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I'm suffocating or possibly having a heart attack

Posted by mirandamme , 21 July 2021 · 65 views

My chest has been so tight lately. I'm stressed over everything. I have no control. I am falling further down a hole of whatever this is. I need control but to gain control I have to stand up for myself and I am no good at that. My roommate is leaving (honestly thank god) but hasn't paid her share of rent this month. She acts like I don't really exist in general or acts like its an inconvenience that I'm there. My chest hurts, I'm stressed. I am working so much because I know I have to pay full rent now that she is leaving but I was supposed to have help this month and its stressing me out. I make enough money to pay it and all the essentials but I was supposed to have one help this month. She is packing stuff I paid for, her cat is physically attacking my cat. She is so passive aggressive with the way that she talks to me. My chest is so tight, I'm struggling to breathe. I don't know how to ask her for her half of the rent and also ask her about the stuff she is trying to take that is mine. She also broke one of my plates and never replaced it. Now I don't have a pair but maybe that is just a me thing to be bothered by. I need her gone and out of my life for good but I also need her half of the rent. Maybe I'm just complaining about little things, stressing over things I shouldn't stress over. I can't wait to feel at home in my own place and not feel like a nuisance. Maybe my chest will stop hurting, maybe I'll feel comfortable inviting friends over. Honestly I just want to sleep for awhile and by awhile I mean a long long time. Maybe I'm not cut out for life, I've been sucking at it for some time now. HAPPY 25 YEARS OF HATING LIFE AND EVERYONE.

October 2021

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