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Opinions For My Chapter 1?

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#1 ThinGirl17



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Posted 12 May 2013 - 10:22 PM

*Trigger warning*

So I like to write stories for fun and to pass time, and I just started this one a couple days ago. It's a high school drama involving eating disorders, bullying, and self-harm (self-harm is not in chapter 1). Soooo here's my story (it's fiction by the way):

Chapter 1: Isabella

Fat. Fat everywhere. What the fuck? I was hoping I wouldn't be so fat by the time junior year rolled around.
I analyze my entire body through the mirror on the wall, wearing nothing but underwear and an XXL T-shirt.
Ugh. It's like my thighs refuse to shrink. Can I just fit into a size 0 already? I've been stuck as a size 1 for awhile now.
And my arms. They're so chubby, it's like I have lunch lady arms or something. My arms are probably the reason why I can only fit in size small shirts.
I step on the scale, still staring at the beast in the mirror. I slowly look down at the number that defines me.
103.6 pounds. It went down a little! Yes! But that's probably because it's morning and I haven't ate since lunch yesterday.
"Izzy! Are you up yet?" my mother calls from downstairs.
I jump off the scale, paranoid that she knows what I'm doing. "Yeah I'm up! I'm just getting dressed!" I say as I quickly stuff my thunder thighs into my jeans.
"Well hurry up! I made breakfast and I don't want it to get cold!"
Damn. I was afraid she would cook breakfast. Usually she has to rush to work and doesn't have time to force feed me.
I slowly walk down the stairs to the kitchen, nervous to see what fatty food(s) my mom has prepared to fatten me up with. I try to think of logical reasons as to why I can't eat breakfast. Maybe I'm sick? Maybe eating in the morning upsets my stomach? No, those wouldn't work. I've used those too many times to count.
I see my mom sitting at the table, a cup of coffee in one hand and her phone in the other, and a stack of fatty cakes, (a.k.a. pancakes), on a big plate. The aroma of food makes me sick to my stomach.
"Alright honey," my mom says as she stands up, "I'm gonna go to work now. Try to eat at least one pancake, ok?" She walks up to me, kisses me on the cheek, and hugs me.
"Ok mom," I say, trying to sound convincing. I awkwardly hug back, surprised she is trusting me to feed myself.
"Love you, Izzy. Have a good day at school," she says with a smile. Mom grabs her keys and walks out the door. I yell a goodbye, smile, and wave to her from the window as she pulls out of the driveway and begins her one-hour drive.
When I can no longer see her car, I walk back into the kitchen. I rip up a pancake and throw it in the garbage disposal. I put one pancake on a plate, take one bite, and spit the bite into the sink, turning on the garbage disposal again. I cover the pancake in pounds of syrup and put a fork by it.
My stomach growls obnoxiously. I probably should eat something. Something small.
I grab a 40-calorie orange and throw it in my tote bag. I grab my keys, tie on my converse, and walk out the door.
I arrive to the hell hole, (a.k.a. school), fairly early. I probably would have came to school later if it wasn't for my best friend, Dianna. I'm very anxious to see her, considering how it's been two months since we've seen each other. Dianna spent most of her summer visiting family in Florida.
Before I get out of the car to look for her, I decide I should probably eat my orange while no one is around to see me eat. I peel the orange, allowing its citrus scent to be released. I peel off one piece of the orange and take my first bite. Ugh, it's almost like ecstacy. I've been fasting for over 20 hours, which usually isn't a big deal, but for some reason I felt completely famished.
I hear laughter. Shit. Someone must have seen me. They probably think I look so stupid, drooling over a silly orange.
I keep the orange in the car and step out. I look around, and find the Three Bitches standing by a car two spaces from mine, snickering at me.
Maddie, Gabby, and Lindsey. Of course THEY would catch me in the parking lot.
"Enjoying that orange a little too much, Izzyrexic?" Maddie, the leader of the Bitches, snickers.
"Yeah, Izzyrexic. Enjoying your one and only meal of the day?" Gabby says, rephrasing Maddie's words.
"Fuck off," I say as I try to walk away. But just as I try to get passed them, Lindsey blocks my exit.
"Why don't you go eat a sandwich, Izzyrexic?" Maddie snickers some more.
"I eat sandwiches all the time," I lie. "I don't know why you have to go around spreading lies about me having an eating disorder."
"Bitch, please," Lindsey scoffs. "No one is that skinny unless they starve themselves."
"I just happen to have a good metabolism. Leave me alone." The lies are practically flying out of my mouth.
"Alright guys, I'm done trying to help this anorexic," Maddie says with a little laugh. "Let's go." Lindsey then gives me a little shove that somehow knocks me down and walks off with Maddie and Gabby.
Being the sensitive, pathetic girl I am, a few tears form and one manages to escape down my cheek.
I wipe away the tears and find someone else staring at me from across the parking lot. Did he witness the whole thing? If he did, why didn't he intervene?
Oh yeah. Because I'm a freak.

OK, that's all for Chapter 1! Opinions/advice? :)

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