Posted 11 July 2018 - 10:42 PM
i am currently at bmi of 13.4 and have been around this weight for about two months and feel i have finally worn my body down to the point in which it will give out at any given moment. i struggle immensely with performing arbitrary daily tasks that healthy people would not even think twice about.
i'm unfathomably weak, i have chronic fatigue and i just generally feel horrible all of the time in regard to my physical health. my legs ache at night, i'm in a static state of exhaustion and some days when i am restricting even to just 700 calories i will become so faint that i'll need to randomly sit regardless of where i am. i'm lightheaded and dizzy whenever i get up too quickly and sometimes simple actions such as climbing a flight of stairs feels agonizing. i can hardly function because i'm so consumed by thoughts of food — when i can eat next, what i can eat next, what i'd like to eat in an ideal world where i don't have anorexia, what i'm craving. it's so sad actually, i'll be spending so much time looking at photos of food, excessively taking food quizzes, browsing pinterest recipes.
my body feels like that of an eighty year old woman sometimes and i am only eighteen. yesterday when i was cooking lasagna for my family it took me thirty minutes along with an unnecessary exertion of my muscles (or whatever is remaining of them at least) to chop up the roll of ground beef with a spatula for the fucking sauce. i go to bed at some ungodly hour and sleep in until 12 p.m. i'm definitely sick.
but then, am i truly sick? i still am able to go on 16 mile bike rides a few times a week, do an intensive workout for twenty minutes first thing every morning and sometimes i feel normal. sometimes, when i'm busying myself with other responsibilities, the food fascination subsides briefly. every time i come close to making the decision to recover based on the rationalization that this is not sustainable, that i cannot continue to live with an illness that afflicts me so relentlessly it interferes with practically effortless daily tasks, that this is not worth perpetually feeling like shit, i begin to doubt myself. i recall the times where living is tolerable and tell myself i'm weak for not being able to endure this.
i don't even know. today i've been so tired both physically and psychologically that i haven't been able to peel myself off of the sofa. i've been productive here and there but mostly just suffering and fighting the urge to go back to bed. this summer has been so shit.
Posted 11 July 2018 - 11:03 PM
I am so sorry sweetheart... You're extremely week because you're at an incredibly low BMI, believe it or no... I would really encourage your recovery... That's not healthy, you're not healthy, and your body's barely working... Please don't give up. You have to overcome this, you must start worry and concentrate about your health, and health only.
Just today I was tossing my head about veganism, and about adopting a healthier lifestyle. I went to visit a close friend of mine with cancer, he is also a vegetarian and we were talking about diet, and about natural products, and processed ones ... So today I thought a lot about health, and that I should also improve mine, because I'm not eating properly, not enough, or the best way ... So, from now on that will be my main concern. There are so many things I want to do in life, I need a strong and healthy body ... I also suffer from chronic fatigue, depression ..., it is hard to get out of bed sometimes, but I want to improve, and I'm going to do my best to get better! To the devil this disorder, it has only given me headaches, pain in the body, problems... Health must go first, always... So I'm going api-vegan, oficially from today.
Tonight I take an extra spoonful of extra virgin olive oil, broccoli salad, an orange for dessert, and an herbal tea with ginger and honey. Tomorrow I will continue with my diet of olive oil, a spoonful every morning fasting and at night. Fruit breakfast, with nuts, oatmeal perhaps, and lunch and dinner, plate full of vegetables, rice ... grains, anyway ... I know I will not put on weight by this diet, maybe I'll even lose weight, who knows ... but I'm sick of worrying about what my body looks like, I'm going to worry a little about my health and eat natural and healthy foods. I know that if I feel better, I will be able to run better again, and do the things I love.
I just want to tell you that it is your decision and that you can do this. You have absolutely all the will to get out of that hole, and that you are not alone.It will take a little time, but if you put all your energy into recovering, instead of putting them in obsessing with what you eat or not, everything will be much better. The only thing you should do is start to empower yourself with your own life, and take care of yourself and your health. Do not let bad thoughts, or fatigue steal your youth, your health, and your body anymore! Stay strong!!! What your body needs the most right now... its food, and a lot of love. Those will give you an injection of life.
- RelapsingForever, SWED, homicidoll and 1 other like this
Posted 11 July 2018 - 11:19 PM
you are perpetually pushing your body to perform despite giving it zero mechanisms to do so. if someone else were doing this to you, it'd be flat-out torture tactics. you are at a point of medical exhaustion and low weight where you will carry a very real risk of not actually making it to the end of each day.
you're only keeping up with those bike rides and work outs because you're mentally compelled to do so, not because you actually have the energy for it, i'm willing to bet you're in blazing agony head-to-toe every time you do it
you can live a happier, healthier life and feel strong and able but you can't do that at such a low BMI and state of mind
you are right about this being the moment that a lot of people faced with your situation would think very seriously about recovering - and for good reason. you deserve that happier, healthier life and you can only achieve that through recovery
please consider talking to someone who can help you to access help - a doctor, your family, your pastor, your friends, anybody - even if you can't face treatment this very second it is very much worth exploring
please take care of yourself sweetheart xx
- RelapsingForever, Gardenia daintily dream and blackmarble like this
Posted 11 July 2018 - 11:30 PM
- blackmarble likes this
GW 2019: 95lbs
Posted 12 July 2018 - 07:48 PM
- Thegymbum and Holls... like this
Posted 09 September 2018 - 10:40 PM
I'm sorry your going thru this. I know its hard but I believe you can overcome this. <3
Posted 19 September 2018 - 10:27 AM
Thank you for reaching out and talking to a bunch of strangers who understand what you’re going through. That was a brave first step! I hope you can find someone, maybe even a professional, to talk with honestly and allow them to guide you healthier more sustainable living.
My Accountability/Recovery - https://www.myproana...115lbs-sw-1388/
Posted 20 September 2018 - 09:10 AM
-vitamins!!! Calcium, B6, B12, D, Iron
-electrolytes: potassium, magnesium
-more fat, less carbs
-no low restriction
-no exercise, only strenght Training and medium long walks
-sleep with a pillow between your legs
-take biotin for nails and hair
-take melatonine before sleeping and don't sleep in. Your sleeping rhythm is messed up. Always eat a snack in the evening (that can be included in your meal Plan of course!)
-psyllium husk for bowel movements
-ASK FOR HELP
We care for you and we love you. Stay strong you beautiful person.
- Gardenia daintily dream likes this
Lbmi: below 12 oof
Cbmi: upper 14s
Weight: 45 kg
LW: 37 kg
Emo hoe for life.
Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: anorexia, ana, eating disorder, restriction
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