I’m aware of
The flaws on my body,
How my ribs stay hidden
Underneath the layer of
From 1200 calories a day down to 800,
Every ounce of food exactly portioned out.
On a good day, you’d have nothing.
I began to measure things in absence
Rather than presence,
A single space
Between my thighs.
Purple kisses painted along my olive
Skin, clothes tight
Collarbones as sharp as my mind.
I lost myself in the numbers;
Day 1: 160 pounds.
Each part of my body labeled in inches;
Day 20: 27 in waist.
Checking every nutrition label;
One egg white is 25 calories.
Diet pills and laxatives rattle in my purse;
Day 40: 138 pounds,
My BMI must be 18 by Christmas.
Intravenous drips shoved in my skin;
Goal weight 1: 125 pounds reached.
The needles tattooed my arms.
A story left untold.
To relapse or recover
It’s an ongoing battle
I may be
But I still hear