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using 'dude' or 'man' or 'boi'


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#1 haxel.princess

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Posted 17 May 2017 - 09:46 PM

I'm going to start out by saying I'm a cis, mostly straight, female so i won;t be able to fully understand what being trans* or non-hetero is like but i want to be a better ally and really treat people with the respect they are given. 

 

Now, I being from california, use names like 'dude', 'mam', 'boi', 'bto' etc as gender neutral terms. I've called cis female and cis male and rans male people this casually and they've all been fine. I know that it will be a different case for each person but I wonder what people who don't identify as male feel about people using those terms and what alternatives are. To me it seems like it can cause some dysphoria which i really on't wanna cause. 


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#2 LlamaLord

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Posted 17 May 2017 - 09:49 PM

Cis female here and I also call everyone dude/boi/man/bro regardless. And I'm fine with being called that.


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#3 baburun

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Posted 17 May 2017 - 10:00 PM

cis female, I definitely use dude as a gender neutral term. Like dude. Seriously dude. <-- it's more of an expression than a label? 
 


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#4 Bugbear

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Posted 17 May 2017 - 10:09 PM

*another cis female* i also call everyone those names because to me it's not really an identifying term. everyone is bro, man, boi, dude to me bcus theyre just kinda nicknames at this point if ya feel me..?

or when i say "hey guys" it doesn't necessarily mean i'm calling those people male. they're just my pals or people i know

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#5 Ryeder

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 08:16 AM

When I ask anyone in the trans community about the term "dude" or "hey guys" mostly people tell me that it's not a big deal. Like, if someone pulls you aside and says "I'd really like it if you didn't call me a dude. It makes me uncomfortable" abide by that. But in general? Don't remove non-insulting words from your vocabulary because you're afraid of insulting a single, particular individual who may or may not be encountered. 

 

I use "dude" and "y'all" and "guys" in just about every hour of every day. They've become nearly gender neutral and unless someone specifically tells me that it bothers them, or that they're struggling with being considered masculine or feminine or whatever, I probably won't think about it. But if someone brings it up, that becomes different. 


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#6 Broken Princess

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 07:13 AM

Honestly it doesn't bother me. I'm kind of tired of thinking of gender so much!

#7 katsuhira

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 08:53 AM

When I ask anyone in the trans community about the term "dude" or "hey guys" mostly people tell me that it's not a big deal. Like, if someone pulls you aside and says "I'd really like it if you didn't call me a dude. It makes me uncomfortable" abide by that. But in general? Don't remove non-insulting words from your vocabulary because you're afraid of insulting a single, particular individual who may or may not be encountered. 

 

I use "dude" and "y'all" and "guys" in just about every hour of every day. They've become nearly gender neutral and unless someone specifically tells me that it bothers them, or that they're struggling with being considered masculine or feminine or whatever, I probably won't think about it. But if someone brings it up, that becomes different. 

Yeah, for the most part "dude" and "guys" and even "bro" are common to use regardless of gender so I agree it's not worth it to try changing your vocabulary when the words aren't even rude or offensive

 

Unless someone specifically asks not to be called a certain word you don't need to bother worrying about it (and even afterwards there's not anything to worry about, just stop using that word with them and move on. There's nothing more awkward than someone spending an entire hour going "omg I'm SOOO sorry I'm such a bad friend for using that word with you" and turning it into something about themselves where you have to comfort them when it isn't about them and drama was what you hoped to avoid in the first place)


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#8 shepaintsingrey

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 07:33 PM

most people will tell u if it bothers them


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#9 feelgoodinc

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 08:39 PM

I don't identify with a particular gender, and I'm ok with being called dude/boi/guys/etc, in fact, I love it!  :) Guess it depends on the person. 


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#10 Sexycactus

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Posted Yesterday, 09:14 AM

Tbh with me I'm going to be obnoxious and call the entire planet 'bruh'- Hell I sometimes address my partner as his royal buttness'... 😂

I'm like mentally 12.


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