(Copying this from pancake so here has been the past 3 days)
Hello everyone! Back from another long break if you can't tell!
I really need a place to get my mind straight. I've been in the process of recovering while I was gone and generally been a lot better ED wise.
Recently got a big fat postive pregnancy test I'm 6 weeks 1 day pregnant today as I calculated (yay) and having all those classic food aversions, fatigue and mood swings which is just... wow god I TOTALLY love it so much (kill me). Honestly I'm surprised it didn't take that long as soon as I started eating more I was suddenly super fertile.
There has been a lot of drama if you wanna read my current stresses here is a link to the thread I made about how scared I was/am about the whole thing.
This accountability will be a mix of things, mostly a journal until I go to the doctor take vitamins and stuff starts to go down. Ill be keeping track of my pregnancy and the family drama that will come with it (Trust me it's gonna get wild and I may end up hurting someone by the end of this mess).
No losing weight or going on any diet except cutting out those foods I can't have anymore and I will miss my kombucha so please pray for me. As for this current moment my biggest concern is a miscarriage, this is my first and I want to be super careful.
As for this week my biggest goal is to keep my anxiety levels low, sleep well, and try to eat enough even if it takes me having small meals throughout the day and being bloated AF. Not 100% sure yet but I think I will tell my "Roommate that is a family member" the news friday, can't wait to be slut shamed! (no really shes treated me like shit for months now I don't care anymore)
Woke up was told to clean up which is amazing considering I got only ~two hours of sleep last night, Anxiety almost all day I have actually had to lay down and comfort myself many times. Ate a bit of a carrot cake, pickles, hummus and had black decaf ice tea which at least is better than nothing. I FEEL super bloated but the mirror only shows minor bloating and I get full very fast so I'm trying not to think to hard about it. Cramps on and off nothing super painful at all got a major energy boost later on today which is totally what I wanted when it is almost bedtime. My Caregiver continues to talk about abortion so I'm just waiting until I see them face to face to argue about it. Calling them pretty soon and it is scary because I don't even like him talking about it but whatever.
Late night update
My Ex told me to "Fucking die" Joined a VC to call him as he blocked me after deleting the message and he said "It's the bitch who got with her ex and got pregnant".
Literally yesterday you said you WOULD NOT get angry, when I wake up and see you in my server having blocked me in the morning and unblocking me later is fucked up. Do I feel bad for not leaving the other guy? Well if you treat me this badly no I don't but it sucks as he is an ex daddy so I also have to deal with that type of emotional attachment. It has not caught up to me yet and it's gonna fucking suck when it does.
I just think he is more fucked up and a wimp for telling me to go die and then delete the message knowing I've tried to kill myself in the past at least I told you everything in the end, you were the one not letting me be honest in the first place about the relationship.
Things went pretty okay today, car broke down but we got it working and I got french fries which were the bomb, and some cereal that I ate a little too much of. Breakfast was okay it was a smoothie and a Laura bar, the Laura bar tasted like shit and it used to be my favorite flavor and I was burping the smoothie half the day oof. Drank actual water today which is great too. Started a prenatal vitamin to cover my bum (Which was expensive AF). I had waves of feeling tired and wide awake and by the end of the day my breasts were a little sore so I guess my symptoms are changing from exhaustion to pains now. I've been obsessing over how I am still having cramps but I'm trying not to look too far into it as they are not painful and I am not bleeding.
BF was kinda an ass today, making me go out and help someone out even though I didn't feel it and not because he is a good person but because if I don't she cries. Other than that I have been left alone for the most part so I'm less likely to break anyone's eardrums.
Today was actually amazing! On and off tired but my mood is up higher than its been in awhile!
Still not feeling "Hungry" like I can eat now. But my stomach isn't like "I need food fam". IDK I've had an ED for so long I'm pretty sure I don't know what small hunger is. But I had breakfast lunch and dinner! I used to eat this parfait all the time and it tasted super duper sweet which is weird considering I tried that bar and it tasted weird too.
Seeing BF tomorrow and extremely nervous but happy too because I miss him so so so much. This week has been torture. I'm hoping he doesn't make me tell my grann tomorrow but I also do just to get it out of the way and all. Just hope she believes our little story! He will prob make me take another test (Even though my anxious ass already took 4 from 2 different brands but I'm not telling him that ) So I might not pee until then.
Not as many cramps but I'm starting to feel sore in the tatas, if you ever got them bitten or clamped or sucked really hard its like that. They are soft too and heavy. But not super duper painful. When I do see the doctor I wanna get tested for a UTI ASAP, I'm trying to drink water and cranberry juice until then.
Waiting for morning sickness though as it seems like my family deals with it but nothing so far :/.
Anyways I'm off to bed, I was gonna sleep without updating but I thankfully remembered.