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Run Accountability Thread


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#161 Cln1812

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Posted 28 January 2019 - 12:45 PM

I used to exclusively binge then it turned into b/p bulimia then I began restricting and over excersizeing. I have never really talked about it nor do i have any idea what id be classified as. My high wieght is 200 while pregnant. My low is 128. Im trying to get to a new low of 115 and will decrease more if I can right now because of bingeing and not excersizeing enough im not really lossing im kinda stuck.... need to restrict more and excersize more. I also purge by taking laxatives a lot around 2-3 daily. Idk why im not loosing.

I did the laxative thing in college because I wasn't very good at making myself throw up anything but ice cream.  Hence, the overexercise.  You are probably putting on muscle.  Are you on any psych meds or take extra supplements of something?  The laxative thing you need to get away from.  It just got too hard for me to time & expensive too.  The weight you lose via laxative is mostly water weight, and long term, it seems like there could be possible damaging side effects.


Height: 5'4"

CW: 96 lb

HW: 140 lb (pregnancy)

LW: 80 lb

UGW: 92? maybe?

 

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.  ~Samuel Beckett


#162 Cln1812

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Posted 28 January 2019 - 01:05 PM

Only 4.88 miles today, and it's a good thing I made that.  I got up, took morning meds, did the run and then started feeling weird and sleepy and had to get my daughter to school which felt practically like DUI driving (slurring words, forgetness, confusion).  Started getting a bad panic attack again once home.  I went to my pill boxes and looked things over.  I take 1/2 a 50 mg Trazodone pill at night and 1/2 a hydroxyzine pill in the morning (one of those at night).  I think I put the Trazodone in the morning boxes.  It was cut in half so hard to tell.  Both of these are small white pills; they used to make the Trazodone bigger, but I guess they found a way to shrink it a bit, and the hydroxyzine has both a bigger & smaller white pill for the same dosage.  It gets so confusing the way they keep changing up the pills - I've had Klonopin (same dose) in blue, green, and now yellow.  I've had generic Lamictal in giant white pills, in triangular or pentagon blue pills, and now in a tan/peach long pill.  I can't keep anything straight.  Bipolar already makes multitasking hard, especially being mostly mixed, and I really don't need meds looking different each time I go to the pharmacy. 

 

I am so glad my daughter has late release from school today (5:30) because of practice for a math contest.  By then, hopefully things will proceed like yesterday, everything will start getting better.  I took 25 mg of Trazodone (assuming that's what I took but half a 25 mg hydroxyzine pill has never affected me this way during the day).  I have taken hydroxyzine in the daytime and stayed awake without these issues (wanting to fall asleep, severe panic/anxiety, confusion, forgetfulness, tingling extremities), so I am thinking it has to be the Trazodone.  I have never stayed awake after taking it; it's always been a night time med.  So I took 25 mg around 5 AM when I got my husband up for work; it has a half-life of 10-12  hr., so by then it will be close to 12.5 mg, under which I seemed to operate much better.  I just threw out all the white pills cut in half from my morning pill box and made sure they were all redone with half a hydroxyzine pill and not trazodone.

 

But as a result of all of that, I didn't run again after dropping my daughter off for school and still having flashes of super extreme fatigue for fear of falling & hurting myself and making poor judgements.  I wish you could speed this stuff out of your system, but I don't think it's possible.  Ugh!


Height: 5'4"

CW: 96 lb

HW: 140 lb (pregnancy)

LW: 80 lb

UGW: 92? maybe?

 

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.  ~Samuel Beckett


#163 savannah27

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Posted 28 January 2019 - 07:14 PM

Only 4.88 miles today, and it's a good thing I made that. I got up, took morning meds, did the run and then started feeling weird and sleepy and had to get my daughter to school which felt practically like DUI driving (slurring words, forgetness, confusion). Started getting a bad panic attack again once home. I went to my pill boxes and looked things over. I take 1/2 a 50 mg Trazodone pill at night and 1/2 a hydroxyzine pill in the morning (one of those at night). I think I put the Trazodone in the morning boxes. It was cut in half so hard to tell. Both of these are small white pills; they used to make the Trazodone bigger, but I guess they found a way to shrink it a bit, and the hydroxyzine has both a bigger & smaller white pill for the same dosage. It gets so confusing the way they keep changing up the pills - I've had Klonopin (same dose) in blue, green, and now yellow. I've had generic Lamictal in giant white pills, in triangular or pentagon blue pills, and now in a tan/peach long pill. I can't keep anything straight. Bipolar already makes multitasking hard, especially being mostly mixed, and I really don't need meds looking different each time I go to the pharmacy.

I am so glad my daughter has late release from school today (5:30) because of practice for a math contest. By then, hopefully things will proceed like yesterday, everything will start getting better. I took 25 mg of Trazodone (assuming that's what I took but half a 25 mg hydroxyzine pill has never affected me this way during the day). I have taken hydroxyzine in the daytime and stayed awake without these issues (wanting to fall asleep, severe panic/anxiety, confusion, forgetfulness, tingling extremities), so I am thinking it has to be the Trazodone. I have never stayed awake after taking it; it's always been a night time med. So I took 25 mg around 5 AM when I got my husband up for work; it has a half-life of 10-12 hr., so by then it will be close to 12.5 mg, under which I seemed to operate much better. I just threw out all the white pills cut in half from my morning pill box and made sure they were all redone with half a hydroxyzine pill and not trazodone.

But as a result of all of that, I didn't run again after dropping my daughter off for school and still having flashes of super extreme fatigue for fear of falling & hurting myself and making poor judgements. I wish you could speed this stuff out of your system, but I don't think it's possible. Ugh!


Oh gosh I’m sorry to hear this happened I hope you feel better soon !

it's been awhile since you felt right, 

but the warm nights are coming soon 

and you'll be just fine,

you'll be just fine. 


#164 savannah27

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Posted 28 January 2019 - 07:17 PM

3.14 today but my right knee hurt all day after :/ also I’ve come to the conclusion I need to go back to therapy. I used to go but stopped bc I was tired of paying the copays. It’s not even ED, its anxiety but sort of like a paranoia?? Worse right now than it has been since I was a child. I can’t sleep at night. I stay awake thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. I think I’m going to be raped or kidnapped by a stranger. I don’t know why I just have these thoughts constantly. I really hope I can sleep tonight!!! I haven’t slept in too long
  • missntgdenuf likes this

it's been awhile since you felt right, 

but the warm nights are coming soon 

and you'll be just fine,

you'll be just fine. 


#165 savannah27

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Posted 28 January 2019 - 07:18 PM

Ps sorry to share that I know this is supposed to be a run accountability thread but I just needed to vent bc no one in my life understands! I don’t choose to worry about this stuff. No one understands that...

it's been awhile since you felt right, 

but the warm nights are coming soon 

and you'll be just fine,

you'll be just fine. 


#166 missntgdenuf

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Posted 29 January 2019 - 12:10 AM

3.14 today but my right knee hurt all day after :/ also I’ve come to the conclusion I need to go back to therapy. I used to go but stopped bc I was tired of paying the copays. It’s not even ED, its anxiety but sort of like a paranoia?? Worse right now than it has been since I was a child. I can’t sleep at night. I stay awake thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. I think I’m going to be raped or kidnapped by a stranger. I don’t know why I just have these thoughts constantly. I really hope I can sleep tonight!!! I haven’t slept in too long

oh hun im sorry you are going through this !!! I hope you are able to cope and find the help you need and get some sleep! Have u tried any sleep aids or things to help with anxiety like herbal tea?
SW 144LBS 6/26
HW 180LBS
🙄CW 135🙄
👉GW1 135👈✅
💜GW2 125💜
💘UGW 115💘


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Accountability
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#167 savannah27

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Posted 29 January 2019 - 07:28 AM

oh hun im sorry you are going through this !!! I hope you are able to cope and find the help you need and get some sleep! Have u tried any sleep aids or things to help with anxiety like herbal tea?



Thank you so much. I usually just take Benadryl but doesn’t always work for me and I haven’t tried tea. I did sleep decently last night though, thank god

it's been awhile since you felt right, 

but the warm nights are coming soon 

and you'll be just fine,

you'll be just fine. 


#168 savannah27

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Posted 29 January 2019 - 09:08 AM

7.50 today on the treadmill. I thought a longer run might help me feel better

it's been awhile since you felt right, 

but the warm nights are coming soon 

and you'll be just fine,

you'll be just fine. 


#169 Cln1812

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Posted 29 January 2019 - 04:15 PM

Ps sorry to share that I know this is supposed to be a run accountability thread but I just needed to vent bc no one in my life understands! I don’t choose to worry about this stuff. No one understands that...

Don't worry about it.  It is about running, but in the telling, parts of our life fall into it or you want to share with people who understand.  I don't see it as a problem at all.  I tend to over share.  When I get manic or hypomanic, I often get hypergraphia though not so bad as that one time I couldn't stop writing at all until I was forced to (full-blown & severe mania).

 

I'm so sorry you had an awful time with sleep.  I had that a lot until I got on psych meds.  Trazodone alone used to work at first, then the doc had to add hydroxyzine (for anxiety), and that combo worked a long time.  For whatever reason, where I used to be taking 200, 300 mg of Trazodone for sleep at night, I can't even take 50 mg and have to cut that pill in half for 25 mg.  But then again, I am on a super large dose of Seroquel (definitely causes me fatigue), which is probably the reason I need much less Trazodone.

 

Have you tried melatonin or valerian root for sleep?  I used those when I was detoxing to get read y for pregnancy though valerian root stinks to high heaven.  You used to only find them in vitamin stores, but now pretty much everyone carries them I actually had to take the suggested dosages of both (don't know what size I used) to sleep, which is not recommended, but you do what you have to.

 

And believe me, I understand anxiety and paranoia more than I'd like to.

 

And awesome you, pushing thru a 7.5 mile run after all that.


Height: 5'4"

CW: 96 lb

HW: 140 lb (pregnancy)

LW: 80 lb

UGW: 92? maybe?

 

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.  ~Samuel Beckett


#170 Cln1812

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Posted 29 January 2019 - 04:18 PM

Fitbit messed up on me saying I burned 0 calories and went 0.5 miles in over an hour, so I'm using the MapMyFitness results which tend to give me 0.2 to 0.3 more in distance.  I ran twice & walked.

Run 1 was 7.37 miles.  Run 2 was 10.13 miles.  And after that, I was exhausted and walked 1.22 miles home.

 

Gotta pick my daughter up from school now.


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Height: 5'4"

CW: 96 lb

HW: 140 lb (pregnancy)

LW: 80 lb

UGW: 92? maybe?

 

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.  ~Samuel Beckett


#171 savannah27

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Posted 29 January 2019 - 08:01 PM

Don't worry about it. It is about running, but in the telling, parts of our life fall into it or you want to share with people who understand. I don't see it as a problem at all. I tend to over share. When I get manic or hypomanic, I often get hypergraphia though not so bad as that one time I couldn't stop writing at all until I was forced to (full-blown & severe mania).

I'm so sorry you had an awful time with sleep. I had that a lot until I got on psych meds. Trazodone alone used to work at first, then the doc had to add hydroxyzine (for anxiety), and that combo worked a long time. For whatever reason, where I used to be taking 200, 300 mg of Trazodone for sleep at night, I can't even take 50 mg and have to cut that pill in half for 25 mg. But then again, I am on a super large dose of Seroquel (definitely causes me fatigue), which is probably the reason I need much less Trazodone.

Have you tried melatonin or valerian root for sleep? I used those when I was detoxing to get read y for pregnancy though valerian root stinks to high heaven. You used to only find them in vitamin stores, but now pretty much everyone carries them I actually had to take the suggested dosages of both (don't know what size I used) to sleep, which is not recommended, but you do what you have to.

And believe me, I understand anxiety and paranoia more than I'd like to.

And awesome you, pushing thru a 7.5 mile run after all that.


Thank you. It’s true and I’m happy I have you guys who understand to chat with. Melatonin didn’t work for me but I will consider the other one. Thank you. Today was a bit of a better day and I was able to go to school and function

it's been awhile since you felt right, 

but the warm nights are coming soon 

and you'll be just fine,

you'll be just fine. 


#172 Cln1812

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Posted 30 January 2019 - 02:22 PM

Ran twice today, before getting my daughter up for school and after taking her there.  Fitbit says: 6.78 miles for the first run, 13.55 miles for the 2nd, so that adds up to 20.33 miles.  A lot of running!  I won't post my pace; it's embarrassing though in truth there was some waiting for traffic and a couple times I had to stop and mess with iTunes and didn't stop the timer on the Fitbit.  Still under 10 min. miles, better than I could do in 10th grade high school PE for the fitness exam I inevitably failed.

 

Is anyone here dealing with the very cold weather?  We are having a colder than usual winter, but nothing like what other parts of the country are going through though weather.com says TX is 25F colder than usual, but of course, it's a large state.  I live in an outlying community of Houston (La Porte), sort of a suburb, sort of not.  There is a lot of chemical manufacturing here which limits the size and the desirability to live here, not to mention it's on the ocean, so there is a high hurricane risk.  We do have a nice small, clean beach though, unlike Galveston only 10 minutes away from our house.  Our house is more inland and was built in the mid-1960s and has not flooded or been horribly damaged by a hurricane since, which is good for here.  We did have to get a roof replacement after Hurricane Ike, but we'd just bought the house, and the inspector had told us to plan soon for a roof replacement; we were lucky then, the insurance paid.  Lost a big tree that time, but luckily, it didn't hit the home.

 

Anyway, being so near the Gulf of Mexico, it doesn't usually get super cold here.  Right now, it's 50F, and I think last night's low was in the upper 30s.  But tonight the low is 49F with a 61F high tomorrow (50% chance of rain though, so I hope I will be able to run).  Next week, they are predicting the highs back in the low 70s, lows in the 60s but rainy.  Winters here are nice, but summers kill because of the high humidity making it feel 10, 15, sometimes 20F more than the actual thermometer reads.


Height: 5'4"

CW: 96 lb

HW: 140 lb (pregnancy)

LW: 80 lb

UGW: 92? maybe?

 

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.  ~Samuel Beckett


#173 Cln1812

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Posted 30 January 2019 - 02:33 PM

savannah,

Do you have funds/insurance to see a PCP and try sleep meds?  None of them worked for me, and Ambien gave me the worst panic attacks ever, but everyone is different.  And surely they have some new meds out.  I tried prescription sleep meds from my PCP before melatonin & valerian root (before trying for a baby, had to nix not only the birth control, but the psych meds too).

 

Do you see a psychiatrist or can you afford to see one?  Not for the ED, for psych issues and to get sleep meds.  They almost always prescribe Trazodone to start with.  If that alone doesn't work, they may add to it (hydroxyzine) or try something like low dose Seroquel (25 mg).  I take 500 mg Seroquel, when compliant; that is the sort of dosage a lot of people experience weight gain on, but I have not, but I exercise a ton.  I do have 25 mg Seroquel and can take 1-2 for bad panic attacks.


Height: 5'4"

CW: 96 lb

HW: 140 lb (pregnancy)

LW: 80 lb

UGW: 92? maybe?

 

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.  ~Samuel Beckett


#174 savannah27

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Posted 30 January 2019 - 03:05 PM

Ran twice today, before getting my daughter up for school and after taking her there.  Fitbit says: 6.78 miles for the first run, 13.55 miles for the 2nd, so that adds up to 20.33 miles.  A lot of running!  I won't post my pace; it's embarrassing though in truth there was some waiting for traffic and a couple times I had to stop and mess with iTunes and didn't stop the timer on the Fitbit.  Still under 10 min. miles, better than I could do in 10th grade high school PE for the fitness exam I inevitably failed.

 

Is anyone here dealing with the very cold weather?  We are having a colder than usual winter, but nothing like what other parts of the country are going through though weather.com says TX is 25F colder than usual, but of course, it's a large state.  I live in an outlying community of Houston (La Porte), sort of a suburb, sort of not.  There is a lot of chemical manufacturing here which limits the size and the desirability to live here, not to mention it's on the ocean, so there is a high hurricane risk.  We do have a nice small, clean beach though, unlike Galveston only 10 minutes away from our house.  Our house is more inland and was built in the mid-1960s and has not flooded or been horribly damaged by a hurricane since, which is good for here.  We did have to get a roof replacement after Hurricane Ike, but we'd just bought the house, and the inspector had told us to plan soon for a roof replacement; we were lucky then, the insurance paid.  Lost a big tree that time, but luckily, it didn't hit the home.

 

Anyway, being so near the Gulf of Mexico, it doesn't usually get super cold here.  Right now, it's 50F, and I think last night's low was in the upper 30s.  But tonight the low is 49F with a 61F high tomorrow (50% chance of rain though, so I hope I will be able to run).  Next week, they are predicting the highs back in the low 70s, lows in the 60s but rainy.  Winters here are nice, but summers kill because of the high humidity making it feel 10, 15, sometimes 20F more than the actual thermometer reads.

 

Wow 20 miles is amazing no matter what the pace lol. Oh wow that is cold for where you live. On the east coast, it's supposed to go down to 6 degrees tonight. You won't see me running outside any time soon lol


it's been awhile since you felt right, 

but the warm nights are coming soon 

and you'll be just fine,

you'll be just fine. 


#175 savannah27

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Posted 30 January 2019 - 03:07 PM

savannah,

Do you have funds/insurance to see a PCP and try sleep meds?  None of them worked for me, and Ambien gave me the worst panic attacks ever, but everyone is different.  And surely they have some new meds out.  I tried prescription sleep meds from my PCP before melatonin & valerian root (before trying for a baby, had to nix not only the birth control, but the psych meds too).

 

Do you see a psychiatrist or can you afford to see one?  Not for the ED, for psych issues and to get sleep meds.  They almost always prescribe Trazodone to start with.  If that alone doesn't work, they may add to it (hydroxyzine) or try something like low dose Seroquel (25 mg).  I take 500 mg Seroquel, when compliant; that is the sort of dosage a lot of people experience weight gain on, but I have not, but I exercise a ton.  I do have 25 mg Seroquel and can take 1-2 for bad panic attacks.

I do have insurance but I've always been kind of against the idea of using meds unless it was absolutely necessary ya know? I just hate the idea of being reliant on something but it might just have to come to to that. I don't see a psychiatrist currently just because I haven't found one I've liked recently. I guess I'm a little picky about who I see. My friend just recommended me someone though, so I might try to get an appointment. Thank you for the suggestions, I do appreciate it 


it's been awhile since you felt right, 

but the warm nights are coming soon 

and you'll be just fine,

you'll be just fine. 


#176 savannah27

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Posted 30 January 2019 - 08:29 PM

3.14 today


it's been awhile since you felt right, 

but the warm nights are coming soon 

and you'll be just fine,

you'll be just fine. 


#177 Cln1812

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Posted 30 January 2019 - 08:54 PM

I do have insurance but I've always been kind of against the idea of using meds unless it was absolutely necessary ya know? I just hate the idea of being reliant on something but it might just have to come to to that. I don't see a psychiatrist currently just because I haven't found one I've liked recently. I guess I'm a little picky about who I see. My friend just recommended me someone though, so I might try to get an appointment. Thank you for the suggestions, I do appreciate it 

It is SO hard to find a good psychiatrist.  I finally got one shortly after my daughter was born; I saw her for 10 years, and she is retiring now :( 

 

She first put me down as having postpartum depression as my daughter was something like 3 weeks old.  However, she was the only doctor who even thought to re-diagnose me from my major depression diagnosis of the late 1990s (by then it was 2008) after some time had gone on and it seemed to her more than postpartum stuff, so she diagnosed me with bipolar, II at first, then type I.  (I was on SSRIs by the bucketload for most of 10 years, one of the worst things that a bipolar patient can be put on.  The first doctor could have diagnosed the bipolar if he'd asked all the questions in all the right ways, but he was a mouthpiece for the Paxil reps, Paxil here, Paxil there, Paxil everywhere.  Major depression & social anxiety, didn't even seem to bother him I weighed less than 100 lb., and I was already 19 or 20 then.) She did tell me the last time I saw her, I might be in a mixed state, so now I've got the "with mixed features" added to my diagnosis. I started seeing one of her colleagues (nowhere near as good as she was, but he's got good reviews, and compared to what's out there, he's terrific). I tried outside that clinic I went to...approximately 3 weeks after major surgery for a perforated ulcer last Valentine's Day (I'll have to post the pictures of that scar sometime; mostly it healed nicely but for one thicker sport that's pink around 1/2" long; the whole thing is approx. 5" belly button up).  Anyway, this is a very major and horribly painful surgery, made childbirth look fun.  This woman tells me she will not prescribe me a thing until I come back with my recent hospital records, my local pharmacy records, and the records from my mail order pharmacy.  And she only takes calls when she is in her office, doesn't listen to her voicemail even on the weekend, over holidays, or vacations.  I was like, "What?!"  My old psychiatrist had an emergency cell phone you could call, and if she couldn't answer right away, she'd call you back as soon as she could and she had the ability to see my prescriptions on her computer, both local & mail order.  After that horrid appt., I called the old clinic in absolute tears, got the good receptionist, and between her & my old psychiatrist, they worked me in for a couple of weeks to see my new psychiatrist.  He does have the advantage of having talked to my old doctor and still can as she is working part-time, just less & less as time goes on.  He has an emergency cell, and he tends to either answer it or get back with you within an hour.  He's brisk and more efficient though, less personable, and I think he thinks things through super fast only he doesn't quite realize how fast he does. I have to go in with a list of things I want to mention/questions, or I'll be out before I remember even one of them.  But he'll answer your questions or call you back if you leave a non emergency message with the front desk during work hours.  He's better than a lot out there.  Also, my old doctor, great as she was, treated in the manner she was taught, which meant prescribing longer acting benzos for anxiety.  In my case, Klonopin (well, the generic, clonazepam).  Tons of doctors won't prescribe it anymore as it's become a controlled substance now (wasn't when I was first prescribed it).  But it's like all benzos; you get addicted.  I have a script for 4 mg a day though I have gotten down to 3 mg most days (with an increase in Buspar; it always seems to be give & take).  I always feel like I could just stop taking it and be fine, but I know the truth is otherwise.  However, since my new doctor got my case from the old, he just kept me on the prescriptions she used, including the clonazepam.  I'd like to get on less of it, but it would mean something else probably addictive too and maybe with more side effects for me; I already timed time-release Xanax, and that was a no-go (made me too sleepy).


Height: 5'4"

CW: 96 lb

HW: 140 lb (pregnancy)

LW: 80 lb

UGW: 92? maybe?

 

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.  ~Samuel Beckett


#178 savannah27

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Posted 30 January 2019 - 09:18 PM

It is SO hard to find a good psychiatrist. I finally got one shortly after my daughter was born; I saw her for 10 years, and she is retiring now :(

She first put me down as having postpartum depression as my daughter was something like 3 weeks old. However, she was the only doctor who even thought to re-diagnose me from my major depression diagnosis of the late 1990s (by then it was 2008) after some time had gone on and it seemed to her more than postpartum stuff, so she diagnosed me with bipolar, II at first, then type I. (I was on SSRIs by the bucketload for most of 10 years, one of the worst things that a bipolar patient can be put on. The first doctor could have diagnosed the bipolar if he'd asked all the questions in all the right ways, but he was a mouthpiece for the Paxil reps, Paxil here, Paxil there, Paxil everywhere. Major depression & social anxiety, didn't even seem to bother him I weighed less than 100 lb., and I was already 19 or 20 then.) She did tell me the last time I saw her, I might be in a mixed state, so now I've got the "with mixed features" added to my diagnosis. I started seeing one of her colleagues (nowhere near as good as she was, but he's got good reviews, and compared to what's out there, he's terrific). I tried outside that clinic I went to...approximately 3 weeks after major surgery for a perforated ulcer last Valentine's Day (I'll have to post the pictures of that scar sometime; mostly it healed nicely but for one thicker sport that's pink around 1/2" long; the whole thing is approx. 5" belly button up). Anyway, this is a very major and horribly painful surgery, made childbirth look fun. This woman tells me she will not prescribe me a thing until I come back with my recent hospital records, my local pharmacy records, and the records from my mail order pharmacy. And she only takes calls when she is in her office, doesn't listen to her voicemail even on the weekend, over holidays, or vacations. I was like, "What?!" My old psychiatrist had an emergency cell phone you could call, and if she couldn't answer right away, she'd call you back as soon as she could and she had the ability to see my prescriptions on her computer, both local & mail order. After that horrid appt., I called the old clinic in absolute tears, got the good receptionist, and between her & my old psychiatrist, they worked me in for a couple of weeks to see my new psychiatrist. He does have the advantage of having talked to my old doctor and still can as she is working part-time, just less & less as time goes on. He has an emergency cell, and he tends to either answer it or get back with you within an hour. He's brisk and more efficient though, less personable, and I think he thinks things through super fast only he doesn't quite realize how fast he does. I have to go in with a list of things I want to mention/questions, or I'll be out before I remember even one of them. But he'll answer your questions or call you back if you leave a non emergency message with the front desk during work hours. He's better than a lot out there. Also, my old doctor, great as she was, treated in the manner she was taught, which meant prescribing longer acting benzos for anxiety. In my case, Klonopin (well, the generic, clonazepam). Tons of doctors won't prescribe it anymore as it's become a controlled substance now (wasn't when I was first prescribed it). But it's like all benzos; you get addicted. I have a script for 4 mg a day though I have gotten down to 3 mg most days (with an increase in Buspar; it always seems to be give & take). I always feel like I could just stop taking it and be fine, but I know the truth is otherwise. However, since my new doctor got my case from the old, he just kept me on the prescriptions she used, including the clonazepam. I'd like to get on less of it, but it would mean something else probably addictive too and maybe with more side effects for me; I already timed time-release Xanax, and that was a no-go (made me too sleepy).



It really is soo hard I kinda took it for granted lol the last one I had, which made me say “ okay that’s it” and stop going all together, would do her nails as I talked to her..... like seriously? So unprofessional.

it's been awhile since you felt right, 

but the warm nights are coming soon 

and you'll be just fine,

you'll be just fine. 


#179 missntgdenuf

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Posted 31 January 2019 - 01:07 AM

I did the laxative thing in college because I wasn't very good at making myself throw up anything but ice cream.  Hence, the overexercise.  You are probably putting on muscle.  Are you on any psych meds or take extra supplements of something?  The laxative thing you need to get away from.  It just got too hard for me to time & expensive too.  The weight you lose via laxative is mostly water weight, and long term, it seems like there could be possible damaging side effects.


I only do it because it helps when i feel like im super bloted or didnt get rid of everything when i purged so it evens it out to me... also know its terrible its been a few months since i had a natural BM which is no good infear my body will forget how to do it itself.


To add I did run today thank Goodness i hadnt ran in 4 day :0 so ashamed .
SW 144LBS 6/26
HW 180LBS
🙄CW 135🙄
👉GW1 135👈✅
💜GW2 125💜
💘UGW 115💘


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#180 missntgdenuf

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Posted 31 January 2019 - 01:09 AM

I used to exclusively binge then it turned into b/p bulimia then I began restricting and over excersizeing. I have never really talked about it nor do i have any idea what id be classified as. My high wieght is 200 while pregnant. My low is 128. Im trying to get to a new low of 115 and will decrease more if I can right now because of bingeing and not excersizeing enough im not really lossing im kinda stuck.... need to restrict more and excersize more. I also purge by taking laxatives a lot around 2-3 daily. Idk why im not loosing.


I forgot to mention i dont take meds other than the lax. I have Borderline personality disorder and other anxiety and other issues. But un medicated.
SW 144LBS 6/26
HW 180LBS
🙄CW 135🙄
👉GW1 135👈✅
💜GW2 125💜
💘UGW 115💘


weight.png




Accountability
https://www.myproana.../#entry68599917


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