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jamie's words



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my history teacher and a series of disastrous events

Posted by Jamie Джейми , 13 June 2021 · 38 views

not a great week im afraid
here is a summary of everything i can beat my self up about in the last week, regarding my history teacher. Thursday:
cried my way out of an exam, he took pity on me and was very kind to me (didnt have to do exam) but now i feel awful that he has seen me at such a point of nervous breakdown Friday:
morning : received...


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cutting myself open for attention

Posted by Jamie Джейми , 11 June 2021 · 86 views

really really still feel awful about crying in front of "The" history teacher.
and then now i feel weird about my reply to his message; "thanks mr (name), i really appreciate your message. im truly very sorry for any inconvenience caused, have a good weekend too."
nothing weird about what i said, but he opened it and left it on read. which is pretty much...


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a message from the teacher

Posted by Jamie Джейми , 10 June 2021 · 53 views

in regards to my last entry,
i got a message notification from my teacher.
he sent it yesterday
it starts with "Dear Jamie, I just want to reiterate..."
i don't want to open it. im still embarassed about the whole ordeal.
ah well, here goes.  ah  i cant do it   ' AH jk gjjhhh ok  oh my god "Dear...


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cried my way out of a history exam

Posted by Jamie Джейми , 10 June 2021 · 54 views

!! dont bother reading this, its long a pointless. this is just my diary lol !!  i tend to dramaticise things in my head, then think of them for weeks and feel awful about them, to the point where the thing that happened in my head isn't even close to what happened in real life.
so, this event is beginning to haunt me and it only happened 10 hours ag...


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on being fatphobic

Posted by Jamie Джейми , 06 June 2021 · 92 views

im fat. not in a "oh i think im sooo fat (but im actually very thin and its a tragic sob story)" type of way. i'm 84kgs, and 167cms. i have been 37kgs. i have been all the way in between. so i know exactly what is "anorexic brain fat" and "actually fat". i am actually fat.
i will note, i look less fat than someone else with my statistics.
i am blessed wi...


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the thinspo in lolita

Posted by Jamie Джейми , 04 June 2021 · 98 views

i love this book dearly, its my first time reading it and its brilliant. im doing it for my final year english lit coursework next term, as well as another classic.
one thing i do really love about this book, from an eating disorder perspective, is the way the narrator describes normal women compared to his beloved girl-children. normal women, grown adult...


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weight loss is always so slow...

Posted by Jamie Джейми , 22 May 2021 · 65 views

even when you're disordered and anorexic. "fast" weight loss is still so slow. losing 10 kgs in 2 months is still SLOW. you always have to stick to it, and you have to be thinking of it constantly and making sure you're not jeapordising it. that's why its so hard not to get obsessed with numbers and calories and weight.
and to think that normal, healthy w...


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alcohol and it's calories

Posted by Jamie Джейми , 20 May 2021 · 58 views

school friends invited me to hang out in a nearby village (alleyway park thing) to drink tomorrow night.
of course im down, drinking in a very chill manner is my favourite way to drink, and i need alcohol in my system after such a tiresome week. and besides, since my normal group of friends are all graduating and leaving the country this month, i figure i...


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wish me luck on my exam?

Posted by Jamie Джейми , 17 May 2021 · 105 views

im terrified, and im not going to do well. my mum is under the impression that i cant do worse than a B, or 80%.
im struggling to understand the content to even a 40% mark. i'd be happy to pass.
im so worried, she has been tutoring me (this is her subject of expertise) for a whole year taking time out of her very busy life to help me, and im so fucking st...


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some weight loss predictions/calculations

Posted by Jamie Джейми , 15 May 2021 · 60 views

Hm, So in the last 6 days i've lost 2.5kgs, and that's with eating around 600-1200 cals a day, so not even severe restriction.
i did a little bit of maths based on this number to see my predictions. this is without counting in the factor that it gets harder to lose as you get thinner. I changed 6 days to 7:
so in 7 days (a week) I lost 2.5kgs.
a mon...






>:(

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