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#321 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 19 July 2021 - 04:36 PM

breakfast:
- activia: 90

- lunch:
- a little bit of leftover spaghetti: 200

bruh the story of my life is wanting to get something done but not knowing where to start.. like i want to do it i just dont know how LOL also there was an ant crawling on my neck and i didnt know what it was so i accidentally fucking PICKED IT UP omfg my spine just crinkled up thinking about it


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#322 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 11:46 AM

okay guys theres so much going on im talking to this guy and im kind of pissed because idk i have really high standards but at the same time i feel like im just ignoring red flags, or maybe not red flags, but just… lowering my standards for some dude? and its making me sick to my stomach LOL so i havent been eating much but ill update when i do, OMFG i literally am NOT used to talking to people IRL


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#323 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 25 July 2021 - 09:27 PM

,dsfosdkfosdk,fopsdk okay so im about to be put back on meds I haven't taken them since like the fucking 10th grade but I fuckingn need them im losing my mind I can't get anything done 


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#324 jisu-coffee

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Posted 25 July 2021 - 09:55 PM

Stay safe and I hope you will feel better soon! :(
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#325 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 08 November 2021 - 01:08 PM

(not complete)

breakfast: 

snapdragon apple: 80

those purple grapes: 10

motts applesauce: 50

-total: 140

 

 I would like to quote Anne Hathaway: "I think when you're young and struggling to find yourself, there's something alluring about the idea of being tortured."

 

10:21 PM: listening to subliminals and looking at fake lashes on target website

script, ignore LOL: I have very wide set eyes I have very wide set eyes my eyes are so wide set I can wear my hair up in a ponytail and still look beautiful, my eyes are so wide set my eyelashes hang off the sides, I have super wide set eyes 

 

dinner:

- chicken and rice: 300

- sauce: 100

total: 400

 

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 540


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#326 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 08 November 2021 - 01:14 PM

the sense of comfort, nostalgia (a good warm and fuzzy kind, not the sad kind thank goodness cause lord that one I avoid like the devil), and beauty I find in this website every time I return is amazing LMFAO like I'm amazed at the feelings my brain has correlated with this website, I'm so grateful honestly, it makes me feel really good it really is an escape, after my last post I clicked out and immediately felt this sadness LOL like NOOO PLEASE COME BACK like when you have to say goodbye to someone for the last time, so I'm just writing this to soothe my brain for a second it's kinda weird, when I take my month long breaks I'm better about it but I'll still have that longing feeling like this is some far off mystical land I need to return to, LMFAO I'm probably gonna cringe at this later 


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#327 jisu-coffee

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Posted 08 November 2021 - 11:00 PM

the sense of comfort, nostalgia (a good warm and fuzzy kind, not the sad kind thank goodness cause lord that one I avoid like the devil), and beauty I find in this website every time I return is amazing LMFAO like I'm amazed at the feelings my brain has correlated with this website, I'm so grateful honestly, it makes me feel really good it really is an escape, after my last post I clicked out and immediately felt this sadness LOL like NOOO PLEASE COME BACK like when you have to say goodbye to someone for the last time, so I'm just writing this to soothe my brain for a second it's kinda weird, when I take my month long breaks I'm better about it but I'll still have that longing feeling like this is some far off mystical land I need to return to, LMFAO I'm probably gonna cringe at this later

I am so glaaaaad you are back!! Restricting twins, let's go! :D
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#328 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 09 November 2021 - 08:14 AM

8:11 am

- 4 strawberries: 16

- 5 baby bell peppers: 60? idk people hate listing an accurate calorie count of baby bell peppers LMFAO

 

the more things seem to change... the more they stay the same... DONT YOU THINK ITS STRANGE? girl put your records onnnn

 

7:01 PM: 

- more than my fair share of spaghetti: im gonna guess 500

 

TOTAL FOR THE DAY:

576

 

omg I hate having an idea but not knowing how to act on it and start like seriously 


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#329 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 09 November 2021 - 07:09 PM

I REALLY REALLY NEED TO HIT MY GOAL WEIGHT NOW, LIKE SOON, BECAUSE I FOUND A BUNCH OF CLOTHES FROM A VINTAGE BRAND I LIKE AND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE ARE WATCHING THE ITEMS AND I DONT THINK IT'LL LOOK GOOD IF I BUY A BUNCH OF SUPER TINY CLOTHES THAT WOULDN'T EVEN FIT ME IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY UGGHGIAGIEGJIOGJIOGIOSIOGJIESGI PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEF!!!!!! GOD IM BEGGING YOU PLEASE 


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#330 jisu-coffee

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Posted 09 November 2021 - 11:26 PM

I REALLY REALLY NEED TO HIT MY GOAL WEIGHT NOW, LIKE SOON, BECAUSE I FOUND A BUNCH OF CLOTHES FROM A VINTAGE BRAND I LIKE AND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE ARE WATCHING THE ITEMS AND I DONT THINK IT'LL LOOK GOOD IF I BUY A BUNCH OF SUPER TINY CLOTHES THAT WOULDN'T EVEN FIT ME IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY UGGHGIAGIEGJIOGJIOGIOSIOGJIESGI PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEF!!!!!! GOD IM BEGGING YOU PLEASE

You got this, don't give up!! Every successful day gets you closer to your goal!
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#331 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 10 November 2021 - 10:56 AM

breakfast: 

- 4 strawberries: 16

- yoplait strawberry: 150

 

I love having my daily strawberries, I need to buy more, it actually triggers me how quickly they rot, like already some of the ones at the bottom are turning squishy like girl I bought you yesterday... I need to clean up my room

 

11:40 AM: I srsly don't know how im gonna organize my life. I know exactly how I wanna be 5 years down the road from now but I have to figure out a concrete plan on getting there. I hate writing it down on paper, that's what I always do, I write out a list that ends up getting lost and forgotten about. I need to create an effing Excel sheet LMFAO like I swear... I know I want to be under 100 lbs, taller (not gonna happen, sigh...), have the perfect hair color for me (finding that out is SO hard??? like... color theory is so grand. it's one thing to say "oh Id look good as a blonde" but going out to find the perfect shade of blonde and everything... it takes a lot of time and money. I've changed my hair color three times within the last few years and to me that's still not enough to find the right shade. it really isn't, i keep getting bored of my hair too. I've had four different haircuts at different lengths as well and I still hate all of them. my hair right now is an absolute disaster. I am ranting about my hair because I honestly need to. I'm about to just buy hair extensions and call it a day because I can't stand only having one hairstyle, I want to be able to go back and forth from this length to that length, this color to that color. its fun complaining LOL) I want a car and hopefully my own apartment, I want to have enough money where I can save and invest AND donate. writing it all out here makes it seem much more achievable then writing it on paper, idk why. its kinda exciting. but I think the biggest, overarching issue is finding one passion to focus on and sticking with it. I have so many ideas, a lot of them bad, some of them good, and having that many makes it hard to focus on one because some of the less attainable ones are always gonna sound more appealing, and make the more boring ones unmotivating. I do find great comfort in the fact that I am at least not completely alone with this, and that I am also very lucky to live comfortably in the moment. its just I know its gonna end before I know it so I have to be prepared. anyways

 

11:51 AM: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT A BOYFRIEND

 

11:53 AM: i literally have one type in men and that's it and when i see a guy who fits the description I go from forgetting men exist to [email protected](($*#%)@*% also I really really wanna redecorate my room like OMG *cries* but I share a room so im gonna have to like put a line of duct tape down the middle and just make my side all pink and cute I guess

 

dinner:

- spaghetti: 400

 

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 566


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#332 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 10 November 2021 - 10:58 AM

You got this, don't give up!! Every successful day gets you closer to your goal!

 

THANK YOU, YOU'RE RIGHT!!!! I have so much water weight I need to just hold through for a few days and then NOT GIVE UP!!!! EVER!!!! THANK YOU FOR ENCOURAGING ME SERIOUSLY I NEEDED THIS, I KNOW YOU'VE GOT THE STRENGTH TOO WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT GIRL WE'RE GONNA BE SO PROUD OF OURSELVES ILY


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#333 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 11 November 2021 - 08:39 AM

breakfast:

- banana: 105

 

I keep forgetting to keep track of my assignments, also I wanna go somewhere cool to study so I can feel like im in some webtoon LMFAO

 

10:11 AM

early lunch:

- leftover spaghetti: 220

 

how is google assistant free? I just got it to call a salon for me and see if they have an appointment later. wtf

 

10:27 AM:
what was I gonna effing say.. 

 

9:46 PM: 

fuck it. ive decided. im following my dreams. all of them. the light is so clear. I have faith.

dinner:

- honestly not sure cause I went out to eat but it was vegan and healthy so I'll guess a high end of 700

 

TOTAL OF THE DAY: 1,025

damn higher than usual but at least it's lower than my TDEE LMFAO gotta keep my sanity 


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#334 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 12 November 2021 - 12:45 AM

OMFG I THINK I JUST DISCOVERED MY LIFE PURPOSE 🫀🫀🫀🫀🫀🫀🫀🫀🫁🫁🫁🫁🫁🫁🫁🫁🫁🫁🫁 OMFGGGGG OMFGOMFOGMFOFKEICKWIFJEKKD AND JUST AS IT HIT ME, I GOT THE FEELING TO POST IT HERE FOR SOME REASON, AND I SAW I CURRENTLY HAD 333 POSTS LIKE WHY??? I COULDVE THOUGHT OF PUTTING IT IN MY DIARY OR SOME SHIT WFKEOFKWKD I NEED TO WORK HARD AND FOCUS ON THIS SUPPOSED CALLING I HAD SO MUCH ANXIETY ABOUT MY LIFE I HAVE A BIT OF HEALTH ANXIETY AND SOMETIMES IT CONVINCES ME IM GONNA D*E Y*UNG BUT THIS IS HELPING ME LIKE DIG OUT OF THAT ALL WITHIN 2 MINUTES LMFAO

12:47 am: ugh im supposed to be going to bed now, actually no like two hours ago so i can wake up early for an appointment but my fears are keeping up, i keep thinking im seeing signs that me or a loved one is gonna d*e objectively i know people will tell me its just delusions but to me it feels as true as courtney love is innocent LMFAO like i swear it all started about a month ago.. ive never had a literal anxiety attack in my entire life but ive had one so far and im scared im gonna have another… the direction of this post sounds negative but actually its positive.. i think seeing a positive sign for once will at least help me carve out a lifestyle im happy with and then i won’t think so much and im also afraid of developing delusions to the point of really losing grip of reality so im so grateful that rn im all good im gonna be fine, im gonna immerse myself in the project ive been thinking and dreaming up honestly i think i need to OMG IJUST REALIZED I NEED TO STOP ISOLATING SO MUCH isolation can give you delusions okay there problem solved LOL


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#335 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 12 November 2021 - 11:50 AM

breakfast:
11:46 AM
- 3 baby bell peppers: 40

todays off to a good start, listening to the what's your raashee soundtrack, im about to cry from the nostalgia LOL

lunch:
- two rice cakes: 80
- two beef sticks: 180

dinner:
- tilapia: 112
- sweet potato fries: 150

TOTAL FOR THE DAY:
562

I actually finished an art piece today and ate under 800 so im ecstatic... im going to the salon tomorrow and I still don't know what color I'm gonna tell the stylist when she asks! im gonna tell her what colors im okay with and see if based on her knowledge of color theory and stuff, which one would suit me the best. I really hope she doesn't say blonde because I just do not want to be blonde rn like im not in the mood LMFAO.. im a little scared cause I have to work more than im used to next week and im very much a homebody rn, I love staying in and I love being able to do whatever I please so ugh whatever, tbh I wanna talk about something new rn LOL okay lets talk about love.. do I see myself getting into a relationship anytime soon, like the easy answer would be no but im not gonna lie I keep seeing 26 and 17 which supposedly are about love and new beginnings like a relationship so idk maybe the time has come... but like who would it be LMFAO I literally know no one, honestly Im not even gonna lie I used to be so like OMG PERSONALITY COMES FIRST *heart eyes* (ive been writing a lot of my entries on my computer lately so thats why im using "* *" to spell out emoji names LMFAO) which like I mean I still feel that way, as in there's definitely personality traits that turn me off in men and traits that I look for, but I stand here today, saddened to announce, that with age I have become more shallow... I say that as if im middle aged *skull emoji* but like fr its weird, but actually you know what that's a lie that's all a lie, I do get crushes very easily but its usually because of the energy or tension between us or a joke they said LMFAO but like I like to think that my physical standards have raised... they have but they haven't. LOL. hmm so anyways lets say tomorrow I walked outside and some dude proposed to me, (asked me out I just like to be dramatic) I would probably... honestly I don't even know and thinking about it is just giving big STOP sign presence in my head so honestly I really hope the angel numbers are wrong and im going to be single for a little longer because I.. okay right as I wrote that I saw 26 again UHMMM NO SERIOUSLY IM NOT READY PLEASE GOD PLEASE I KNOW THIS IS PROBABLY A LESSON I NEED TO LEARN OR LIKE AN EXPERIENCE I NEED OR MAYBE THIS PERSON IS SUPPOSED TO PULL ME OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE BUT OMFG NO PLEASE okay well we'll see, if anything happens this text box will be the first to know! my daily posts here is the most brain activity I exert in a day so its actually really good for me heehee!

10:37 pm:
time to look at thinspo im itching and scratching for it
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#336 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 13 November 2021 - 11:20 AM

11:09 AM:
- yoplait French vanilla: 170

okay I wrote a whole thing but im paranoid one of my family members Is gonna find me on this site so I need to be careful with how I word things LMFAO im trying to be vague enough in case

12:06 PM:
the thing im looking forward to most is having a tiny ribcage. I used to think it was impossible, I view my ribcage as being gigantic but honestly im thinking its gonna shrink a lot, when I push in that area, it seems like there's a lot of space for it to shrink so im just really praying my hip to waist ratio becomes exactly how I want it, which is stick like LOL

- dinner:
9:52 PM:
- chicken sandwich: 440


TOTAL FOR THE DAY:
610

okay it took 7 HOURS at the salon to get my hair done, but it ended up turning out super cute and plus, i only ate a yogurt before that and then we got fast food so luckily i didnt even have time to eat because i was at the salon all day
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#337 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 14 November 2021 - 10:51 AM

10:49 AM
breakfast:
- banana: 140

life is going good!

 

gonna fast


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#338 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 16 November 2021 - 11:29 AM

breakfast:

11:28 AM:

nothing yet

 

been fasting, I don't know if ill be able to continue it throughout today cause my mom is gonna be home all day we'll see

 

- half a Bosc pear: 50

- half a banana: 70

- 8 grapes: 16

- half an applesauce: 25

- 3 strawberries: 12

- baby bell peppers: 25

total: 

198

 

dinner:

- brussel sprouts: 135

 

8:25 PM: I wish I lived in a safer neighborhood so I could go walking more. I might look into getting another gym membership hehe but im scared of the old men that stare so hopefully I can find a good one with separate rooms or something

 

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 333

ooh an angel number LOL jk maybe, IM SO GLAD MY WATER CAME BACK ON SO I CAN WASH FRUIT!!! I feel so good right now I missed this I love when I only eat fruit and veggies all day, im gonna do this again tomorrow I feel AMAZING and FULL and I stayed under 300! this is how it used to be back then, I would only eat blueberries, deli meat, lettuce, and yogurt, and then chicken and salad or something for dinner, I got tiny so fast when I was doing that. im so so happy im SOO SO HAPPY IM ECSTATIC EVEN! seriously everythings falling into place so quickly, except there's a few more crucial decisions I need to make, some things I need to take more seriously, time I need to spend more wisely. but im glad, grateful and so blessed because I am RIDING the waves. its all good! one thing and goal id like to set for myself this week is to be more active. I hope by next Tuesday I am walking daily again, my legs are stiff and I am very out of shape. just getting up gets me out of breath, ever since my surgery ive just laid around in bed all day except for when I go to work. IM SO EXCITED AHH!!!! another goal I have for myself is to make a friend on campus, but that's more long term cause im still too afraid right now. im drinking my daily unsweet black tea again (except I used to do more green tea) and that's 100% helping me, whenever im craving sugar, I make a glass of unsweet black tea and put a stevia packet in. oh and another thing.. I used to obsessively drink multiple multiple glasses of water a day, after my surgery I stopped that too so im gonna pick that habit up again. chug a glass before I eat type thing. I looooooooove this energy so much LOL but I feel kind of guilty cause I feel like ive been too self centered lately, as in im only thinking about myself, I feel self indulgent. I feel like im spending too much thinking about what Taeyong's bestie needs to do, what taeyong's bestie wants, what taeyong's bestie's future is gonna look like. I don't like it cause im afraid im gonna detach from reality, and make myself a bad person to be around. so im gonna try and get out of my head a bit in little ways so I don't become too detached from those around me and make them feel forgotten :( I swear I sound so weird the way im typing right now but idk im just trying to put all my thoughts out so I don't ruminate on them later and therefore go even further in my head. I just gotta balance my internal and external world, that's what it is. 

 

10:37 PM: also it's been a while since I actually did 400 400 600 800... maybe I should go back, idk, it got kind of boring and I don't like having a routine, it's actually more fun now to just be like "lets see how low I can get, if I get under 800 that's the goal, OMG HOW EXCITING I got under 400 without even trying!" which brings up the thought of do I have to move threads now? but I just really like this one and I like the concept of posting to the same thread for so long until there's like hundreds of pages so I hope its okay that I keep posting here. and if its not, Ill literally go back on 4468 just to stay here LMFAO like I don't want to uproot at all. also Mariah Carey looks sooo beautiful in her newest Spotify picture, I love that woman till I die. I watched almost all of wuthering heights (the version with the Skins girl, Kaia something) and I just know 100% the book is better, or at least I hope. I haven't read it yet. the movie is kind of weird, I really liked the scene where Heathcliff was listening in on Cathy telling the other lady that she was gonna marry the other dude, can't remember his name it started with a T I think, and Heathcliff was so upset bless his heart he got up and ran away, that part struck my emotions which is kinda what I was waiting for. the beginning was weird tho idk plus I don't like movies with violence and they kept beating up poor Heathcliff like I can't stand that shit LMFAO I can't stand senseless violence, maybe it wasn't senseless in this case cause it furthered the plot and developed their character traits but to me its just like... do I need 30 seconds of someone getting lashed and kicked violently on the ground in one sitting, no I do not. it makes me so mad that's why I can't watch squid game. the young actors that played young Heathcliff and Cathy did such a great job tho. Im not gonna lie I only started it cause I like Kate bush's song LMFAO but im probably not gonna finish it, I mean seriously the movies almost done and I still haven't seen anything about Cathy dying and coming back to Heathcliff as a ghost? isn't that what its all about? I thought that's what the book and song was about. welp


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#339 taeyong’s bestie

taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 17 November 2021 - 12:54 PM

12:53 PM

breakfast:

nothing

 

2:20 PM:

- 8 grapes: 16

- 10 small strawberries: 20

total: 36

 

going for a walk in a second! my stomach is a little bit smaller today, I believe I might've peed out some water weight. I need to look for my scale, im not sure if my mom took it away again or not. I haven't weighed myself at home in sooo long im excited to see where I am, ive mentally prepared myself to see a number bigger than I want, but I think its gonna be an okay number

 

5:29 PM:
dinner

- green beans: 31

- meat loaf: not sure but based on what I found online, around 400

total: 431

 

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 467

 

okay so its only 5:30 but idc im cutting off the calorie limit here for the day, im gonna fill up on water so I can finish the day with less than 500 cals

 

7:54 PM:

I made a grocery list, im going to the store tomorrow cause I think im gonna start the keto diet... EXCITED! perfect excuse to diet, my mom is familiar with it and is an advocate for it so it won't be too weird that im wanting to try it


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#340 taeyong’s bestie

taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 18 November 2021 - 09:52 AM

9:52 AM:
- 2 strawberries: 8 cal
- 6 more strawberries: 24 cal
- 1 cup mixed blackberry, raspberry, 1 strawberry: 50
total: 82

im about to make a smoothie, i drank about two glasses of water so far

11:34 AM: i ended up not making the smoothie but those fruits were enough, im going to boston market for the first time later i think (because we have a coupon LOL) and so im planning on getting their turkey cause its only like 140 cals, their steamed veggies, and it comes with cornbread but im gonna act like i dont like it, it has too many carbs, honestly im already getting sick and tired of this keto thing so i might drop it but im gonna try and power thru just for the time being. just to try it, see how it makes me feel. my goal is to be under 50g of carbs cause i searched and thats what it said should be the goal for keto. i might have to double check that haha also my mom is really annoying cause she has this way of breaking me down by complimenting my old self and whining about how she wishes i could be that person again. like for example, i used to have long blond hair and now its apple red and short so shell be like “look at this photo, you had such long pretty blonde hair what happened to it ” or “i wish you were a kid again” like STFU OMFG it makes me wanna cry tbh cause im kinda sensitive LOL anyways time to go get the food

11:55 AM:
- 25 grape tomatoes: 125

my blood sugar gets low so fast i literally felt the heart racing coming back, i had to slam those tomatoes so quick , i feel better now but i didnt think i would get over 100 with those small ass things so quickly

1:52 PM:
- turkey breast: 160
- broccoli: 31
- 2/3 mashed potato: 200
- corn bread: 160
total: 551

okay so fuck keto, its really too hard for me. i can lose weight without going into ketosis, literally CICO like i do wanna keep my carbs down but for now its too much of a change and im just gonna restrict how i always do LOL low calories? filling? okay, we eating it.

4:50 PM: literally all i wanna do rn is stuff my face with chocolate, chocolate bars, chocolate fudge brownies, everything, but im not. im not going to. i think recognizing binge urges for what they are— seeking dopamine and instant happiness and joy—- helps me combat them so much. if i wasnt doing everything to contain myself right now id go on ahead and go to the drug store by me, buy a whole bunch of chocolate candies, then hit up the donut store next door and buy CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES donuts, jelly filled donuts, blueberry donuts, SO many and just EAT ALL OF IT, i really really want to but im not going to im so happy that i know within my heart that i have the self control to stop myself from binging these days, instead im getting dopamine or whatever it is from imagining how HAPPY ill be when i hit my goal weight, yeah junk food would make me happy right now but obviously itd be temporarily, im gonna be so effing happy and proud of myself when i hit 99 lbs, its gonna be so worth it. ill be able to treat myself when i hit my goal weights, i just need to be patient. the reason i wanna binge is because im super worried about my future, my schooling ends in one semester and i have NO CLUE WHAT IM GONNA DO AFTER THAT! i dont even wanna go to 4 year college after i get this liberal arts degree! fuck…
also i am super embarrassed when i think about how two years have passed since i made this thread and im still basically at the same weight :| and how i literally got down to the 120s but then fucked it all up after my surgery and binged back to 140. ugh. i was buying brownies, donuts every day, rice krispie treats, and downing them when no one was watching like a mad animal. id eat an entire loaf of bread by myself. i was eating so much, i was getting fast food so many times a week. why did i do that? whatever, i learned my lesson, im gonna do it right this time.
5:17 PM: gonna go walking in a second, so i’ thinking about what to plan for thanksgiving and christmas, obvi theres gonna be lots of calories floating around soon as those holidays approach and im already terrified because my family is 100% a food family that looks down on people restricting, even just for a diet. welp, ive done it before, i can do it again! i just need to be really careful, im already fully prepared for my mom to ask me if im relapsing

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 758

yayy i stayed under 800 even tho i ate out woooo

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