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Lime Green Letdowns && Hot Pink Nightmares



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114 Days ; 169 Days

Posted by Chaos Coordinator , 07 July 2021 · 20 views

114 Days ; 169 Days I've basically been realizing that I'm not just an emotional mess. That I might not be entirely the problem. I mean I have problems, and I am a mess> But that I'm not the crazy mess that I thought before. It's amazing me how one person can make me feel like a whole new person. Which...I mean...I thought about before but not the person part. Like I wa...


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Steps to the ledge

Posted by Chaos Coordinator , 06 July 2021 · 47 views

Steps to the ledge I'm taking more and more steps to the ledge. Either I grow wings or a fall. Or he catches me. Something big is about to happen in my life. Not sure entirely what it is. But something is about to change. I can feel it. It's on the wind. It's in the air. It's nearly here. Will I be brave enough to just ship? To sail? To go with the current or will I hold my...


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what am i fucking doing.

Posted by Chaos Coordinator , 05 July 2021 · 43 views

what am i fucking doing. I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm fucking lost.
Absolutely.
But I Guess it is what it is. For literally the 82792378302nd time.
I start tomorrow. I mean. Let's do this I guess.
I thought I had a handle on it, then I not only lost but caught on fire.
I don't think anyone wants me. I think I'm delusional in the fact I think I'm even remotely attracti...


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More about weird trigger.

Posted by Chaos Coordinator , 03 July 2021 · 58 views

More about weird trigger. Okay so more about what I was talking about last post. But I never really touched bases about my trigger for my ED as of a few days ago. So since me and my guy friend have been talking on a more personal level not just friendship I've been absolutely triggered to lose weight. Also to exercise. Lose weight because well I'm 220 lbs and I'm a fat fuck. He we...


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Potentially Life Changing. Weird Trigger.

Posted by Chaos Coordinator , 03 July 2021 · 77 views

Potentially Life Changing. Weird Trigger. So I'm sure that there will be mixed opinions and lots of judgement about this post, and I could perhaps make it a private blog post. But I just feel the need to get it out and to explain to someone other than just myself? If that makes any sense.  I've had a real urge for kink/bdsm for years. But as far as I've ever gotten was watching porn and tho...


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26 days until July 19th

Posted by Chaos Coordinator , 23 June 2021 · 102 views

26 days until July 19th You may be curious as to why I am counting down those days. They honestly have NOTHING to do with weight loss. It all has to deal with my change of schedule at work. I'll basically be going down to 2-3 days a week and I can't fucking wait. It's a loop hole that I did. Went on our schedule request off and put in every day off I wanted from July til Novembe...


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Tomorrow is the official new HSGD challenge for me.

Posted by Chaos Coordinator , 12 June 2021 · 87 views

Tomorrow is the official new HSGD challenge for me. Good god. Yesterday was a total shit show. Got into the biggest fucking argument and possibly marriage ending fight yesterday. A lot of ugly shit was said and done. Now I have to find beach attire for coving up new SH marks on my thighs. Fuck. Also apparently longer shorts for the summer too. Or just wont wear shorts. Ugh. I can't even tell you the last t...


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What is Wrong with me? Shape of Sickness

Posted by Chaos Coordinator , 09 June 2021 · 75 views

What is Wrong with me? Shape of Sickness Ed Sheeran & Disturbed mash up - Shape of Sickness is actually the shit. Not my favorite cover/mash up but definitely worth noting and listening too. 
I honestly don't know what is wrong with me and where my head is at, or why it is where it is. There was this girl that I was on and off with for awhile before I met my now wife. When we were on a...


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Week 1 in the books

Posted by Chaos Coordinator , 08 June 2021 · 46 views

Week 1 in the books Well week 1 was one for the books. I didn't do so well, however I'm not going to beat myself up because I've done much better than I've been doing for months. So it is, what it is. My daily averages sucked horrible. I need to close the gap. I am going to aim for less than 1,500 calories a day intake this week and that should increase the deficit to nearly...


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Down 1.4 lbs [220-218.6]

Posted by Chaos Coordinator , 04 June 2021 · 66 views

Down 1.4 lbs [220-218.6] Well seeing as how I have a 2.4 a week weight loss goal to hit, I'm at least on track with doing that. Even with going over with calories literally every damn day. Tomorrow I return back to work until Sunday the 13th, I'm off that Monday and on the 15th I'm doing the failed assessment/LOA thing. It puts me out for 10 days, but I'm really planning on tryin...






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