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Come here if you just binged


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#1 hoippu

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Posted 19 September 2014 - 09:20 PM

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Hello!

So as you can guess from the title of this topic, I wanted to create a thread where we can just post how we feel after binging. Your post can be short, or long. It can be descriptive, or just one sentence. You can be detailed, and post exactly what you ate, how many calories total you binged on, or if you purged your food. Or you can just drop by and say that you just ate over your planned intake. No shame and no limits here, my friend. I couldn't really find a topic where I can just relate to other people who binged on the same day or time as me, so I decided to make my own. Because in all honesty, after a binge, all I really want is to connect with other binge eaters and relate my experiences with other people.

I will go first. Today, I was planning to fast, because I binged yesterday on a shi* ton of white bread. That's my biggest weakness:muthereffing bread. And the worst thing about bread is that it makes you seriously bloated the day after. But after school ended and I drove back home, my mom urged me to eat lunch with her at a traditional Japanese restaurant. I refused at first, but she just told me to eat so I wouldn't get hungry later. Btw, she doesn't know about my ED. We went shopping later and stopped by a cafΓ©, where my mom proceeded to buy delicious butter cream bread that is something I can never resist, even if I am at my UGW (sucks to have little willpower...). I ended up eating an entire fu*king loaf of that butter cream bread. Am I ashamed? Hells yes. I felt so sick afterwards. I was actually 5 days binge free prior to Thursday, and now I have to start all over again. I have 9 weeks to lose 20-30 pounds. I'm so used to this binge-cycle, but I still hate myself each time I binge. Anyways, I just needed to let that go. I'm going to drink some laxative senna tea tonight, and I'm going to fast tomorrow.

I just want to remind everyone who posts here to not give up, even when you feel like a complete mess after your binge or purge. This is a thread for support and comfort. Time heals all wounds, my friends. Stay strong lovelies <3
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#2 Lunafish

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Posted 19 September 2014 - 11:24 PM

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I was feeling all full and content after a veggie-filled dinner, then visions of the leftover brownies I had sitting in my fridge (I made them for a meeting but my friends couldn't finish them) flashed through my head, and before I knew what was happening, I was eating them and just felt... nothing. Like my general anxiety about life went away for the 20 seconds it took me to eat 2 of them, then of course immediately after I wonder what possessed me to eat them in the first place. Then came the usual shame and regret.

 

Ruined my low carb day :/


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#3 anamal_I_have_become

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Posted 20 September 2014 - 07:45 AM

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ive been stuck in a binge phase of my EDNOS for a while now. to be honest i don't have the strength to weigh. i binged so fucking badly last night. im fasting today & tomorrow, then restricting like i used to. no excuses.
this may seem extreme but i really HAVE
to stop bingeing
it's pushed me to self harm again, and sometimes purge
no one knows that but you guys
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very swagπŸ’―
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emptiness is pure, starvation is the cure
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#4 littlenaiiba

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 06:52 AM

i turned 18 two days ago and binged like hell on my birthday because of all the cakes and cupcakes and a HUGE meal in the evening... i said "okay, it's your bday, just enjoy food for once" and lost control, so now i'm trying to restrict as much as possible the next days, because i want to see positive results on my weight in day, but today i binged again... it's only 1pm here and i've already eaten twice as much as i should the whole day.. :(

ugh, i hate this so much, i'm lazy as shit right now and can't get myself to exercise and hate myself even more because of this and it's all just crap.. i tell myself that i can start over the next week, that i'm gonna fast till my weight in day (thursday) and be happy then, but i feel like i won't be disciplined enough to really do this.. and THEN i'll hate myself even more and omg it's a vicious circle :(

I REALLY NEED TO GET THIS TOGETHER AGAIN! :angry:


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β€œI was sad and blue.”

 

~*~  Height: 1,69m (5'6.5)  ~*~

HW: 59kb (130lbs) - BMI 20.8

LW: 47kg (104lbs) - BMI 16.5

CW: ??

 

1st relapse July 2015 

2nd relapse April 2016

 

*   GW1: 52kg (115lbs) - BMI 18.2   *

**   UGW: 48kg (105lbs) - BMI 16.8   **

 

 

~  Tumblr  ~

 

 

  β˜…   Reaching UGW    β˜…  

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#5 blobbie

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 07:18 AM

So I binged on over 2000 calories and it's only 2 :(( Not only it makes me feel like a fat greedy fail whale, but it also makes me feel so sick, I can't even stand up right now and it is so frustrating. I thought I had everything under control, but I didn't. :( I feel like I'm gaining weight atm. And I can't exercise because I have a cold and I can't breath, so yeah :x I don't know why I am doing this to myself. I'll probably have diabetes because of my BED and I'm trying to stop, but I can't. I used to be 48kg now I'm over 55kg and don't fit in my clothes anymore. I'm so tired of fighting myself, fighting the urge to binge, hurt myself...I wish I could end it all...or just gain back control.
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#6 thin4life929

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 08:16 AM

ive been stuck in a binge phase of my EDNOS for a while now. to be honest i don't have the strength to weigh. i binged so fucking badly last night. im fasting today & tomorrow, then restricting like i used to. no excuses.
this may seem extreme but i really HAVE
to stop bingeing
it's pushed me to self harm again, and sometimes purge
no one knows that but you guys

that exactly how i feel......i started by fasting and binging, then into restriction and then went into full scale binging everyday for weeks, i purged most of the time, but some days i didnt. my binging triggered my self-harm worse than ever and ive been restricting lately and tbh ive lasted 2 days binge free so far and atm i dont feel the urge to binge yet, so hopefully ill be able to get to my ugw with restriction and mono diets (replaces binge) 


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H: 5'1.5
CW: 95.4lbs
LW: 93.8lbs
HW: 112lbs
GW 1: 105lbs
GW 2: 100lbs
GW 3: 98lbs
GW 4: 95lbs (BMI 17.4 - defo underweight :D)
GW 5: 90lbs
GW 6: 85lbs
GW 7: 80lbs 
GW 8: 75lbs 

UGW: 70lbs 

[X] collarbones
[] a flat stomach
[] at 84 pounds
[X] bikini bridge when laying down
[X] thigh gap (kinda)
[X] thin arms
[] Calve gap
[] ribs showing
[X] Hip bones
Days binge free: 2
Days purge free: 10
No of mono diets done: 4
Restriction 800-1200 cals a day


#7 Chasing_Dreams

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 08:28 AM

After a week long binge, I was going to be strict with myself, new start n'all but here is how today planned out instead:
4 bananas, 2 samosas, veg fried noodles, potato cake thingy, a while Nepali thali and apple turnover.
I know it isn't much of a binge really, but when I was planning on having under 500 cals, 2500+ calories is hardly good news. Oh well, Monday is always a good day to start over!
SW-71kg
CW-63kg
HW-73kg
GW1-60kg
GW2-55kg (by Xmas)
UGW-50kg (or until I'm happy)

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#8 dust&bones

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 10:32 AM

Iv not binged but I want to very badly. Iv had 1200cals planned for today and I want to workout to do something to get rid of this major downer im on today. Life feels shit today so I want to binge but it wont make any good difference so whats the point?


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Posted 21 September 2014 - 11:25 AM

I binged at lunch. It's been six hours since that and still I haven't digested it. I feel a complete failure. Gosh. Yeah, I'm so stupid.

#10 anamal_I_have_become

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 11:26 AM

that exactly how i feel......i started by fasting and binging, then into restriction and then went into full scale binging everyday for weeks, i purged most of the time, but some days i didnt. my binging triggered my self-harm worse than ever and ive been restricting lately and tbh ive lasted 2 days binge free so far and atm i dont feel the urge to binge yet, so hopefully ill be able to get to my ugw with restriction and mono diets (replaces binge)

I thought I was the only one who replaced binges with mono diets
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CW: 113πŸ˜’
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#11 PersephoneRose

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 12:44 PM

Fasted for four days and lost seven pounds and then my parents brought back SO MUCH CHOCOLATE from their vacation and I just. Ugh. Praying I don't gain.
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#12 SpottedShoreBreather

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 05:25 PM

I thought I was the only one who replaced binges with mono diets

I do that too!
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#13 lulu-escapingreality

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 05:58 PM

I just ate 4 wildberry poptarts (800 cals).

 

For me that's really nothing, thinking about how many calories means nothing. I am completely neutral. 

 

The thing that's making me feel anxious though is tasting the sugar on my tongue. All I can think about is my veins turning into a sugary gel or something, and that if I can continue to eat things like that I'll get diabetes and then once I'm diagnosed I can't go back and reverse it; It would be too late.

 

It's causing me to freak out, just thinking about getting diagnosed with diabetes cause that's commonly associated as an obese disease.

 

I don't know what to do and I don't know how to stop binging.


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Height: 5'4"

CW: 234.6 lbs

BMI: 40.2 [morbidly obese]

 

Dianosed: EDNOS & Binge ED

 

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#14 twigletfingers

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 06:47 PM

feel like im dying
ate two huge slices of chocolate cake, and before that a giant chocolate torte
i get these manic sugar highs and i feel nauseas and sick and have all this insane energy, after i ran up/down the stairs in my apartment block a bunch of times i still feel violently sick and completely high, its like ive taken an amphetamine the amount of speedy energy i have and its horrid and vile
i feel it in my system destroying my nice skin and clinging as fat round my hips already 

i genuinely only binge when around others. i am disciplined and in control when i am by myself, but as soon as others eat a little and i join in, i then have to run away because i cant stop. its frightening 


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~ anon ~

 

30 days sober binge-drink free challenge: 

May 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 June 01 02 03 04 05 06 

It takes 21 days to break a habit. 

 

Thought log thread: http://www.myproana....y-pits-of-hell/


#15 twigletfingers

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 06:49 PM

I just ate 4 wildberry poptarts (800 cals).

 

For me that's really nothing, thinking about how many calories means nothing. I am completely neutral. 

 

The thing that's making me feel anxious though is tasting the sugar on my tongue. All I can think about is my veins turning into a sugary gel or something, and that if I can continue to eat things like that I'll get diabetes and then once I'm diagnosed I can't go back and reverse it; It would be too late.

 

It's causing me to freak out, just thinking about getting diagnosed with diabetes cause that's commonly associated as an obese disease.

 

I don't know what to do and I don't know how to stop binging.

this is a fear i relate to! for years i existed on nothing but sugary snacks, and while i wasn't overweight, i had a lot of diabetic symptoms and i am very afraid,  but it seems the more i worry about sugar, the more inclined i am to binge on sugary things. anxiety seems to trigger it. do you find this also?


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~ anon ~

 

30 days sober binge-drink free challenge: 

May 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 June 01 02 03 04 05 06 

It takes 21 days to break a habit. 

 

Thought log thread: http://www.myproana....y-pits-of-hell/


#16 Lunar Pixie

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 06:53 PM

Yup.

I just went an entire week binge free. I was so proud this morning.

And honestly, I didn't even have binge urges today.

But there was a dinner at my church and I hadn't eaten anything but raw veggies from the veggie tray. I was going to stop at that.

I went to the dessert table to see if someone had brought some watermelon or strawberries. There wasn't. But my sister handed me a plate and I was lie "Oh no thanks, I'm not getting dessert, there's no fruit." And she was just super condescending and rude and was like "Oh come on Sarah, get SOMETHING." And she's always pointing out my eating habits (or lack of.) So I just grabbed the smallest cookie I could find.

And the mere taste of sugar...binge trigger.

I went crazy and got a lot of dessert and I've been binging since. I finally got down to my lowest weight since probably spring, on like Friday. And now I binge. I'm a fucking failure. I'm fasting at least 80 hours this week again, like I did last week. I have to.


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#17 Guest_anasgotmeagain_*

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 06:55 PM

Another family party. I cannot tell you how ashamed I am. I have been eating 200> every day for the whole week. I was doing so good. I had a 500 calorie limit, and I was eating 200> every day. 

 

I didn't touch the appetizers, or my favorite dip, or any of that... and then the pizza and the eggplant parm arrived. I just wanted one slice of the eggplant rollatini pizza, I didn't even really want it, but when I took that first bite, I almost gagged, I couldn't eat it, it was too much. I forced myself to swallow it because everyone was watching. And then the binging started:

 

  • 1 slice eggplant rollatini pizza
  • 1/2 slice chicken parm pizza
  • 1 square eggplant parm 
  • 1/2 slice peppers and onion pizza
  • 1/2 slice plain pizza
  • 1/2 slice plain pizza
  • 1/2 slice white pizza

1380 calories. I was almost okay with that, because since I had done my calculations with 500 calories, and I was 200> calories a day, I had a buffer of 1800 calories + 500 for the day. 

 

And then they brought out dessert. I didn't even want it. But I ate it. And that's why I hate myself.

  • a few halves of little butter cookies
  • 2 halves of a cake ball
  • scoop of apple crumble with ice cream
  • cake ball
  • sliver of marble cake
  • sliver of ice cream cake
  • brownie
  • more picking at cookies
  • another cake ball

1191 calories

2571 in total

180 calories over my buffer to meet my weight loss schedule.

To punish myself I'm going to skip breakfast and lunch for two days and sneak all my dinner off the table.

 

This morning I woke up with a 24.5 inch waist. Right now it's 26/26.5

I am disgusting. I am foul. I am unworthy of spending time on this planet. 

I was doing so good and then the slightest fucking temptation from my childhood and I went manic.


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#18 Too Fat to Fly

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 07:06 PM

I'm stuck in a 3 day binge right now :( I feel absolutely disgusting right now…  


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Height: 5'0"

SW/HW: 139lbs 

LW: 107lbs

CW: 135lbs

GW1: 130lbs

GW2: 125lbs

GW3: 120lbs

GW4: 118lbs

GW5: 116lbs

GW6:114lbs

UGW: 105lbs 

 

My Accountability Page

 

Accountability: Good Bad Binge

July:

1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17

18  19  20 21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  30 31

 

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#19 hoippu

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 08:59 PM

Hey guys, I'm posting again.

I fasted yesterday and survived on coffee, tea, and water. I was doing pretty well today, until 30 minutes ago I was in my kitchen and I suddenly got this huge binge urge. It was random and unexpected, kind of like a flash of lightning, y'know? Anyways, I ended up eating a slice of white bread with strawberry jam and two pull-apart pieces of this blueberry jam and cream cheese bread called Fromage that is sold at my mom's favorite Japanese bakery. Ughhh I hate messing up! Especially when I have been eating 100% clean for the entire day and then screwing it up at dinner. I was planning on eating 450 calories today, but I'm way over that now. I'm scared to weigh myself tomorrow...I want to fast again T_T
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#20 Valium Knights

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Posted 21 September 2014 - 09:43 PM

I was helping run an event since 9 this morning (got home at 10pm).....I barely ate all day and resisted tons of crap food that would have been free....I caved when I got home. I'm trying so hard to get back on track and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've hit a wall. I feel like shit and I know I'm going to be bloated and have fucking edema tomorrow....GREAT. 

 

I feel useless and fat and ugly and like I'll be like this forever. I don't know what to do. I used to be underweight, I used to be so good at restricting. I used to be so much better....I used to be worth SOMETHING. 

 

Why won't it just stop?


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