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The party of ghosts in my bed



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Christmas Killjoy

Posted by Mrzembalmo , 08 December 2021 · 46 views

I don't like Christmas. Sorry.
I agree with the notion that the focus should be on children and gift giving to them, but the religion behind it, and "family time" is basically bullshit to me. [s]His family, especially his mother, is quite religious and they enjoy doing the big, giant, all day, family get together. I can't understand completely why i...


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It's funny..

Posted by Mrzembalmo , 28 November 2021 · 45 views

I know what i want. When i have the chance i will leave. Isn't that strange? I love being myself and i'm sick of people taking that away from me.  I've wasted so much of some of the most pivotal years of my life, for what? dudes who end up using me and abusing me.
It's simple to say i can be a push over, but acting on it is harder than it looks....


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Inspiration

Posted by Mrzembalmo , 25 November 2021 · 70 views

Back again..
I'd prefer to be at dads, because i like who i am, the comfort and scenery, but i hate to say i don't want to live with him.
Being back with "him" can be stressful and confusing at times. Now that i'm sober, i'm learning things about myself and my surroundings everyday. Like i've said before, unhappiness helps. So i'm learning to be cont...


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Progress

Posted by Mrzembalmo , 16 November 2021 · 44 views

I have lost 5 kilos in just less than a month. I am pretty happy. It does get jarring some days, but overall i'm finding it fairly easy.
It's also been a month since i quit smoking and drinking, which probably contributes to the occasional tight feelings. Sometimes the thought of smoking a cigarette pops into my mind, but it's not too difficult to get di...


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Wednesday Girl

Posted by Mrzembalmo , 14 November 2021 · 60 views

The anxiety today is killing me. It's painful. The plus side is that it forced me to walk more today to relieve it.  I haven't heard from him since the "i don't hate you" message on Friday. I'm still standing my ground, but fuck it's difficult.
I wish i didn't have to play this game with him. All i want to do is be kind, tell him how i feel about h...


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Who knows..

Posted by Mrzembalmo , 13 November 2021 · 72 views

I'm feeling way less strong today. I know it's due to pms, so knowing that and trying to keep a strong head makes it better, but i so want to fold and just send a message. I know i shouldn't. i have to stand my ground.  As well as those feelings, i feel like eating sooo much. I've already had food today i didn't want to, but i just couldnt help it....


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I Don't Hate You

Posted by Mrzembalmo , 12 November 2021 · 69 views

"I don't hate you" Before i walked out, amongst all the insults and verbal abuse, he told me i would not hear from him.
Thats the message he decided to send me yesterday. So convoluted, so cowardly, but it made me so happy.
It's angering and confusing, but i'm still on top. At least i know, no matter what happens, i am a decent person, i did e...


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I’m back and I’m glad?

Posted by Mrzembalmo , 11 November 2021 · 68 views

Well, things blew up in my face again. I’m so stupid to keep trying with him. I’m realising how used and abused I am when I’m with him. It’s so easy for him to excessively tells me he loves me and wants to spend his life with me without me feeding any of that to him (I’ve been cautious since the last time and, although I’ve been kind and loving, still try...


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Pain

Posted by Mrzembalmo , 28 October 2021 · 61 views

This is so much easier when i'm feeling heart broken. Feeling hurt makes me feel so sick. I want to feel like that again. Im letting my guard down.
I need to keep head strong and get through this. I can get through this.


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I don't wanna let this get difficult

Posted by Mrzembalmo , 28 October 2021 · 84 views

I think i've been doing well. 2kg loss in a week. Although is probably mostly water, i'm still pleased and encouraged to keep going. Most days doing 300-500 cal, but did a 2 day fast, which was fun.
The hardest part is wanting a cigarette. I thought during the first week it would be more difficult. I think it's being back up here with him that makes me w...






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