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poetry dump / skinnychronicles

poems poetry amateur eh skinnychronicles

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#1 freudfries

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Posted 05 January 2016 - 09:57 PM

You’re fat.

I’m aware of

The flaws on my body,

How my ribs stay hidden

Underneath the layer of

Fat.

From 1200 calories a day down to 800,

Every ounce of food exactly portioned out.

On a good day, you’d have nothing.

 

I began to measure things in absence

Rather than presence,

A single space

Between my thighs.

Purple kisses painted along my olive

Skin, clothes tight

Collarbones as sharp as my mind.

 

I lost myself in the numbers;

Day 1: 160 pounds.

Each part of my body labeled in inches;

Day 20: 27 in waist.

Checking every nutrition label;

One egg white is 25 calories.

Diet pills and laxatives rattle in my purse;

Day 40: 138 pounds,

My BMI must be 18 by Christmas.

 

Intravenous drips shoved in my skin;

Goal weight 1: 125 pounds reached.

The needles tattooed my arms.

A story left untold.

 

To relapse or recover

It’s an ongoing battle

I may be

Weight restored

But I still hear

Its voice.

Fat.

 

  • 99_UFOs likes this

Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#2 freudfries

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Posted 05 January 2016 - 09:58 PM

Blonde hair

Bright eyes

And a laugh so alight

You called me

“Baby girl”

And you

Were always there

To listen to me whine

Until your blonde hair

Began to fall out

You took a razor

To your scalp

And hid behind a scarf

Your eyes so bright

Became less full of life

You spent your days

Locked away

In your apartment

Cancer

Took you away

 

It’s been two years

 

I’m still haunted

By your laugh


  • 99_UFOs likes this

Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#3 freudfries

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Posted 05 January 2016 - 09:59 PM

My mother

Doesn’t take me

Seriously.

She believes

My mental illnesses

Are something to

Spite her; that I

Simply want

Attention.

 

How selfish of her

To think that

This hell I built

Is all some dumb

Joke.

 

My father

Is in denial.

He never speaks,

Never thinks to ask

Me how I feel.

If I speak, he

Changes the subject

Out of

Embarrassment.

 

How selfish of him

To think my problems

Aren’t worth his

Time; that I

His little girl

Can’t have

Problems.

 

Every boy

Who has ever

Loved me

Left me

Because

I’ve been too much

To handle. Too unstable.

Not good enough.

 

How selfish of them

To think that

My problems

Outweighed the love

I thought they

Had.

 

But perhaps I, too,

Am selfish -

Selfish to want

To kill myself

Selfish to starve

Selfish enough

To want someone

To care for

One moment.

 

Could it be

No one takes me

Seriously because

Even I

Underestimate

The damage

I do

To myself?


  • 99_UFOs likes this

Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#4 99_UFOs

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Posted 06 January 2016 - 09:33 AM

I really like your poems! Keep it up x


wE9uT52.png?1tumblr_n54apca9et1t6fz7oo1_250.gif4ILLf3v.png?1


#5 freudfries

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Posted 07 January 2016 - 12:07 AM

I want to take fire to my skin.

Ignite it;

Let the flesh burn.

 

I let myself burn out

And there’s no other way

To bring the fire back

Into my life

Then to let the flames

Lick my skin

Until I am no longer

Here.


Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#6 freudfries

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Posted 07 January 2016 - 12:08 AM

I was sixteen

Making love to boys

Because

They called me

 

Skinny

I loved the way

Their hands

Rubbed over the valleys

Between my ribs

And grazed the

Mountain peaks

My hipbones became

 

I was on top of the world

Thin

Perfect

Lovely

Until the day

 

My hair fell out

In clumps

My fingernails turning

Every possible shade of blue

I knew I was sick

But I didn’t know how

 

To stop

And now

The boys

Don’t love me

Anymore.


  • Matsurika likes this

Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#7 freudfries

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Posted 07 January 2016 - 12:10 AM

It’s a movie.

It’s a song.

It’s a boy.

 

Eyes, green, as if they

Were pushing through

Gritty snow to remind

You that spring was coming.

 

His voice, warm and alluring

Thawing my body from

The winter I suffered,

A single song lulling

Demons to sleep.

 

His fingers were nimble,

Tracing over wooden curves

Soft like horse hair.

Playing over G-Strings

And E-Strings

Soft moans and rosin

Filling the air

 

He breathed magic,

Painting the room

In shades of rouge

Powerful enough

To taint your innocence.

 

He wanted more

Than my showgirl lifestyle;

Being a singer wasn’t enough.

To be poetic “enough” for him

Would’ve taken a lifetime.

 

He grew tired of me,

I was no longer new, but

Only old and used.

And now I find myself

In the elephant room,

Wishing to fly.


Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#8 freudfries

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Posted 15 January 2016 - 01:43 AM

They ask you why you cry

But you won’t tell them

Going day by day

With this weight in your chest

 

The leaky faucet

In your chest

Drips slowly

Down through

Your heart

Into your lungs

 

You want to drown

But your body fights

Your mind wants to die

But your heart

Still beats

Regardless of the pain

 

Pain is beauty

But it’s not beautiful

To want to hate yourself

As much as I do.


Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#9 freudfries

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Posted 15 January 2016 - 01:44 AM

10pm

lights off

a single flame

a paper

clip

between my

trembling fingers, hot

metal against

my

skin and

one loud pop

sends me

into

shock, recoil

bringing comfort and

tears staining

my

bed sheets

between my lips

a whisper

“one

more” and

fifty burns are

painted over

my

skin; a

reminder that I

am worth

nothing


Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#10 freudfries

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Posted 16 January 2016 - 01:22 AM

I run to the closet,

Fumble around in the dark

Until my hands closed

Over the sparkly green

Cigarette lighter I carry with me

 

I pull apart

A paper clip

Hovering it over the fire

And placed it

Against my forearm

 

The blood drains

From my face

And I let out

One shaky breath

 

It hurts

But the tension

Inside

Is released,

 

Going

From 78 to 0

In a matter of

.2 seconds.


Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#11 little.hand.granade

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Posted 16 January 2016 - 12:22 PM

These are so good!!!


  • freudfries likes this

#12 freudfries

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Posted 16 January 2016 - 12:37 PM

These are so good!!!


Thank you


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#13 freudfries

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Posted 16 January 2016 - 12:37 PM

These are so good!!!


Thank you


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#14 freudfries

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Posted 27 November 2016 - 04:50 PM

You’re back.

Back when I least

Expected you.

 

I never realized how much

I missed you.

Your face,

Your eyes,

Your lips,

Your scent.

 

You’re intoxicating

And without you

I feel incomplete.

But with you,

I feel hurt, pain

Crushed.

 

You may never know

How I truly feel about you.

But please,

Just stay with me.


Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#15 freudfries

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Posted 27 November 2016 - 04:51 PM

my skin

was once

a blank

canvas

prepared for

the life

I would endure

 

burning myself

on the stove

turned into burning

myself because

I hate myself

 

crying from

the cat scratching

my arms

became a game

because playing

with the cat

meant I didn’t

have to self-harm

 

scraped arms

and bruised knees

became a fascination

something I wish I could

always have

because it meant

I was still alive

 

to paint my skin purple

black, red, and blue

is love

and it is

hate


Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#16 freudfries

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Posted 27 November 2016 - 04:52 PM

Everyone is dying,

Some faster than others.

 

I want to propel myself

Into not existing anymore.

 

I constantly spend time

Staring at myself in mirrors

And glass windows,

Tugging.

 

I tug on my hair,

Hoping it would grow.

 

I tug on my skin,

Hoping the fat would

Come right off.

 

My mother says I’m too thin,

But I don’t see it.

 

I see strangers stare at me,

Whispering under their breath

Wishing they had my waist

And my long legs

 

But I don’t see how anyone

Would want the fat that covers

Every inch of my body.

 

“Stop killing yourself,”

My mom says because she

Doesn’t need another problem.

 

But if I’m dead,

I can’t be a problem anymore.


Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#17 freudfries

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Posted 27 November 2016 - 04:54 PM

I am in love

With my scars

The raised skin

And soft heat

Beneath the forming

Skin is enough

To remind myself that I

Am alive.

 

I want my whole body

Covered in the fresh

White skin after

The burns have

Healed.

 

Maybe one day

I’ll be covered in

Fresh skin and I

Won’t feel the pain

I do now.

 

Is there a way

For my heart and

Brain to experience

The formation of new

Skin?

 

Is there a way to

Change myself

Totally?

If I could

Just step out

Of this skin

Maybe I’ll

Be perfect, nothing

But bones.

 

Dead.

 

A perfect specimen.


Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#18 freudfries

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Posted 13 February 2017 - 01:53 PM

You have awoken
the hurricane.
There is a storm
raging inside my soul,
the embers catching fire.
Everything I touch
will one day burn to
the ground. 

I am art.
I am life;
nature.
The sun rises
when I speak,
the moon shines
when I breathe
on my command,
the rain
stops.

Man cannot
control me.
Man cannot
Tame me.

Compared to me,
you 
are
nothing.


Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#19 freudfries

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Posted 13 February 2017 - 01:53 PM

The world
came from nothing

Thin air
became tangible,
stars and galaxies
formed right in front of me;
endless possibilities.

And if other 
universes exist,
I wonder which is the one
where we fall in love

Because I'd like for it to be 
this one

And yet,
in the end
you used me
and I apologized
for not being what you wanted

Everyone forgot about me,
forgot I got hurt.
So please tell me
if there is a universe
where we're strangers,
I want it to be this one

If I could go back in time,
take back what I said
Maybe
we'd be okay


Height: 5'10 / 177.8 cm

 

“I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't want to die.

I want to eat like a normal person eats, but I need to see my bones or I will hate myself even more

and I might cut my heart out or take every pill that was ever made.” 

-wintergirls-

 

 

Body Check Dump

 

Poetry

 

wattpad

 

77427487.png

 


#20 Matsurika

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Posted 21 February 2017 - 02:57 AM

Following keep going



Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: poems, poetry, amateur, eh, skinnychronicles

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