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I did not realize what i looked like i think

Body image denial BMI low weight hospitalization

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#1 Guest_LyricsoftheRain_*

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Posted 04 June 2018 - 01:09 PM

Okay so i was looking through the selfies forum and viewed a lot of pictures of people at 16-16.8 BMI’s and each one was like oh shit man she’s skinny she does not look healthy, wish i looked like that though. Then when i saw the BMI i was completely shocked because i was hospitalized at a 16.2 BMI which i thought was way too high to even warrant help. I knew i was think but it just looked like regular old ballerina thin, not like some sickly thin. I wished so bad i had looked sickly thin but looking at all these pictures of people with the same or higher BMI and seeing their size kind of gave me a wake up call. Dang body image is crazy! Like i never believed the whole “You don’t see yourself correctly in the mirror” but i guess now i do. Regardless my effed up mind still wants me to get to a 13-14 BMI sooo what’s new.

#2 TheSkinnySister

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Posted 04 June 2018 - 01:16 PM

body dysmorphia


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#3 RumHam

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Posted 04 June 2018 - 01:20 PM

Yeah, I’ve alwasy felt like I look terrible (fat) in pictures, and I still do tbh. But I’ve seen pictures of myself at my low weight, and I looked like an absolute freaking stick. If you would have asked me then though, I would have sworn I still looked so fat in pictures.

How do our brains even work?
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#4 allsofragile

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Posted 04 June 2018 - 01:29 PM

Where is the selfies forum? I need to look at it but can’t find it :(

#5 RainbowVeins

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Posted 04 June 2018 - 01:36 PM

I feel that. I'm at a BMI of 17.4 right now (working to get up to my healthy BMI which is around 19-19.5) and I feel HUGE. When I was at a BMI of 16.2 (my lowest) I felt like I looked a bit underweight but definitely not sick.

 

Body dysmorphia is weird.



#6 Alleigh

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Posted 04 June 2018 - 05:10 PM

it is crazy, huh? 



#7 Guest_LyricsoftheRain_*

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Posted 04 June 2018 - 05:11 PM

Where is the selfies forum? I need to look at it but can’t find it :(


If you go to the main page that’s titled “Forums” it’s there, you have to scroll down a little but you’ll see it :)

#8 Chubbychops

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Posted 04 June 2018 - 05:25 PM

They've advised I've got 'gross body distortion' - I feel and see FAT. I remember telling them I was too fat to be hospitalised at BMI 11.

I won't accept a hospital bed now because I think I'm too fat. I can't help the way I think and feel.
5ft 9" / 175 cm

CBMI : 35.8 kg / 78.9 lb - BMI 11.7 (05/06/20)
Dressed

Feel disgusting - fat and bloated.

- Re-diagnosed Nov-17 - back in treatment (OP) after more than 20 years.

LBMI : Who cares - I was screwed, can't remember much, severe depression and just wanting to die, unable to maintain temperature - have no desire to return to that little hell hole.

LDBMI - Lowest Discharge BMI (after 2.5 months hospitalisation) : 11.9... and finally, after 9+ years, some form of 'recovery/insight' - just not the "Made for TV" version.

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#9 Guest_97stars_*

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Posted 04 June 2018 - 05:28 PM

Yeah, I’ve alwasy felt like I look terrible (fat) in pictures, and I still do tbh. But I’ve seen pictures of myself at my low weight, and I looked like an absolute freaking stick. If you would have asked me then though, I would have sworn I still looked so fat in pictures.
How do our brains even work?


Exact same

#10 fattyXL

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Posted 04 June 2018 - 08:15 PM

Where is the selfies forum? I need to look at it but can’t find it :(

i think you need a minimum of 50 posts before you can access the selfie thread


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#11 anorexicduty

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Posted 04 June 2018 - 09:00 PM

I can't see any changes when I look in the mirror.

I look normal in my mind. I see the bones but I think it's just my physique.

I can see the places on my body where there's fat or loose/soft tissue.

It's hard being skinny b/c it's difficult to see it.


 
 
Ht.: 5'7" | SW:147 lbs.| CW::125.4 lbs.| BMI: 19.6  
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#12 flesh flower

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Posted 05 June 2018 - 01:19 AM

Feel you. Just had this kind of enlightenment a few days ago when I saw myself in a huge mirror and I actually got really scared. Never thought body dysmorphia fucked with ME lol 


p l e a s e   b e   g e n t l e .

 

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#13 nk.ana

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Posted 05 June 2018 - 01:45 AM

I have never truly known what I look like because of body dysmorphia and it's terrifying. I had anorexia in 7th grade and recovered fairly quickly, ending my ed 5 months later and swore never to fall back into it. But now 3 years later and going into 11th grade I've "relapsed" and sometimes I think I'm seeing myself thinner than I really am in order to cope with the weight gain over the past few years. So anytime I see a photo I'm kind of taken back because I look bigger than what I see. I also see myself differently depending on how much I've eaten, worked out, how much I weigh, or how good I'm feeling about myself
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#14 rejectmybody

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Posted 15 June 2019 - 11:00 PM

Looking back at pictures of me as a kid that was when I hated myself too much to even look at a mirror to body check. I thought I was repulsive. In reality I was pretty thin... I just never believed it. I never realized how I looked when I was highly overweight either I was in so much denial and now I look at myself and can't believe I was ever that big. Body dysmorphia is crazy. 


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66 lbs down. 49 to go.

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#15 escarity

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Posted 16 June 2019 - 02:52 PM

omg totally ahve this too


 

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#16 turninglleaves

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Posted 16 June 2019 - 03:08 PM

Tbh I feel kind of lucky bc my shape continually changes and there are moments where I can see myself as kind of “skinny” (although not perfect). I looked in the mirror yesterday and freaked out bc my entire body morphed and I literally looked overweight (not even exaggerating). It’s so trippy and scares me tbh. I’m so scared my body dysmorphia will reverse and I become fat and cannot see that I am fat. So I just keep telling myself I’m fat even in those moments where I look kind of “skinny”.. 😅😩

Oh, I also realised the more depressed I feel, the worse my body dysmorphia tends to be. So maybe it’s linked to serotonin levels in the brain.
5'9 / 175 cmHW: 85 kg / 187 lbsLW: 43.9 kg / 96.7 lbsSW (after forced IP): 50.7 kg / 112 lbsCW: 45.7kg / 100.7 lbsGW1: 49.3 kg / 108 lbsGW2: 48.7 kg / 107 lbsGW3: 48.3 kg / 106 lbsGW4: 47.8 kg / 105 lbsGW5: 47.3 kg / 104 lbsGW6: 47 kg / 103 lbsUGW1: 45.3~47 kg / 99.7~103 lbs UGW2: 43.7~45.3kg / 96.3~99.7 lbsI promise I will not aim lower, no matter how depressed or fat I feel. Repeat in head, this is my mantra. <p>

#17 Disordered.dichotomy

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Posted 17 June 2019 - 06:07 AM

I feel you with this.

I was recently on the tube and I caught sight of a woman in the glass. She looked so skinny and gaunt, I felt sorry for her, she looked lifeless. I glanced around the tube carriage trying to find this woman but I couldn't find her, it took a long time to connect the dots and realise the woman whose reflection I pitied, was in fact me. Yet, I don't think of myself like that at all!

#18 ItsBoshyTime

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Posted 17 June 2019 - 06:47 AM

This also happens to me, every time I look at someone who is healthy skinny I think to myself "Damn I wish I was that skinny" but then if I take a photo with him/her and compare myself to them I’m way skinnier than them.

One day I was looking at photos from my graduation, and I saw a gaunt looking guy backwards near a crowd of people. I wanted so badly to find out who was that guy until I realized it was me.

Also when I put on my clothes from when I used to be overweight. I’m like "Fuck, I can’t believe I used to fit so tightly in this giant shirt”.

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Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Body image, denial, BMI, low weight, hospitalization

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