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#341 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 19 November 2021 - 09:22 AM

todays gonna be a 1,000 day

9:20 AM
breakfast
- nothing yet

im gonna have today be a little higher so i can give my system a little boost before i delve back into going under 500. my fear of cancer is so bad rn, i saw two posts in a row talking about cancer and whenever this happens it makes me want to cry, i remember one time i saw 5 POSTS on my feed (different site) about cancer IN A ROW and i was so fucking worried cause like come on at that point it has to be a sign? but its not, its not, i need to be careful with what i speak out into the air

12:54 PM:
- leftover meatloaf: 150

lucky for you thats what i like… thats what i like… luckyfor you tha why is a bruno mars song from 30 million years ago stuck ijnmy head

im going to the store NEOW and im fully prepared to spend way too much money on food #Whatever tho becasue i need more strawberries!!! and other safe foods, all we have rn is apples which i avoid like satan so ive got a list in my phone, i usually shop haphazardly, no planning beforehand or anything but i wanna go in with a plan so i can get as much bang for my buck, i dont wanna cheap out tho cause i really need to stock up. IM HAPPY! also i hate to do this to Kate Bush but like Running up that hill is just NOT a good song.. i mean its not terrible but it reminds me of something i mightve heard in an aeropostale changing room in 2014 right after that song by M83, midnight something midnight city, yeah. its just too brash for my tastes i mean come on i like it romantic i like it sultry and silky, im a mariah stan for petes sakes

2:51 PM:
- mcchicken (no mayo): 320
- a fourth of a large french fry: 123
- a third of a half unsweet half sweet tea: 27
total: 470

alright were at 620, not bad especially since my mom randomly brought home fast food, i gave myself a limit of 1,000 today so that means i have 380 left for dinner which i can definitely do ima make a salad

7:55 PM
- cucumber: 10
- lettuce: 16
- grape tomato: 12
- cole slaw: 20
total: 58

OMG THANKNGOD MY SALAD CAME OUT TO ONLY 58, okay 380 minus 58 = 322
WHICH IS PERFECT CAUSE MY SIBLING IS MAKING COOKIES

8:55 PM:
- two chocolate cookies: 200

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 878

OMG okay im proud of myself for not getting up to 1,000 even tho it was the goal i set LOL. i couldve eaten another cookie but you know what, im practicing self restraint. there will be more cookies down the line, i will be able to eat them every once and a while when i hit my goal weights LOL.

[[[i kinda wanna plan out what im gonna eat tomorrow… heres my draft idea:
[[[breakfast:
- 20 strawberries (im gonna be restricting lower tomorrow so i REALLY wanna fill up quick in the morning): 80 cal
- blueberry yogurt: 90 cal
total: 170
[[[lunch:
- 1 cup cucumber: 16 cal
- 5 grape tomatoes: 7 cal
total: 23
[[[total without dinner: 193

and then i have no clue what ill do for dinner, if its just me im making another 60 cal salad LOL

so by dinner time, ill have eaten 193 of my 500 cals for tomorrow which leaves 307 for dinner. i got this in the bag. ]]]

9:09 PM: you know what ima just say it it sucks cause i really wanna go to bed early, like NOW, but then that means im gonna wake up early and waking up early means waking up at 8 (not that early, i know LOL), feeling dizzy and nauseous cause my blood sugar is low, having to rush downstairs half asleep, slam the food and calories i was SAVING for the afternoon in order to feel better, then go back and lay down and then be hungry again by 12 it just sucks like theres so much time im wasting cause of this damn



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#342 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 20 November 2021 - 11:47 AM

11:45
breakfast:
- lemon water: 8.5

ummm i feel like there was something i was gonna say… oh yeah, i weighed myself w clothes on and it was the same from a few days ago which means i lost however much the clothes weigh yay i should be near 130 by the start of december if the world could be so kind

12:49 PM:
- 8 strawberries: 32
- blueberry yogurt: 90
total: 122

that yogurt was so not worth it im sadddd

11:09 PM: my baby cousins are over im gonna have to update later

- split pea soup: 230
- cantaloupe: 32
total: 262

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 392.5

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#343 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 21 November 2021 - 08:16 AM

8:15 AM
- nothing yet

1:52 PM:
- breakfast crepe: 90
- cut fruit and syrup: 150
- eggs: 180
- bacon: 90
total: 510

im starving actually LOL yesterday i ran around so much, today ima aim for 800

1:54 PM:
im literally stressed im hiding in my room cause i watched and played w my baby cousins ALL DAY yesterday while my mom didnt do SHIT; this morning i got up early and made them breakfast then my mom got mad at me because there was a bunch of dishes in the sink even tho i was a minute away from cleaning them, im so stressed and i just wanna live by myself if anything this is motivation to save up for my own apartment LMFAO

5:19 PM
- Gabriella Whited workout: 120

my ab muscles and legs are so sore LOL

8:45 PM:
still havent had dinner yet, i walked some more, im so fucking nauseous so im doing the pretend youre chewing food and swallowing it technique to get my brain to turn off the hunger signal LOL

10:08 PM:
okay FINALLY im about to eat some broccoli and rice

 

10:32 PM:

- steamed broccoli: 50

- rice: 260

- sweet chili sauce, idfk, its 50 per tbsp and I didn't prepare the rice so im gonna say: 100

- costa rice clementine Bai: 10

total: 420

 

 

510

- 120

+ 420 = 

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 810

 

woot woot basically 800 okay I hate when people talk about pets dying like please I don't need that I don't need that moment right now please, I can't lose my babies I just can't and im scared thinking about it is gonna do something so im done on to the next topic

 

Im gonna buy some vitamins. 

I haven't weighed myself in a second but I have a feeling that when I do im gonna be approaching the 120s by the beginning of December I just have a feeling we'll see. 

 

also I wish I could get a running machine but they're like 1000 dollars+ and I can't put it on this second floor, the kitchen light below my room already blinks if you jump on the floor LOL am I being negative? I hope im not being negative. tbh I feel like there are a lot of things to be worried about rn, im worried about me and my family catching covid again and I have exams coming up, its okay it'll all be good I just need to like plan something out, I feel like I need to create a plan for myself, I can't see very far into the future 

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#344 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 22 November 2021 - 02:39 AM

2:36 AM:

okay im finding it rlly hard to drift off to sleep, so im gonna “pull an all nighter” as in stay on my phone until i fall asleep, i havent pulled an all nighter in SUCH a long time, like at least 3 years i feel like.. actually thats a lie, i stayed up all night once in that time period but thats it. i really hate staying up past 1 AM cause im scared of worsening my eyebags and health but just this once ill survive. then, tomorrow, i wanna try getting prepared to make my plan thing, and figure out when i want to implement it.

1:38 PM:
still havent eaten yet

2:05 PM:
- 6 strawberries: 30
- rice: 300
total: 330
umm I think my mom tries to trigger me on purpose. like thanks its totally a good idea to talk about starving for the health benefits around me, they fucking know I have an ed why do my family members do shit like that

8:02 PM
nothing yet

my mom is so lame tryna compete with me with my ed LMFAO today I think she started to catch on that im trying key word trying to low restrict again, she hasn't talked about dinner even tho we usually have it by now and I think she's tryna see if ill be desperate enough to come down and ask if she's making dinner or if I should

10:01 PM:
- 1 cup coleslaw without dressing: 30
- 5 grape tomatoes: 7
- 5 cucumber slices: 4
total:
41

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 371

YESSSSSS we back in business baby, its been a while since I did a 400 day

11:45 PM:
why was he HOLDING HER HAND WHEN HES SUPPOSED TO BE MINE i kinda want a mans rn

12:35 AM:
okay so i saw this motivational quote someone shared on here earlier, it said something like “suffer the pain of discipline now, or suffer the pain of regret later” and honestly that struck me LOL i really cant decide what to do like i know where i want to be but im struggling with getting there, i guess i need to fix that

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#345 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 23 November 2021 - 09:47 AM

9:46 AM:
nothing yet

p a r t y p-p-p-p a r t y

breakfast:

- 6 strawberries: 24

- 2 eggs: 156

total: 180

 

3:42 PM:

- two pineapple rings: 30

- 2 cucumber slices: 8

- 1 cup cantaloupe: 80

total: 118

 

total so far: 298

 

I was thinking of making today an 800 day, especially im under 400 so I have plenty of wiggle room for dinner. idk what im having for dinner but hopefully its 400 calories or less. 

 

5:51 PM:

I have a signature againnn I might take it off again tho cause sometimes the bigness of it annoys me LOL

 

9:01 PM:

- bagel: 110

- vegan burger patty: 200

- 1/2 cup chickpeas: 150 but im gonna count it as 200 cause im scared I actually ate more

total: 510 AHHHH

IM SO EFFING MAD IM SO EFFING MAD FOR ONE I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK, I SEARCHED CALORIES IN 1 CUP OF CHICKPEAS AND THE GOOGLE AUTO RESULT THING SAID 729 CALORIES BITCH THANK FUCK I FACT CHECKED THAT CAUSE I ALMOST FUCKING DIED RIGHT THERE, HOW DARE THEY FUCKING DO THAT TO ME? OMFG????? OMFG.... LITERALLY NOT FUCKING FUNNY I ALMOST DIED IM TRYING NOT TO CRY RIGHT NOW FROM THE STRESS THAT ALMOST BROUGHT ME OMFG CAN YOU IMAGINE IF I CONSUMED 792 CALORIES IN ONE CUP OF A STUPID ASS FUCKING FOOD I DONT EVEN LIKE THAT MCUH? OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG im gonna need financial compensation, okay that's enough for one day lets calculate the total

 

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 808 

 

okay nice it was an 800 day good, tomorrow ill aim for maybe another 800 maybe a 600 ill see how I feel, im still tryna recover from that scare a few minutes ago like omfg the thought of accidentally consuming half of 729 which is basically 400 calories of chickpeas on accident.. omfg im never eating them again and i SWEAR it.

9:13 PM

Im listening to born to make you happy by queen brit and looking at low calorie dessert recipes... I feel so good rn after the relief of the total being around 800 after all.. I was so scared I was gonna have to log like 2000 calories or some shit OMFG please my heart can't take it

 

I WAS BORN TO MAKE YOU HAPPY 

 

okay lets look at how much exercise you would need to burn off 200 calories of chickpeas according to Nutritionix.com...

Walking = 72 minutes

Running = 26 minutes

Bicycling = 37 minutes

 

okay now I wanna look at how much it takes to burn off a donut, since my mom said she wants us to go get donuts at some point with her coupon

the donut I would get is 270 cal

walking = 73 minutes

running = 26 minutes

bicycling = 37 minutes

 

similar to the 200 calories that's funny... makes me feel like they're lying cause I know 200 versus 270 is only 70 calories but STILL, those 70 calories HAVE to take extra time to burn right? right? right? idfk anymore that's why I like to overexercise to catch any sneaky little calories tryna not get burned off LOL 

 

9:22 PM:

I cringe so hard when I think about all the money ive wasted like oh lord if I Never wasted all that money my savings would be probably tripled... it makes me so like LOL how stupid could I have been I was so naive

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#346 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 24 November 2021 - 01:38 PM

1:35 PM:
- 5 baby bell peppers: 96
- 2 large strawberries: 12
total: 108

bell peppers are turning into a fear food, I forgot how many calories they add up to when you have more than one : ' ) gonna help clean around the house which will hopefully burn some calories! also I feel like im one step closer to discovering my calling in life so that feels amazing, literally amazing I need a calling, a passion

4:30 PM:
- 12 cucumber slices: 10

thank god for cucumbers. can i get an amen?

6:08 PM: im in the dressing room trying to find an outfit for thanksgiving and never have i ever wanted to cry more like i look so fucking fat and pear shaped and ugly none of the dresses are flattering and my mom asked what one of the dresses sizes was and i said petite and she said oh thats okay it can work for ur height too and to me that just reads as… UR NOT THIN ENOUGH TO BE PETITE, BUT UR SHORT ENOUGH i feel like shit i rlly wanna cry but im not going to

9:26 PM:
- chipotle bowl: 540

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 658 and ill round up to 700 in case

WOOOOOO SUCCESS SUCCESS BABY

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#347 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 25 November 2021 - 02:04 PM

2:02 PM:
not gonna be counting calories today! im gonna be having to eat a plate full of thanksgiving food in front of my family so im gonna have to do my best to keep it as low as possible, but it is what it is and hopefully when i go back to 400 calories or whatever tomorrow i might break the plateau ive been at for the last week


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#348 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 26 November 2021 - 06:26 AM

6:22 AM:

woke up randomly, yesterday was pretty good im grateful cause im usually so nervous at family gatherings but yesterday wasnt bad at all and i actually got away with eating really small servings of all the sides, i have NO clue what my total was for yesterday but when i got home i slammed out a bunch of those youtube Just Dance playthroughs, that way i could discretely exercise without making it look like i was purposefully busting my ass off to burn all the thanksgiving dinner LOL so yeah, back to either 400 or 600 or 800 im not sure ill see how it goes


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#349 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 27 November 2021 - 12:01 PM

12:01 PM:
nothing yet

hello… is it me youre looking for…


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#350 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 30 November 2021 - 12:55 AM

taking exams and no time to update, will be back next week. been restricting like usual but not nearly as low as i should, i bought and stress ate some donuts and other junk food today because these exams got me twisted


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#351 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 01 December 2021 - 03:30 PM

i only have a few exams left so im coming back tomorrow, starting tomorrow ima do a week of 1,000 and then maybe 800-1000 the week after


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#352 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 02 December 2021 - 02:02 PM

2:02 PM

- 1 cup strawberries: 47

 

6:05 PM:
- burrito: 400

 

9:15:
- chips and guac: 140

 

total: 587


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#353 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 03 December 2021 - 12:52 PM

12:52
- small apple: 78

I usually like to avoid apples but I had a strong sweet tooth and thankfully I had those little baby apples

ive been having weird dreams, ive had multiple multiple dreams of watching a bomb drop from the sky and quickly get bigger from a distance, as well as the moon quickly cascading from a distance, getting bigger and bigger in the sky until it casts a dark shadow over all of us and then explodes on the ground and I wake up. also the past few days, ive been having predictive dreams, as in whatever happens in the dream happens the day after. so like for example the first time I dreamt someone gifted me fake eyelashes, then the next day out of NOWHERE my aunt sent me fake eyelashes as a random gift even tho its not christmas/bday yet? then the next night I dreamt that we were gonna need repair men to come over and fix something in the back of the house, two men to be exact, with high pitched voices, and then I WAKE UP THAT MORNING AND MY MOM IS FREAKING OUT CAUSE THE HOT WATER HEATER RANDOMLY "exploded" AND WAS LEAKING WATER EVERYWHERE... so we had to call fixer men people LOL and it was TWO OF THEM WITH HIGH PITCHED VOICES.... and so last night, I was reading this you tubers community post about how a random character from a show shows up in their dream even tho they never watch that show and don't even look at any related content? and that exact same thing happened to me in my dream last night, I hung out with Timothee chalamet? ive never watched his movies and I literally don't think about him ever, he was really cute In my dream tho LOL but yeah the synchronicities are freaking me out, I need answers

3:23:
- strawberry smoothie: it says 140 but im gonna round it to 300 just in case LOL

5:18 :
- chocolate glazed donut: 320

im up to 698 and im aiming for 1,000 so i have like 300 cals left, i think i can do that im planning a healthy dinner

6:35 PM:
making some chicken and broccoli for dinner

literally when you see all the bad people in this world its like… im so GLAD im a good person, go me, i love being a great person, thank god i have great morals, if youre reading this and consider yourself a great person there needs to be more of us

- chicken: 400 idk??
- broccoli: 80

total: 1,178

bye

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#354 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 04 December 2021 - 02:34 PM

2:33 PM:
- some scoops of brownie: idk, one serving is 140 and i think i ate a little more than that so im saying 250

i need to go back to only eating fruits and vegetables life was so much better back then LOL

my mindset is slowly getting more negative which isnt helpful at all so im trying to change that, i also need to find a better source of income

i actually am glad i ate the brownie cause once the craving was satisfied, my sweet tooth is gone and i dont feel HUNGRY hungry like i feel like i can go til dinner

6:36 PM:
spanish rice: 180
black beans: 227
total: 407

FEELING FANTABULOUS :D

250 + 407 =
657 but gonna round to 800 in case them brownies

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 800

okay tomorrow, NO JUNK FOOD! my costar said “right now, you have no self control” WAHHH im trying, im gonna go back to veggies and fruit tomorrow i swear

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#355 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 05 December 2021 - 06:27 AM

6:25 AM:
woke up randomly right now and i put on one of those binaural beats videos before i went to bed, seriously does anyone else get a little depressed when they listen to these kinds of sounds? i swear i woke up and walked around a little bit and this binaural beats “help you sleep” video in the background made me feel slightly suicidal, i dont say that to be funny or exaggerate it was a weird feeling that i havent had in a while, im not gonna do anything LOL but like it was just that weird deep, sunken and hollow chest feeling that you can get when youre really depressed and it made me so sad and started putting thoughts in my head about how life is pointless to keep living, damn maybe i needa change this video LOL

10:19 AM:
- 1/2 cup strawberries: 25
- fourth of a banana: 27
total: 52

1:33 PM:
- 2 pork tenderloins: 300
- 7 brusselsprouts: 38
- 2 tbsp rice: 30
- coke: 200
total: 568 but rounding to 650

watching teen mom 2 and enjoying winter break

9:32 PM:
- like 10 peach rings: 180 but ima say 300
- salted caramel dark chocolate: 150 but ima say 200
total: 500

GAHHHH

i want to move out so bad i hate my mom so much she filled my room with HER shit and so i cant even hide in there from her horrible ass im gonna cry

total rn is 1,202

10:58 PM:

i am so gucking mad right now inams focumcing m s jdkekd ddjskekdkwkfkkwd im so fucking mad i wanncry this cant be real i swear the thing i got surgery for not gona be specific in case someone i know finds this but the surgery i had, it feels WORSE NOW THAN IT DID BEFORE IM GONNA RIP MY HAIR OUT THIS IS MAKING ME WANT TO

for some strange reason this is making me want to starve and not eat ever again LOL i am so fucking miserable i feel so bad becuase i tbink im overreacting but i swear this is so bad

im drinking this green tea and thats a wrap for the day causeif theres one thing im not gonna let fail on me, its reaching my gw no maam no maam

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 1,202

i feel so bad because in the midst of my random mood swings today ive made my sister feel like she did something wrong , she didnt, bless her heart i just cant talk to anyone right now

i think im gonna pretend to be sick so i can get away with a week long liquid diet of soup broth and tea like i swear thats the only thing thats gonna make me happy rught now im a wreck but like im actually fine its just i feel the need to be dramatic right now and cry LOL

i was goin thru my google photos and i saw a pic in my mariah folder of her on her wedding day and it made me so happy LOL she looked so cute and breath taking

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#356 taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 06 December 2021 - 02:49 PM

2:48 PM:
- 1/3 cup of strawberries: 20
- smoothie mix: 70
total: 90

auld lang syne or whteva

literally im so grateful for smoothies and soup type stuff because whenever i have a sweet tooth i can just pop some frozen fruit in the microwave or blender and sprinkle stevia all over it and whenever im craving something savory/salty i can just make a low cal soup like goodbye im so blessed LOL… jm going to the store later and i cant wait to stock up on more of my fav foods cause ive been out for a week and yeah

2:58 PM:
literally i am interested in being more organized so im gonna plan out my metabolism days, todays gonna be an 800 day, tomorrow will be 600-800, and then the next day will be 1,000. then 800 again, then 600-800, then 1,200. then 800, then 800, then 1,000, then 1,000, then 1,200. idk its not really strategic but i kinda just put whatever number felt right LOL

9:34 PM:
- 8 ct chickfila nuggets: 260
- medium fries: 320
- tea: idk if its large or medium so 170
total: 750

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 840

im deadass so triggered rn so triggered so triggered so triggered because my mom who used to make fun of me for being way heavier than she was when she was my age (she was like skinny asf, underweight when she was young) and so today she was like “i found clothes in my closet from when i was taeyong’s bestie age!” AND INeidiwkfiwkdiwkdowkdowk-&:&2838283&28&:28:&2&&:2& GRAHHHHHHGGHH IMMSPFUCKING MAD HOW DARE YOU HOW DARENYOU HOW DARENYOU THE JEANS ARE TINY THEY LOOK LIKE TODDLER CLOTHES INCOULD NEVER FIT THOSE FUCK YOU FUCK YOUFUCIK YOU


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#357 taeyong’s bestie

taeyong’s bestie

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Posted 07 December 2021 - 04:41 AM

4:39 AM:

WHEN I TELL YALL LOOKING AT THESE PHOTOS OF MY CRUSH WHILE LISTENING TO THE 2014 MIDDLE SCHOOL ASS SONG LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO BY ELLIE GOULDING HAS GOT ME FUCKED UP… IM CRYING IMCRYINEFIEKFIE IM CRYING YOURE THE PAIN YOURE THE CURE LET ME TAKE YOU PAST SATURN LIGHTS LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO TOUCH ME LIKE YOU DO WHAT ARE YOU WIATING FORRRTRRRRRRRNRRJE IM IN MY IN LOVE ERA YASSSS I BEEN WAITING FOR DIS

4:42 AM:
the minutes apart updates lmfao anyways so i now im listening to all i wanted by paramore and im just… some people have eyes so beautiful

4:23 PM:
- unsweetened apple sauce: 45
- 6 grape tomatoes: 9
total: 54

5:35 PM:
yall i bought a stroller for
my cats and im waiting on it to get here and like girl its supposed to be here by today so im like standing here at the door impatient asf LOL cause that stroller.. is gonna be the KEY to me exercising discretely! cat meows to be let out? oh brb yall Meow meow needs some fresh air, no questions asked, then i push that heavy ass stroller all around the neighborhood a thousand times and get my steps in hehehe

6:15 PM:
- 1/3 canned chicken: 33
- small apple: 78
- mustard & mayo: idk how much so ill say 100
total: 211

total so far:
265

6:56 PM:
no longer blind… i can focus on deception used to keep me by your side… i REEEAAAD your miiiIiIiIind… dont believe its all a MYSTERY theres nothing you can hide… ITS ALL DEFINED!!! theres nothing you can tell me now to change the WAY I FEEL INSIDE ALL THE DREAAAAAMS WE PLANNNNED… i beLIEVED so I held ON i underSTAAAAAAAANED EEEYEAHHEYEAHEYAH so when the morning comes you know that ill be… GOOOOOOOONE

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 265

lowest ive gone in a while Lmfao.. im not even that hungry just really tired but i cant sleep so its like torture

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#358 taeyong’s bestie

taeyong’s bestie

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Posted Yesterday, 07:36 AM

7:35 AM:

show is over go and take a bow wow
still waiting on that package
todays gonna be an 800 day methinks

8:25 AM:
- cup of mandarin oranges: 50

8:50 AM:
- 1 cup strawberries: 46
- half strawberry greek yogurt: 40
total: 86

9:15 AM:
- chickpeas: i hate these little shits SO much but my sister made some for me and im never going to let her be influenced by my ed so i took them and i just hate google so much because the amount i ate is either 100 or fucking 400 calories like WTF so ima just put 400 and call it a motherfucking day, there goes half of the days calories ffs google fix your CALORIE COUNTER!!!

total so far: 536

10:41 AM:
my mom just called my sister a bag of bones in front of me. my sister has always been skinny like a model and im just sitting here trying to hide the fact that im triggered with my 22 BMI and huge fucking thighs and ugly ass gigantic ribcage and waist

1:16 PM:
this bitch i know has no problem talking shit behind my back but acting all NICE to my face, kissing my ass to get what she wants but then talking mad shit about me FOR NO REASON on her spam that i follow??? im gonna be real honest it hurts my feelings and all i can do is just accept it cause i really liked her and actually wanted to impress her and help her out whenever she asked for help but this is what i get… even tho i barely even know her, just casual friends (which makes it even weirder cause like WHY U HATING ON ME FOR?? U DONT EVEN KNOW ME..) i was so nice to her and shes making fun of me cause of my interests like wth
and i act a little weird so she probably sees me as an easy target, ffs everywhere i go i get somebody tryna bully me like were in middle school or something LMFAO it hurts im not gonna lie, it hurts

and im trying not to think about it too much, but it scares me, because it makes me feel like my sense of security is gone. like im scared shes gonna attack me or publicly shame and humiliate me in front of everyone. hate to turn this into a sob story but thats what happened to me when i was younger, a friend ended up bullying me so badly the entire school was making fun of me and spreading rumors, to the point where i almost killed myself. then my mom made fun of me for that too I SWEAR I CANT ESCAPE JUDGEMENTAL MEAN PEOPLE i laugh about it now but looking back, wow… no wonder i isolate and am afraid to talk to people and make friends in real life… deep down i am afraid they are all out to get me and want to get the whole world to turn on me and make fun of me… i can NEVER let that happen ill break apart and die

3:18 PM:
okay so right now im at 536 which if my limit is 800 that leaves 264 and if my limit is 1,000 that leaves 464 so

5:14 PM:
weighed in at 137 but ima weigh again once my bowels are empty LOL *pls actually be 135 pls actually be 135*

5:29 PM:
sitting on the couch watching red velvet music videos sipping zero cal lemonade.. lifes good

6:27 PM:
- strawberry peach tea with stevia: 30???
- 10 cucumber slices: 10
total: 40
- more tea: 30
total: 70

total so far: 576 + 70 = 646

9:59 PM:
- 4 pc chicken nuggets: 170
- kids fries: 110
- apple juice: 35
total: 315

TOTAL FOR THE DAY: 961

yasss under 1,000, okay tomorrow will be an 800 day. im tryna decide my career this is probably the biggest priority on my mind rn, i need to decide— and quick— what i want to do with the rest of my life bc i aint gonna be a spring chicken 4eva

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