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MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.

We Can't All Be Cute For A Living



Posted by OKaP , 19 March 2021 · 79 views

I'm a failure. I told myself I wouldn't purge anymore and I purged. again.
I'll never get out of this cycle.
More adulting tomorrow.
being an adult sucks ass. Gonna drop a weeks' pay on my car tomorrow. And another two weeks on appliances. blergh. Had a friend over tonight who's severely allergic to dogs.
She pet a dog (my dog) for the first time tod...



Posted by OKaP , 17 March 2021 · 51 views

I just want more food. I feel so empty but in reality I know I'm objectively overweight. I just... I really want s u g a r . 
But I've been fat long enough...



Posted by OKaP , 17 March 2021 · 101 views

I'm considering going back to school. I'm looking at online universities.
Ever head of American Public University? It' accredited by the higher learning commission but idk. It seems too good to be true.
it's more than a years' salary in tuition cost alone to finish graduation -and that's with transfer credits. Probably a ridiculous thing to ev...


Everything hurts

Posted by OKaP , 15 March 2021 · 89 views

I'm tired and sad.  I gave life a real good shot, I thought.  And I did my time, I tried the self-improvement, the therapy, the meds.  But I'm still just sad all the time. And if I'm not sad I'm scared.  I chose a new date. But it's really far out and idk if I can wait that long.
I'm clinging on to life because I know there are things...


I can't stop eating

Posted by OKaP , 15 February 2021 · 106 views

That's all. That's my life, now. Can't. stop.
ugghghhhhhhhhhhh I didn't purge for a few days there, either so I'm currently petrified of looking at the scale.
Just binge ate vegan pudding with pistachios and now fiance is watching me. ):<


I need to stop

Posted by OKaP , 05 February 2021 · 126 views

Bought a ring on Zulily this morning.
Then I get free shipping for the rest of the day!
Cue the flood gates.
So I also bought a cookie cutter, and a knife sharpener.
And then I went back and bought a cute baking pan.
And then I went back and bought pants clothes hangers and a belt hanger.
And then I went back AGAIN and bought an over-the door shoe organiz...


Well No Wonder FitBit Hasn't Emailed me...

Posted by OKaP , 18 January 2021 · 150 views

Over Christmas, fiancé gifted me a FitBit Versa 2
I was soooo excited. But over the next few days I noticed the battery life was short and getting shorter. For reference, the battery is supposed to last 4 days. I charged it 5 times in 4 days, the last charge lasting 2.5 hours.
Fitbit support looked at my account and confirmed the battery was defective. So...


Dying hair from black to less black

Posted by OKaP , 16 January 2021 · 132 views

Bought some Japanese hair dye at the Asian grocery. Gonna dye it today. It's for a deep burgundy color. I wonder how well it'll work on my hair.
I've never dyed it successfully, unless I bleach it a few times first.
Then someone suggested I try Asian hair dye. For my Asian hair.
God I felt dumb.
Well, I got the dye. Let's see how it works.


I have no where else to share this tidbit

Posted by OKaP , 14 January 2021 · 115 views

But I found it hilarious. Ordering Bibibop for lunch today, by request of fiance.  I calculated my usual order according to their nutrition facts and it comes to a total of exactly 666cal. WELL NOW I can't order anything different. Ever again.  
(if you're curious: reg bowl with japchae noods, tofu, bean sprouts, cucumber, pickled cabb...


No One Reads These

Posted by OKaP , 30 December 2020 · 144 views

That's OK.
It's just weird, it's like I'm talking to myself. blah.
I've had the worst 2 weeks just now. And I know I'm priviliged and all that so it wasn't as bad as a lot of people's.
but uh. it sucked for me.  and Now I'm gonna fast for 8 days.
then 7.
then 6.
then 5.
then 4.
then 3.
then 2.
then 1. Maybe not in that order. I'll eat on days I...

September 2021

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