“Down the rabbit hole,” that’s what I call it
Instead of saying “eating disorder.”
What an exceptional use of my wit.
At the very least I’m not a hoarder
Or hurting people who are not myself.
And it’s not like I binge or purge all the
Time, just occasionally. On the shelf
In my kitchen, there are low calorie
Snacks to keep my weight down. I really need
To lose thirty pounds. Ultimate weight goal?
One hundred. I know one thing can lead
To another, spiral out of control
As I sip a zero calorie drink,
I worry of what my parents would think
My collar bones are begging to be seen.
Solution: drink green tea every day.
My ribs? They are wondering where they’ve been
Covered by fat, fat, fat, every which way.
It is frightening and exhilarating
Ev’ry meal carefully calculated.
Each day is full of anticipating
The next pound lost. The word “satiated”
Is no longer part of my vocab list;
Trans fats, kcals and others take its place.
I sleep late now, missing morning meals, wist-
Ful for a thin body, take up less space.
I keep restricting and I don’t know why
If I keep doing this I might just die.
Look at that, I’ve overeaten once more.
If only I could stick to one thousand
Calories. I don’t really want to bore
You with my whining. Really have to hand
It to myself to find such a way to hurt
My body. Purging, knowing that I am
Hurting myself gladdens me, If I’m curt.
Crazy, it’s truly mad to scam
My body out of nutrients. I will
Cause serious harm if I don’t stop now.
I should stick to restricting, to be still
Doing something, I deserve it, and how!
I’ve hurt many people, I should hurt more.
You don’t want to know what I have in store.
Empty feels awful, but skinny feels good.
When I eat too much, I should not despair.
I take weight more gravely than I should.
I’m ashamed of my weight, I will not share
The pounds of flesh that are upon my bones.
So ashamed, I put social life on hold.
‘Til I lose weight, I want to be alone.
It’s sick that I cannot wait to feel cold
In the spring, layers upon layers of
clothes, all fitting so perfectly snug.
When I’m thin, I’ll finally be loved.
I’ll be so glad, and a little bit smug.
These are words someone well would never say.
Now I’m going to look at MPA.