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stressed, depressed, and obsessed


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#21 typicaliii

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Posted 20 March 2020 - 07:59 AM

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#22 typicaliii

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Posted 20 March 2020 - 08:03 AM

Decided cycling for 73 miles yesterday was smart since I fucked up massively on Wednesday. I’ve been so bloated but whatever that midweek binge threw me off horribly. I threw the bag of peanut m&ms in the garbage after I dumped it into the pile of what came out of the vacuum so I wouldn’t be able to change my mind.
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#23 typicaliii

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Posted 20 March 2020 - 09:29 AM

Weight: 123.2

#24 typicaliii

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Posted 20 March 2020 - 10:22 AM

OH YEAH. I forgot, I lost it on Wednesday. I ate allll day long. Kept getting waves of guilt about it all day and ended up confessing to my fiancé way too much. Told him how I have problems with my weight and I think it’s the reason I’m so unhappy. How I no longer can remember if the reason I got sad was the reason I first lost weight, or if I lost weight because I was sad. It’s all blurred together at this point and all I know is I want to keep losing. I keep going back and forth in my head between the part of me that’s happy and proud of my family and who I am. How I want to be strong, one of the reasons being I want to be able to physically stand up for myself (which is super dumb I know) and be strong like my family. I’m hot tempered and almost obnoxious, when I’m in that mindset it’s easy for me to hate and pick fights or really stand up for myself but also I’m funnier and more wild. The other part of me is sad and wants to lose weight always just to make myself better, make myself invisible, like I’m not taking up space. So I seem more girly instead of the other tom-boy side of me. It’s weird and confusing. It felt good to get it off my chest but I feel like I over shared and look pathetic especially because I’m still big. I’m not small enough.

#25 typicaliii

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Posted 22 March 2020 - 02:40 PM

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Not doing the mfp screenshots cause it’s irritating the hell out of me. Gave it a shot but I’m sick of having to go delete pictures constantly and make sure I keep any evidence of posting on here to myself. If anybody I know sees this account or my posts I’ll be so humiliated, whether it’s by coming across this site or seeing it on my phone. So that’s that

#26 typicaliii

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Posted 24 March 2020 - 05:05 AM

121 this morning??

#27 typicaliii

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Posted 24 March 2020 - 06:54 AM

Low key hoping we get quarantined so I can have the energy to workout for 4 hours a day plus I really hate where I work lol

#28 typicaliii

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Posted 28 March 2020 - 08:52 PM

Todays weight: 118.2
Last night I ate dry cereal sitting in my car after drinking 3 beers and then came in and purged. Got a large ball of cereal stuck in my throat and was pretty freaked out for a second. My new job is somehow considered essential so I work m-f which makes it so much easier to restrict. Other than that I’ve been all over the place and having a hard time finding time to post.

#29 Accidie

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Posted 29 March 2020 - 07:16 AM

Following ;0
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5'6

cw:142

lw:122

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#30 typicaliii

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Posted 29 March 2020 - 08:39 AM

Following ;0

Yay now I’m not as lonely anymore

#31 typicaliii

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Posted 29 March 2020 - 08:45 AM

Well it is Sunday morning. Last night we smoked a little and I’m just so groggy today. Started my to do list for the day and gotta get going on it so I can hop on the bike. Not sure what we’ll be eating today, otherwise I would’ve logged it already lol. I’m trying my best to find more time to post. During the week I leave for work at 6:20, but I try waking up around 4 so I can exercise for at least an hour. Then when I get home I try to get another hour in, shower, eat dinner, then go for a little bit more if I have time. Gets to be a long week I’m finding out, but going to make it work the best I can. This virus is crazy and I can’t wait for it to be over. Luckily I’m still working even though I wouldn’t be mad if we got shut down, so I could stay home and exercise the whole time lol.

#32 typicaliii

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Posted 29 March 2020 - 08:53 AM

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So I clearly struggled a lot these last two days and let me explain. Friday I got home from work, cleaned showered and got ready before he got home because we are in the middle of some things. Been trying to stay away from home so haven’t been able to exercise. Now I don’t have a choice if I want to be home or not because of this stupid ass virus.

#33 typicaliii

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Posted 30 March 2020 - 09:40 AM

Took the day off today cause it hurts to breathe and I still have a fever. I feel bad but don’t want to be the one to shut down the whole factory just cause I was stubborn. Anyway gonna try and workout all day lol.

#34 typicaliii

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Posted 30 March 2020 - 09:47 AM

I REALLY dumped a can of flat Diet Coke into a box of cereal and then threw it out the window while driving lmaoo yes cause now is the time to be wasting food.

#35 typicaliii

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Posted 01 April 2020 - 11:04 AM

God my fiancé has lied to me so much. Even little lies piss me off at this point. Doesn’t help the fact I’m extremely irritable. Like for example I just washed the blankets. Well he was sitting on the couch and sneezed right into the blanket. I was like did you really just sneeze on the blanket? He looked me dead in the face and told me he didn’t lmao like dude I just watched you. Just so fed up idk.

#36 typicaliii

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Posted 01 April 2020 - 11:05 AM

Weight: 118.2

#37 typicaliii

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Posted 03 April 2020 - 11:49 AM

Okay so I’ll be honest. Wednesday was a really rough day and I have been gorging myself. Yesterday I didn’t even log my calories or workout so I’m currently doing both right now. Gonna have to weigh myself and see the damage but I will be waiting for the laxatives to work before I do that. My stomach is so broken that I’ve been bloated and it just straight up hurts, I feel like I swallowed a bunch of rocks.

#38 typicaliii

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Posted 03 April 2020 - 08:44 PM

Alright so laxatives didn’t work. My stomach hurts like fuckk. My weight was 120.8 which is stupid as shit considering it was just 118 but I’ve been stuffing myself daily so that blows.

#39 typicaliii

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Posted 05 April 2020 - 11:22 AM

For some reason, one of my new goals is to be under 110 by Christmas. 8 months away and I probably still won’t make it honestly I’ll probably get close and gain until I hit like 158. Pretty sure that’s what I’m gonna gain to if I decide to “recover” or let myself be “happy” again. Seems to go up by 10lbs almost every time lmaoo shows how weak I am. Another thing I want is to lose my period again. I know the risks and it’s unhealthy etc but the couple times I had lost it for awhile were amazing. Anyway got my period last night and got back on track yesterday thankfully. Weight was 120.8 after dinner last night.

#40 typicaliii

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Posted 05 April 2020 - 12:50 PM

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