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My New book Lady Ana. Needs to be read

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#1 Rhonlynn

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Posted 25 November 2018 - 12:40 PM

It's been a while since I've checked in. About a year ago, I was asking if a couple of you would read my book before it was edited or published. A few of you said you would. I'm to the point of reading it out loud, and will soon be needing a couple of people to read it. It's called Lady Ana for a reason.

 

If you would like to read my book (one of my chapters need to be broke down). Notify me here. I'll keep an eye out. It has 48,299 words or close. 

 

Here's the introduction:

 

This is an account of my own personal experience. I am not excluding the repulsive details. My eating disorder ran in phases from 18 and 27, or maybe a few years before. There's one notable fact about the path I followed to anorexia and bulimia. My eating disorder failed. If "failed" sounds pessimistic, I never reached success. I wanted my weight to be  95.

During adolescence, "Ana" groomed me into her realm of a mental disorder, thinking 95 was a magic number. "Ana" and her copartner "Mia" accompanied me at the age of 18 after I graduated high school. The goal of 95 flowed throughout my thoughts and visions. 95 affected a cheerleader in high school. She “got down to 95” (according to high school gossip), and was admitted to the hospital. 95 was the ultimate challenge and the number of success, but the cost, a failure.

 

While I displayed eating disorder issues and later symptoms, I didn't have sufficient recovery therapy. I wasn't labeled "sick enough” to be hospitalized. I didn't collapse, as in the many sugar-coated Hollywood movies, television shows or sometimes in real life. My BMI didn’t get low enough to qualify for recovery therapy.

In my situation, the magic number of “95” never materialized. The lowest BMI was far out of reach. In internet forums, you'll find passing out and collapsing is a reality and also scale numbers lower than the magical 95 pounds. These are challenging to maintain without a crisis.

 

I've not ruptured my esophagus or had a prolapse of any type from either end of my digestive system. An esophageal prolapse is a rare possibility with bulimia. Rectal prolapse, though not as common, has been reported while overdosing on laxatives. (NCBI, 1997)  

 

          Gastroesophageal reflux disease or GERD, irritable bowel syndrome and electrolyte imbalance can result from both types of eating disorders. These three conditions are more common as are abdominal distension, altered esophageal motility, and laxative addiction. Not to mention the embarrassment of passing out in public from electrolyte depletion. Tooth problems are a real danger with bulimia. Stomach acid and the presence of hydrochloric acid in the mouth cause enamel erosion, hoarseness, dental caries, soft palate damage, cracked or missing teeth and salivary gland enlargement. (Ekron, 2018) .

One of the signs of anorexia is a lowered serotonin level. Serotonin is metabolized from food. With bulimia present, there is a significant drop in serotonin levels. The disorders also affect dopamine. In anorexic patients, the serotonin is lower in their cerebrospinal fluid. It is thought that starvation causes a person with anorexia to feel better. But as they continue to starve, the supply of serotonin is drained. Once treatment is started, serotonin builds up and is replaced. At this point, the levels increase and cause anxiety and emotional discord. (nationaleatingdisorders.com, 2016)

 The seriousness of eating disorders should not be taken lightly.  I wrote this book warning anyone who decides to take the route of bulimia, but also anorexia, to get inside the world of eating disorders and know how disgusting the path feels, smells, looks, appears and other associated adjectives.

 

My BMI, briefly, meaning maybe a week or more tilted quite low. I can’t say I’m pleased that my eating disorder failed. How would I have looked? What size clothes would I buy? Would my ribs be protruded? I still regret that I was never thin enough and why you ask? The anorexia causes these thoughts: “The smaller sized clothes are cuter and more feminine. Thinner looks better and is certainly more healthy.”

 That’s the danger of a life with eating disorders, the thought process that rolls around in the brain, gnawing and creating these concepts. I think I wanted the diagnosis.

 

            I had an ambition for a thigh gap; like many photoshopped pictures that are viewed in Google images today under the search word anorexia. I wanted legs so thin, almost like twigs or bones. Thigh gaps are often a result of a good Photoshop Editor unless a woman is in excellent shape and has an extremely low BMI; as are “thinspiration” photos. Let me explain that term. “Thinspiration” became popular on the internet before online became a household term.

 

During the late '80s, primitive websites began to emerge just as the internet began to polish. Bulletin boards were dial-up and ran by people in their home. Scant amount of websites from the late '80s posted pictures of thin women. Though there consisted of plenty of pornography websites, thinspiration sites also began to increase. These women did not have a  pornography stance. Thinspiration photographs represented women overly thin, what some would describe as having “Perfectly thin bodies.” The online pictures were usually in .jpg format (JPEG stands for Joint Photographic Experts Group and are the standard image file for computers). In the ‘80’s you had to copy the photographs to a floppy drive. The hard disk didn’t have sufficient memory for.jpg files.

In the late '80s, online thinspiration photos weren’t as plentiful as in the coming years but were available if one knew where to look.  To find thinspiration, a home computer owner needed some technical knowledge, a dial-up modem, and a phone line for online services such as AOL or Compuserve. Technical expertise was a requirement, and like today, not just a phrase. As computers and internet evolved to the present, it became easier to find thinspiration photos.

 

Thinspiration photos displayed pictures of women’s skinny ribs, spines, abdomen, butts, arms, legs, depression poses, full length clothed, full-length bikini, body facing toilets, etc.. The pictures were and are meant to trigger anorexia or bulimia. But they can also trigger false anorexia. False anorexia can lead to problems for those attempting to mimic the condition. The street term for the condition is loosely called Wannaerxia. It’s not a term I’ve used. Anyone wishing to have anorexia and follows the path is already disordered.

 

EDNOS is “eating disorder not otherwise specified” and is as severe as anorexia and bulimia. In 2017, the new DSM V (Diagnosis and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) has a few new diagnoses for other conditions not specified. Thinspiration efficiently targets girls who's eating disorder might be classified as EDNOS but evolves to clinical anorexia nervosa.

 

             In the '90s with better computers, Yahoo Groups started popping up online that discussed anorexia, low BMI, meal plans, purging, recovery, relapse, tricks, and tips. They often contained pro-ana triggers called Thinspo.  Thinspo is, in essence, a term for thinspiration. The groups were called “Pro-Ana groups,” and Yahoo liked to delete them. But soon these groups found their way to websites, Pinterest, internet forums and Tumblr. There’s even thinspiration on Reddit. Google search “Thinspiration” and you’ll see hundreds of websites. Change the search to images, and there are thousands of pictures. In fact, Tumblr is a significant culprit.

 

            Yahoo made searching for diets easy. Complicated or not, pro-ana eating lists exist today and can easily be found on Google.

 “Triggers” are very dangerous for people with anorexia. “Triggers are a word, phrase, picture, movie, anything that sets an eating disorder in place.” (Eating-disorders glossary)

 

            Some thinspiration photos are so disgusting they do nothing towards the trigger mechanism. But most do the trick especially if there’s a mental problem. I discuss at length my triggers in the following chapters. The internet, with the good it provides, can be a huge trigger even for relapsing. If an eating disordered sufferer wants to search, there’s always a way to find triggers, and she or he knows where to look.  

 

            “Ed” is the slang for Eating Disorder. The abbreviation isn’t street jargon. It is the official medical abbreviation for an eating disorder. “Ana” is short for anorexia, and began to take off as a term as the internet began hosting pro-ana sites. The term “ana” is a female name used to personify anorexia. It was created by its victims. “Ana” makes the condition sound attractive and feminizing. It’s not attractive. Anorexia is not wanting just to be thin. And it’s not a medical abbreviation. There is the line between a diet and an eating disorder.

A diet is not disordered eating though some diets disguise themselves, especially diets that restrict calories to the point of 500 a day. I can name several I’ve tried, and you might as well look up “pro-ana.” Because that’s where you’ll find all of the 500 calorie diets.

 

            There is always an underlining cause in an eating disorder.  Eating disorders are a mental condition. Ana and Mia disguise as thin and pretty, or not good enough. It is a scale or measurement someone can reach. Reading this sounds nice, something reachable, a size 5, thin waist, delicate, waiflike; eating disorders aren’t elegant or filled with glamor.

I am writing to remove the glamorization.  If eating disorders aren’t diagnosed in time, they can become fatal or wreck your life. I’m lucky to be typing this book. Often eating disorder stories don’t have a happy ending. If they do have a happy ending, it’s overplayed. Most eating disorder stories, books or movies, or all I’ve read, entail expensive therapy and ends with the woman cured and happy, or dead. My story isn’t one of those, and I decided to write this because there are people who can’t afford treatment. This is how they live their lives. This is anorexia and bulimia without treatment.

 

 

 

thank you!


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#2 vicky383178

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Posted 24 May 2019 - 12:54 PM

How can I read this book please? Xx

#3 EdNose

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Posted 05 June 2019 - 04:01 AM

Hi.
Nice!
But somethings puzzles me and also somethings are more like myths than facts. I don’t say it to diminish your work! I say it as you wanted feedback and you don’t want to write things that are likely to be criticized

You wrote:
“During the late '80s, primitive websites began to emerge just as the internet began to polish. Bulletin boards were dial-up and ran by people in their home. Scant amount of websites from the late '80s posted pictures of thin women. Though there consisted of plenty of pornography websites, thinspiration sites also began to increase. These women did not have a pornography stance. Thinspiration photographs represented women overly thin, what some would describe as having “Perfectly thin bodies.” ”

Thats not correct. The first web page was launched on August 6, 1991. It was information on the World Wide Web project .

Then we have the term Ana. The way you explain it is a common myth. Who says that the word was a way to make AN sound as a nice thing?! The Pro Ana vocabulary partly was there before Pro Ana and the internet.

It is a paradox how some things used to show how bad pro ana is, actually came from outside the movement. Like the Thin Commandments, created by a therapist, and some of the most famous ProAna slogans comes from Weight Watchers.

The terms Ana or Anna as well as ED came before the internet. Anorexia patients used terms like that, partly to hide what they were talking about.
Also some therapists encouraged to talk about the anorexia as a separate being, in order to help sorting out what is healthy thoughts and what is Anorexia talking.

The early email lists and groups were not focused on ED exclusively. At least most were not. It was about weight-loss. An interest shared by ED-sufferers and general dieters and the gray zone in between.

In mid 1990 came some recovery oriented web pages. One of the mods of the probably most well known of these sites is a member here at MyProAna... Late in the 90:s there were some sites that were not that recovery oriented. Thats when you first, jokingly and or provocative heard the goddess mentioned. In the early 2000 Oprah made the Pro Ana movement known to the public. That was what really speeded it up. And when you are under attack it is natural to fight back! When media said that Pro Anna was meant to make people sick, the reaction was the provocative “yes we are pro anorexic “ and also Yes we are wannas. This method of defense naturally made things worse!

The majority of the members in the groups and websites were not underweight. And not diagnosed. But the attention from the media meant two things. 1. It worked as a massive Pro Ana advertising (as it spread the info that the sites teach you how to become anorexic. Anorexic was not perceived as having Anorexia, and 2. it made people cry for banning the sites. This made some providers demand disclaimers at the sites, for legal reasons.That was so destructive! The disclaimers usually said that in order to be accepted as a member you must have an ED! As it was believed that you otherwise might get one (in some magical way ,) ) That gave rise to the fear of being seen as a wanna. And the hate for wannas. There was a wanna witch-hunt and you still see that here and there. It encouraged the Sicker than thou, better than thou- mentality. A few sites did not say “we only accept ED sufferers. It said the opposite thing: If you regard yourself as a ED victim, leave at once.

Sorry. When I start talking about this I go on ,)
But you say some interesting things, but you ouyto correct some things
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#4 NoFlyBy

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Posted 09 July 2019 - 10:25 AM

Hi.
Nice!
But somethings puzzles me and also somethings are more like myths than facts. I don’t say it to diminish your work! I say it as you wanted feedback and you don’t want to write things that are likely to be criticized

You wrote:
“During the late '80s, primitive websites began to emerge just as the internet began to polish. Bulletin boards were dial-up and ran by people in their home. Scant amount of websites from the late '80s posted pictures of thin women. Though there consisted of plenty of pornography websites, thinspiration sites also began to increase. These women did not have a pornography stance. Thinspiration photographs represented women overly thin, what some would describe as having “Perfectly thin bodies.” ”

Thats not correct. The first web page was launched on August 6, 1991. It was information on the World Wide Web project .

Then we have the term Ana. The way you explain it is a common myth. Who says that the word was a way to make AN sound as a nice thing?! The Pro Ana vocabulary partly was there before Pro Ana and the internet.

It is a paradox how some things used to show how bad pro ana is, actually came from outside the movement. Like the Thin Commandments, created by a therapist, and some of the most famous ProAna slogans comes from Weight Watchers.

The terms Ana or Anna as well as ED came before the internet. Anorexia patients used terms like that, partly to hide what they were talking about.
Also some therapists encouraged to talk about the anorexia as a separate being, in order to help sorting out what is healthy thoughts and what is Anorexia talking.

The early email lists and groups were not focused on ED exclusively. At least most were not. It was about weight-loss. An interest shared by ED-sufferers and general dieters and the gray zone in between.

In mid 1990 came some recovery oriented web pages. One of the mods of the probably most well known of these sites is a member here at MyProAna... Late in the 90:s there were some sites that were not that recovery oriented. Thats when you first, jokingly and or provocative heard the goddess mentioned. In the early 2000 Oprah made the Pro Ana movement known to the public. That was what really speeded it up. And when you are under attack it is natural to fight back! When media said that Pro Anna was meant to make people sick, the reaction was the provocative “yes we are pro anorexic “ and also Yes we are wannas. This method of defense naturally made things worse!

The majority of the members in the groups and websites were not underweight. And not diagnosed. But the attention from the media meant two things. 1. It worked as a massive Pro Ana advertising (as it spread the info that the sites teach you how to become anorexic. Anorexic was not perceived as having Anorexia, and 2. it made people cry for banning the sites. This made some providers demand disclaimers at the sites, for legal reasons.That was so destructive! The disclaimers usually said that in order to be accepted as a member you must have an ED! As it was believed that you otherwise might get one (in some magical way ,) ) That gave rise to the fear of being seen as a wanna. And the hate for wannas. There was a wanna witch-hunt and you still see that here and there. It encouraged the Sicker than thou, better than thou- mentality. A few sites did not say “we only accept ED sufferers. It said the opposite thing: If you regard yourself as a ED victim, leave at once.

Sorry. When I start talking about this I go on ,)
But you say some interesting things, but you ouyto correct some things

Now this was a fascinating read, seriously! Thanks for sharing all that


dunno

 

Pics of me n my cat n plants and also lots of ED- and life-related outpourings and diatribes

 

 

There was a gas strike, oil strike, lorry strike, bread strike
Got to be a Superman to survive
Gas bills, rent bills, tax bills, phone bills
I'm such a wreck but I'm staying alive

 

mWenfkV.gif

~

B8FWmJZ.gif

 

 

Doesn't matter where I've been. Only where I am, and where I'm going. Losing until I like how I look and feel satisfied.

Car enthusiast
Obsessed with walking
An island, sometimes paradise, sometimes deserted
My cat and my car are the only entities I'll ever truly trust and rely upon lol

Spoiler

 

5.6.5-5'7 🌼 HW 156.6 🌼 LW 112 🌼 CW 112 🌼 GW 106 🌼 UGW 97 🌼

🌼 16.9 🌼

🌼⭐🌼

🌼

 

1/13 112

What a shame, until my CW is always my LW/UGW.

AYO NOW IT FUCKING IS

 

nU14Dpl.png


#5 4vrNrgy

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Posted 02 February 2020 - 06:34 PM

I would love to read this book! I’m an avid reader and am also working on a book! Plz give me a link or send it to my email:
[email protected]
So very excited! I’d love to get to know u too! Sounds like we could really get along

#6 Leanan_Sidhe

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 11:51 AM

I just want to say, I admire anyone will to share their experiences in depth and can complete an entire book.  Good for you.  I hope it was great therapy for you to get it all out.


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5'5

HW - 257

CW - 107.6

1st GW - 125 (2/21/20)

2nd GW - 120 (03/07/20)

3rd goal - 115 (04/01/20)

4th goal - 110 (04/25/20)

5th goal - 105

UGW - 100

 

To have control is the motto for having a perfect body and an ideal soul. 

 

 


#7 4vrNrgy

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Posted 03 February 2020 - 12:25 PM

It was! But as u know,... we’re super critical of our own works.
I’d love to get ur opinions on it when I get to that point.
Where can I read ur whole book?

#8 dsprte4thin

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Posted 04 February 2020 - 09:41 AM

Wow, great job. Am I still able to read more? 



#9 2468skinny

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Posted 11 September 2020 - 11:20 PM

I would! Is it published yet?

#10 EdNose

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Posted 12 September 2020 - 08:29 AM

I would! Is it published yet?

Probably not. If it is, I hope she has changed things in a way that stops the book from spreading bad myths. In another thread it was questioned if she was a troll or not. I think she is is not. 


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tenor.gif?itemid=5659197tenor.gif?itemid=6129511
Eat in moderation - Restrict in moderation - All in moderation / Extreme methods - extreme failures

I am also a member of Project Shapeshift and Ana´s Underground Grotto. A site for Proactive Pro Ana. One of the oldest still active sites, still true to the original ideas

 
 

 


#11 WorldsOnlyFatCeliac

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 03:20 PM

Hi.
Nice!
But somethings puzzles me and also somethings are more like myths than facts. I don’t say it to diminish your work! I say it as you wanted feedback and you don’t want to write things that are likely to be criticized

You wrote:
“During the late '80s, primitive websites began to emerge just as the internet began to polish. Bulletin boards were dial-up and ran by people in their home. Scant amount of websites from the late '80s posted pictures of thin women. Though there consisted of plenty of pornography websites, thinspiration sites also began to increase. These women did not have a pornography stance. Thinspiration photographs represented women overly thin, what some would describe as having “Perfectly thin bodies.” ”

Thats not correct. The first web page was launched on August 6, 1991. It was information on the World Wide Web project .

Then we have the term Ana. The way you explain it is a common myth. Who says that the word was a way to make AN sound as a nice thing?! The Pro Ana vocabulary partly was there before Pro Ana and the internet.

It is a paradox how some things used to show how bad pro ana is, actually came from outside the movement. Like the Thin Commandments, created by a therapist, and some of the most famous ProAna slogans comes from Weight Watchers.

The terms Ana or Anna as well as ED came before the internet. Anorexia patients used terms like that, partly to hide what they were talking about.
Also some therapists encouraged to talk about the anorexia as a separate being, in order to help sorting out what is healthy thoughts and what is Anorexia talking.

The early email lists and groups were not focused on ED exclusively. At least most were not. It was about weight-loss. An interest shared by ED-sufferers and general dieters and the gray zone in between.

In mid 1990 came some recovery oriented web pages. One of the mods of the probably most well known of these sites is a member here at MyProAna... Late in the 90:s there were some sites that were not that recovery oriented. Thats when you first, jokingly and or provocative heard the goddess mentioned. In the early 2000 Oprah made the Pro Ana movement known to the public. That was what really speeded it up. And when you are under attack it is natural to fight back! When media said that Pro Anna was meant to make people sick, the reaction was the provocative “yes we are pro anorexic “ and also Yes we are wannas. This method of defense naturally made things worse!

The majority of the members in the groups and websites were not underweight. And not diagnosed. But the attention from the media meant two things. 1. It worked as a massive Pro Ana advertising (as it spread the info that the sites teach you how to become anorexic. Anorexic was not perceived as having Anorexia, and 2. it made people cry for banning the sites. This made some providers demand disclaimers at the sites, for legal reasons.That was so destructive! The disclaimers usually said that in order to be accepted as a member you must have an ED! As it was believed that you otherwise might get one (in some magical way ,) ) That gave rise to the fear of being seen as a wanna. And the hate for wannas. There was a wanna witch-hunt and you still see that here and there. It encouraged the Sicker than thou, better than thou- mentality. A few sites did not say “we only accept ED sufferers. It said the opposite thing: If you regard yourself as a ED victim, leave at once.

Sorry. When I start talking about this I go on ,)
But you say some interesting things, but you ouyto correct some things

 

Yeah I was on the "internet", such as it was, in schools and colleges in the late 80s, but there weren't "websites", there were only email addresses and a few programs akin to modern chat programs. Also computers didn't look like they do now - they were old IBM DOS computers, practically no graphics apart from ASCII. Any picture you downloaded would have taken forever. 
Anorexia did exist and began to spread in the 80s but it wasn't computer driven. It was a very private thing and more influenced by television beauty pageants and magazines. 


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Nun

nunstockings


gothdancers

 

Too Dead to Die - Another Sin

 


Stop! I can't hear it anymore
Never mind what I'm living for
Please, answer to me my only question
Are you perfection? Are you perfection?

 


#12 EdNose

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Posted 16 September 2020 - 02:40 AM

Yeah I was on the "internet", such as it was, in schools and colleges in the late 80s, but there weren't "websites", there were only email addresses and a few programs akin to modern chat programs. Also computers didn't look like they do now - they were old IBM DOS computers, practically no graphics apart from ASCII. Any picture you downloaded would have taken forever. 
Anorexia did exist and began to spread in the 80s but it wasn't computer driven. It was a very private thing and more influenced by television beauty pageants and magazines. 

 

yes

https://howoldistheinter.net/

The ordinary person joined the internet age when Windows was available and we had the 14 k modems that made a special noice when you connected to the internet. It took forever just to get on line :D And about 1994 it began to be a common thing. I don't remember when I got my first private PC but I think it was around 2000. Before that the computers we had at work were for indoor communication and mostly for storing data and write letters you printed and send by ordinare mail :)

Now we are half way out of topic

 

Isn't this the lady who made some you tube videos about Pro Ana and ED some years back. If the book is anything like that, lets hope it will never get published!

 

What is the point with publishing books like this? It doesn't warn anyone of - it lures som into a world they perhaps otherwise never had entered. Most ED related movies has had the opposite effect from the intended. But recent years they have, in my humble opinion, been getting better


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