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7/12/2020: New Blades (tw)

Posted by 4m83r , 12 July 2020 · 50 views

I got new blades today. I barely know how it happened, let alone how I got away with it. I went to Home Depot with a family member, and we passed right by the razorblades. Like, the big boy ones. So my family member needed to go look for something, and I asked if I could go look at nails or something, and then I went and bought blades. I bought myself bla...


7/9/2020: Puke Pond

Posted by 4m83r , 09 July 2020 · 78 views

Seeing my friends post pictures together on insta hurts. I don't know why, but it does. 
Apparently, my dumbass brain thinks the only way to get my life together is to start purging. I had a big thing a couple days ago where I told my therapist and family that I was suicidal, so now I'm on a new med. It's Abilify, which is an antipsychotic that appar...


7/6/2020: tw

Posted by 4m83r , 06 July 2020 · 38 views

I'm so tired today. I don't want to do anything anymore. I just started rpe calculus, and I just... can't. I don't want to do this anymore. I have to shower today, and talk to my psychiatrist, and thinking about it is exhausting. I just don't want to be here anymore. Last night, I barely wanted to fall asleep because I didn't want the night to end because...


7/2/2020: Not Restricting & I'm A Bad Friend (tw)

Posted by 4m83r , 02 July 2020 · 97 views

I've stopped restricting. I guess my mood is a bit better, but I'm still not doing great. I was doing fine until this afternoon when my ex(?) best friend called. We're still on the phone. She's talking about dating and finishing the last season of her new favourite show and hanging out with friends and it's just weird. I literally forgot that that's what...


7/1/2020: so uhhhhh......

Posted by 4m83r , 01 July 2020 · 37 views

i wanna do drugs. 
that's it  
thats the post


6/30/2020: Exercising Is Horrible & I Hate Being Awake

Posted by 4m83r , 30 June 2020 · 58 views

I fucking hate exercising. I don't want to be awake anymore. I don't even want to fucking write. I hate this. I hate it so fucking much. I hate being alive.


6/29/2020 II: I Wish That I Was Dead

Posted by 4m83r , 29 June 2020 · 117 views

So! My mental health has been going very very well, in case you couldn't tell! I want to binge right now but if I do, then there's no point in me even existing so I'm not going to do that! I might have a snack this evening or afternoon. Yeah, I'll have trailmix for my evening snack. That'll be good. That'll be fine. 
As soon as I can, I'm going to ch...


6/29/2020: Holding In My Poo :)

Posted by 4m83r , 29 June 2020 · 48 views

Yep. I'm holding in my poo. I'm on the verge of shitting myself right now, but I'm also about to get weighed, so there's no way in hell that I'm going to make the same mistake as last time. 
I'm in so much pain right now. I'm also going to put on jean shorts under my basketball shorts and stuff them full of rocks, AND waterload. My weight will be goi...



Posted by 4m83r , 28 June 2020 · 36 views

Heyyyyyyyy I'm still suicidal and doing very poorlyyyyyyyyy. Might I exercise all night long?? Maybe! Maybe not! If I can palm my melatonin tonight, I probably will, since I won't fall asleep until about one in the morning anyways. Right now, I'm drinking mint tea, and when I get down to my room, I'm gonna pull out my yoga mat and go apeshit while watchin...


6/28/2020 II: Suicidal Again (TW)

Posted by 4m83r , 28 June 2020 · 34 views

I'm curled up in bed right now, and I can feel the sinking feeling. I'm just so tired right now. If I knew there was an afterlife, I would kill myself right now. That's a 100% guarantee. I might regret it, but I'd want to move on. Nothing is going to help me here. I "recovered" I guess, and I had hope for a while. Do I still have hope now? I don't know. I...

July 2020

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