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Having "Reverse" Body Dysmorphia...? Is that even a thing?

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#1 Comedy=Tragedy+Time

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Posted 12 November 2019 - 01:27 PM

Okay so this going to sound really fucking stupid but I always see myself as... Smaller than I actually am? It could just be denial of how fat I actually am but I cannot see exactly how fat I am. I mean, yes I'm large and definitely not where I was let's say 4 years ago, but I'm also not feeling /that/ fat when it comes to appearance. I weigh 254 but I just feel like I would be astronomically larger but i guess it's just how I carry it..

Do I see it on the scale? Absolutely. The mirror? Maybe not as much.

I've seen people at the same or around the same weight as me and they're bigger than me in measurements usually (that sound so mean but I'm really not trying to be...)

I've never shared this before because of how goddamn ridiculous it sounds but I also think i would feel some sort of comfort knowing someone else goes through it too. It's really disorienting because I know I'm fat but I don't feel like I'm trudging through mud either like I thought I would.
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#2 Guest_comatosebaby_*

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Posted 12 November 2019 - 01:34 PM

I relate. I feel it especially intensely if I lose 1-2 kg. I instantly start feeling like my body is much, much smaller


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#3 Peanut.

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Posted 12 November 2019 - 01:35 PM

I can see how something like that could develop. There's plenty of people around who are plus-sized but who insist they are sizes 2-8 and even buy clothing that size and force themselves into it that I've encountered (not saying you're one of them but they seem to have some form of BD just as those who are small but think they're larger and buy plus sized clothing). Don't ever feel bad or ridiculous! If questioning yourself and finding others who share a struggle help you to work through it and reach a healthy weight then there's zero shame in it.


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#4 divine wine

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Posted 12 November 2019 - 01:37 PM

"reverse" body dysmorphia is not a thing, because body dysmorphia, in definition, does not necessarily mean you have to see yourself as fat. it can be in any shape or form. 

it happens to me occasionally. if i fast for a long time and get really bad hunger pains, i start to feel weak, and i start to SEE myself as skinny and weak in the mirror. it does happen. maybe my brain is just playing to get me to eat. 

it goes away when i eat though. 


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#5 Comedy=Tragedy+Time

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Posted 12 November 2019 - 01:37 PM

I relate. I feel it especially intensely if I lose 1-2 kg. I instantly start feeling like my body is much, much smaller


Right? I've lost like 15 pounds lately and like "sooo why am i not fitting these jeans yet" lmao. It's all a weird mind game.
  • thatwierdgirl and morgab.1038 like this

Male/20 years old/Frequent MPA Chatterbox

Been through EDNOS, Bulimia, and currently diagnosed/managing with Atypical Anorexia with purging subtype.

I have so much weight to lose I can't even put my stats here. (yet)

First GW achieved on Nov. 17th, 2019!

 

giphy.gif


#6 Comedy=Tragedy+Time

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Posted 12 November 2019 - 01:38 PM

"reverse" body dysmorphia is not a thing, because body dysmorphia, in definition, does not necessarily mean you have to see yourself as fat. it can be in any shape or form. 
it happens to me occasionally. if i fast for a long time and get really bad hunger pains, i start to feel weak, and i start to SEE myself as skinny and weak in the mirror. it does happen. maybe my brain is just playing to get me to eat. 
it goes away when i eat though.


Yeah I definitely could have worded it better but it was term coined by someone I knew who accused me of such a term.
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Male/20 years old/Frequent MPA Chatterbox

Been through EDNOS, Bulimia, and currently diagnosed/managing with Atypical Anorexia with purging subtype.

I have so much weight to lose I can't even put my stats here. (yet)

First GW achieved on Nov. 17th, 2019!

 

giphy.gif


#7 divine wine

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Posted 12 November 2019 - 01:42 PM

Yeah I definitely could have worded it better but it was term coined by someone I knew who accused me of such a term.

oh, sorry if I sounded judgmental :( I was actually trying to say that the term is very comprehensive and you shouldn't feel alone.


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#8 Comedy=Tragedy+Time

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Posted 12 November 2019 - 01:44 PM

oh, sorry if I sounded judgmental :( I was actually trying to say that the term is very comprehensive and you shouldn't feel alone.


Oh I didn't take it as such! You're totally fine! I just kinda realised for myself it probably sounded silly lol
  • morgab.1038 likes this

Male/20 years old/Frequent MPA Chatterbox

Been through EDNOS, Bulimia, and currently diagnosed/managing with Atypical Anorexia with purging subtype.

I have so much weight to lose I can't even put my stats here. (yet)

First GW achieved on Nov. 17th, 2019!

 

giphy.gif


#9 Guest_comatosebaby_*

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Posted 12 November 2019 - 01:45 PM

Right? I've lost like 15 pounds lately and like "sooo why am i not fitting these jeans yet" lmao. It's all a weird mind game.

 

don't even get me started on jeans sizes lol. I went down from 158 to 114 and could wear the same jeans, they just got a bit baggy. I wanted to buy a pair of new ones and went shopping - turned out I essentially was the same size cause smaller size jeans still didn't fit well


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#10 BohemianButterfly11

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Posted 13 November 2019 - 08:14 AM

Wow, I thought it was just me... I think I found the place to admit this...

When I got "big" (see my signature) I actually had no idea. I always chalked it up to part of my recovery being using a scale (psychologist recommended) and not using a full length mirror for a few months (recommended by a counsellor) but secretly... When I finally did feel good enough to look in the mirror, I found I had not changed much!

I could a little extra here and there, but I thought that was a given due to, you know, eating regularly again and thus gaining a bit of weight. My shape was the same!

Lo & behold, one day after about six to eight months, I stood on a scale... I had gained 30+kgs... And yet had been feeling positive and wearing shorts and such.. and still fit in my old clothes? (Albeit they were clothes from a weight which you could call my "set point")

And anyone who I told my weight to didn't believe I weighed that much...

I think some of us hold a higher weight incredibly well, which exacerbates the BDD.

I have noticed losing weight this time I see myself as no different. I've just shrunk. I'm the same, but smaller... It's strange.

I also remember feeling the same way close to my low weight, until I finally started to see my shape shift... Which I think triggered my dysmorphic symptoms.. my arms finally shrunk a bit and I was convinced by sight that I needed a size 12 pants... Even when they fell off! I remember telling my Mum it was just because I have small waist and my legs/bum won't fit in a smaller size, so I'll just have to get a belt, too...
My boyfriend, who met me at my highest, said the same once I had lost weight. He had no idea I actually weighed that much. He literally thought I'd lost a couple of kilos.

I don't even know what my point is, but I do relate to your post, and think maybe you're like me? You keep your shape despite getting bigger/smaller?

xxBB
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#11 deletedddddd

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Posted 13 November 2019 - 10:29 AM

My mind definitely goes both ways. I can look at photographs of myself and see the weight loss and then the next week look at the same photo and actually see that I am huge. It happens in the mirror too. It sucks. 


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#12 fadedbambi

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Posted 13 November 2019 - 10:54 AM

i relate hard to this, idk i know it's not true since i'm nowhere near where i wanna be but yeah i do feel like significantly smaller... even though i'm huge haha


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#13 Charlie (:

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Posted 14 November 2019 - 04:04 PM

My mind definitely goes both ways. I can look at photographs of myself and see the weight loss and then the next week look at the same photo and actually see that I am huge. It happens in the mirror too. It sucks. 

Yeah, same here, especially with my thighs, sometimes I feel as though they're decently small and sometimes I feel like they're super huge. It seems to depend on what I've eaten, if I gained or lost weight and if I've been spending time with bigger or smaller people that day.


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#14 NLP

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Posted 14 November 2019 - 04:38 PM

Yeah I get ya.

 

Bit like when you think you look great then catch sight of yourself in a window or something and realise it ain't that good, lol


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#15 Just Cat

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Posted 14 November 2019 - 09:18 PM

I swear this is me too. Like when I was at my lowest I saw myself as huge but now even when I'm like 20lbs bigger I don't see much difference

 

And then I have days were I suddenly see how fat I am and think I have gained when really I haven't


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#16 lonelyone77

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Posted 18 November 2019 - 11:39 PM

When I was at my HW (265 lbs, 5'2"), I didn't see it in the mirror. It was only when I saw pictures that I was like - who the fuck is that fat ass? Oh...me.

Now that I've starved 100 pounds off, I still "see" the same person in the mirror. I actually did a double take the other day when I walked past a floor length mirror at a store. Didn't recognize the reflection was me.

The brain and the tricks it plays on us suck.
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I've reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm, bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
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#17 Purplezombie1887

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Posted 19 November 2019 - 10:41 PM

Something like that.
It changes day by day. I can look in mirror some days and thin I am pretty, still fat but not terrible looking definitely smaller than I really am. Other days I hate everything about myself from weight to face to whatever. Deep down I believe I am ugly. But sometimes I don't? Like I dorget how I look. Also I'll take pictures because I always look so bad in pictures and it's not what I see in the mirror.. and they say that's what you really look like.. in pictures.... So basically I'm a troll haha. If I am manic especially I think I am pretty and I see my reflection differently.


If I am depressed I think there is no hope period. Why bother??

Also when I'm reaching my goals or restricting well I see and feel better/in control/ thinner

When I am bingeing like in the middle of it ... I literally feel my body getting bigger, I feel the tightness of my clothes, I feel like my arms, thighs etc are swelling up. (I know I can't really feel them growing) but it really feels like I can!! Then I feel so BAD just heavy and like a blob.

I'm crazy

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#18 tiredgirl

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Posted 25 November 2019 - 02:07 AM

ye when i was at my biggest i genuinely didn't see how big i was..but then sometimes i would think i was way bigger than i was anyway.

 

idunno. it's all a mind thing.


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#19 Guest_chenace_*

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Posted 25 November 2019 - 07:18 PM

yes, especially when looking @ mirrors.

#20 untrustus

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Posted 19 December 2019 - 05:28 AM

yeah. the weird thing is, i always see myself as kinda thin when im relapsing, but when im trying to recover, i see myself as way too big to recover. you'd think it'd be the other way around but ig not

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