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- Submitted: Apr 23 2020 12:22 AM
- Last Updated: Apr 23 2020 12:22 AM
- File Size: 157KB
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Download Hello hello!, new here / Who's your inspiration?
Hello hello!, kind of new here, still trying to see how this works lol...
Well, I've been in this hole for 4 years now, I always though I was a skinny girl, now I realize I always had a weird relationship with food, always scared of eating out and in places full of people or feeling a full stomach (emetophobic girl here hehe), there was a time I got anxiety attacks everyday and felt nauseous that I couldn't really eat properly and was like 80 pounds even my mom got worried, I don't consider that mi lowest because it wasn't planned so yeah...
I always were the smaller and tiny girl of my group class, then..., puberty hit and my clothes stop fitting me and my skinny friends triggered me as well and oh well, y'know it started , first like a wannabe, then it got kind of real I guess...
My highest weight has been 110 pounds when I was 15 (I'm 19 now btw), and my lowest was at 94/95 pounds, It's crazy because at that time I though I looked AWFUL AND SO FAT when actually I wasn't really bad, now I watch pictures of those times and god, I get so angry with myself for attempting recovery hahah...
I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa one year ago..., its been a hell of a ride but at the time I feel safe doing this, idk why, like, controlling what I eat makes me feel good and in peace sometimes...
So, right now, I'm on my highest weight again lol, mostly muscle mass because of exercising, I haven't stop exercising, I'm kind of addicted to it now that were all on quarantine, there's no day I don't exercise or kind of move, and, If I want to rest, I try to walk at least 45 minutes and burn some calories hehe.
Kind of having some orthorexic behaviors since this lock down started..., its a cycle..., breakdown-accepting myself-feeling down-breakdown..., it never ends.
So, who's your inspiration?, mine is Natalia Dyer and Lily collins!, they're so freaking pretty.
Do u have instagram account? (private ed account obviously), so we can follow each other back and stay in touch!
Well, that's all for now, stay safe! xoxo <3
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