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Parayeet's Nonsensical Shitposting and Accountability



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Terror Will Take Whatever It Likes

Posted by Parayeet , 25 September 2020 · 92 views

I had the third attempt of my heart procedure on Monday.
It failed. Again. I don't know what the plan even is now.
I was hoping so hard it would work, to improve my quality of life.
I hoped too hard, and I feel absolutely beyond crushed.

This past week I've not been able to stop eating,
to the point where I feel sick and it physically hurts.
I don't kno...


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Invincible/Invisible

Posted by Parayeet , 10 August 2020 · 7076 views

I always tell myself I'm going to update this more regularly,
but I never do. I'd like to say things were better.
Better than they are.
My mind is a shambolic mess.
A mine field. A lot has happened, yet time is going so slowly I feel like I'm stalling.
Hit a new lowest weight at the end of July.
43.9kg. A BMI of 13.86
It's hovering between that...


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The Balancing Act (with body check)

Posted by Parayeet , 16 July 2020 · 125 views

It's been a while.
A lot has happened, yet I still feel somewhat stagnant.
I'm not gonna be a cryptic little shit today. Weight as of last Friday's GP visit is 45.7kg.
45.4kg on my scales at home, with the attached photos taken on that day.
I've not been that since. I'm going through an unbelievable shitty (ha) transition of stopping regular lax...


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Supermarkets & Winter - Safety In Numbness (with a bullshit body check)

Posted by Parayeet , 09 June 2020 · 123 views

Plateau is finally broken. 46.4kg currently.
BMI 14.64
Layer upon layer of fat.
I look fucking obese.   Currently in the process of re-shaping my intake by means of both substance and time.
Lots of tweaking.
It's not right yet.
I'm disgusting.
A failure.
I need to lose more weight.
This is a non-negotiable.
The goalposts keep moving.
My own un...


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Plateau. (Anorexic? What a Joke).

Posted by Parayeet , 30 May 2020 · 158 views

Let me start off with the sheer undeniable fact that I've obviously not been restricting hard enough.
I'm a fat fucking failure. My weight has barely shifted in two weeks.
This week my BMI is sitting at an average of 14.9.
For the third doctor's appointment in a row, my weight hasn't gone down. Yesterday, it went up by 100 grams.
I mean, I know I'm c...


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Hospital, NG weight gain, discharge weight loss and regain of control

Posted by Parayeet , 16 May 2020 · 142 views

Okay so today I realised I haven't updated my accountability in literally over a month.
Poor form, especially since I engage in forum activity on MPA every day.
Most of the delay has stemmed from an inability to think properly, and also due to both my physical circumstance and being snowed under by university work.
Alas, I digress. Enough of the excuses....


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Hit my UGW....now what? (With body check)

Posted by Parayeet , 05 April 2020 · 176 views

On April 3rd, I hit my original UGW. 45kg has been my goal since I was diagnosed as a teenager.
I say 'original' ultimate goal weight, because about six months ago, I reset that number to 40kg because I knew at 45kg, I would still be huge.
I was stupid in thinking it was going to be enough.
45 seemed to be this perfect round number where in the Metri...


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Immense guilt and not coping in the slightest; COVID-19 and its related impacts (ft. a new LW body check).

Posted by Parayeet , 19 March 2020 · 193 views

I can't articulate anything properly anymore.
That's why, dear blog, I haven't updated you in a number of days. But I need to hold myself accountable somehow.
I feel stupid and horrendously guilty for engaging in my ED and for even thinking this way during the current global crisis, and for still being so caught up in my weight, measurements and diet...


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25.

Posted by Parayeet , 09 March 2020 · 126 views

This week has been really lonely if I'm honest. I feel so isolated.
I just "celebrated" my 25th birthday. My mum made me a cake out of paper, knowing I wouldn't be able to handle a real one.
She's such a sweetheart, but I feel like I'm disappointing her because I'm not able to eat real cake.
The family disappointment. Great.
I spent most of that day...


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Plateau broken...result? A new low and a fucking binge.

Posted by Parayeet , 02 March 2020 · 124 views

Monday, March 2. 11:53pm.
I should have updated this blog a couple of days ago, but I've been thoroughly exhausted.
As in staring at walls for hours exhausted, but not able to sleep. Funny that. HOWEVER Woke up this morning at 46.3kg.
Finally, the fucking plateau is broken. It was also my first day back at uni studying a brand new degree in...






November 2020

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