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Sharing Our Poetry and Prose

everyone share ILiveToMosh poetry prose writing expression no judgement

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#41 SheGathersRain

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Posted 16 July 2017 - 11:53 PM

I wrote this poem a while back when I was a wannarexic (I know, I was annoying myself, too). But man, now that I'm stuck this hits hard.

 

calories

counting

amounting to me

lying

crying

dying to be

skinny

small

light as a dove

less

less

so I can be loved

 

I'm impressed-- that as a wannarexic's writing. I like the syntax. I can see that as something that could just play in your head over and over again, reminding you of the cycle you're in and why you have to do it.

 

This was what I wrote from a prompt I found online. Not entirely sure how I feel about it... especially the end. I find endings difficult sometimes.

 

Trace the marks along my body

The scars that call my arms home

The ink embedded in my flesh

You have no reason to rebel

Feel the bones under my skin

Mountains and caverns

Creeping toward the surface of my shell

You have no reason to rebel

Examine the hollowness behind my eyes

The expressionless features of my face

How gaunt my appearance must seem

You have no reason to rebel

Autonomous movements empty my frame

Second nature craves catharsis

The lack of substance makes me whole

You have no reason to rebel

Dry the tears that cross my cheeks

The sadness buried deep within

Signs of this tired, worn out soul

You have every reason to rebel


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Take me to the darkness, hang me out to dry

Tangled in your legs, in the webs of your lies

Lead me to the rapture, set my body free

Higher than the flames

Set ablaze inside of me

Underoath

 

 

Stats

Height: 5' 3.5"

CW: ? lbs

HW: 120.0 lbs

LW: 82.2 lbs

GW#1: 100 lbs

GW#2: 95 lbs

GW#3: 90 lbs

UGW: unsure

 

Anorexia b/p


#42 Avyeon

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 08:39 PM

I was really happy with this bit I wrote after I flipped a switch for myself, and went from continuously feeling down and irritated, to a lot more happy.

Fading

 

Memories of the past
Exhausted as they seem
Slowly falling behind
Laughing as they scream
Smiling as days pass
Victoriously relieving
is the bright and colorful light
That my eyes are perceiving
This desperate escaping
From unnecessary harassing
Simply fading
As time is passing


  • ILiveToMosh likes this

giphy.gif

 

Age: 23 │ Height: 5'5 3/4 │ HW: 194 lbs │ LW: 132 lbs  CW: 189 lbs (dec 2020) │ GW: 165 lbs │ UGW: 110 lbs

 

Diagnosed Bulimia / BED January 10th 2018

Personality type INTP-T


 

 


#43 Anabie

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Posted 21 July 2017 - 02:18 AM

Well I had I usually write novels but I had written one poem,I'd be looking forward for your feedbacks and please do point my mistakes out


Alone in that hour I had been;
No mate or comrade I had to talk to;
The world that for so long I had trusted had left;
No thought to life I gave;
What world did I dwell in where humanity was nowhere to be seen;
Was I the only one?
To be lingering in that town alone;
To none could I ask because none did I have;
Oh!people why could you not percieve the lonely cry of a broken person?;
Because with sealed ears do you walk;
None can percieve cause none cares;
Ah!and then you complain!


thats all, I know very bad it is.
  • ILiveToMosh likes this

When once I had so much to say


I am now bereft of words


. • ○ ° ★.* ° ¸. * ● ¸ .° ☾ ° ¸. ● ¸ .★ °

 


#44 Maiabutterfly

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Posted 21 July 2017 - 02:42 AM

Hi, writing is my voice too. Say truthfully what you thing about it. Xo
_________________

The sound of silence

 

I am here. Standing on a pedistal fully exposed to the world. Everyone can see me but no one seems to hear me. I am silent, I don't say a word letting the image speak for itself. The vision remains the same no regarding all attempts to change it. I am standing here, all alone, in the sound of silence.

 

The road in front of me I walk all alone. Turning my head, searching for people but I am surrounded by walls of their backs. They are all speaking without a word and listening but not hearing. I am all alone.

 

But if people understood that sometimes silence is the most powerful scream. A shout for help, here I am but no one seems to see or hear me. It is so obvious that I believe that no one seems to care anymore. Stucked, in the sound of silence.
  • ILiveToMosh likes this

Your dream doesn't have an experation date. Take a deep breath and try again.

 

Maia

 

cw: 131.2

BMI: 17.8

5'10''

 

sw: 174

gw: 132

ugw: 120

 

173-172-171-170-169-168-167-166-165-164-163-162-161-160-159-158-157-156-155-154-153-152-151-150-149-148-147-146-145-144-

143-142-141-140-139-138-137-136-135-134-133-132-131-130-129-128-127-126-125-124-123-122-121-120


#45 Maiabutterfly

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Posted 21 July 2017 - 02:45 AM

To fall back:

 

I am trapped, trapped in a darkness. The walls are naked white but it feels dark. 
I am in the middle of attention, all eyes on me. All I want is to dissapear. 
I am out of control, my decisions lies in someone elses hands. Forced to follow directions, forced to trust someone else.
I feel alone even if they are starring, even if I am supervised, even if I am..
Life is fraguale, I see that now.
I feel like I am dying, the only thing that keeps me believe I am alive is the pain. It doesn't go away. I want it to go away. 
For the first time I thought about dying as an option. It would take away the pain, both physically and mentally. 
Pain of mind is worse than pain of body, now I have both. 
But in the end, as much as I want to die, as much I want to be saved.


Xo Maia
  • ILiveToMosh likes this

Your dream doesn't have an experation date. Take a deep breath and try again.

 

Maia

 

cw: 131.2

BMI: 17.8

5'10''

 

sw: 174

gw: 132

ugw: 120

 

173-172-171-170-169-168-167-166-165-164-163-162-161-160-159-158-157-156-155-154-153-152-151-150-149-148-147-146-145-144-

143-142-141-140-139-138-137-136-135-134-133-132-131-130-129-128-127-126-125-124-123-122-121-120


#46 forbiddenneeds

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Posted 23 July 2017 - 03:37 PM

I wrote this yesterday

Dear depression
I'm writing to let you know
That I don't have anything else to give
You took away all my hope

What more do you want of me
The few breaths that I take?
They're not even for me I swear
I just don't want them to break
The ones who still care about me
Somehow you weren't able to push them away
I guess they're stronger than I'll ever be
But I don't want you to make them ache

Hurt me bruise me take my soul
But let my body here
For them , not me , I'm miserable at my best
But I can't let them live in fear

Dear depression
Please subside
We can live together
Just don't make me die
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I’m rarely on here anymore, I feel like I don’t need a signature. 
22

5”4 or 163.5 cm 

weight is constantly fluctuating but mostly mid 50’s. 


#47 dorrit_0

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Posted 25 July 2017 - 07:46 AM

I sometimes write short stories and i put them on medium. If you check them out please tell me what you though. The one I'm linking has a trace of an ed but a bunch of other stuff too. It's dark and short.

 

https://medium.com/@...ou-753f71ddd921

 

on tumblr: https://orangejuice5.tumblr.com/


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#48 Anabie

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Posted 25 July 2017 - 11:14 AM

I sometimes write short stories and i put them on medium. If you check them out please tell me what you though. The one I'm linking has a trace of an ed but a bunch of other stuff too. It's dark and short.

https://medium.com/@...ou-753f71ddd921

on tumblr: https://orangejuice5.tumblr.com/

wow you write so well though hard it is not but with simplicity it won my heart.A great story it was and the way you repesented was great too.Can I be your friend because a writer friend I do not have nor do I have anyone to talk about wrting..

When once I had so much to say


I am now bereft of words


. • ○ ° ★.* ° ¸. * ● ¸ .° ☾ ° ¸. ● ¸ .★ °

 


#49 dorrit_0

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Posted 30 July 2017 - 07:01 AM

wow you write so well though hard it is not but with simplicity it won my heart.A great story it was and the way you repesented was great too.Can I be your friend because a writer friend I do not have nor do I have anyone to talk about wrting..

Yes! Send me your writings!

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#50 Alice1991

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Posted 03 August 2017 - 01:33 AM

Dark stardust.

The smiles slit like sharp
knives through my veins.
The walls betrayed 
my safety.
Darkness glossed the 
truth of colors.
It’s the light, that scares
me now. 
Stardust of the night peeled 
my body to 
the bone. 
Glitters uncovered 
the vulnerability 
of my body and soul.
Dark so deep,
an endless road 
to anxiety.

  • ILiveToMosh, SadGirlSmiling and reflections. like this

Anorexic: recovered - relapsed - recovered - relapsed.. Yep story of my life.
 

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#51 Guest_underweight-perfection_*

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Posted 08 August 2017 - 09:29 AM

Unedited, knowing myself I prob won't finish it so here we go: 
 

For the first time I witnessed how my death could be.
This is how my place would be when they found the body.
Kitchen sink full of dirty plates, bugs crawling in and out of the garbage can,
Spiders coming down from their web to catch them.  
Chairs thrown around, tables upside down, a tower of clothing covering

most of the apartment room floor.
For days I contemplated the crime scene from the top of my high-bed.

The flood turned from glossy red to an old and rusted brown crust.

The scattered stains eventually stopped dripping; they were cracking.
I was peeking at my wounds, under the self-improvised bandages.
Checking to see if there is an infection just yet, checking to see my exploit.
Sometimes catching a glimpse of my pale and worn out face in pieces of the shattered mirror;

the crevasse beneath my frozen and icy eyes, the puffy cheeks, the rotten teeth.

Before finally scrubbing the floor like a criminal.  


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#52 SadGirlSmiling

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Posted 09 August 2017 - 06:23 AM

So close to normal, it's disgusting.
Today I smiled and said,
"I'm great, thanks, and you?"
And they didn't raise an eyebrow or stutter
or stare like a child who's been told not to stare.
I knocked it out of the fucking park,
right over their heads and into orbit.
It's like I'm not a scarecrow of dead leaves and cobwebs.
I don't wake up with the taste of pennies on my back teeth.
I've never been sick, never screamed, never killed.
Here's me, powdered and painted.
Here's my high, feminine voice.
Here are my clear blue eyes and my short sleeves.
I smell good. My hair is combed. I laugh.
It's enough to make me part of the scenery.
It might be enough to make me a participant.
Come talk to me, a fellow human who is to be trusted,
and feel safe and comfortable in my presence.
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"The very nature of addiction, whether it be self-medicating or self-mutilating, is that the very behavior we use to survive it becomes the behavior that ends up killing us."


#53 Guest_underweight-perfection_*

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Posted 09 August 2017 - 08:59 PM

 

Dark stardust.

The smiles slit like sharp
knives through my veins.
The walls betrayed 
my safety.
Darkness glossed the 
truth of colors.
It’s the light, that scares
me now. 
Stardust of the night peeled 
my body to 
the bone. 
Glitters uncovered 
the vulnerability 
of my body and soul.
Dark so deep,
an endless road 
to anxiety.

 

This is perfect



#54 Guest_underweight-perfection_*

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Posted 09 August 2017 - 09:04 PM

Another unedited one because I never finish what I start


All the things I could not be
 

Life would sometimes trick me
Into thinking it held infinite possibilities.
By giving me a small taste of happiness,
Just to take all the rest away from me.
Leaving me in an inescapable depressed state.
Life would sometimes trick me,
And I am but a fool, shame on me.

Life was always quick to show me,
How small I am, under its unbearable strength.

I am just one among the others and I shouldn’t attempt
Something great. Without having my faith eradicated

In the most vicious imaginable way.

Life was always quick to show me,
All the things I could not be.

Death came in many forms,
upon waking up to the third alarm clock,
in getting dressed and glancing at the mirror
It came knocking on my front door,
Death came disguised as Life, disguised as

 

Knives waiting for me to play on the kitchen counter,
Rails begging me to jump in front of the next train,
Storms asking for a dance, lightnings crying for a chance.
Death came in many forms,
Just not the one I was hoping for.


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#55 beebohelp

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Posted 11 August 2017 - 06:33 PM

I actually just wrote this one earlier today.
•Skinny Love•
There's a pretty girl
She likes when I sit on her lap
And to play with my hair
Little did I realize how she ripped it out so violently.

She takes me on nice dates
Sometimes out to dinner
With big, nice chandeliers
But the plates are plastic and the food is pure chemicals.

Her hands touch my back,
Her kisses are so sweet
Little did I realize the first one had trapped me
the rest giving me dizziness spells
and bags under my eyes.
•that one isn't very good, as I wrote it in like 2 minutes and didn't bother to revise haha. hope you don't mind if I share another?
•Door Knob•
I have a wonderful idea

First the sink, now the door

pulling on the hinges

turn the knob and set me free

Take my mind

I'm so sorry

I'll see you again

But not soon

My company is far from enjoyed

my blood builds up

on the pretty little paint brushes
•okay sorry I have one more to share ack. I don't have a title for this one.
•12/20/16•
My skin is a canvas; clear, pale and shaded evenly. How excruciatingly boring.

I take my brush and grasp it firmly between my fingers: it's cold and feels odd, but oh so familiar. I turn it to the good side that really brings the colours out, and it shines a bright silver in the dim lighting of my bedroom.

I pull up a pant leg high, so high that I see my thigh. It's already been painted on many times but the masterpiece is once again fading away.

Then I paint and paint and paint, over and over I slide the pretty shiny brush from the left to the right. Sometimes I make the strokes slow and strong and sometimes quickly and lightly. It feels amazing; a dull, accustomed pain.

I stop and observe. The painting is all around my leg. You can see each individual stroke of my brush, yet they also blend together from being so close, overlapping and going over each other.

Then I repeat the process on my other leg and my stomach. It feels amazing; I get a high off it. The slight throbbing afterwards makes me feel powerful. In control. I control my body, I control what happens to it. I am in control.

Or perhaps, I think as I continue to roughly, swiftly make more devil red brushes on my body, I am out of control. I feel a phantom taking over my body and suddenly it's not so pleasant anymore. I can't stop- oh God, I've lost control. I need to stop but I can't. I keep painting over and over and the painting is ruined- it's no longer a blend of red and tan skin. Instead it's a horrid crimson monstrosity.

I finally find strength to stop and put my brush away as quickly as possible. I hear someone coming down the stairs, thundering footsteps as loud as a glass breaking during a silent night.

knock knock.

Is everything alright in there..? The concerned voice calls out, softly.

I want to say, No, please help me. No, I'm slowly killing myself and what little joy I have left in me. I want to say, Please for the love of God, strap me up and make sure you never let me out.

But instead I make a soft shuffling sound and feign a gentle snore. I hear the door creak open and I don't move, then it closes and there is soft footsteps up the stairs this time. I let go of a breath I was unknowingly holding.

I'm okay for now.

•sorry I'm rlly shitty haha, these were all my first attempts at poetry lol. I'm not very good but I hope to be better.

BY THE WAY so far I've read every single one of these posted by you guys and they're all amazing. you're all very talented.
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#56 effIorescence

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Posted 15 August 2017 - 08:32 PM

This is only the beginning of one I've been writing whenever I feel like venting, it's still kinda jumbled and stuff -

 

For years there's been a voice inside my head

Oh, if you could hear the things she's said

 

She said, "You're just a burden

Undeserving

But I can give you a shot

To be all the things you're not."

 

Hey Ana!

Was it all just a lie?

Was it just your plan for me to die?

 

You told me that if I was thin

I could win

But now I all think about is the weight to lose

I should never have trusted you


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tenor.gif?itemid=9490271

 

"After all, what does a skinny girl know about struggling with weight and insecurity?"

- Nikita Gill

 

♦ Accountability 

 

 


#57 ILiveToMosh

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Posted 10 November 2017 - 03:25 PM

Ok, found one I wrote about 3 weeks ago following a near suicide attempt.

I reached out for help

And you pushed me away

How can I imagine asking again?


There was a time I thought you cared

I thought I could trust you

I was wrong.


We have seen so much pain

The departure of friends from this life

And yet you cannot stop and genuinely want to know how I am, and put in a few minutes to help me.


As I stand with a blade in one hand

And a rope in the other

I wonder if maybe you’ll feel some regret when I’m gone


If you’ll wish you’d called or hugged me or said you cared.

If you’ll think maybe things could have been different.

But you probably won’t.


I only wish one thing for you – that you live

That you are happy and free from pain

Because I would gladly bear all your pain myself even if you’d never hear of my pain.


So maybe tonight is a break from reality or maybe it’s goodbye

Maybe it’s your bloody name in my skin

Or maybe it’s a cut that won’t ever heal


Either way, live on. Don’t let me drag you down.

You have a future, and a wonderful life to live.

Just don’t make this mistake again.

Wow. This is really sad.
Very relatable for me personally.
This was so long ago.
Are you still here?
How are you doing?

Sent from Omicron Persei-8

Desmond

Current Weight and BMI

198.4 / 36.3 (12.1.2020)


#58 ILiveToMosh

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Posted 10 November 2017 - 03:26 PM

Gone

A razor blade
A blood stained floor
The cries of a girl
Wanting more

An unread note
A scarred wrist
Another story
With another twist

Never loved
And never seen
A little girl
A horror scene

In only a moment
There’s no more pain
Too many feelings
Too hard to explain

A small gathering
Everyone in black
Saying goodbye
To a life they want back.

*snaps*

Sent from Omicron Persei-8

Desmond

Current Weight and BMI

198.4 / 36.3 (12.1.2020)


#59 ILiveToMosh

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Posted 10 November 2017 - 03:31 PM

I actually just wrote this one earlier today.
•Skinny Love•
There's a pretty girl
She likes when I sit on her lap
And to play with my hair
Little did I realize how she ripped it out so violently.

She takes me on nice dates
Sometimes out to dinner
With big, nice chandeliers
But the plates are plastic and the food is pure chemicals.

Her hands touch my back,
Her kisses are so sweet
Little did I realize the first one had trapped me
the rest giving me dizziness spells
and bags under my eyes.
•that one isn't very good, as I wrote it in like 2 minutes and didn't bother to revise haha. hope you don't mind if I share another?
•Door Knob•
I have a wonderful idea

First the sink, now the door

pulling on the hinges

turn the knob and set me free

Take my mind

I'm so sorry

I'll see you again

But not soon

My company is far from enjoyed

my blood builds up

on the pretty little paint brushes
•okay sorry I have one more to share ack. I don't have a title for this one.
•12/20/16•
My skin is a canvas; clear, pale and shaded evenly. How excruciatingly boring.

I take my brush and grasp it firmly between my fingers: it's cold and feels odd, but oh so familiar. I turn it to the good side that really brings the colours out, and it shines a bright silver in the dim lighting of my bedroom.

I pull up a pant leg high, so high that I see my thigh. It's already been painted on many times but the masterpiece is once again fading away.

Then I paint and paint and paint, over and over I slide the pretty shiny brush from the left to the right. Sometimes I make the strokes slow and strong and sometimes quickly and lightly. It feels amazing; a dull, accustomed pain.

I stop and observe. The painting is all around my leg. You can see each individual stroke of my brush, yet they also blend together from being so close, overlapping and going over each other.

Then I repeat the process on my other leg and my stomach. It feels amazing; I get a high off it. The slight throbbing afterwards makes me feel powerful. In control. I control my body, I control what happens to it. I am in control.

Or perhaps, I think as I continue to roughly, swiftly make more devil red brushes on my body, I am out of control. I feel a phantom taking over my body and suddenly it's not so pleasant anymore. I can't stop- oh God, I've lost control. I need to stop but I can't. I keep painting over and over and the painting is ruined- it's no longer a blend of red and tan skin. Instead it's a horrid crimson monstrosity.

I finally find strength to stop and put my brush away as quickly as possible. I hear someone coming down the stairs, thundering footsteps as loud as a glass breaking during a silent night.

knock knock.

Is everything alright in there..? The concerned voice calls out, softly.

I want to say, No, please help me. No, I'm slowly killing myself and what little joy I have left in me. I want to say, Please for the love of God, strap me up and make sure you never let me out.

But instead I make a soft shuffling sound and feign a gentle snore. I hear the door creak open and I don't move, then it closes and there is soft footsteps up the stairs this time. I let go of a breath I was unknowingly holding.

I'm okay for now.

•sorry I'm rlly shitty haha, these were all my first attempts at poetry lol. I'm not very good but I hope to be better.

BY THE WAY so far I've read every single one of these posted by you guys and they're all amazing. you're all very talented.

These were really, really good 🖤

Sent from Omicron Persei-8

Desmond

Current Weight and BMI

198.4 / 36.3 (12.1.2020)


#60 ILiveToMosh

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Posted 10 November 2017 - 03:35 PM

So close to normal, it's disgusting.
Today I smiled and said,
"I'm great, thanks, and you?"
And they didn't raise an eyebrow or stutter
or stare like a child who's been told not to stare.
I knocked it out of the fucking park,
right over their heads and into orbit.
It's like I'm not a scarecrow of dead leaves and cobwebs.
I don't wake up with the taste of pennies on my back teeth.
I've never been sick, never screamed, never killed.
Here's me, powdered and painted.
Here's my high, feminine voice.
Here are my clear blue eyes and my short sleeves.
I smell good. My hair is combed. I laugh.
It's enough to make me part of the scenery.
It might be enough to make me a participant.
Come talk to me, a fellow human who is to be trusted,
and feel safe and comfortable in my presence.

I relate to this so much
I hate it sometimes
How normal and approachable I seem
And it's probably a good thing
But I can't help but be resentful/;

Sent from Omicron Persei-8

Desmond

Current Weight and BMI

198.4 / 36.3 (12.1.2020)




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