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Anorexic disordered thinking vs my Muscle Dysmorphia vs my fear of certain bad foods


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#1 kky

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Posted 03 November 2019 - 10:03 AM

i want to be thin like thinspo and all but at the same time im addicted to working out and absolutely terrified of losing my muscles like i want both but i know i cant have both and on top of all of that i developed an intense fear of eating over my calorie limits/overshooting my macros its driving me batshit insane....


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#2 CottageMan

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Posted 03 November 2019 - 10:13 AM

I can somewhat relate. I'm also terrified of losing muscles and am torn between strong, muscular look and thin, lean aesthetic. If you want to vent/rant, you can talk to me, we seem to have similar struggles, so maybe we'll think of something helpful together.


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#3 Little Princess

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Posted 03 November 2019 - 02:03 PM

What about being lean and muscular rather than jacked?

#4 kky

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Posted 03 November 2019 - 07:18 PM

What about being lean and muscular rather than jacked?


Actually that is a very good compromise it’s just bc I’m actually pretty bulky/chunky rn so when I become smaller I lose my mind over if it is muscle I’m losing or fats. I do track fat percentage and all and I’m on the right track but it’s just like a phobia or paranoia or smth. It haunts every food decision or workout decision I make.

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#5 kky

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Posted 03 November 2019 - 07:21 PM

I can somewhat relate. I'm also terrified of losing muscles and am torn between strong, muscular look and thin, lean aesthetic. If you want to vent/rant, you can talk to me, we seem to have similar struggles, so maybe we'll think of something helpful together.


Same same! It’s just bc I was in rugby before so I was obsessed with bulking and being stronger and then I quit and wanted that thin look and it’s warring with my gym rat mentality (like fasting, avoiding carbs, 200-400 kcal restrictions vs hitting my macros, actually eating carbs before workouts, eating a whole ass chicken breast bc I need that protein but the amt of food I’m eating makes me feel fat etc.)

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#6 Little Princess

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Posted 03 November 2019 - 10:31 PM

Actually that is a very good compromise it’s just bc I’m actually pretty bulky/chunky rn so when I become smaller I lose my mind over if it is muscle I’m losing or fats. I do track fat percentage and all and I’m on the right track but it’s just like a phobia or paranoia or smth. It haunts every food decision or workout decision I make.


I feel that. Just gotta talk back to that paranoia. :)

#7 runningwithyou

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Posted 06 November 2019 - 12:50 AM

i want to be thin like thinspo and all but at the same time im addicted to working out and absolutely terrified of losing my muscles like i want both but i know i cant have both and on top of all of that i developed an intense fear of eating over my calorie limits/overshooting my macros its driving me batshit insane....

 

oof I feel this so much. I workout every day and am just as obsessed with my body fat % as I am my measurements/weight. I gained weight and was torn between hoping it was muscle and wanting to lose it all again. Half the time I think I should eat so I can fuel my workouts and the other half I eat ~7-800 calories while still trying to get 60+g of protein in. I think my end goal is long, lean muscle, but I waver back and forth so much I'll just have to see when I get there. What's most frustrating is that I can find an issue with everything I eat/do because everything is bringing me farther from one of my goals and it's such a mindfuck


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#8 [email protected]

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Posted 06 November 2019 - 11:57 AM

Same. I wanna have my strength and get more muscle tone but I still wanna be really thin. But I'm also lazy so it's really just wishful thinking when it comes to being muscular. 


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#9 Tanha

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Posted 06 November 2019 - 01:22 PM

This is me. I'm focusing more on weight loss rn, though. I saw a photo of me from this summer, and I just looked beefy. Muscley, but fat on top of it. No bueno. Helped clarify my goals a bit. I still wanna get stronger and stronger, and shave off all excess body fat. I try to think of it as what's most functional or in terms of physical ability, and less about how I look, because...there's more than one way I want to look.

"Form follows function" is the mantra I cling to these days. My ideal compromise between the extremes would be to look like something between a ballerina and a gymnast. Or a body between a bmi of 18 and 19.5, all strength and flexibility.


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#10 ye olde relapse

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Posted 29 November 2019 - 08:42 PM

I feel this, I can't stand the idea of not being the "buff friend" but at the same time I hate being big... ugh I keep trying to bulk but then freaking out when I start putting weight on, nope nope nope lol (atm I've just given up and decided to lose as much as I can, and if I hate it too much I'll build back up again)


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#11 extrasmoothtoiletpaper

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Posted 11 December 2019 - 10:05 PM

Does anyone in this forum actually have muscle dysmorphia? It sounds like you guys all just want to put on muscle while staying skinny. Muscle dysmorphia means you don't see how muscular you actually are. It's more common among guys.


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Pre-ED weight: 110 (21.2)

HW: 147 (28.4)

LW: 83 (16.0)

 

GW1: 101 (19.5) reached

GW2: 99 (19.1) reached

UGW:  97 (18.7)

 

BMIs calculated using new BMI calculator

 

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#12 sblsg

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Posted 14 December 2019 - 10:27 PM

This is so me!



#13 bagel bites

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Posted 15 December 2019 - 10:41 PM

i sorta can relate like i wanna be thinspo thin but i wanna keep my butt and boobs


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#14 extrasmoothtoiletpaper

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Posted 16 December 2019 - 12:49 AM

i sorta can relate like i wanna be thinspo thin but i wanna keep my butt and boobs

That's like literally everyone lmao


Pre-ED weight: 110 (21.2)

HW: 147 (28.4)

LW: 83 (16.0)

 

GW1: 101 (19.5) reached

GW2: 99 (19.1) reached

UGW:  97 (18.7)

 

BMIs calculated using new BMI calculator

 

giphy.gif


#15 bagel bites

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Posted 16 December 2019 - 02:52 AM

actually i know a few women who despise their breasts since to them its just more fat and such

That's like literally everyone lmao


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#16 Daerienn

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Posted 16 December 2019 - 05:19 AM

Constant struggle! This is me 24/7, it's more exhausting than when I just had AN restrictive type. I got into bodybuilding after an actual attempt at recovery, thinking it would somehow help me with my problems...nuh-uh! It made everything worse. I also compete and my body dysmorphia is so bad I drive people nuts. I am not very muscular (not figure type muscular!), but when I lean out I look pretty ripped and veiny. Yet I constantly drive my SO nuts by telling him I don't look lean enough, not conditioned enough etc. 

Has anyone here just made up their mind about going with one? I find it soooo hard to lose and restrict while trying to hit my protein goal, and when I just restrict and not give a fuck, I just lose weight, and my muscles and look flat af! 


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#17 Guest_jackpier666_*

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Posted 16 December 2019 - 04:08 PM

I sorta wish i was thinspo tbh



#18 invincible.evie

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Posted 16 December 2019 - 05:36 PM

i sorta can relate like i wanna be thinspo thin but i wanna keep my butt and boobs

 

That's like literally everyone lmao

 

Umm no I literally hate my boobs so much like, if they would just go away I'd be fine with it, like, maybe not completely 100% flat but like, so much smaller than they are now, they're useless, I don't freaking need them, if I ever got pregnant they'd grow so who tf cares. My butt is whatever but my boobs can just leave.


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#19 extrasmoothtoiletpaper

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Posted 16 December 2019 - 09:13 PM

Umm no I literally hate my boobs so much like, if they would just go away I'd be fine with it, like, maybe not completely 100% flat but like, so much smaller than they are now, they're useless, I don't freaking need them, if I ever got pregnant they'd grow so who tf cares. My butt is whatever but my boobs can just leave.

Mm I can see that, well speaking as someone who's never had beyond a couple bites on me I can't say I relate unfortunately. Maybe you could toss a bit of boobage over my way and call it even


Pre-ED weight: 110 (21.2)

HW: 147 (28.4)

LW: 83 (16.0)

 

GW1: 101 (19.5) reached

GW2: 99 (19.1) reached

UGW:  97 (18.7)

 

BMIs calculated using new BMI calculator

 

giphy.gif


#20 extrasmoothtoiletpaper

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Posted 16 December 2019 - 09:15 PM

Constant struggle! This is me 24/7, it's more exhausting than when I just had AN restrictive type. I got into bodybuilding after an actual attempt at recovery, thinking it would somehow help me with my problems...nuh-uh! It made everything worse. I also compete and my body dysmorphia is so bad I drive people nuts. I am not very muscular (not figure type muscular!), but when I lean out I look pretty ripped and veiny. Yet I constantly drive my SO nuts by telling him I don't look lean enough, not conditioned enough etc. 

Has anyone here just made up their mind about going with one? I find it soooo hard to lose and restrict while trying to hit my protein goal, and when I just restrict and not give a fuck, I just lose weight, and my muscles and look flat af! 

Yea this sounds like legit muscle dysmorphia which I don't think most people here have lol. I feel you on the struggle. I'm restricting but trying to work out as hard as I can and muscle growth is way slow. But I don't want to lose any more muscle. I want to be ripped and at least have a vague outline of a 6-pack. But I also want to be 97lbs. I'm obsessed with my body fat too and wish I could get an accurate read on it. I've had four devices measure me at 29.7%, 19.1%, 19%, and 12.3% :(


Pre-ED weight: 110 (21.2)

HW: 147 (28.4)

LW: 83 (16.0)

 

GW1: 101 (19.5) reached

GW2: 99 (19.1) reached

UGW:  97 (18.7)

 

BMIs calculated using new BMI calculator

 

giphy.gif



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