We Can't All Be Cute For A Living

I'm trying to not bp for a while, But I think I've given up on the idea of being bp free for life. The only way I can put off bp is by telling myself I can have it later, Maybe once I meet my interim goal, I'll do it once a week or something.

Visiting my in laws today.  They made plans for the future already, like beyond my countdown which is already ridiculously far out.  Was kind of a weird feeling agreeing to plans I know I'm not going to be there for.
I mean, I want to go back home to the tropical Island I spent all my childhood summers on, but also. I'll be dead so.  I jus...

Tomorrow I'm getting ECT done.
I don't believe it's helped me one bit, but everyone insists I still go.
I feel like I have no say in the matter.
Even though it's costing me $2000 out of my wallet (after insurance).  Look on the bright side, only 8 more until I die.  ($16,000 ... kill me now ) At least I'll have an excuse to fast... if I...

Let's take a moment to appreciate poop. 
In all its glorious forms, it is the butt of every joke. Terribly unappreciated and ridiculed. 
Well, poop, I appreciate you. Thank you for coming back into my life. Please don't leave again.

Today I did not snack. I did not binge. I just reminded myself that every day I go off my plan, is another day I'm postponing my happiness. I will not postpone my happiness any longer. I refuse. I'm tired, and cold. I'm feeling particularly low lately, suicidal. I can't help but feel losing weight will make it better. That magical...

Work today made me want to push the suicide date up earlier. My. GOD. I can't believe I'll be doing this bullshit for the rest of my life. On another note, I'm feeling a beet kick coming on.
Beets are highly underrated.  Also! I pooped every day this week after not pooping for over a month! It's the little things.

I love how this site is so fucked up I can count down to my death and people watch and don't even give a shit. 
I'm in a really low place today. bp'd 4 times. I blame working from home.

fat fat pig. That's what I am now.  But 700 days from now, I'll be remembered as beautiful and delicate. I'll be more than half gone by then.
I just need to remember my goals.
What do I want more? A cookie? or my bones? my bones, by a long shot.  So stop binging, pig.

It was so easy to stop eating during the weekday. But on the weekend? God, it's hell. Sober now and all I want to do is still just EAT. How did I used to be able to restrict on weekends? I want to be 17 again and succeeding at weight loss. Now I'm just a major failure. Granted, I never got back up to my SW, no where close. I'm only 15 lbs heavier tha...

So I'm drunk. Blew my eating paln out tof the water when I ate 5 cinnamon rolls. FIVE>
watching gravity falls drink on my couch. ind of sad. edit Ia m so drunk and I ordered fast food delivery with meat ): ): ):::::;;; I fell sad