Strange - Forums and Community

Jump to content

About MPA

MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.



Posted by winterwizardd , 21 July 2021 · 53 views

After eating so much yesterday, I was definitely all swelled up today. But at the end of the day, my ribs are more prominent than ever. Its so strange. I have to have eaten above my TDEE, I had chips and tons of peanut butter as snacks and other food on top of that. Its wild. I wonder if its just from having less refined carbs or something but I literally eat so much food and somehow still feel leaner. My ass and thighs are still enormous though, and I really need to weigh myself once I get back to my scale to see how much I weigh. I had the rest of the hummus, refined carbs that I usually eat, and hummus today, so I'll most certainly be avoiding those tomorrow.


I ran this morning, but I didn't enjoy it all that much. Honestly, I think I ran too far. I'll do less tomorrow; maybe 2 miles and some stretching instead of the ~4ish I did today (lots of walking included). Regardless, I will be eating less tomorrow. If I could get back down to 125 by the time I am home, I would be so thrilled. This would be way lower than I think I will be, but a girl can hope.


Either way, the more whole foods I eat, the less hungry I am later on. If I'm not hungry enough for steamed broccoli or a cold baked potato, am I really hungry enough to eat?


My mental health is not amazing right now. I am really stressed about seeing my friends, especially since I will be spending the weeks before the trip with my boyfriend and can't restrict that much. Is anyone else super neurotic about staying with people because you think they'll judge you? Like, with my boyfriend, I am scared that if I eat too little, he will judge me because he will think that I am pretending to eat less than normal. Like, if I am so big, how do I eat so little? I must be lying. Its dumb stress, but its there. I can't wait until I am super skinny. Someday soon. I definitely anticipate hitting my UGW by Christmas at this rate. There are lots of problems to sort out though; sleep being the biggest one at the moment.


I can't wait until my legs are so skinny that all my workout shorts are loose. Right now they are annoyingly tight and I hate running for that reason. My boobs are too big also, and I really want to go back to needing a light and not that tight sports bra. I used to be an AA, and now I'm an A or B (which isn't huge, but feels big to me). Tomorrow I am going to make a to-do list and try to organize my mental health again. I ordered a bullet journal, which I did this spring and really enjoyed. I am looking forward to it.


Peace out.

July 2021

25262728 29 3031