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auroraangel's Blog



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Daily Horrors

Posted by auroraangel , 13 October 2021 · 0 views

Lately I have felt very trapped in my own mind. My BPD has been surfacing in ways I haven't anticipated. Living without the person you care about IS hard. I've felt on autopilot. As if I am not in control of my body, and that I don't have consequences. I don't feel human. I cannot believe this is me. Who is this? I don't recognize myself. 
None of it...


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Oh, it can get worse? Apparently..

Posted by auroraangel , 29 September 2021 · 57 views

Here we go, here we go. I've gotten really bad lately. This IS the worst my disorder has ever been. Ever. It's not even the weight loss that's the problem, it's the habits. Usually it "comes in waves" but this wave is way too fucking long. When is it going to go away? I haven't had a cheat day in months. I haven't been able to give myself a cheat day. Are...


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Crawling back..

Posted by auroraangel , 20 September 2021 · 68 views

So he broke up with her already. Damn, that easily bored attitude never did go away, now did it? I was insecure for NOTHING. I cried for NOTHING. And guess what he's doing now? Heading back to me acting like nothing happened. We had a call earlier, completely normal. As I type this, we are on voice call again, and he's playing video games with a friend of...


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Umm.. WHAT the fuck

Posted by auroraangel , 15 September 2021 · 87 views

So I just saw a picture of his new girlfriend and I think I might cry. Of course she's beautiful, why would I be surprised. Oh my god my heart is breaking. He hasn't replied to any of my messages since he's too busy with her. Of course he is. You know, you'd think being friends with him for years, being there by his side through everything, being there in...


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Just when I thought I had a break..

Posted by auroraangel , 13 September 2021 · 92 views

I.. I think my heart might stop. I cannot believe my eyes. He's found someone. It's gotten to the point where I can't even be sad anymore. I just feel empty. Why do I have to love him? How do I put on a happy face? I have a huge assignment that is due in less than 6 hours, yet here I am about to sob over him.  
I knew he was acting different. Oh my g...


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Holding back the fucking tears

Posted by auroraangel , 05 September 2021 · 82 views

He told the story with a gleam of unmistakable excitement in his eyes. I truly thought I was going to climb through the VC and punch him. I'm sitting there, staring at him as he goes on and on about how tiny she was. About how she clapped her hands together for him in such a cute way, and how short and petite she was next to him. I swear he could see the...


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Regrets.

Posted by auroraangel , 01 September 2021 · 46 views

I've been thinking about my ex a lot lately, as much as I try not to, so this'll just be a vent about this shit. I miss him everyday. As much as I’ve been able to distract myself to some degree, the thoughts never fully leave. You can only bury yourself in your studies and projects for so long before the thoughts come back to kill you once again. I’ve a...


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Laughing so I don't cry

Posted by auroraangel , 30 August 2021 · 75 views

Why do I feel like this? Oh god, my question was finally answered, "who loves who more?" And... without a single doubt: it's me. He casually just "forgot" our whole video call last night, left me up until 4 AM waiting for him, I had my hair done, makeup on, a nice outfit, and he just got back to me like 10 minutes ago about it. I don't want to be weird, o...


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Remembering THOSE things..

Posted by auroraangel , 27 August 2021 · 90 views

That feeling, it always comes back around again. When I finally get the courage to start eating something, and feel good for 2 seconds, then my brain says, "remember (insert terrible traumatic event)? Remember how bad it was? You don't deserve to eat." And then I will no longer feel hungry. These thoughts attack my brain every time I eat, bathe, brush my...


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Here we go! The final knife in my heart..

Posted by auroraangel , 18 August 2021 · 92 views

Just when I was supposed to drift peacefully off to sleep, I logged back on. He blocked me. Now I really feel it. Nothing can distract me. Why does this keep happening? I'll go fucking insane without being able to see what's he's doing. I can't understand it. Isn't ghosting me enough? Isn't talking shit about me online enough? Isn't cheating on me 10 time...






October 2021

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