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my therapist said, "you need to lose 17 lbs for me to be concerned" when I'm already underweight...?

therapy anorexia weight shitty therapists I hate everything

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#41 TaylusTheDeathMetalHippie

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Posted 05 April 2018 - 10:44 PM

He shouldn't be working with patients with eating disorders, period. 


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#42 sebbenandsebben

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Posted 05 April 2018 - 11:34 PM

That's shit, but honestly a lot of therapists fuck up a lot around EDs (even the specialists, who are kinda rare to begin with). I hope you don't let their fucked up comments force you deeper into your behaviours, you deserve good/competent treatment providers!!!!


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#43 62Elmstreet

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Posted 06 April 2018 - 12:11 AM

fire him, i had a therapist like this before and he made me so much worse off. he told me that i didn't have a real issue "you'll eat when you get uncomfortable" welli dropped 10lbs and then he regreted saying that for about 10 seconds. I was at a bmi of 13.9


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#44 Guest_keanu reeves_*

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Posted 06 April 2018 - 12:15 AM

yo what the shit that's awful. get a new therapist


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#45 alwaysjelly

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Posted 06 April 2018 - 08:05 AM

This makes me so mad and sorry for the next patient that’s going there. I’m with you on being further triggered through spite.... which sounds weird typing it out.

Height: 5'2"
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#46 CuteThinPizza

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Posted 06 April 2018 - 08:25 AM

So I'm around a BMI of 17... (I'm 5'7" and not too ill but ill enough to be considered "anorexic" by diagnostic criteria... but get this: my therapist basically didn't even notice I was that low and then when I told him he calculated my BMI in front of me today and told me: "You'd have to weigh 90 lbs (BMI 14.3) for me to really be concerned about you." This is 17lbs less than the 107 I am now! I was also sent to the hospital for a BMI of 15.8 in the past... Basically he made me feel really shitty--like I'm an "average" or "bad" anorexic. I mean I've been in the 14s before but now I wanna get below that just to say "fuck you" to him and everyone for their lack of care and concern. I've already been restricting and I know by the end of May, I can be closer to 90. Sorry to rant... I'm fuming. Shit therapists make you feel like shit :(

 

Don't be sorry, hun, it's better for you if you get it out of your system, even if it's only typing it out here on MPA. I'm really sorry to read that you have such a shitty therapist. Is there any possibility to switch to a different one?

 

If it's of any comfort, I share your feelings. Not ever do I feel good enough, tbh I feel like I am not worthy of my ED, and like I am not good even at my own disorders. I have AN-R diagnosed and my lowest adult BMI was 13.0 about 4.5 years ago, and in the past one year it's been fluctuating between 17.0 and 17.8 (latter being my current one, from 2 weeks ago), so of course I feel even shittier about myself, considering that I have a goal BMI of 14.4 to achieve by my 27th Bday in the next 2.5 months. I'm 5'7'' like yourself btw.

 

Nevertheless, I believe you should not take it out on yourself. He is just a shitty ''therapist'', ignorant or just plain stupid, and you should seek a different one if you can. If not, then try to resist letting him get to you, try to be stronger (I know it's easier said than done, but you could at least try really hard), especially while talking to him. For how long has he been your therapist? Was he always like that?


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#47 Pygmalion Effect ~

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Posted 06 April 2018 - 08:40 AM

I tried to walk out but I'm worried about my life if I don't have a therapist right now

 

 

 

Be worried for your life if this is your therapist! He sounds so rude and is definitely not someone to be listened to! I'm in a public service and told them I need an emergency appointment as my regular therapist is on leave and they told me I had to wait two weeks so now I want to look practically dead when they see me on the 19th (irrational I know) but I sooo understand and feel how he's triggered you and it's disgusting. Are there any positive distractions you like to do that can help soothe you? A leave in hair conditioner, silly tv shows? Try do little things for yourself today and take it minute by minute, that's what I do in DBT and it sounds silly but sometimes it does help get me out of crisis mode (it takes several "minute by minutes" but works eventually). Even if it means you're curled up in bed under a duvet watching watching gossip girl, it's a slight improvement than the feeling of everything melting down. People do care, unfortunately your therapist seems to have gone into the wrong profession. 

 

Mind yourself

 

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#48 Guest_annaismyactualname_*

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Posted 06 April 2018 - 10:27 PM

Don't be sorry, hun, it's better for you if you get it out of your system, even if it's only typing it out here on MPA. I'm really sorry to read that you have such a shitty therapist. Is there any possibility to switch to a different one?

 

If it's of any comfort, I share your feelings. Not ever do I feel good enough, tbh I feel like I am not worthy of my ED, and like I am not good even at my own disorders. I have AN-R diagnosed and my lowest adult BMI was 13.0 about 4.5 years ago, and in the past one year it's been fluctuating between 17.0 and 17.8 (latter being my current one, from 2 weeks ago), so of course I feel even shittier about myself, considering that I have a goal BMI of 14.4 to achieve by my 27th Bday in the next 2.5 months. I'm 5'7'' like yourself btw.

 

Nevertheless, I believe you should not take it out on yourself. He is just a shitty ''therapist'', ignorant or just plain stupid, and you should seek a different one if you can. If not, then try to resist letting him get to you, try to be stronger (I know it's easier said than done, but you could at least try really hard), especially while talking to him. For how long has he been your therapist? Was he always like that?

 

He's been my therapist for about a year now... I think I'm just mad at him because I know I need a higher level of care and he doesn't "believe" in that until you're literally dying. Like, even IOP or PHP, not necessarily inpatient if I'm too big, would be helpful to me right now... my ED has just taken over my life to the point where it feels like I have obsessive thoughts about numbers. I may even need a med change. Who knows? It also makes me angry because what if I had another type of ED that was totally independent of weight? How would he know when I needed more care? Would literally just sit there and wait for me to have a heart attack?? Sorry to sound extreme but I guess that's how mad I am at him.... it's like he's basically saying "I couldn't give a flying fuck about your anorexic ass unless it's BMI 14" which we all know is super triggering and only makes people want to reach that BMI even more. I feel so weak for giving in... I've lost several pounds since I last saw him this past week and my goal is to be BMI 16 by the time I see him next. I'm about 104 today from restricting and exercising a lot this week. Fuck him for triggering me to do this. I know I should be strong, but I don't think I can rest until I get lower than what he said.... :(



#49 Guest_annaismyactualname_*

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Posted 06 April 2018 - 10:29 PM

Be worried for your life if this is your therapist! He sounds so rude and is definitely not someone to be listened to! I'm in a public service and told them I need an emergency appointment as my regular therapist is on leave and they told me I had to wait two weeks so now I want to look practically dead when they see me on the 19th (irrational I know) but I sooo understand and feel how he's triggered you and it's disgusting. Are there any positive distractions you like to do that can help soothe you? A leave in hair conditioner, silly tv shows? Try do little things for yourself today and take it minute by minute, that's what I do in DBT and it sounds silly but sometimes it does help get me out of crisis mode (it takes several "minute by minutes" but works eventually). Even if it means you're curled up in bed under a duvet watching watching gossip girl, it's a slight improvement than the feeling of everything melting down. People do care, unfortunately your therapist seems to have gone into the wrong profession. 

 

Mind yourself

 

<3

 

Thank you for these recommendations. I'm feeling very much in crisis mode all week so I'm going to try to be kind to myself as best I can. I've resigned myself to losing weight though. I feel an almost compulsive need to get lower than what he said now :/.



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Posted 06 April 2018 - 10:30 PM

This makes me so mad and sorry for the next patient that’s going there. I’m with you on being further triggered through spite.... which sounds weird typing it out.

 

That's exactly how I feel: triggered through spite. You said it perfectly. It sounds weird but I don't think it's weird in Ed-land... unfortunately, I think this feeling is pretty common.



#51 jnope

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Posted 06 April 2018 - 10:33 PM

uHm yea you need to find a new therapist tf?

 

​you are underweight and he doesn't recognize you because you're not at the weight he thinks is a worrying weight? thats bullshit obviously and yea he needs to piss off quickly and quietly


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#52 Guest_annaismyactualname_*

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Posted 06 April 2018 - 10:35 PM

this 

 

Omg, im sorry!! Being told that is so awful.my therapist never told me that directly,but, she was never really concerned about my weight or my eating habits becouse wr never talk about it a lot. That made me feel very insecure and trigger because she seem to not care, But I actually believe this was a huge thing in the treatment, otherwise I would be stuck on the ideas of lossing more weight to her to be more and more concerned about me. I believe sometimes we can be really addicted to wake that worryness in others becoz its our way to feel valid,and thatsnot healthy. So im rreally thabkful to her to not feed that actitud on me, sooner or later I learn not to worry about the ed but to focus on my true feelings. But, that ur therapist told you was way too much. Was awful honestly. You should talk about it whim\her. Good luck gorgoeus!!!

this is probably part of what is going on but now I have the compulsive urge to lose the weight. I'm also mad, because what would he do if I had other ED behaviors besides exercise and restriction... how could he possibly only determine my health by my weight then? But because I'm anorexic, he thinks I'm fine as long as I'm above a certain BMI, which is just not true. I am mentally suffering much more now at this higher BMI than I ever was in treatment when I was actually around a BMI of 14, then 15... sigh...



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Posted 06 April 2018 - 10:35 PM

I am shocked by this- giving an actual weight in numbers to a patient with an ED? Could you possibly be more triggering? Oh please never give this person another dollar of your money. Really. This is outrageous and perhaps one of the most invalidating statements I've read- and we have a ton of these on MPA. Jeez. So sorry. You ARE valid in your feelings and disorder and you are at an extremely low weight. 

 

thank you for saying this <3. 



#54 Guest_annaismyactualname_*

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Posted 06 April 2018 - 10:39 PM

uHm yea you need to find a new therapist tf?

 

​you are underweight and he doesn't recognize you because you're not at the weight he thinks is a worrying weight? thats bullshit obviously and yea he needs to piss off quickly and quietly

 

That is exactly correct. Before this thread, I thought I was just crazy. Thank you <3. 



#55 Whomst?

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Posted 06 April 2018 - 11:22 PM

So I'm around a BMI of 17... (I'm 5'7" and not too ill but ill enough to be considered "anorexic" by diagnostic criteria... but get this: my therapist basically didn't even notice I was that low and then when I told him he calculated my BMI in front of me today and told me: "You'd have to weigh 90 lbs (BMI 14.3) for me to really be concerned about you." This is 17lbs less than the 107 I am now! I was also sent to the hospital for a BMI of 15.8 in the past... Basically he made me feel really shitty--like I'm an "average" or "bad" anorexic. I mean I've been in the 14s before but now I wanna get below that just to say "fuck you" to him and everyone for their lack of care and concern. I've already been restricting and I know by the end of May, I can be closer to 90. Sorry to rant... I'm fuming. Shit therapists make you feel like shit :(

 

I'd stab someone if I was told that.

What a terrible thing to say.

 

Don't worry, there is no "wrong" or "bad" way to be anorexic.

Screw that guy.


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#56 N'On&

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Posted 06 April 2018 - 11:23 PM

well that was unprofessional personal comment. just fuck it

#57 Frozen Grape

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Posted 07 April 2018 - 01:14 AM

lol what. 

 

how the fuck is that even allowed. 

 

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#58 N'On&

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Posted 07 April 2018 - 05:46 AM

well that was unprofessional personal comment. just fuck it

#59 Pygmalion Effect ~

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Posted 10 April 2018 - 06:03 PM

Thank you for these recommendations. I'm feeling very much in crisis mode all week so I'm going to try to be kind to myself as best I can. I've resigned myself to losing weight though. I feel an almost compulsive need to get lower than what he said now :/.


I understand that feeling. Triggered through spite people unite lol. I do get that way though where sometimes it feels like the only thing I have to look forward to is the fact that at the end of a day I kept within my restriction limit. But do try to be nice to yourself definitely, you so deserve it right now ♡

Height: 5"3

CW: 119  (kill me, I gained 11lbs since December)

GW1: 110

GW2: 103

UGW: 94 

 

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#60 EnMangeant

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Posted 10 April 2018 - 07:53 PM

Everybody's already said it, but seriously, screw your therapist. Find a new one.





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