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MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.


We Can't All Be Cute For A Living



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677 -I just want candy

Posted by OKaP , 14 April 2021 · 67 views

I'm trying to not bp for a while, But I think I've given up on the idea of being bp free for life. The only way I can put off bp is by telling myself I can have it later, Maybe once I meet my interim goal, I'll do it once a week or something.


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689 - dissociation

Posted by OKaP , 02 April 2021 · 71 views

Visiting my in laws today.  They made plans for the future already, like beyond my countdown which is already ridiculously far out.  Was kind of a weird feeling agreeing to plans I know I'm not going to be there for.
I mean, I want to go back home to the tropical Island I spent all my childhood summers on, but also. I'll be dead so.  I jus...


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691

Posted by OKaP , 31 March 2021 · 59 views

Tomorrow I'm getting ECT done.
I don't believe it's helped me one bit, but everyone insists I still go.
I feel like I have no say in the matter.
Even though it's costing me $2000 out of my wallet (after insurance).  Look on the bright side, only 8 more until I die.  ($16,000 ... kill me now ) At least I'll have an excuse to fast... if I...


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693

Posted by OKaP , 29 March 2021 · 66 views

Let's take a moment to appreciate poop. 
In all its glorious forms, it is the butt of every joke. Terribly unappreciated and ridiculed. 
Well, poop, I appreciate you. Thank you for coming back into my life. Please don't leave again.


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694

Posted by OKaP , 28 March 2021 · 71 views

Today I did not snack. I did not binge. I just reminded myself that every day I go off my plan, is another day I'm postponing my happiness. I will not postpone my happiness any longer. I refuse. I'm tired, and cold. I'm feeling particularly low lately, suicidal. I can't help but feel losing weight will make it better. That magical...


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698

Posted by OKaP , 24 March 2021 · 66 views

Work today made me want to push the suicide date up earlier. My. GOD. I can't believe I'll be doing this bullshit for the rest of my life. On another note, I'm feeling a beet kick coming on.
Beets are highly underrated.  Also! I pooped every day this week after not pooping for over a month! It's the little things.


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699

Posted by OKaP , 23 March 2021 · 113 views

I love how this site is so fucked up I can count down to my death and people watch and don't even give a shit. 
I'm in a really low place today. bp'd 4 times. I blame working from home.


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700

Posted by OKaP , 22 March 2021 · 72 views

fat fat pig. That's what I am now.  But 700 days from now, I'll be remembered as beautiful and delicate. I'll be more than half gone by then.
I just need to remember my goals.
What do I want more? A cookie? or my bones? my bones, by a long shot.  So stop binging, pig.


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701 x2

Posted by OKaP , 21 March 2021 · 80 views

It was so easy to stop eating during the weekday. But on the weekend? God, it's hell. Sober now and all I want to do is still just EAT. How did I used to be able to restrict on weekends? I want to be 17 again and succeeding at weight loss. Now I'm just a major failure. Granted, I never got back up to my SW, no where close. I'm only 15 lbs heavier tha...


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701

Posted by OKaP , 21 March 2021 · 71 views

So I'm drunk. Blew my eating paln out tof the water when I ate 5 cinnamon rolls. FIVE>
watching gravity falls drink on my couch. ind of sad. edit Ia m so drunk and I ordered fast food delivery with meat ): ): ):::::;;; I fell sad






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