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I have the urge to be tube fed?

Tube feeding Ng tube Anorexia Fasting Nasogastric tube

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#1 sserryslutt

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 07:36 AM

Okay so before someone goes off about how bad ng tubes are and how I don't want one, trust me my dudes, I know.

So I had a massive relapse with restriction that lasted around a year where I lost like 40kg and ended up not so good. Had a blood sugar of 2.0 so of course I ended up tubed. It was an awful, traumatic experience but the relief of not having to make the choice to eat/not to eat was nuts.

So I've had a 3 week IP admission plus psych admissions and I'm meant to be starting IOP really soon.

Had some life stressors and have gone downhill big time. All I want is to not have to eat ever again. I despise the actual process of chewing and swallowing. I find it exhausting and unnecessary but I can't function on no food/water. I have appointments, family, a house to run. There's no was in hell I could gett away with starving to non-existance.

So yeah I'm resisting the urge to buy a ng tube, insert it myself and go nil by mouth lmao.

Kind of just hoping I'm not the only one??
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#2 baguettesniper

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Posted 25 August 2018 - 01:32 PM

There was actually an episode of a tv show (Intervention I believe) where a lady had a tube that was put into her stomach (like, from the outside of the stomach's flesh into the actual organ) and she left it there for YEARS.

She'd use it to eat, and refused to get it taken out.

 

She was a former anorexic, so people kept hammering how "she's only doing that because it's the only way she'll eat" and she'd C/S at parties to seem "normal" (??) [disgusted the hell outta her family though]

 

I can't remember everything, but I'm pretty sure the opening where the tube was inserted was becoming lowkey infected from lack of proper cleaning/not being replaced in years...

 

I'll see if I can find it


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#3 baguettesniper

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Posted 25 August 2018 - 01:34 PM

Found it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVV2oAyl9EQ

 

she left it in there for SIXTEEN YEARS
 

hoLY SHIT


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#4 fitting

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Posted 14 September 2018 - 12:57 AM

Found it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVV2oAyl9EQ

 

she left it in there for SIXTEEN YEARS
 

hoLY SHIT

 

holy shit! i could only watch a few minutes of that, how eerie and horrific. hope she got the help she needed.


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#5 Thegymbum

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Posted 14 September 2018 - 02:04 AM

I totally understand and can relate to this feeling. I’ve felt that way too. Interestingly, actually having a tube in me makes me absolutely fucking psychotic and panic stricken. Like, the worst torture ever.

Yet sometimes I just think about how much easier it would be to have one. Then I reflect on moments of repeatedly removing my tubes and gettin held down my security and sedated so they could place a new one lol.

Gah, the grass is always fucking greener on the other side.


Ok anyway back to your actual issue... please coordinate with a doctor if you’re going to have any sort of tube placed. Even if you know how to do it really well and have practice and experience; it’s still definitely possible for it to go very wrong... even the most experienced nurses make mistakes!! Using the tube without a chest X-ray to check placement can actually be life threatening.

There are definitely docs out there who are willing to help out in this sort of situation. Olease speak with a staff member at your treatment center or get a referral to a GI doc who can help with this!

Also without a doc prescribing it and insurance covering it, the equipment is expensive as hell... buying a pump out of pocket would be veeeerrrry pricey; and getting a supply or tube feed and regular replacements would break a lot of peoples pockets!
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H 5'7"
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#6 Phenominalism

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Posted 14 September 2018 - 02:44 AM

Found it!
https://www.youtube....h?v=hVV2oAyl9EQ
 
she left it in there for SIXTEEN YEARS
 
hoLY SHIT


Was it the exact tube? Like ummmm wouldn’t it have needed replaced. Sorry my brain goes in weird places
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I don’t speak your kind of English. Sorry.


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#7 baguettesniper

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Posted 27 October 2018 - 04:05 PM

Yes exact same tube for the longest time (think she only changed it once or twice during the first few years but like the other 8 or 12 she kept it in)

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#8 Chubbychops

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Posted 27 October 2018 - 05:04 PM

They've offered me an NG Tube outside of hospital environment (I declined) in the past.

I totally understand what you are saying though eating and having to make decisions on food I find so distressing also I wish I didn't have to eat either.

I do so in order to avoid being hospitalised and forced to gain weight. Until recent binge/purge hell I am currently experiencing my intake tended to be liquid.
5ft 9" / 175 cm

CBMI : 43 kg / 95 lb - BMI 14.0 (01/10/20)
Dressed

Highest weight I have been in years. Functioning so much better but struggling somewhat mentally and physically to accept. Learning a lot about why I am like this.

- Re-diagnosed Nov-17 - back in treatment (OP) after more than 20 years.

LBMI : Who cares - I was screwed, can't remember much, severe depression and just wanting to die, unable to maintain temperature - have no desire to return to that little hell hole.

LDBMI - Lowest Discharge BMI (after 2.5 months hospitalisation) : 11.9... and finally, after 9+ years, some form of 'recovery/insight' - just not the "Made for TV" version.

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#9 Chubbychops

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Posted 27 October 2018 - 05:15 PM

I totally understand and can relate to this feeling. I’ve felt that way too. Interestingly, actually having a tube in me makes me absolutely fucking psychotic and panic stricken. Like, the worst torture ever.
Yet sometimes I just think about how much easier it would be to have one. Then I reflect on moments of repeatedly removing my tubes and gettin held down my security and sedated so they could place a new one lol.
Gah, the grass is always fucking greener on the other side.
Ok anyway back to your actual issue... please coordinate with a doctor if you’re going to have any sort of tube placed. Even if you know how to do it really well and have practice and experience; it’s still definitely possible for it to go very wrong... even the most experienced nurses make mistakes!! Using the tube without a chest X-ray to check placement can actually be life threatening.
There are definitely docs out there who are willing to help out in this sort of situation. Olease speak with a staff member at your treatment center or get a referral to a GI doc who can help with this!
Also without a doc prescribing it and insurance covering it, the equipment is expensive as hell... buying a pump out of pocket would be veeeerrrry pricey; and getting a supply or tube feed and regular replacements would break a lot of peoples pockets!


I'm with you on the psychotic panic striken front with NG's - still have nightmares of being sedated, held down, screaming even biting someone trying to administer one with 5 of them holding me down. (Not my finest hour). Also used to rip them out. Mental torture.

The last time I had one was when I was in a coma so thank goodness I was unaware. Still tried to turn off dextrose line when they brought me out of it and apparently refused all oral intake (don't even remember so it just goes to show it must be hard wired in there somewhere!!). Vaguely aware of them offering a fortisip as well whilst in ICU which I also refused.
  • Thegymbum likes this
5ft 9" / 175 cm

CBMI : 43 kg / 95 lb - BMI 14.0 (01/10/20)
Dressed

Highest weight I have been in years. Functioning so much better but struggling somewhat mentally and physically to accept. Learning a lot about why I am like this.

- Re-diagnosed Nov-17 - back in treatment (OP) after more than 20 years.

LBMI : Who cares - I was screwed, can't remember much, severe depression and just wanting to die, unable to maintain temperature - have no desire to return to that little hell hole.

LDBMI - Lowest Discharge BMI (after 2.5 months hospitalisation) : 11.9... and finally, after 9+ years, some form of 'recovery/insight' - just not the "Made for TV" version.

Chubbychops Accountability

#10 sprintergirl

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Posted 05 November 2019 - 05:07 PM

i totally feel you. they suck ASS but sometimes i've definitely missed it because it's easier than having to push myself

but at the same time i remember all the reasons it's a shitty time when you have one and decide against it

idk it's a tug of war for sure


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#11 dsprte4thin

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Posted 22 January 2020 - 04:16 PM

There was actually an episode of a tv show (Intervention I believe) where a lady had a tube that was put into her stomach (like, from the outside of the stomach's flesh into the actual organ) and she left it there for YEARS.

She'd use it to eat, and refused to get it taken out.

 

She was a former anorexic, so people kept hammering how "she's only doing that because it's the only way she'll eat" and she'd C/S at parties to seem "normal" (??) [disgusted the hell outta her family though]

 

I can't remember everything, but I'm pretty sure the opening where the tube was inserted was becoming lowkey infected from lack of proper cleaning/not being replaced in years...

 

I'll see if I can find it

 

I'm sure you found it by now :) Let me know if you did ;0)...I think I know the one you are talking about but can't remember the episode.



#12 allthatisleftofme

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Posted 22 January 2020 - 10:40 PM

I feel like I could have written your post at various times in the past. When I've wanted to recover, but couldn't actually get myself to eat the food, I've wanted to have a tube to just make it easier.  You're definitely not alone.


Female * INFJ * 34 y.o.

CW: 90.0 lbs. (BMI 16.1)

HW: 124 lbs. (BMI 22.2)                                       It's hard to let go of the demons inside

LW: 83 lbs. (BMI 14.9)                                          When they were the ones holding you

GW: 83 lbs. (BMI 14.9)                                                    When no one else would

UGW: 77 lbs. (BMI 13.8)

 




Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Tube feeding, Ng tube, Anorexia, Fasting, Nasogastric tube

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