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anyone else feel too horrible to function?

anorexia ana eating disorder restriction

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#1 blackmarble

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 10:42 PM

so, i guess this is where most people would consider recovery.

i am currently at bmi of 13.4 and have been around this weight for about two months and feel i have finally worn my body down to the point in which it will give out at any given moment. i struggle immensely with performing arbitrary daily tasks that healthy people would not even think twice about.

i'm unfathomably weak, i have chronic fatigue and i just generally feel horrible all of the time in regard to my physical health. my legs ache at night, i'm in a static state of exhaustion and some days when i am restricting even to just 700 calories i will become so faint that i'll need to randomly sit regardless of where i am. i'm lightheaded and dizzy whenever i get up too quickly and sometimes simple actions such as climbing a flight of stairs feels agonizing. i can hardly function because i'm so consumed by thoughts of food — when i can eat next, what i can eat next, what i'd like to eat in an ideal world where i don't have anorexia, what i'm craving. it's so sad actually, i'll be spending so much time looking at photos of food, excessively taking food quizzes, browsing pinterest recipes.

my body feels like that of an eighty year old woman sometimes and i am only eighteen. yesterday when i was cooking lasagna for my family it took me thirty minutes along with an unnecessary exertion of my muscles (or whatever is remaining of them at least) to chop up the roll of ground beef with a spatula for the fucking sauce. i go to bed at some ungodly hour and sleep in until 12 p.m. i'm definitely sick.

but then, am i truly sick? i still am able to go on 16 mile bike rides a few times a week, do an intensive workout for twenty minutes first thing every morning and sometimes i feel normal. sometimes, when i'm busying myself with other responsibilities, the food fascination subsides briefly. every time i come close to making the decision to recover based on the rationalization that this is not sustainable, that i cannot continue to live with an illness that afflicts me so relentlessly it interferes with practically effortless daily tasks, that this is not worth perpetually feeling like shit, i begin to doubt myself. i recall the times where living is tolerable and tell myself i'm weak for not being able to endure this.

i don't even know. today i've been so tired both physically and psychologically that i haven't been able to peel myself off of the sofa. i've been productive here and there but mostly just suffering and fighting the urge to go back to bed. this summer has been so shit.

#2 Gardenia daintily dream

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 11:03 PM

I am so sorry sweetheart... You're extremely week because you're at an incredibly low BMI, believe it or no... I would really encourage your recovery... That's not healthy, you're not healthy, and your body's barely working... Please don't give up. You have to overcome this, you must start worry and concentrate about your health, and health only. 

 

Just today I was tossing my head about veganism, and about adopting a healthier lifestyle. I went to visit a close friend of mine with cancer, he is also a vegetarian and we were talking about diet, and about natural products, and processed ones ... So today I thought a lot about health, and that I should also improve mine, because I'm not eating properly, not enough, or the best way ... So, from now on that will be my main concern. There are so many things I want to do in life, I need a strong and healthy body ... I also suffer from chronic fatigue, depression ..., it is hard to get out of bed sometimes, but I want to improve, and I'm going to do my best to get better! To the devil this disorder, it has only given me headaches, pain in the body, problems... Health must go first, always... So I'm going api-vegan, oficially from today. 

 

Tonight I take an extra spoonful of extra virgin olive oil, broccoli salad, an orange for dessert, and an herbal tea with ginger and honey. Tomorrow I will continue with my diet of olive oil, a spoonful every morning fasting and at night. Fruit breakfast, with nuts, oatmeal perhaps, and lunch and dinner, plate full of vegetables, rice ... grains, anyway ... I know I will not put on weight by this diet, maybe I'll even lose weight, who  knows ... but I'm sick of worrying about what my body looks like, I'm going to worry a little about my health and eat natural and healthy foods. I know that if I feel better, I will be able to run better again, and do the things I love.

 

I just want to tell you that it is your decision and that you can do this. You have absolutely all the will to get out of that hole, and that you are not alone.It will take a little time, but if you put all your energy into recovering, instead of putting them in obsessing with what you eat or not, everything will be much better. The only thing you should do is start to empower yourself with your own life, and take care of yourself and your health. Do not let bad thoughts, or fatigue steal your youth, your health, and your body anymore! Stay strong!!! What your body needs the most right now... its food, and a lot of love. Those will give you an injection of life.


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#3 Rhinestone

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 11:19 PM

you are perpetually pushing your body to perform despite giving it zero mechanisms to do so. if someone else were doing this to you, it'd be flat-out torture tactics. you are at a point of medical exhaustion and low weight where you will carry a very real risk of not actually making it to the end of each day.

 

you're only keeping up with those bike rides and work outs because you're mentally compelled to do so, not because you actually have the energy for it, i'm willing to bet you're in blazing agony head-to-toe every time you do it

 

you can live a happier, healthier life and feel strong and able but you can't do that at such a low BMI and state of mind

you are right about this being the moment that a lot of people faced with your situation would think very seriously about recovering - and for good reason. you deserve that happier, healthier life and you can only achieve that through recovery

 

please consider talking to someone who can help you to access help - a doctor, your family, your pastor, your friends, anybody - even if you can't face treatment this very second it is very much worth exploring

 

please take care of yourself sweetheart xx


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#4 Thegymbum

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 11:30 PM

I hear ya, babe. I’ve definitely been there, too, and I kno it totally sucks. Hugs. I hope you can find a way out of this state! ❤️ Don’t give up hope... you can beat this!!! Trust yourself... adding in just a few hundred extra calories can go a long way!! Once you hit the point when there is nwgkifinle store glfqyvhw
  • blackmarble likes this
H 5'7"
CW: 103lbs
LW: 72lbs
GW 2019: 95lbs
Ultimate: 88lbs

#5 blackmarble

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 07:48 PM

thank you so much angels, your compassion and reassurance really means a lot to me and it's very comforting to know that i'm not the only one who has fallen this deep into an eating disorder even though i hate that all of you have had to experience the same suffering. but really, hearing encouragement to recover is so important to me and i'm grateful for your words! i wish all of you the absolute best <3
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#6 Detruismoi

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Posted 09 September 2018 - 10:40 PM

I'm sorry your going thru this. I know its hard but I believe you can overcome this. <3


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CW: FAT

HW: 125

LW: 89

UGW: 70


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Hell's empty, all the devils are here...


#7 Holls...

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Posted 19 September 2018 - 10:27 AM

I agree with the comments above. Take care of yourself please. When someone is very sick they seek treatment and to get better so they can resume normal life. This sounds like it has become your new normal...but that doesn’t mean you can’t change that. You have said it yourself that you’re sick, even though you questioned it later you still admit that this isn’t sustainable. The next logical step when someone is sick with anything is to seek treatment.
Thank you for reaching out and talking to a bunch of strangers who understand what you’re going through. That was a brave first step! I hope you can find someone, maybe even a professional, to talk with honestly and allow them to guide you healthier more sustainable living.

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#8 RelapsingForever

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Posted 20 September 2018 - 09:10 AM

Been there. Done that.
My tips:
-vitamins!!! Calcium, B6, B12, D, Iron
-electrolytes: potassium, magnesium
-fish oil
-more fat, less carbs
-no low restriction
-no exercise, only strenght Training and medium long walks
-sleep with a pillow between your legs
-take biotin for nails and hair
-take melatonine before sleeping and don't sleep in. Your sleeping rhythm is messed up. Always eat a snack in the evening (that can be included in your meal Plan of course!)
-psyllium husk for bowel movements
-ASK FOR HELP

We care for you and we love you. Stay strong you beautiful person.
  • Gardenia daintily dream likes this
19-year-old girl, trying to maintain her weight(?).
Lbmi: below 12 oof
Cbmi: upper 14s
Height: 5'9/175cm
Weight: 45 kg
LW: 37 kg



Emo hoe for life.
Yee.



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