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MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.


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Another Day

Posted by Ni Chan , 30 June 2020 · 40 views

Another fail.  
It’s only mid evening at 4:30pm. Hopefully this will be the one time and I don’t go batshit later. 
All bc I ate ramen and got ~TrIgGeRd~ 
Feel lightheaded and like shit. Could go for another round cuz usually eating makes me forget/feel better but also don’t wanna. I am tired.


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Frustrated

Posted by Ni Chan , 30 June 2020 · 50 views

At myself  
B/ped again at night but at least it was just once.  
Better than last time when I did it three times in a span of a couple hours.  
I’m either severely depressed afterwards or pretty meh. No longer really happy yet I still do it since it’s all I know currently in my life. How fucking sad. My life has amounted to nothing & b...


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HAHA

Posted by Ni Chan , 29 June 2020 · 71 views

https://i.imgflip.com/46qk7f.jpg


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Self Sabotage

Posted by Ni Chan , 29 June 2020 · 62 views

B/ping is self sabotage  
STOP 🛑  
Don’t know why I keep sabotaging myself but I need to stop. I hate that I’m impulsive. Hate that I’m drive by compulsion and obsession. This is so tiring. My life is the same broken clip on replay. Nothing new here since I’m broken.


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Acid Reflux

Posted by Ni Chan , 28 June 2020 · 55 views

Wow (still feels like it was a dream bc I was half asleep and too tired to fully wake up) but I think sleeping will kill me because I experienced really bad acid reflux where my chest was literally burning. Felt like my insides were on fire. I had a little trouble breathing bc of the pain but not too much. It was horrible. Kinda traumatizing and felt like...


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Just Sucks You Know

Posted by Ni Chan , 27 June 2020 · 66 views

Am semi hungry but don’t wanna eat bc it’s late and I don’t want to deal with indigestion at this hour.. also I’m not that hungry. My appetite is pretty low, it’s just that I can ‘feel’ the hunger if that makes sense.  
Man the times when I could just eat whatever I want whenever I wanted without worrying about how I’m going to suffer from nausea an...


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BASICALLY

Posted by Ni Chan , 26 June 2020 · 51 views

I can ‘only’ eat after a workout. Otherwise I deal with extreme nausea, stomach cramps, and diarrhea associated with ig... food impaction/indigestion. I think my body trying to rework itself into actually processing the food ‘shocks’ it which leads to all these symptoms. When I’ve exercised, however, my metabolism is ‘jumpstarted’ so the food consumed get...


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Easy Way Out

Posted by Ni Chan , 20 June 2020 · 70 views

Purging is the easy way out. It is the lazy man’s bulimia.  https://i.imgflip.com/45snpr.jpg  With exercise you’re at least expending the calories you consumed. You are burning all the calories off and putting it to good use. Food’s purpose is nutrition and to give energy. By exercising, the food you ate is serving it’s purpose. With purging tho...


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Regurgitate

Posted by Ni Chan , 19 June 2020 · 57 views

I wish I could regurgitate my soul, put it in a jar, and my physical body can just die.


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RANT

Posted by Ni Chan , 15 June 2020 · 64 views

Thought I could eat granola bars and be OK but just ended up using it to b/p that sugary shit. MY LIFE IS ONE BIG ANGRY. Idk why I thought I’d be ok with eating a granola bar when I’ve used it as b/p fuel before?? Like where did the logic come from? Oh well I guess I got inspired by all the fitness vloggers who ate protein bars and were taunting their ver...






June 2020

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