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why is this so difficult?

anorexia ana eating disorder recovery suicidal

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#21 fl0werchild

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Posted 08 September 2019 - 05:22 PM

*EDIT* just realized that this is an old thread that someone resurrected for some reason but I typed a lot and my advice might still apply to other people because the post is highly relatable. So I'll just leave this here for other people. 


Here's what helps me in that situation. I'm cursed with being the best cook in my family and my social circle which leads me to having to cook a lot. While I cook the main meal, I tuck aside a small modified portion for myself. For lasagna, I will typically set aside some meat and sauce and a small portion of cheese (about a spoonful) and some vegetables (I always put spinach in a lasagna) and make myself a snack sized portion that has been modified to make me feel a little less guilty. Fuck the noodles, though. Just can't do the noodles. 

I can kind of have what everyone else is having to a lesser degree, and I usually don't get bloated. I sometimes feel a little let down that I decided to indulge, but I compare it to the alternative of eating it exactly as it was or, at worst, a complete binge. 

What I would suggest to you is to slowly ease into modified versions of fear foods or things that make you feel bad and take things slow. Just see how you feel with a little bit of time and adjustment. You will eventually acclimate to larger portions. It might be that you don't react to gluten (like bread or pasta) well. You might need to rule that out and up your calories on non-gluten foods. It could be a reaction to cheese - some people are intolerant to long chain dairy fats, and that reaction cause bloating and indigestion. There could be a physical component to this that exacerbates the mental component. The feeling or bloat or slow digestion IS uncomfortable in everyone, and can also be mentally distressing. Don't get mad at yourself. Don't blame yourself. It's all an experiment to figure out how you can be happy, healthy, and comfortable simultaneously. Figuring out how physical symptoms impact you mentally is a part of that process. 

You may also be experiencing gastroparesis, which, for lack of a better term, sucks the smelliest asshole. I get it after prolonged fasting. Your stomach gets lazy from underworking and it slows your digestion, leaving painful and distressing fullness and leaving you with vastly decreased energy levels, because you're slow to absorb the nutrients. I'm not small, but gastroparesis makes me feel twice my size and gives me a lot of mental anguish. You usually have to wait for it to pass. I find that liquid foods (pureed vegetable soups, green juice, bone broth, etc) help keep my stomach stimulated enough in fasting recovery/refeeding. 

My advice to you? Try new whole foods and see how they make you feel. It's really easy to feel like a glutton or hate yourself when you know you could have eaten something healthier. Slowly ease into larger portions of new whole foods. Write down how foods make you feel physically (rather than emotionally) and start to practice intuitive eating. You might have some intolerances, allergies, or reactions that are complicating your recovery. Health and diet are specific to every individual. I wish you the best of luck at reaching a weight that satisfies your mental, emotional, and physical health. 


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5 foot 3. SW - 280 > CW - 113.8  (BMI 20.2)> GW 1 - 135 (BMI 23.9) > GW 2 - 125 (BMI 22.1)> GW 3 - 115  (BMI 20.4)> UGW - 105 (BMI 18.6)

"the city dumps fill / the junkyards fill / the madhouses fill / the hospitals fill / the graveyards fill 

nothing else 
fills."

 


#22 synchrohobbit

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Posted 02 October 2019 - 04:55 PM

I see that this thread is old and the original poster is no longer active, but I think it makes an important point about our struggle.  It's a lose lose situation when you are torn between your eating disorder and health, when you know what the effective or appropriate decision is but the ED makes you stuck.  I think treatment focuses far too much on the physical aspects of recovery, such as coping with feelings of fullness and hunger and changes to how your body feels and looks, when these really aren't the issues.  There is physical discomfort, yes, but the real distress is how we are emotionally reacting to those physical feelings.  I'm frustrated right now thinking back on how treatment has been structured with such a heavy focus on body, without really dealing with the shame or anxiety or depression with which we are coping.  


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#23 anorexicduty

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Posted 27 October 2019 - 11:19 PM

I'm not surprised with all the carbs that are in Lasagne.  I love lasagne but I haven't had any at all for years.

It blows me up when I eat it.  I'm not sure why you over ate after not eating at all.

Loading up when your stomach has been empty tends to feel very heavy. 


 
 
Ht.: 5'7" | SW:147 lbs.| CW::125.4 lbs.| BMI: 19.6  
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#24 anorexicduty

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Posted 20 November 2019 - 06:08 AM

I love lasagne but haven't had any in decades.  All b/c of my ED.  I admire you for being able to make it and eat it.

I'd love to do that.  I'm sorry it didn't turn out well.  Being cognizant of your body's weight is smart.  Being well aware of your self will help keep you out of Inpatient. 


 
 
Ht.: 5'7" | SW:147 lbs.| CW::125.4 lbs.| BMI: 19.6  
(6-26-2020)
 
 

Trump Still Sucks

 


#25 VodkaZero

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Posted 05 December 2019 - 06:21 PM

Full normal meals are so heavy ugh, I feel ya! (But binging isn't to me lol, what an irony)



#26 diglettmankey

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Posted 21 December 2019 - 10:48 AM

I believe you bloated so much and felt so full because you ate too much for your stomach to handle (This does not mean you ate a lot, just that your stomach has shrank to what you’d normally eat and was stretched when you decided to eat like a normal person would.). I recommend slowly increasing what you eat and not going straight into “normal eating” because it will make you feel full and very crappy and you will bloat like crazy. I hope this helped!

 

This.  Work with a nutritionist to slowly increase your food intake.

 

I've been IP where they had me go from 1200 a day to 4000 a day, and it resulted in massive bloating.


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#27 overambitious

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Posted 21 December 2019 - 09:14 PM

Like some others said on this feed, I can’t really offer much advice but I completely relate and feel the same way right now because I just ate out with my family and the feeling of fullness makes me so uncomfortable and disgusted. The more I think about it the worse I feel and thinking about the food gives my stomach physical pain. I wish I understood this, but I know we will get through it!

#28 Guest_vem_*

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Posted 22 December 2019 - 11:47 PM

I see that this thread is old and the original poster is no longer active, but I think it makes an important point about our struggle. It's a lose lose situation when you are torn between your eating disorder and health, when you know what the effective or appropriate decision is but the ED makes you stuck. I think treatment focuses far too much on the physical aspects of recovery, such as coping with feelings of fullness and hunger and changes to how your body feels and looks, when these really aren't the issues. There is physical discomfort, yes, but the real distress is how we are emotionally reacting to those physical feelings. I'm frustrated right now thinking back on how treatment has been structured with such a heavy focus on body, without really dealing with the shame or anxiety or depression with which we are coping.


Most inpatient treatment/higher levels of care aren’t too useful beyond weight restoring.

Idk if it’s a coping thing exactly but they definitely don’t get to the heart of things. Like... a body image group?? I’m anorexic it’s really truly not about that.
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#29 Mitsy

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Posted 20 February 2020 - 03:46 AM

What you're feeling is normal, or at least normal for recovering anarexic. ive been there and it is a really hard place to. be. if you don't know already I recommend you get a dietitian, therapist, and a doctor. also enlist the suprort of your family and friends.these are the people who can hold you acountable, encourage you whan its hard and scary, distract you when its uncimfortableit doesnt hove to be all on you to fight Ed alone. if making a food choice is too overwhelming ask them to make it for yo it will help ease the psychological burden.

try eating calorie dence foods and easyto digest foods. i ate a lot of nuts seeds and dried fruits. also juice and yogurt are good.


5'3"

cw 109

hw 155

lw 75

sw117

gw 105

ugw maintain above 100 below 115

 

F*** you ED!


#30 Mitsy

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Posted 20 February 2020 - 03:56 AM

S for coping try to ride out the feeling. it will pass. meditation helped me separate the physical discomfort from psychological. its easier said than done i know but acknowledge sensations and  choose not to let them effect you emotionally. 

use distractions to get through the moment, like hobbies like artwork, listen to music, play with an animal, watch a movie, socialize, journal, take a bath, read a book

contentiously make an effort to say kind things to yourself. 


5'3"

cw 109

hw 155

lw 75

sw117

gw 105

ugw maintain above 100 below 115

 

F*** you ED!




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