14 replies to this topic

[Littlemousey]

Starting to really want a second baby. mine is already 4 and i feel like i am finally getting a bit of me back so It seems hard to decide to have another now. How did you decide to have another?

Note that i am still with my daughters father but not sure that he is 'the one' forever. But already in my mid 30s so not the best time to venture out looking for love. I am self employed but rely on my partner financially. I could single parent it with one, but feel like it would be impossible with 2.

[Xoxoet]

Honestly, I think it's best if you wait to have another. Focus on the one daughter you have now. Personally, I think the decision to being another life into this world is a big one and you should feel definite about doing so.

[Weighty7]

I'm kinda in the same situation. I'm losing weight more or less to have another baby. I am single with a 9 month old. I was with her father for 10 years. He walked out when I told him I was pregnant. I stuck with him for so many years because I though he would never leave and eventually we would have 5 little ones. He made me wait too long and I took matters into my own "hands" and thus I had my daughter at 30. 31 now, single- I know what men are like, I have to have a "decent" BMI if I want to attract candidates.

 

This advice might run counter to common sense, but you know the love you have for your daughter doesn't know what common sense is and neither will your love for your second child. I honestly regret letting my ex make me wait all of my adult life for the child I knew I wanted. Those were ten years I could have been loving her, raising her, teaching her and bonding with her, gone because of his selfishness. 

 

We haven't talked about your financial/ childcare situation, but if you can make it with one you can make it with two. Being a single mom was something I would have never thought would have happened to me, but it is not the end of the world. Get your childcare/ financials in order and go for it!   

[Littlemousey]

Thanks for the reply! I feel you... i had mine at 29, partly due to fertility problems but also to my s.o. not being ready at all. But i am glad i have her now, so all is good in the end.

I had a rough week really wanting a baby, but tgen last night i really saw the light and feel like i am ok where i am now. There is time to have another in the future, but i would be totally happy to just have my girl.

[t0ff]

i don't think you've waited too long! your daughter is old enough now to understand being a big sister - it could be super exciting for her and she'd be able to even help you a tiny bit, too. if you're just worried about being too old, though, i really don't think you are. my mother-in-law had her last when she was in her late 30s (my husband). he and his brothers are 7 and 9 years apart, and they still have a great sibling relationship even with that big of a gap.

[Sasha_Ascendant]

I was with her father for 10 years. He walked out when I told him I was pregnant. 

 

OMG what an asshole! 

 

Do you get child support?

[SugarPeppermint]

I don't think you have waited for too long. I'm 5 years older than my sister, and we have always been super close and now that we are adults we are still best friends. ❤

...What comes to me, I have a 5weeks old baby and I have a baby fever already. We'll try after I stop breastfeeding and get my cycles back I have no clever reasons, we just want another baby so we will try to have one more.

[Bruja]

No you haven’t waited too long. My sister is 10 years older than me and she is one of my biggest friends.

[Palomaa]

You haven’t waited to long and having a baby won’t fix your problems, it actually sounds like it will worsen them. It’s 9 years between me and my brother and I was closer to him than my sisters growing up

[89vision]

If you are unsure about your relationship, I definitely wouldn't have another.  0-5 is such an important part of a child's life developmentally, and if there is chaos during that time it can have long lasting effects on kids.  Imagine if you do get into another relationship, you may want a baby with your new partner?  Also, like you mentioned, having 2 kids and being single would be very very challenging.  It may be enough to make you stay with your husband which would create tension and resentment, especially if you wanted to leave.  

[Kermitleggs]

My son is going to be 4 in August and I'm maybe 12weeks pregnant - I did not plan this pregnancy yay quarantine and same thing with his father we've been together 5 years and we've had a lot of problems, in January we went through a really bad breakup and he basically threw me out, we obviously got back together and things are good right now but i'm obviously scared shitless we're going to fight again and he's going to throw me out again...just gotta take it day by day i guess

i thought about not keeping the baby but i can't do plus i'm also in my late-ish 30s so this is really my last chance

good luck with whatever you decide to do

[AVintagePaperDoll]

Not to late, my oldest will be four on the 16th (few days) I had a baby when my oldest was 3, and the jealousy with a new baby was ugly and he was super confused and didn't understand what was going on. I'm expecting baby number three in September. And he (my oldest) is so excited. Tells me he wants to hold her and push the stroller. It's actually easier with a few yrs in-between children in my experience. There is five yr difference between me and my brother, I remember being so excited about a sibling. And loved him to death until he spitup on me 😂 unless it's an 8+ yr gap between children I wouldn't worry about it. Good luck 💛

[LottieAna_]

I’m feeling the same. My daughter is five (I’m not with her dad and she’s fine btw so don’t worry about that!) and I’m with my new partner. He wants to wait longer but that upsets me a lot. By his timing I would be 30 and my daughter would be 10. I’m close to my brother who’s ten years younger but only now as an adult. I want them to be close growing up. I’m sad about it too and don’t know whether I should leave my partner and find someone who wants the same as me or stay and wait. I’m stuck too

[pinkyfrilly]

honestly I'd do it now. there's never a perfect time to have a baby, you'll always have shit going on. I guess it depends how important it is to you. I loved having my first child be 4 and so much more independent, I finally got to be a human again you know? I was able to get a handle on feeding everyone, the house, myself, work (also self employed) But for me, I was an only child and it was extremely important in my mind to have more than 1 child. that was the time I fiiiinally convinced my boyfriend that I NEEDED to have another baby. So I got pregnant and my first two are 5 years apart. I was so worried about the age gap, but they really get along so well! 

 

also I was out of baby-mom mode for so long I forgot how exhausting it is. Even though my oldest was independent and smart she still needed me of course, it was a struggle learning to balance everything. It wouldn't have been so rough if I had a normal work schedule.

[Pixie11]

i just had my 3rd baby 7 weeks ago. My husband is 36, I'm 29 and my other 2 kids are almost 10 and 5.
I kinda like the age gap.
I didn't really decide to try for another one, i just got a feeling that i wanted another one and then stopped taking birth control. We decided if it happened it was meant to be.