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Paradox

Posted by LARD ASS , 12 July 2020 · 27 views

So when I’m full of binge food I’ll be super energized and motivated and feel ready to tackle the world hit but as soon as I purge I am exhausted, wiped out and all my energy/motivation has goes down the drain along with my food effectively making me a useless blob. Wtf.


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Am I Nelson?

Posted by LARD ASS , 11 July 2020 · 40 views

Because it feels like I ‘HA HA-ed’ myself. 
I feel like I’m having an existential crisis when I don’t b/p. 
My life somehow feels incomplete, like I’ve failed since I’ve kept food down. 
It’s what I wanted tho: to not b/p, to be b/p free, to rid this disorder yet when I don’t engage... somehow my existence feels empty, bereft, and hollow....


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Highlight

Posted by LARD ASS , 04 July 2020 · 45 views

Kinda sad how the highlight of my day is looking at other people's sad anorexic meals. Prob cause I know exactly how the food tastes since I've eaten those bland, lackluster meals myself many times. I guess it's some type of solidarity I feel and less alone when eating my sad, sad meal. 
But then on the other hand I feel sad for people stressing out...


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Another Day

Posted by LARD ASS , 30 June 2020 · 32 views

Another fail.  
It’s only mid evening at 4:30pm. Hopefully this will be the one time and I don’t go batshit later. 
All bc I ate ramen and got ~TrIgGeRd~ 
Feel lightheaded and like shit. Could go for another round cuz usually eating makes me forget/feel better but also don’t wanna. I am tired.


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Frustrated

Posted by LARD ASS , 30 June 2020 · 32 views

At myself  
B/ped again at night but at least it was just once.  
Better than last time when I did it three times in a span of a couple hours.  
I’m either severely depressed afterwards or pretty meh. No longer really happy yet I still do it since it’s all I know currently in my life. How fucking sad. My life has amounted to nothing & b...


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HAHA

Posted by LARD ASS , 29 June 2020 · 48 views

https://i.imgflip.com/46qk7f.jpg


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Self Sabotage

Posted by LARD ASS , 29 June 2020 · 41 views

B/ping is self sabotage  
STOP 🛑  
Don’t know why I keep sabotaging myself but I need to stop. I hate that I’m impulsive. Hate that I’m drive by compulsion and obsession. This is so tiring. My life is the same broken clip on replay. Nothing new here since I’m broken.


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Acid Reflux

Posted by LARD ASS , 28 June 2020 · 34 views

Wow (still feels like it was a dream bc I was half asleep and too tired to fully wake up) but I think sleeping will kill me because I experienced really bad acid reflux where my chest was literally burning. Felt like my insides were on fire. I had a little trouble breathing bc of the pain but not too much. It was horrible. Kinda traumatizing and felt like...


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Just Sucks You Know

Posted by LARD ASS , 27 June 2020 · 51 views

Am semi hungry but don’t wanna eat bc it’s late and I don’t want to deal with indigestion at this hour.. also I’m not that hungry. My appetite is pretty low, it’s just that I can ‘feel’ the hunger if that makes sense.  
Man the times when I could just eat whatever I want whenever I wanted without worrying about how I’m going to suffer from nausea an...


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BASICALLY

Posted by LARD ASS , 26 June 2020 · 45 views

I can ‘only’ eat after a workout. Otherwise I deal with extreme nausea, stomach cramps, and diarrhea associated with ig... food impaction/indigestion. I think my body trying to rework itself into actually processing the food ‘shocks’ it which leads to all these symptoms. When I’ve exercised, however, my metabolism is ‘jumpstarted’ so the food consumed get...






July 2020

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