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stressed, depressed, and obsessed


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#81 typicaliii

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Posted 26 April 2020 - 11:01 AM

118.8 today after eating massive quantities yesterday? I’ll take it. Was expecting much worse. I’m super bloated again but I got my detox tea yesterday and last time I had it, it worked wonders on regulating my body.
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#82 typicaliii

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Posted 26 April 2020 - 05:16 PM

Both of my legs HURT. Friday I noticed my legs really hurt bad and my knee hurts to even walk. It kinda hurts into my shin I think? Idk but I need it to go away man every time I don’t workout I overeat and it’s pissing me off

#83 typicaliii

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Posted 27 April 2020 - 11:13 AM

My dog ran off again and every time I yell for him I can’t get words out because my throat is so dry I’m so fuckin frustrated. God why does this happen and of course my car won’t start!!! I want to scream but I can’t even do that

#84 typicaliii

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Posted 28 April 2020 - 09:34 PM

Wow I’m 6 beers in and very disappointed in myself but at least I haven’t eaten since yesterday. So 610 cal in with 506 burnt biking so far but who knows what kinda shit I pull

#85 typicaliii

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Posted 29 April 2020 - 08:29 AM

Love how I decided to eat 6 crackers and purge it only to go in and eat pizza with my fiancé? Cause that totally makes sense lmao. At least he let me purge, he told me “idk why you did it but your brain said you had to and you would’ve kept thinking about it until you did it” and I was like holy shit. You figured me out, that was a better answer than I could’ve given lol.
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#86 typicaliii

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Posted 01 May 2020 - 08:18 AM

No weigh in for today as I know I would be horrified. Have been unable to workout lately and it fucking sucks. My mind is going nuts and I feel like an absolute failure.

A lot is going on right now in our little world. Trying to force myself to be more stable so I can be there for my fiancé. He’s going to need extra help and I worry about him so I just am trying to devote as much time to him as possible. Life is crazy.

#87 typicaliii

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Posted 02 May 2020 - 10:52 AM

120.4 today. Guess I’m not surprised

#88 typicaliii

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Posted 02 May 2020 - 11:26 AM

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#89 typicaliii

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Posted 03 May 2020 - 04:15 PM

I don’t feel like talking anymore and typing is too much. 118.4 today

#90 typicaliii

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Posted 04 May 2020 - 08:18 PM

I’m so tired of this loneliness and now it’s amplified and I just feel like if I throw in the towel that’s the only way it’ll get better. Obviously because I wouldn’t be here anymore but as lonely as I feel I still know my dad would at least care except it doesn’t seem like enough anymore. I wish I wasn’t so selfish but at the same time wish I would just put that away and do it. I’m just so lost

#91 typicaliii

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Posted 05 May 2020 - 10:07 AM

Right now I’m focusing on doing anything but gaining. That’s my only goal at the moment. At the bare minimum I have to maintain, obviously I would much rather lose because now all my goal dates are pushed back. But with all that’s going on I think maintenance makes the most sense so I don’t drive myself or my fiancé crazy with the stress of this. I’ve been unable to bike for a full week now, so I got my Fitbit going and have been walking more.

New (but temporary) plan:
-1500 cal max (without exercise; raise accordingly)
-keep logging steps and intake
-weigh in weekly
-keep weight around 118-120, new plan if gaining obviously

I plan on keeping this up until things calm down around here.

#92 typicaliii

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Posted 05 May 2020 - 06:25 PM

119.4

#93 typicaliii

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Posted 05 May 2020 - 07:03 PM

God I’m so wrapped up in my own world and I feel so guilty for it but ya know me I can’t help it I just wanna make it clear that I’m not saying I’m focusing on maintaining just so I can “slack off”. It’ll be very short lived I just don’t know what else to do right now. Man I wish I could just sleep through it all. Been drinking as much as possible lol. Ugh

#94 typicaliii

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Posted 06 May 2020 - 08:50 AM

Okay that’s it. I need to quit drinking. I guess I suddenly decided that I’d drink all the time. Literally over half of my intake has been alcohol recently. If I wasn’t drinking I’d be losing ffs

#95 typicaliii

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Posted 06 May 2020 - 10:15 AM

118.6

#96 typicaliii

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Posted 07 May 2020 - 05:42 PM

117.4 this morning, we’ll see what it is later. We’re gonna smoke later so who knows.

#97 typicaliii

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Posted 08 May 2020 - 12:08 AM

I love this little family I have. We’re laying in bed together and for a split second I felt like I was almost content. Then I added up my cals for the day lmao nothing like a good buzzkill.

Meanwhile I’m sort of jealous because he has been losing weight without even trying. Which makes me worried but I’m pretty sure it’s cause he started drinking Diet Coke instead of regular. IMO it fills a person up sooo much.

#98 typicaliii

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Posted 09 May 2020 - 09:49 AM

116.2 today.

BUT
(TMI)
No BM since Monday and I’ve eaten quite a bit “maintaining” so once that’s gone I’m sure I’ll feel better.
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#99 typicaliii

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Posted 10 May 2020 - 11:42 AM

My stomach is beyond bloated ahhhh I hate it. Wanted to have a clean house and have a nice dinner with him today. Planned on wearing a dress but instead I’m walking around with jeans under a pair of his pj pants, and his long sleeve shirt under his sweatshirt with wool socks cause my feet are numb as shit.

#100 typicaliii

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Posted 10 May 2020 - 06:35 PM

Good lord I’ve been behind on posting. Here’s last week.

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