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MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.


Living with Ana



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August 17th 2021

Posted by Rudolph , 17 August 2021 · 85 views

I just cut for the first time in years.... All my scars were gone. 
I thought my mum understood mental health, its all she ever goes on about and i mean that quite literally. EVERYTHING is about how SHE feels and HER meds being changed or what new diagnosis shes trying to get. I get kind of sick of hearing it sometimes.... all the time. When i finall...


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August 12th 2021

Posted by Rudolph , 11 August 2021 · 54 views

I know i have been gone for a while and i ave gained weight but i dont think im any better. I have a boyfriend now. The sweetest most loving man i will probably ever meet like, the type of guy you would be crazy not to marry. Id like to say im getting better for him but the truth is i dont care enough to want to keep healthy for him. I think i love him an...


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May 12th 2021

Posted by Rudolph , 11 May 2021 · 51 views

I had a bad day today. i got woken up with the news my close friend almost died days before. but nobody would give me any more information because "its not their place to say". My mum was bitching to the boiler man about something i did 4 years ago. I had a fight with the guy im dating. I thught it was a joke and half of me still thinks it is but he went...


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April 21st 2021

Posted by Rudolph , 20 April 2021 · 57 views

I am so gutted i dont have many friends. I would be screaming at them right now in excitement and telling them how i am in love and how he said he loves me back too tonight. Or how im staying round his on saturday again and im nervous cos i have really fucking fallen for him. I think im gonna be praying/thanking god every night for this one and i hope it...


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April 19th 2021

Posted by Rudolph , 19 April 2021 · 61 views

I feel kinda sick and so angry with myself right now. I just ate a whole ass bar of cadburys and thats 948kcals. I am so dissapointed in myself. Im going on a walk with Joey tomorrow and my neck is gonna be so puffy and my jawline will dissapear. I dont even know how to hide it. I like him so much but i cant let him see me like this. Were in a really good...


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April 10th 2021

Posted by Rudolph , 10 April 2021 · 94 views

I stayed over at his house last night and it felt like pure magic. I dont usually fall this fast but hes so special. We watched a doccumentary and ended up making out through most of it......and the rest of the night but no sex. Im a bit frigid but hes so cuddly and theres just something about him. I accidentally heard him say to his dad "I really like he...


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April 8th 2021

Posted by Rudolph , 07 April 2021 · 92 views

I WENT ON A DATE! I met this cute guy on tinder whos covered in tattoos, looks like a baby faced kurt cobain. We went on a really long walk/hike through the woods. We sat on a bench surrounded by trees, had a cigarette and he asked me if i wanted to kiss him. We kissed and it was AMAZING! No tongue at all just really cute. Hes really cuddly too and now he...


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March 30th 2021

Posted by Rudolph , 29 March 2021 · 106 views

I saw the mental health team yesterday which was nothing new. Nothing out of the ordinary but she kept asking if i had been sexually abused which for some reason i cant say it to anyone but i think she knew. When i was speaking about my hatred for men she said i was very passionate haha. She seemed to understand where i was coming from when i say they are...


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March 23rd 2021

Posted by Rudolph , 22 March 2021 · 72 views

Im so fucking upset with myself! It has to be the tattoos. Im a fucking rebound for every guy i like i swear. At the point where i start to really like a guy he hits me with the "yeah this is a hard one cos theres this other girl". I think why do they speak to me and make me like them? Oh because i have tattoos and piercings im seen assome sort of sex man...


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March 18th 2021

Posted by Rudolph , 18 March 2021 · 65 views

So i got my blood tested, nothing exciting just new pills from the doctor for anemia and another strong vitamin. Im going too mental health people next week monday but if i go alone ill say im fine. My mum will have to come but i dont want them to ask anything embarrasing. No doubt mum will mention my strong hatred for men and dont get me wrong i am roman...