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i bought flowers for my mom but now i just feel angry and sad

Posted by CICOpath , 09 May 2021 · 81 views

it’s just so many things

 

I just feel so upset

 

I was talking to someone about my life cuz they were asking & then they were like “sometimes it’s the kids but sometimes we have to blame our parents”....that doesn’t do anything but bring more anger and resentment, literally what is that going to do

 

I really don’t feel connected to anyone in my family at all besides my cousin and grandma on my moms side. I think about my childhood and all I remember was the constant body comments, blaming me for everything but letting it slide when my brother would do the same thing, telling me how I should be doing this or that, telling me that I should/shouldn’t do certain things as a woman. To just ignore anything bothering me, how my aunts would laugh and joke about I was an ugly child and I wasn’t going to be that pretty when I grew up, the times my mom could’ve defended me in situations but sided with the other party. her expectation of me going to school but when she needs 600$ to pay back her loan WHILE she took the child support off my dad because she “felt bad” then when I would try to say no she wouldn’t let me go out even more or she would tell me I’m no good that I’m fat I shouldn’t be eating this literally any little thing that would make me feel bad. forcing me literally forcing me to do things I wouldn’t want to do. That was a huge issue I fixed myself cause I began to think I just had to say yes to everything even if I didn’t want to but it’s not like that

 

Like that’s just evil bro you don’t talk about children like that

 

honestly i just have this vision of buying my mom a house and disappearing from my family entirely so she can’t say I didn’t do shit for her. cause it’s like she sees it as my goal in life to dedicate my life to her. and she always needs shit. always. something is always wrong.

 


im glad i have a place to stay yeah but that’s why I’m working so much now. I realized I was not happy with my life and only I can get myself out of it, and it all depends on how fast and how much I work towards that.





I'm sorry that you didn't get a better mother.  Some people get good ones, and some people don't.  Some people's parents were treated poorly when they were kids, so later they treat their own kids that way.  Some are just the opposite ; They got treated poorly, and remember what that was like for them, so they treat their own children better.

 

Who knows why things work out like that.   It's a mystery sometimes.

 

But I'm glad that you bought you mom flowers.  I don't know how that feels to you, but from here it sounds like you are bigger than all those things that made your mother the way that she is.  xx

I'm sorry that you didn't get a better mother.  Some people get good ones, and some people don't.  Some people's parents were treated poorly when they were kids, so later they treat their own kids that way.  Some are just the opposite ; They got treated poorly, and remember what that was like for them, so they treat their own children better.
 
Who knows why things work out like that.   It's a mystery sometimes.
 
But I'm glad that you bought you mom flowers.  I don't know how that feels to you, but from here it sounds like you are bigger than all those things that made your mother the way that she is.  xx


thank you

it just feels so upsetting because i don’t feel appreciated & respected as an individual human being with my own life yet at the same time i get all these expectations

Like I just feel like an opportunity for her

June 2021

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