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My Brain is being dramatic

Posted by mirandamme , 28 July 2017 · 92 views

Do you ever feel like your world is falling apart around you. All you can do is just sit and watch the destruction. I have now resorted to deadlines for this thing called my life. Oh you can't kill yourself until you've been here, seen this band. Little things to keep me here, but the little things are not working anymore. I've now hit the point of binging and not even purging everyday. My weight is at an all time high. I can't go a day without crying myself to bed. How did I let myself get to this. My life is just literal filth. My room is filled with nasty food I just toss aside. I havent taken a shower in over two weeks. The hardest thing I do everyday is get out of my bed. It's starting to become a challenge to smile. Everyone I care about is leaving me for better things and I can't help but have selfish thoughts wishing that they would stay. I've never had such a need to feel something on the outside because all I am is numb. Cliche I know I feel numb, now I must hurt myself to feel something. But that is how I feel. All I am is a piece of shit who is 21 and still lives with her parents. It might be time that I say goodnight.

 

 

 

Love always,
This piece of shit of a human





Same.Oh my lord how bad I wanna kill myself every more second I have to keep breathing. But I wanna hit my goal weight first. I can't die fat and be always remembered as the fat one since I'm already ugly stupid and insignificant to everyone.

 

But bulimia took over the past few months. I just fucking can't anymore. I want this to stop.

 

I swear my plan is to starve (maybe bp now and then) until I hit my goal weight or until I finally feel skinny enough.

Then I keep the weight maybe get a little lower for a few weeks secretly saying goodbye to everyone and then

FINALLY on my last day I wanna eat all my favourite food and purge it obviously then kill myself.

 

I'm gonna write letters and I wanna make a bullet journal from now on until I die write some pretty quotes for the people I love.

And a notebook to write everything down that made me do this. I don't blame anyone for my death though.

 

Then when it's my last day I'm gonna take the bus to the sea here where I live. I'm gonna dress myself up do make up and all the things I don't even have motivation for at the moment then finally spend a few hours walking by the sea listening to all my favourite songs.

 

When I'm ready I wanna take sleeping pills wait a little until I feel them working and then go into the sea.

 

I hope we all find peace where ever we go <3 

 

Haha wow how dramatic I sound. But thats just the last thing I wish for.

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