 136 135 134 133 132 131 130 129 128 127 126 125 124 123 122 121 120 119 118 117 116 115 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100


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#18 Salemfrancis13

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 07:15 PM

Thanks for all the replies. I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling with feeling a little left out of the ed crowd because nobody thinks of me as having one because they can't see it.

I know it's a little weird to say I feel left out like it's an elite club but I sort of feel that way sometimes. Like I wish people could see how hungry I feel sometimes.

#19 Ana011

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 08:44 PM

I definitely can relate. I've actually said, and done, things that should have been CLEAR indications that I have a serious eating disorder, or at the very least disordered eating habits/anxieties. And the fact that I usually say these things very non-chalantly and really straight-forward, should also show that I must think what I'm saying/doing is 'normal', or at least not shockingly abnormal, to be so open about it. Like, I can't think of many examples right now, because I tend to start being able to control myself and stop before I blurt things out as I start nearing 100lbs. It's strange. It's almost like it's an impulsive cry for help, but only right up until what I consider to be 'the point of no return' with my ED. And I'm not someone who wants attention on me EVER. Tbh, I've been a drug addict for practically my entire life, and I never ever blurted things out that I thought might raise any kind of attention. I kept everything about my habits, and life, completely under wraps. Actually, I go to great lengths to avoid even the slightest bit of interaction with humans in general lol. So, It's just strange to me. But being at a normal or above normal weight definitely makes a lot of people not take you or your issues seriously. It's fucked up and stupid, because most people with EDs are not underweight... It's just sad. People would still congratulate and compliment me on my weight loss, even after I had told them I'd lost most of the first 30 pounds on diluted chicken broth, water and espresso. Just know that you're never "not sick enough" or "not thin enough" to seek any kind of help. It's courageous as fuck, at any time, but especially when you're the only one who even recognizes you need it. Just please, never let that stop you. Just be sure to seek out someone familiar with EDs, as this misconception isn't as widespread among them as it is the rest of the medical community.
Geez, sorry for the novel!!
tl;dr: fuck people, you're a boss.

#20 Mermandie`

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 09:43 PM

I wish there were ed programs just for those at normal weight. I'm so scared to be lumped in the same group as someone with a bmi of 14
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​I binge and I barf

Because I carry the scars

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