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Refuse to believe I could die?


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#1 Ryanrossisboss

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 10:09 AM

I just can't accept it. It doesn't seem possible.

 SW: 108  :huh:

 CW:104.5   ^_^

 GW 1: 100  ;)

 GW 2: 95  :)

 GW 3: 90  :D

Goals:

-Collarbones

-thigh gap of an inch

-ribs when stretching 

-ribs in general

-hipbones prominent 

-hipbones visible

-hand around wrist

-hand around upper arm

-cheekbones

-spine

-shoulder blades when tensed

-shoulder blades

 

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#2 Zomegaz

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 10:27 AM

But when you actually die you wouldn't be around to know that you're dead.

So really all you would experience is dying.


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Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction...

 

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#3 SinnamonTea

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 10:29 AM

I am jealous. I fear death all the time.
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#4 Ryanrossisboss

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 11:10 AM

But when you actually die you wouldn't be around to know that you're dead.

So really all you would experience is dying.


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I mean from my ed. I just feel like it can't kill me. I don't know why.

 SW: 108  :huh:

 CW:104.5   ^_^

 GW 1: 100  ;)

 GW 2: 95  :)

 GW 3: 90  :D

Goals:

-Collarbones

-thigh gap of an inch

-ribs when stretching 

-ribs in general

-hipbones prominent 

-hipbones visible

-hand around wrist

-hand around upper arm

-cheekbones

-spine

-shoulder blades when tensed

-shoulder blades

 

tumblr_inline_o9229piVEL1tehvp2_500.gif

tumblr_nw9pgv2PUv1sx03a7o9_500.gif

 


#5 Harrow

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 11:13 AM

Part of the reason I relapsed (okay a big part) was so I would die.

Denial is strong in EDs though.

#6 Zomegaz

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 11:13 AM

I mean from my ed. I just feel like it can't kill me. I don't know why.

Well you could walk across the street and be hit by a bus. I don't think we can design our deaths as much as we think we can.


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Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction...

 

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#7 CrazyDoc

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 11:17 AM

That's the thing about reality.

Your belief and acceptance are not required.


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#8 Zomegaz

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 11:42 AM

That's the thing about reality.
Your belief and acceptance are not required.

Amen


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Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction...

 

5'10”/178cm 80.3 79 78

76 77 75 74 73 72 71 70

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#9 sadsongseattle93

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 12:07 PM

I am jealous. I fear death all the time.

 

Same :(



#10 RockRabbit

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 12:53 PM

Do you want to accept it or carry on with the comfortable delusion?

 

If you want to actually face it there are non-religious meditations from Buddhism that can help you to do so, and I'm happy to give you details.


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#11 Ryanrossisboss

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 02:18 PM

Well you could walk across the street and be hit by a bus. I don't think we can design our deaths as much as we think we can.


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I'd rather die by anything besides anorexia. 


  • Zomegaz likes this

 SW: 108  :huh:

 CW:104.5   ^_^

 GW 1: 100  ;)

 GW 2: 95  :)

 GW 3: 90  :D

Goals:

-Collarbones

-thigh gap of an inch

-ribs when stretching 

-ribs in general

-hipbones prominent 

-hipbones visible

-hand around wrist

-hand around upper arm

-cheekbones

-spine

-shoulder blades when tensed

-shoulder blades

 

tumblr_inline_o9229piVEL1tehvp2_500.gif

tumblr_nw9pgv2PUv1sx03a7o9_500.gif

 


#12 sprintergirl

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 04:48 PM

100% relate friend.


18 / vegan / scorpio / hopeless insomniac

5'9"

UGW: 95

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#13 Sarah...

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 08:32 PM

I relate but in a weird way. I semi want to die bc I feel like my life is pointless and no matter how hard I try I've messed it up too much and I'm mentally not capable of repairing it so I low key hope my ed kills me but now that I'm able to purge 4-6 times a day with no health issues other than weight dropping I'm starting to lose hope that my eating disorder will ever hurt my insides or kill me
Minor and forced into treatment :/
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LW-87
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Height 5'1"
GW- Lowest weight I can get to b4 being forced into inpatient/residential
I'm not scared of hell, I'm already living it

#14 Not Today Satan

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 08:39 PM

That's the thing about reality.
Your belief and acceptance are not required.


Applicable Carl Sagan quote:

'It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring'
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Stats here temporarily until I have my weight where I want it to be:

Height: 5'3"/160.5cm
HW: 103lbs/46.5kg//bmi 18.6
LW: 75lbs/34kg//bmi 13.6
CW: 83-84/38kg//bmi ~15.2
GW1: 75lbs/34kg//bmi 13.6
GW2: Keep going until something bad happens, tbh.

My accountability/rant thread:

http://www.myproana....omething/page-1

#15 Winterfae

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 08:40 PM

Do you want to accept it or carry on with the comfortable delusion?

 

If you want to actually face it there are non-religious meditations from Buddhism that can help you to do so, and I'm happy to give you details.

 

I am interested to know more if you are willing to share with others than the OP? Sort of for myself, but also I know someone who this might be beneficial for, we speak about our fear/denial of mortality a lot and I think it might give us insight and perspective.


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#16 trying.

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 08:41 PM

Same, I don't know why but I feel like I'm the exception, like I can't die no matter what I do. Oml I'm so fucked up

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