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MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.



jogging again

Posted by marukoistired , 01 August 2020 · 30 views

started jogging again! even made myself a jogging belt to carry my phone and earphones and keys. it's kiiinda ugly, but hey, if it works - it works. now I just kinda wish I had better running shoes, because my old ones are literally ripping open. which is a shame because they survived two years with me in rain and mud and sun and heat. I even cut up my ol...


shopping sucks, change my mind.

Posted by marukoistired , 25 June 2020 · 65 views

yes, even online shopping without those torturous bright lights and big mirrors in the changing rooms that always only ever bring out the worst in your appearance.
I've gotten to a point where simply seeing the sizing makes me wanna cry. I guess you could say that it triggers me (I hate this word). I cannot look at it objectively; all it does is remind ho...


I did it!

Posted by marukoistired , 18 June 2020 · 57 views

I graduated from university!
I presented my thesis succesfully on the 16th and got an excellent mark for my work. In a week, I'll be getting my diploma - a bachelor's degree in teaching and foreign languages. Even though it's not gonna be a big fancy ceremony, and my mom won't be able to visit, I'm still excited. It's a big accomplishment that I worked ha...


I did a thing

Posted by marukoistired , 14 June 2020 · 95 views

I did a thing I made a little self-motivating pic~ (mostly in response to my own whiny tirade from the previous post)
probably gonna make it into a phone wallpaper as well, as a reminder to myself to stop throwing a pity-party every time something goes wrong.
oh woe is me boo-hoo I'm so miserable all the time, the universe hates me and I'm not gonna do anything about i...


it will never be over, will it

Posted by marukoistired , 13 June 2020 · 58 views

I will always be like this. I'll just spend my entire life this way - crying whenever something slighly inconviniencing happens, rotating between the same 5 kgs, losing and gaining and losing and gaining again. hating myself. not being able to eat normally but also not enjoying food when I break down and binge for one reason or another, just stuffing myse...


wouldn't it be nice to be left alone

Posted by marukoistired , 23 May 2020 · 60 views

you know, without all the stuff that you have to do an adult. or as a university student. I don't wanna work on my thesis, and I don't really wanna look for a job, and I don't wanna clean my apartment for the n-th time. well, no, I don't mind cleaning, to be honest, and I don't mind having a job - my issue is with studying.
I feel like I burned out from s...


summer musings

Posted by marukoistired , 18 May 2020 · 40 views

summer is evil. warm weather is evil. change my mind.
I brave the outside world once in every two-to-three days - to get some caffeine, cat food and run a couple of errands. the situation isn't quite as severe in my country, so providing I have a mask and gloves, I can move around more or less freely. and every damn time I go out, there's tons of other gi...


first breakfast in 10 days

Posted by marukoistired , 17 May 2020 · 55 views

not only is this my first breakfast in ten days, it's my first meal in the last ten days in general. yay.
honestly I just felt a bit faint and since I do like my meat prison more or less functioning, I made an executive decision to have a healthy and nutriotious breakfast and then fast another ten days after that. how's that for a plan. I also measured my...


a bit of late night self-reflection

Posted by marukoistired , 15 May 2020 · 66 views

so. when I first created this account, I was basically a mopy teenager, over-the-top angst and all that - with the only difference being that I was a sheltered 20 year old univeristy student, away from home and alone for the first time in my life. I had all the attributes, though: black and white pics on my phone, "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels",...


after 3 years of on-and-off recovery, I'm back

Posted by marukoistired , 15 May 2020 · 60 views

I'm back on my bullshit, baby. Is it a good coping mechanism? nope, not really. am I still gonna do my best to lose as much weight as possible because it's the only thing that makes me feel good anymore? you bet.
also, I don't mean to come off all sad and shit because I'm stressed and anxious at worst - but all in all I'm actually feeling quite well. I e...

August 2020

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