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Posted by Parayeet , 26 February 2020 · 92 views

7pm, Thursday.


A plateau.
This number haunts me.
forty-seven point fucking five.
BMI 14.99.


I'm feeling increasingly dizzy and a bit wobbly on my feet these past couple of days.
Holding onto door frames and fixed objects to steady myself.
It's because I'm too heavy, isn't it?
Today in the city I at times had trouble carrying my cane basket (which is coincidentally my current handbag lol)
My arms are tired, sore.
My body much the same.
But I still can't sleep.
And I still eat too much.


It's been a very busy week.
I'm back to university full time.
I'm considering dropping a subject and taking credit for it (I have extra credit from doing my last degree, which may prove to be useful after all)
Classes haven't even begun.
I'm pathetic.
But at least my uni bag is on wheels.

This plateau problem however can fuck right off.
I've practically eaten my weight in jelly beans today,
and I don't know how many I've had so I can't log it accurately.
This is stressful to me.
I always log my food. Always.
413 days straight.
And today the number is a guesstimate.
I don't manage well when my eating is out of control.

They say upping intake briefly will break a plateau.
Either that or a fast.
I need to get this number down..

September 2020

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