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So I got a fancy scale... [Prolonged Fasting]


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#21 Boldfish

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Posted 04 April 2020 - 03:07 AM

So, I'm at hour 53-and going strong! ThIs post isn't me being fearful of quitting. BUT, I *have* hit a wall... Just not the one I was expecting.

I feel like I'm... Suffocating. Caged in. Emotionally. I suffer from ptsd and here I am, at 3am, unable to sleep because my body's shooting norepinephrine and adrenaline all crazy. It would feel fine, maybe even satisfying- evidence of my progress- if I was home or next to someone I loved dearly who could protect me from these nightly hauntings but I'm not and it doesn't. I just feel... Oh I'm not sure. Manic. Panicked. The cracked windows provide smells like fresh rain and nostalgia, and I'd love to go out to a park for just a bit and contemplate life under cover of darkness. But I'm trapped indoors. With an incompatible friend who, by no fault of their own, only seems to irritate and frighten me viscerally. Though, to remind myself, it was either this, suffocating here at my friends, or cowering in my room, hiding in my own home from my nightmare roommate. That's a feeling I'd prefer to never experience again, so here I am. Ugh it's so complicated, everything is too complicated and I feel like I can't be myself.

I feel like I'm trying to pretend to be friendly, cordial, tolerant, for the sake of other people, and even for myself in a small way. Even in doing so I still feel *just* not enough... And it's a familiar feeling. Irritable. Impatient.

I'm not going to crack though. I'm going to pray and remind myself I am strong and that I am going through a metamorphosis, both mentally and physically (and probably spiritually, too). I am going to distract myself until I pass out from exhaustion, assuming I'm not already running on fumes. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

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#22 Boldfish

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Posted 04 April 2020 - 10:46 AM

[TMI]

Welp. Hour 61 here. I'm gonna say it.
It's true; when fasting, you.....





....




...



..





Can't trust a fart.

Thankfully I was prepared, and disaster was avoided, just. Not expecting it lmao.
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#23 Boldfish

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Posted 08 April 2020 - 07:51 AM

I'm pretty sure no one is reading this far, but at this point, I'm honestly writing more for myself out of necessity than anything. I broke that^ fast a few days ago, but I started again last night. I'm not going to stop until I reach my goal weight or a 55 day streak, whichever comes first. I'm also coming to realize that it takes practice. I can't just fast for 55 days out of nowhere, with no experience and expect to be able to keep it up for two months straight. I mean, maybe some people can, but as someone with lifelong binge problems and having it trained into me to eat when things go awry, it's going to take a few tries. The important part is not to give up. I will not stay down when I fall, I'll dust myself off and begin again, like I said, until I see this through. I wish it was less of a time game though, that's for dang sure lol It's frustrating breaking my fast 3 days in because now I have to get 3 days in again before I start making new progress and it's like "CAN THE DANG DAYS PASS BY ANY QUICKER PLEASE" Then again, if I hadn't failed... Well, I haven't failed yet. I just also have yet to succeed. But that day is coming! 


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#24 SkinnyDreams0311

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Posted 11 April 2020 - 09:39 AM

You can do it! 💜
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#25 Boldfish

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Posted 15 April 2020 - 10:25 AM

Hello! I'm currently on Day 3

I don't have a scale because I haven't gone home yet (re: toxic roommate) but I will be able to post a weight update at the end of the month! I'm currently at hour...63! 

I had INTENSE cravings last night, but told myself I'd sleep until I made any rash decisions, and here I am, still going! Just taking it a day at a time and not giving up has been really helpful for making progress. Now I'm at a point where I'm thinking, "no way am I going to quit now, it took me 3 days to get here!" lol. I also started a fasting group (3 spots still available) and everyone is really supportive and nice and friendly! :D SO I'm really excited about having made some cool friends :-)

Song of the day: Drift by Ratatat


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#26 Princess-Xion

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Posted 15 April 2020 - 09:11 PM

I’m mixed too and have experienced that as well :/ I have not found a warm welcome with anyone. I’m either too dark for white folk, or too pale for black folk. I can’t even speak on my trauma without someone telling me it either didn’t happen, or that it would be worse if I was darker. It’s like, can we not do pain olympics on sexual assault? Thanks. UGH

One thing they can both agree on is that I am fucking ugly bahahaha


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#27 Princess-Xion

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Posted 15 April 2020 - 09:12 PM

I’m mixed too and have experienced that as well :/ I have not found a warm welcome with anyone. I’m either too dark for white folk, or too pale for black folk. I can’t even speak on my trauma without someone telling me it either didn’t happen, or that it would be worse if I was darker. It’s like, can we not do pain olympics on sexual assault? Thanks. UGH

One thing they can both agree on is that I am fucking ugly bahahaha


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I was referencing your post in March, about your roommate/friend, i forgot to quote hehe


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#28 Boldfish

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Posted 16 April 2020 - 09:27 AM

I’m mixed too and have experienced that as well :/ I have not found a warm welcome with anyone. I’m either too dark for white folk, or too pale for black folk. I can’t even speak on my trauma without someone telling me it either didn’t happen, or that it would be worse if I was darker. It’s like, can we not do pain olympics on sexual assault? Thanks. UGH

One thing they can both agree on is that I am fucking ugly bahahaha

 

Bruhh like why are people so nasty??? They're giving into Black & White thinking, literally lmao. It's really annoying. And I feel back for my roommate especially, because no one is attacking her for her race or any of the political differences, she literally instigated a fight then called us white feminists/ racist for not liking her PERSONALITY like girl, go get some self awareness and a reality check -..- 

lol. People, man. 
But really though, it is so sad because she's projecting, which means there's a part of her that feels so ashamed of her ethnicity that she assumes it's a "flaw" that other people are picking on :/ like no, honey, it's your petty personality. 


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#29 Boldfish

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Posted 16 April 2020 - 09:45 AM

Day 4!

 

Wow!!! This is longer than I've ever gone. I'm at hour 86! I'd say the main difference between now and when I first started is: experience. Knowing what it's going to feel like, and how long it's going to suck (2-4 days, "hell week"). 

Some other notable advantages!:

-knowing that if you quit, you have to first get through 48 hours again just to start the cleansing process, and then you have another 36 hours or so after that that's going to be really hard to push through (ghrelin spikes that haven't adjusted to the fact you're in hunter mode)

-My new fasting group! I made a post calling for some people who wanted to join a kik group for fasting, and it's been super helpful and given me extra support and motivation when I'm feeling low/like I might give it up! (mine is at capacity (9) members, because I wanted to keep it pretty small, but I highly recommend posting a group request in the Friends/Meetups section if this interests you!)

 

Okay so some technical updates: I'm experiencing good mood, well rested, generally positive outlook! Uh also, bathroom breaks are... hazardous. Watch out, for anyone hoping to attempt fasting xD I'm getting more reading done, investing more in creative pursuits, and even doing *LIGHT* exercise, which is good for getting my circulation going. A bit odd, but- my tongue and roof of my mouth are oddly soft/slimy. Like. the texture of yogurt soft. really interesting? lol

 

It's such a trip to think so desperately that I want to lose this cumbersome excess weight (goal is healthy BMI: ~134lbs), and that it's within grasp, as long as I execute this well. Just have to push through the difficulties and not give in to temptation. 

Speaking of temptation, I'll share a really difficult wall I hit the other day: as I was reading in bed for the night, I really just wanted to binge on so many things D: I didn't even message my group chat for support because it was something I knew only I could get through, and no one else could really get through it for me. SO I told myself, "Well, you can't just eat all of that at once right now"- experience breaking fasts with binges before has taught me well to do it gradually ahaa.. because it seriously HURTS to eat like normal right after fasting- "So, how about you get to sleep, get through this for tonight, and in the morning, you can have a protein shake if you feel like breaking it."  So, with much concentration on distraction, I watched shows until I passed out from exhaustion, and when I woke up- Hunger gone! Cravings gone! That was yesterday morning, and the night before then. It was easily the most difficult temptation I've sidestepped so far. But doing so gave me confidence and PRIDE! Like whoa! I was actually able to bear it and work through it! And now it's really gone. The cravings really do go away if you ignore them. Frickin' hormones. lol

 

So things are generally going well! I'm just so excited that I'm doing this. And I did so much work to get to day 4, like essentially I had to wait four days to BE at day 4 and that's a long ass time lol I don't want to start over. Actually, it's not *that* long, it just feels that way when you're waiting for something you want. 

 

ANYWAY,

 

that's my update on my progress! I'm very happy with it :-) 

 

Song of the Day: Bust Your Kneecaps by Pomplamoose [sic]


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#30 Boldfish

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Posted 23 April 2020 - 09:09 PM

Day 3/4

So it has been over a month since I started this process of learning how to be comfortable fasting, and gradually reaching longer and longer time periods. My current streak is 4 days, and day 3 just ended this time. This time I feel much more confident in my abilities not only because I AM HOME AGAIN!!! AND THE EVIL ROOMMATE IS GONE!!!!! But also because I feel I've started and broken my fast enough times that I don't want to face failure again. I want to do this. Ramadan started today, which I am holding as my "reason"/motivation to follow my rules. 

 

Anyway, I'm posting today because I feel really good both about this go and in general! My group chat, which is very nice, has gone inactive, which sucks, but I still want to share my progress with someone, so here we are again :-) I've been limiting posting about my fasts to those that are longer or show some progress, but make no mistake, I haven't just been binging the whole time I haven't been posting, I have been attempting and starting over each time I fail. Just, now I think I'll stick to posting on day 3/4. I haven't had any difficult cravings yet, just some mild ones, where I'm like "FUCK that would be so good". So I write down the food I craved on a list and try to put it out of my mind. It's been helpful so far :-) 

 

Also, now that I'm back, I have my scale again!! Yay :-) I barely noticed I'm down 10 pounds! Nice job, me :-)

SW: 222.2

CW: 212.8

Song of the Day: Window by Still Woozy

 

Also, I'm sorry, but can we just talk about Fiona Apple's new album?? PLEASE?? like fuck, rip my heart out, tear it to pieces and shove all back in, please and thank you. FUCK. SO powerful, SO EMPOWERING. HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU LISTEN TO IT RIGHT NOW. Trigger warning: it's fiona apple. SHe doesn't hold back. Worth the tears. 


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#31 Boldfish

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Posted 24 April 2020 - 10:27 AM

Day 4!

 

Woohoo! I made it to day 4 again :-) there was.. like one doubt in my mind but I ACCEPTED AND WORKED THROUGH IT!! okay sorry I'm just excited and proud of myself. Anyway: Good morning! It feels so good to be back at my house, and with my crappy roommate situation resolved. Ramadan actually starts today (I thought it was yesterday, that's been my "excuse" for fasting, though I won't be breaking it for Eid), so that's my first hill to climb. Then I'll have about 2 more weeks before I reach my 55 day goal! Hopefully I'll be happier, healthier, and clearer minded by then. 

 

Please wish me luck, strength, and self compassion :-) I may edit this post later to update, maybe not

 

SW: 222.2

CW: 211.4

 

Song of the Day: Hunnybee by Unknown Mortal Orchestra


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#32 POPular

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Posted 25 April 2020 - 03:47 AM

I got this one: https://www.amazon.c...0?ie=UTF8&psc=1
It works pretty well! :-)


Wow, I'm definitely getting this scale when I move out.
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#33 melchristen

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Posted 25 April 2020 - 08:52 AM

Also, I'm sorry, but can we just talk about Fiona Apple's new album?? PLEASE?? like fuck, rip my heart out, tear it to pieces and shove all back in, please and thank you. FUCK. SO powerful, SO EMPOWERING. HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU LISTEN TO IT RIGHT NOW. Trigger warning: it's fiona apple. SHe doesn't hold back. Worth the tears. 

I have been listening NON STOP. Fr it is so good


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Be Kind.

 



 
weight.png
 
 


 
 
 
 
 

 


#34 Boldfish

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Posted 25 April 2020 - 11:37 AM

Day 5

 

Welp, I've officially had the staple "broken fast" dream xD and OHMYGOD it was terrible lmfao. I dreamt last night that I was so tempted by like, strawberry shortcake??? and I ate a mouthful and I was already swallowing some by the time I realized what a mistake I had made D: It broke my heart lol. I was like, "nooOOOOO WHY??? WHY DID I DO THAT" and then I ate something else like a popsicle (I had a challenge in the dream: eat this popsicle within 15 seconds and win a free bucket of slushie, type shit lmfao). I didn't even beat the challenge ;-; hahaha I was so relieved when I woke up.

And proud! Like haHA thank you, brain, for reminding me how shitty it feels to fall over and have to pick yourself up again. 

So today, I'm noticing I'm like. Easily out of breath :/ and shaky, any action (unpacking bags from staying at my friends house) left me breathless and weak. My muscles are feeling a little achy. But I know it's fat going down, not muscle. Because I have my scale now! lol. Oh... well so I went from 105.? to 104.6 in muscle weight, so maybe a little bit of atrophy is happening. Hopefully that doesn't continue. My body fat % went down 0.3% so that's good! And apparently I've gained skeletal mass??? lol. Odd. But glad to be in the healthy range for that. 

 

At this point, my cravings are more like tide pools than crashing waves, so that's a relief. They come and go very quickly and aren't that strong. I think finding those thoughts of eating, accepting them, and writing them on my list is a really healthy way to accept and move past them. Like I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything at this point because I can eat it all later if I still want to xD

 

SW: 222.2

CW: 209.2

Song of the Day: Lose It by SWMRS
 


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#35 Boldfish

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Posted 27 April 2020 - 08:24 AM

Ksjdhdoskndjskaksn
Okay.
So it's Day 1 again.
I'm really working hard not to be upset or mean to myself. Just keep moving forward and keep making progress. Beat your last hiscore. I broke my fast 2 hours into day 6, caving after 6 hours of cravings :-( but because I did beat my longest time, I'm not going to be upset with myself. These things aren't always linear. The important part is NOT GIVING UP!!! Next time will be 6 or more days! And of course, hoping to get to 55 lol.

I'm not going to weigh myself right now. Why add stress? I'll weigh myself tomorrow at least and give my body the chance to vacate waste so I don't drive myself crazy. Scales are kinda dangerous, huh? :s

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#36 Boldfish

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Posted 30 April 2020 - 11:47 AM

Okay so for sure I haven't been getting past 24 hours the past few days, but I haven't been binging when I eat. Still, I'm more committed to this now than ever. I will savor [haha] redeeming my stats in my signature. I'm currently on hour 15 (*sobs*) but very determined. I'm eager for this time to pass! I want to beat all my hiscores and get my name on the leaderboard! lmfao. I also need to start stretching regularly. Like every day. Should I start that routine at the same time or ease into it later? Any opinions on that would be appreciated. 


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#37 Boldfish

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Posted 14 May 2020 - 08:57 AM

Hey, I know I said I wouldn't post unless I'm 4 days in. I got to 72 hours (3 days) yesterday, and have been getting 1-3 days pretty consistently lol but I have been wanting to at least post an update.

I walked 6 fxcking miles yesterday. My sad, sad legs. I broke my fast thankfully during my 72nd hour with pretty healthy stuff. Started my timer over again :-)

Also, I've noticed that when I'm home alone, thinspo literally staves off cravings. I just look at thinspo threads and the cravings pass! Something I've found.

SW: 222.2
CW: 209.2
Song of the day: Byzantine by Pinback

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#38 197to124

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Posted 19 May 2020 - 11:03 PM

How are you doing now?


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Stats

HW:220       SW:207   CW:201195

CGW:199189    UGW:124

UUGW:118

 

 Fasting 

Water, Sparkling Water, Occasional Latte

Days: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

 

 

DecimalOpulentGreatdane-size_restricted.


#39 Boldfish

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Posted 19 May 2020 - 11:36 PM

How are you doing now?

I'm doing alright, not the best, but haven't given up. I broke my fast after 20 hours today, but I'm going to try harder this time. I got two days last time. I'm considering adding some work outs, I've just been worried working out will cause hunger or something. I'm in a gc on instagram now, so they're very supportive. It's also nice being able to vent about frustrations on there with people who "get it". I wish time moved faster during the hard parts and slower during the easier parts. How are you? :-)

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#40 Boldfish

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Posted 26 May 2020 - 05:58 PM

Day 3 (again)

 

Hey so i just dont really post because I haven't beaten my hiscore and i want to reserve the updates for when I do, but I have been getting 2 days pretty consistently, give or take. Right now I'm at 51 hours again, uhhh I would say typically I fast between 95-150 hours a week. If i just did it all at once, I'd be well past 55 days by now, ahaa... but, I'm not giving up. I just have to accept my slow and steady progress. At least I'm MAKING progress, you know? not just helplessly sitting there saying "Welp, guess I failed, back to binging". I'm very proud of myself for my success in gaining the ability to fast! 24 hours is very easy for me now. and even though I'm on day 3, I haven't even felt extreme hunger/cravings this go. It just gets easier and easier with each attempt, and even if I don't do it all at once, if I keep going on this way I will eventually reach my goal! The trick I've found is that when I break a fast, I just keep trying to fast. I don't "take a break" from fasting. I consider eating a mistake, and then correct myself. I won't eat for three days in a row, usually after a second day, I'll realize I'm fucking up and start my timer over. I've gotten very good about getting right back up when I fail, even if I have yet to beat my high score :-)

 

SW: 222.2

CW: 207.8

Song of the Day: Wishy Washy by Coco & Clair Clair


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