Sharing Our Poetry and Prose - Page 4 - Books and Poems - Forums and Community

Jump to content

About MPA

MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.


Sharing Our Poetry and Prose

everyone share ILiveToMosh poetry prose writing expression no judgement

  • Please log in to reply
126 replies to this topic

#61 ILiveToMosh



  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 7374 posts
  • Locationbumfuck nowhere

Posted 10 November 2017 - 03:37 PM

Unedited, knowing myself I prob won't finish it so here we go:

For the first time I witnessed how my death could be.
This is how my place would be when they found the body.
Kitchen sink full of dirty plates, bugs crawling in and out of the garbage can,
Spiders coming down from their web to catch them.
Chairs thrown around, tables upside down, a tower of clothing covering
most of the apartment room floor.
For days I contemplated the crime scene from the top of my high-bed.
The flood turned from glossy red to an old and rusted brown crust.
The scattered stains eventually stopped dripping; they were cracking.
I was peeking at my wounds, under the self-improvised bandages.
Checking to see if there is an infection just yet, checking to see my exploit.
Sometimes catching a glimpse of my pale and worn out face in pieces of the shattered mirror;
the crevasse beneath my frozen and icy eyes, the puffy cheeks, the rotten teeth.
Before finally scrubbing the floor like a criminal.

I always wonder if I'll be one of those people who end up rotting for weeks, forgotten, until someone notices the smell.

Sent from Omicron Persei-8


Current Weight and BMI

198.4 / 36.3 (12.1.2020)

#62 ILiveToMosh



  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 7374 posts
  • Locationbumfuck nowhere

Posted 10 November 2017 - 03:54 PM

I'm sorry I've ended up neglecting this thread so much. It's damn near 3 years old!
Let's not let it die
I promise to be better

Sent from Omicron Persei-8


Current Weight and BMI

198.4 / 36.3 (12.1.2020)

#63 ILiveToMosh



  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 7374 posts
  • Locationbumfuck nowhere

Posted 10 November 2017 - 03:57 PM

The largest site I had all my poetry on got shut down and I may have lost access to all of that poetry and I'm kind of distraught but this has happened before, with poetry I submitted for contests and whatnot and it's just lost to time
Fuck me i guess
When even the internet isn't forever

Sent from Omicron Persei-8


Current Weight and BMI

198.4 / 36.3 (12.1.2020)

#64 ILiveToMosh



  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 7374 posts
  • Locationbumfuck nowhere

Posted 10 November 2017 - 03:57 PM jsyk

Sent from Omicron Persei-8


Current Weight and BMI

198.4 / 36.3 (12.1.2020)

#65 AsAFeather



  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1050 posts

Posted 10 November 2017 - 04:03 PM

I was about to create a thread just to post something I wrote. I'm not fluent in English but I like to write in English because it's easier, it makes it easier to face the pain, I don't know why. This is not supposed to be pretty, not supposed to be good or to have a deep meaning or whatever. I do not claim to be good at writing but I like to write and I feel pretty upset tonight and would like to share what I wrote even if it's not half as good as what you guys write but OP didn't say we had to be talented or to be good to post so I guess I'm allowed to post this here lol.


I've been feeling so lonely

But I guess I'm not alone

I know you've been following me

But I'd like to stay on my own

You told me you could help me

Help me ease all of my pain

But you're the one causing me trouble

And now, I struggle, I struggle.

You're the devil in disguise

You've been telling me enormous lies

You're not helping, you're killing

And yes, you're right, I keep on losing

The scales says I'm losing

Losing this war

No matter the number

I can't take it anymore

You've blinded me

You've taken everything away from me

And you keep tormenting me

You have no mercy

And I thought that I was in control

But I lost control a while ago

You're the one in control now

And I'm just a puppet

Ruled by the thoughts you put in my head.

 I'm the fattest girl on Earth but I swear, I'm really trying to change. I am never giving up, I couldn't even if I wanted to.

81.5 80 79 78 77 76 75 74 73 72 71 70 69 68 67 66 65 64 63 62 61 60 59 58 57 56 55 54 53 52 51 50 49  


Currently on a binge cycle that seems to be endless.

#66 Granmamma



  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 9128 posts
  • LocationGeorgia

Posted 10 November 2017 - 08:22 PM

Wow. This is really sad.
Very relatable for me personally.
This was so long ago.
Are you still here?
How are you doing?

Sent from Omicron Persei-8

I'm sorry to hear that it's relatable :( 

I am still here, still pretty active! I'm doing infinitely better now. That was a really rough time for me, I was like 15, felt like nobody gave a shit, and a kid in the youth group I went to had killed himself and it fucked everyone up, and made me think about a lot of things that weren't very good or healthy. And there was this one leader I was way too attached to because BPD and it killed me that neither she nor anyone else seemed to care about what I was dealing with, that I wanted to do the same thing he'd done. 

But things have gotten a shit ton better. I hope it goes the same way for you too, soon <3

Formerly "Granmamma"

My Accountability

My Selfie Thread 

If you think you recognize me, say hi!

5'6 142.5 125




#67 ILiveToMosh



  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 7374 posts
  • Locationbumfuck nowhere

Posted 13 November 2017 - 03:15 AM

Trigger warning
Late night teary eyed rant
It doesn't rhyme
But idk

Sent from Omicron Persei-8


Current Weight and BMI

198.4 / 36.3 (12.1.2020)

#68 moomins


    Advanced Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1897 posts

Posted 13 November 2017 - 11:08 AM



Like a nail

A door leading to the Quiet

The edges of a bombshell

A chain-link 


I am hardened.


Silky and sweet conditioning

Come out the other side

like a nail

a bruise


a stain


a thin line. 

  • reflections. likes this








#69 Guest_swawp_*

  • Guests

Posted 13 November 2017 - 11:50 AM

15 year old me was so edgy they made a "poetry" tumblr, here's one of them


cause we’re just people with broken hearts and minds
heart’s been broken too many times, leaving thousands of fragments left to be put together
minds filled with demons, full of hatred and waiting for a moment to break us
cause we’re just people with broken hearts and minds
and sometimes that’s all we have

#70 黄豆 ♡

黄豆 ♡


  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 552 posts

Posted 13 November 2017 - 08:19 PM

i hope that i can post this here! it's just a short story (a really short one), and i think it's very poorly written but oh well! :")

(tbh i really hope it's decent lmao good, i really love writing, and i hope this thread will become more popular!)




[ my life is a joke. ]

[ nineteen ¦ accountability ]

#71 Hon3yb33


    Advanced Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1709 posts
  • LocationTennessee

Posted 16 November 2017 - 09:46 AM



I return again

to a classroom and a notebook

to a darkened stairwell and theatre

to a rain-washed courtyard at dawn


Return back again to slow-dance seasons

when your words were sometimes bullets but they were also sometimes roses

Tears in my eyes, you drew many blanks

Blank emotions, blank eyes, firing blanks with your empty gun


If everything we ever said 

was never meant

Then why were they

even said?


I return again

to a house of many different rooms

to a kitchen with bowls of strawberries

to a roof beneath the stars 


When I fought imaginary battles on fake wings with pretend weapons

that felt so real I could almost hold them tight in my blistered palms

I look into the eyes of dead children, dead fathers, dead brothers

Fallen, fallen, fallen in love, in hate, in fear, blood stains on the wall and whispers of prophecy


If everything we ever did 

never existed

Then why does it hurt

like it did?


I return again

to a box of small gifts

to a shelf of faded notebooks

to a token here and a trinket there


Our stories are dust and if I bend back their covers

I choke on the words I wish you'd have the guts to say

So many songs you sang still hold poison in their lyrics

Sometimes I become bold and drink until I'm hoarse with agony 


If everything we ever did 

existed in only words

Then why does it hurt 

like it didn't?


I return again

to our moments of clarity

to our days of trust and joy

to the memories I hold so close


Pouring over stories, sharing what we loved and loathed

Loving each other's potential loathing of other people and our pasts

Holding on tight as we spin on the spot and hold hands

You hold me and I cling tighter still, knowing that you know me better than myself


If everything you ever promised

was never to leave

Then why did you leave?

  • Garnette likes this

27 yrs old / bisexual, polyamorous
I identify as a honeybee that favors lotus blossoms

H: 5'4 SW: 265 CW: 258 UGW: My size 12 rockstar skinny jeans from Old Navy

Days Goblin-Free: 0

~ Accountability Thread: A New Chapter ~

Weight Loss Insta: druidicbard35

~ Ao3 -oOo- FF.n ~


ftiwd.gif snOSj.gif CSGNe.gif


5tHg1.gif GtuqJ.gif jRAj2.gif

#72 JeffreyLarke


    Advanced Sage

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1605 posts

Posted 16 November 2017 - 10:17 AM



This is my blog where I post my poetry.


I just wrote this one, as I'm fighting to get out of a binge phase.... I'm almost four days binge free today!





The monster growls inside of me
Craving calories
The beast it hides beneath my bones
"Give me food!" it pleas

"Donuts! Pizza! Ice cream too!"
I shake my head in shame
"No," I say "We cannot see
our weight just stay the same!"

"Things will never change," I say,
"Until we fight the binge.
Beast you really test me so,
but I guarantee I'll win!"

The beast it growls in anger and
Sits inside it's cage
It has no control of me
But still I feel it's rage.

It paces back and forth inside
Urging me to eat
"I won't!" I cry, "I will not
give in to this defeat!"

And so I lose it, pound by pound
'Til happiness I find
I lose the weight, I win this war
And slowly lose my mind.

My Stats:


#73 CrayVinHungR



  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 43 posts
  • LocationUSA - Texas

Posted 17 November 2017 - 12:59 PM



"Enter Darkness"


I will hold the hand of darkness,

Until I fall asleep.

He'll gently guide me through the shadows,

Down far into the deep.


I will hold the hand of darkness,

The chilling grasp is taking hold.

He'll stroke my pale cheeks so tender,

Until they both turn cold.


I will hold the hand of darkness,

Down the path trodden by the mass.

He will bring me to the precipice,

Where this breath becomes my last.


I will hold the hand of darkness,

Till all that I was is no more.

Rapid beating in my head now,

Will soon be silent inside my core.


By:  ME (CrayVinHungR) 

  • reflections. likes this

SW: 175 LBS

CW: 112 LBS     :(                                     

GW1: 105 LBS                      

GW2: 95 LBS

enhanced 26555 1456848527 1.png


#74 silentalltheseyears


    Advanced Warrior

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 332 posts

Posted 17 November 2017 - 08:48 PM



I return again...


^love this one.








“Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes.”

― Tori Amos



#75 Hon3yb33


    Advanced Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1709 posts
  • LocationTennessee

Posted 19 November 2017 - 11:09 AM



I don’t think of you voluntarily

You just materialize 

Leaving my soul rippling

The surface of oceans in my dreams

Glassy and placid water reflected in your eyes

My heart responds in kind

Unyielding, stagnant, standing knee-deep, chest-deep, 

Throat-deep in your presence


I am a tree struck by lightning

But my roots are deep

Seasons come and go

and I am still growing

I will heal, my heart of hearts, soul of souls mending

Strength will return

One day I will flourish green again

But today is not that day


What does it mean to let go? 

Maybe you are a tumor I could have removed

Growing cancerous within my bones

Why do you feel like a lung, necessary to breathe?

How does one breathe?

How do you reach below the surface and summon a wordless feeling?

You elude me, the smoke that catches fire with a solitary spark

Yet I cannot grasp you


I can’t hold you

But you hold me captive

27 yrs old / bisexual, polyamorous
I identify as a honeybee that favors lotus blossoms

H: 5'4 SW: 265 CW: 258 UGW: My size 12 rockstar skinny jeans from Old Navy

Days Goblin-Free: 0

~ Accountability Thread: A New Chapter ~

Weight Loss Insta: druidicbard35

~ Ao3 -oOo- FF.n ~


ftiwd.gif snOSj.gif CSGNe.gif


5tHg1.gif GtuqJ.gif jRAj2.gif

#76 Sunflwereyes



  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 31 posts

Posted 19 November 2017 - 06:26 PM

Thos is long... I just finished it.


Mom likes to eat "healthy"
Says there are good for you foods
And junk foods
Buys 5kg sacks of chia seeds and flax

Calls the crackers I pick out "Junky"
They are the only ones I will eat. I remember her words every time I get them out and have to fight with myself to make a snack

Dad once ordered 16 cheeseburgers from Mcdonalds for 3 teenagers and himself.
Dad used to eat whatever was left on our plates "so it didn't go to waste"
Dad has done TV commercial "diets" my whole childhood to try to lose weight. None of them have been very "successful".

As a child I was taught to be critical
To starve out the truth
In the same world that made my cynical

Now my thinking is distorted
Rooted so deep not sure if it can be thwarted

The first time I got called fat I was 7. About to move away to a new town where I didn't know anyone.
I don't remember the kid's name but I never forgot what he said.

The first time I tried to lose weight that I can remember I was 12. Puberty hits like a home run. I was bullied, I just wanted to fit in, I learned not to trust anyone.

From there my eating issues progressed. I was never quite underweight but I was very sick.
I was in denial. Didn't know about eating disorders and definitely didn't think I had one, so I suffered in silence for 9 years. Sure I ate, but not like other people did. And I thought about food constantly obsessing over it.

See people with eating disorders don't always look sick, thin, or "pretty " by societal standards

Some days all I looked was tired
But others I was ghostly
Trying to be a magician's
disappearing act
for an audience that didn't realize there was even a show

Lived on just 2 food groups for months at a time
Empty and Regretful

Ritualistic about how I brought on stomach bug symptoms
About How I measured my worth by a weight
A size
A number

Starved myself of even the elixir of life.

Not everyone's story is like mine.
I called a crisis line
Frantic about how I would run out of time
If I continued on this way

Soon got an assessment
A team
A program

Not everyone is this lucky
To even accept a disorder that says
I’m not sick, just ugly
Is a feat
But to accept recovery?
Well that magician must be back

My sickness grows in the darkness of dishonesty and secrecy
Years being a mess
cloaked in
“I’m fine”
Isolating myself
From your warm love on my cold skin
For fear it would burn

Recovery is growth
Sometimes physical.

But I swear
The pain of getting healthy
Mustn't be worse than years of being sick

I guess we'll see
See, This is the beginning for me
Giving me decades of life
I might not have had
If I never heard a spoken word poem
About an eating disorder

#77 YoungCatLady


    Advanced Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1435 posts
  • LocationEurope

Posted 20 November 2017 - 04:34 PM


Age: 21
Height: 166 cm.​
Gender: Female

HW: 53.3 kg./BMI 19.3
CW: BMI 17.0 (FML)
LW: 35.1 kg./BMI 12.7

IP Four times

#78 Bloated Bean

Bloated Bean


  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 37 posts
  • LocationEngland

Posted 22 November 2017 - 08:45 PM

I wish to dance on snowflakes,

And bury myself in reeds,

I crave the moonlight shimmer,

The shadows that it feeds,

But alas my wings are cut,

My skin as coarse as sand,

I dance on broken seashells,

And burn on sinking land.


Imagine a soft whisper,

A feather in cool winds,

A cloak drifting down-river,

Escaping all it's sins,

Not a soul to judge it,

Not a heart to betray,

As gentle as a dew's kiss,

How I wish to be this way.


I may never dance so sweet,

Taste the sugar on my lips,

For all I touch turn to salt,

From my words the poison drips,

I wish for darkness and quiet,

I wish for a cold embrace,

Yet I lay on rocky blankets,

As the sun scorches my face.




SW: 58 / CW: 58 / GW: 55 / GW2: 52 / GW3: 50 / GW4: 47 / UGW: 45

#79 Guest_Nessi_*

  • Guests

Posted 23 November 2017 - 07:17 PM

I think I'm actually going to do this! I've haven't shared any of my poetry besides (expect for the deleted Wattpad book, lol). It's not that good, but this is the one I was going to use for a scholarship then (and then I ended up not going to school)


There are people all around.

Friends and families,

Classmates and teachers.

They laugh and cry and play.

A colourful world they occupy,

Always bustling with sounds and activity,

Too distracted to take notice of another world

Where laughter and small-talk is a distant entity



We are under their noses,

Hiding in the shadows

We are the silent listeners,

The strangers among peers,

The ones who never say a word

And are often too scared to smile.


Lacking confidence, we cower

In fear of being discovered.

In shame, we lock our hearts.

Nothing will get in.


Distant, stuck up, void of feeling.

It is what we fear they see,

Our guarded faces, as menacing glares

And silence, as arrogance.


Seemingly ignorant of our humbled souls,

They are blind to silent cries of desperation,

Craving interaction, a touch, a simple word,

Anything to take our thoughts to a place

That is not of our own making


The mind is a valuable thing.

For some, it is a place of quiet queries,

But it has become our enemy,

A place for silent screams

Where endless frustrations

Are a regular occurrence


Bottles of emotions are ever increasing

And clang as another is added

To the pit that has become our lonely hearts.

And when the emptiness becomes too great,

We break and cry and lie through our teeth

As tears run down our faces.


They cannot know, we swear weakly.

In silence, we suffer

Dreaming for a change

That maybe one day we'll say hello

And not think of the occurrence for years to come.


We live in fear

Of what they might think:

The ones who don't worry,

The silent observers,

But most of all, ourselves.


We are the ones whose minds don't fit

The picture of normal.

We long for this thing of another world,

A world within reach

But too far for our minds to grasp.


As we weave through the crowds,

We do not see the others,

Others who are just like us.

We are invisible.


And here I am among this anxious crowd

Foolishly hiding in the shadows

From this vital thing that humans crave.




.... It's sorta about social anxiety

#80 anotherhollowdoll


    Advanced Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 841 posts
  • LocationBritish Columbia

Posted 28 November 2017 - 07:04 PM

There is no beauty in a disappearing act
Of torn knuckles reaching to gag spots
Spitting up blood and bile
As you purge yourself of your fears.
Empty stomachs tear themselves open time and time again
Every time you fill then unload in quick hast as to not absorb whatever you've consumed

In the envying of a prepubescent frame,
Words lose their magic
And everything becomes as dull as your skin
And as lifeless as your eyes.
You slowly become cold
Colder than you ever have before
And no amount of heat can warm you
Because the freezing comes straight from your bones, from your heart

You begin to lose yourself
The reasons why are now covered
In the black dripping tar of your own need to just do it
There are no more explanations
They beg you for an answer
But all that comes out is "I have to"

Brittle nails and shedding hair
Translucent skin draped over sharp bones
It's all you ever wanted,
But it's not enough, is it?

You tire of it.
The counting
The weighing
The endless voices telling you you're nothing
The fear constantly on your back

When you decide your done,
It will never leave you
Forever staring at the legs of 9 year olds
Wishing that were you
Barely able to support your own weight
Remembering the days you were too afraid to drink water, let alone eat a meal
And you will curse yourself for not having the willpower you once had
But you will make it

You will surround yourself with all you once feared in hopes you can make it out alive
Something you were always too terrified to try
But you must.
There is no other way
Your obsession will not ever falter,
but you’ll control it the way
you craved control all along.
  • likes this
~ throw me in the dirt and stomp, I belong with the worms ~
I just wanted to feel like I existed but I soon wanted to disappear

Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: everyone, share, ILiveToMosh, poetry, prose, writing, expression, no judgement

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users