64 replies to this topic

[NeverEverEnough]

I have a 15, 11, 7 and almost 2 year old. My family (hubby, parents, siblings) all think my ED is really bad. They even had an intervention for me on Saturday and took me to the hospital for SI. Currently BMI 16.5, so not horrible. Anyway, I'm going Friday for an ED assessment. I'm just wondering if I should sit my kids down and talk to them. I've obviously lost weight. I'm not who I used to be. I eat differently than them. The ED is taking over my whole damn life, yet I don't want help. But I don't want to mess them up by keeping it a secret. Nor do I want to mess them up by telling them.

[buiscuits]

I have a 15, 11, 7 and almost 2 year old. My family (hubby, parents, siblings) all think my ED is really bad. They even had an intervention for me on Saturday and took me to the hospital for SI. Currently BMI 16.5, so not horrible. Anyway, I'm going Friday for an ED assessment. I'm just wondering if I should sit my kids down and talk to them. I've obviously lost weight. I'm not who I used to be. I eat differently than them. The ED is taking over my whole damn life, yet I don't want help. But I don't want to mess them up by keeping it a secret. Nor do I want to mess them up by telling them.

Aw man, that's tough. I don't have any kids yet, but I grew up with a guardian who had some untreated disorders. It was really tough because I was always trying to adjust myself in order to keep her happy/stable. I didn't realize at the time that she had any disorders, and so I thought she was deliberately abusing me, which is a very destructive thought pattern for an adolescent imho. I think if I knew she was getting treatment and help, I wouldn't have blamed myself so much for our toxic relationship and would of been able to communicate better with her.

 

I think it's worth a go to have the kiddos involved a bit in treatment and therapy options, so they know not to blame anyone/anything and this is something you are trying to work with. Just from a personal standpoint, I silently internalized so many problems that my family had; I think if I would of had an opportunity for some group sessions/personal therapy, when I was a teen, I may have had less trauma scarring.   

 

Sounds like you already have some essential insight on the situation. Follow your gut, you love your family and know what will help them support you and each other <3

[Littlemousey]

They are at a difficult age to tell them - but my guess is that the older two already have an idea what is goig on. Maybe just talk to the older two more openly and canidedly?

My daughter is only 3 but it is crazy how perceptive she already is - she studies my plate and then asks me where certain foods are hat are on her plate but not mine. Obviously at her age she has no idea whats going on, bit one day she will piece it all together.

[sophie11]

Mine are 16, 11 and 8..possibly the eldest has a clue. 

[EffervescentB]

Mine are 14, 11, 8, 5, 3, and 1. They don’t know. I know they pay attention to what I do eat, and think of me being worried about healthy foods compared to the rest of the extended family and friends’ parents.

[NeverEverEnough]

Well I'm going to residential in a week. We figured it was time to tell them. None of them had a clue I'm "sick". They took the news rather well.

[Thefroginthebog]

My 2 1/2 year old was pretending to purge and handed me fruit and says “eat mama eat”. It was horrible.

(I never let him watch me purge but he was imitating the sounds)

[philophobia]

My 2 1/2 year old was pretending to purge and handed me fruit and says “eat mama eat”. It was horrible.

(I never let him watch me purge but he was imitating the sounds)

Oh my goodness...I'm so sorry that this happened - it must have been unbelievably upsetting.

[onism]

i have a 10 year old son & a 4 year old girl.  i think my oldest just thinks i like to be super healthy & my daughter is pretty clueless.  she just likes talking about working out and being strong.  or eating something because it's healthy and has vitamins.  

[Allegra26]

Mine are 7 and 10.  They have no clue.  Neither of them even know what at ED is.

[lottiewishes]

My son's 5. I binge eat. He will tell my husband ( separated but live in same house) to hide hide his chocolate because I will eat it-so ashamed.

[mom23]

My children are 16 (girl), 13(girl) and 11(boy).  Being that I have had to go IP and to residential 5 times over the past 4 years we had to tell them.  It is hard.  I am glad they know but I know I am scarring them - currently my weight is very low and they know it.  The other night my 16 year old woke up crying because she had a dream I died and my 13 year old lashed out at me, telling me I am the reason for a lot of changes that had to happen in her life when I went away.  I love them with all my heart and don't understand why this isn't enough to motivate me to change.

[Kittymama]

The 15 and 11yo are old enough for you to tell what you are comfortable sharing. The 7yo and younger may be explain you are feeling bad and need help getting better. Ensure they all know how much you love them.. I obviously don't know the kids maturity you do. So whatever you feel they will understand. Maybe even with the help of a professional.
My daughter is 10yo and my son is 18months. Son is too little to care.
Daughter has seen me puking all my life anyways as I'm always sick, struggling w my ed or I was on heroin and would take to much or be in withdrawals. Poor kid. She def doesnt know my eat8ng disorder. She is a stick and I've always been slim so nothing out of the ordinary .
She did know I was on heroin though even though I quit when she was 4. I went to methadone treatment for several years and I told her I was there because I made bad choices and did drugs and they made me very sick and were very bad for me. But I am getting better and I never want her to feel the same way.
Drug addiction in some ways is very similar to eating disorders.. take over your lives. Change who you are. Become priority.
Idk if I did the right thing being honest but lying at a point when it is obvious breaks their trust.

[Kittymama]

Well I'm going to residential in a week. We figured it was time to tell them. None of them had a clue I'm "sick". They took the news rather well.

Oops I didn't see your response before I posted. I think it is good you were honest with them. Kids are resilient and loving. I hope treatment goes well

[Junipurrrr]

I'm sorry you are going through this

 

My eldest is 12 and she knows about eating disorders but doesn't think I have one thankfully.  Although I don't know if I'm just a disordered eater or actually disordered if you know what I mean.  Most of the time they just think "oh mom is on another one of her crazy diets".  Which isn't really healthy either but isn't out of the norm (I know I'm not the only freaking mom that diets lol!)

[Stella_June]

I have one daughter and she's only 1 1/2 , so she doesn't really have any idea about it. Her father on the other hand, doesn't like it and he keeps trying to visit on days that he isn't supposed to just to put food in my face. I feel like he's going to tell her when she is older just so that it isn't a secret. Not sure what I will do if/when that happens. 

[lonelyone77]

 I love them with all my heart and don't understand why this isn't enough to motivate me to change.

 

I ask myself that all the time. My daughter is 11. Right now I'm restricting...but it's like I'll do that for a month or so then get my head on straight and eat again then do it all over again. So I've lost like 50 pounds but it's been over a year. Sometimes lose a lot at once which made one friend question, but I brushed her off. Anyway, I have a lot of mental health problems. Was hospitalized for 3 weeks in March, and then again for a week in May. Thankfully nothing since then. But, when I picked my daughter up from school the other day she was practically hysterical because she thought she had seen her Grandma waiting to pick her up, which would mean I was in the hospital again (for "migraines"...it's happened). Her dad committed suicide a year ago so I'm trying to be stable, but I can't. Right now, I just can't. Luckily my daughter and I have never sat down together at the table for supper, so it's not weird if I stay in the kitchen or say I'll eat later. I hate my life.

[Missi41]

I have 3...my daughter is 13 and I worry that she may have suspicions. A couple of years ago she wrapped her tummy with a wide ace bandage to try tomake herself look thinner...i don't want this for her. She has recently changed her eating habits and lost weight, but she isn't vocal about wantimg to lose.

[89vision]

My son is 5, I don't think he knows about my ED but I know he talks about my weird food habits.  When I was binging really bad, he would say to his Dad, "Hide this from mama!" which is really sad.  But considering it all, I'd say he is very sheltered from my ED as I've been bouncing back and forth between recovery and slight ED behaviors and not full blown BN like I was when he was a baby.  

[89vision]

I have 3...my daughter is 13 and I worry that she may have suspicions. A couple of years ago she wrapped her tummy with a wide ace bandage to try tomake herself look thinner...i don't want this for her. She has recently changed her eating habits and lost weight, but she isn't vocal about wantimg to lose.

 

 

Awww, this is so sad  I feel awful for teenage girls these days, so much pressure to be thin.  I worked with preteens/teens and it was all they would talk about.  Tiny girls would be complaining about their thighs!  What a sad world.  I would just make sure you shower her with love and acceptance, which I'm sure you do.  It is hard though because I know our kids mimic our own behaviors and how we treat ourselves.