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Sonnets About My ED

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#1 Zev Butterfly

Zev Butterfly

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Posted 21 June 2018 - 02:14 PM

Sonnet 15

 

“Down the rabbit hole,” that’s what I call it

Instead of saying “eating disorder.”

What an exceptional use of my wit.

At the very least I’m not a hoarder

Or hurting people who are not myself.

Amd it’s not like I binge or purge all the

Time, just occasionally. On the shelf

In my kitchen, there are low calorie

Snacks to keep my weight down. I really need

To lose thirty pounds. Ultimate weight goal?

One hundred. I know one thing can lead

To another, spiral out of control

As I sip a zero calorie drink,

I worry of what my parents would think

 

Sonnet 16

 

My collar bones are begging to be seen.

Solution: drink green tea every day.

My ribs? They are wondering where they’ve been

Covered by fat, fat, fat, every which way.

It is frightening and exhilarating

Ev’ry meal carefully calculated.

Each day is full of anticipating

The next pound lost. The word “satiated”

Is no longer part of my vocab list;

Trans fats, kcals and others take its place.

I sleep late now, missing morning meals, wist-

Ful for a thin body, take up less space.

I keep restricting and I don’t know why

If I keep doing this I might just die.

 

Sonnet 19

 

Look at that, I’ve overeaten once more.

If only I could stick to one thousand

Calories. I don’t really want to bore

You with my whining. Really have to hand

It to myself to find such a way to hurt

My body. Purging, knowing that I am

Hurting myself gladdens me, If I’m curt.

Crazy, it’s truly mad to scam

My body out of nutrients. I will

Cause serious harm if I don’t stop now.

I should stick to restricting, to be still

Doing something, I deserve it, and how!

I’ve hurt many people, I should hurt more.

You don’t want to know what I have in store.

 

Sonnet 29


Empty feels awful, but skinny feels good.

When I eat too much, I should not despair.

I take weight more gravely than I should.

I’m ashamed of my weight, I will not share

The pounds of flesh that are upon my bones.

So ashamed, I put social life on hold.

‘Til I lose weight, I want to be alone.

It’s sick that I cannot wait to feel cold

In the spring, layers upon layers of

clothes, all fitting so perfectly snug.

When I’m thin, I’ll finally be loved.

I’ll be so glad, and a little bit smug.

These are words someone well would never say.

Now I’m going to look at MPA.

 




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