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~getting my wings~


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#1 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 05 April 2020 - 12:42 AM

I’m moving my accountability here because it’s going to be very proana.

I’m starting a 70 day diet.

Rules:
-500 calories a day M-F
-1000 calories a day Sat & Sun
-90 minutes a day of jogging around the house
-TDEE at least 2000
-worship to the Goddess Ana daily.

Height: 5”5

SW: ~142 BMI 23.5
GW: ~115 BMI 18.3 (June 14)
UGW: ~99 BMI 16.5 (August 1)

I’m going to post photos of my meals, thinspo, quotes and maybe some art or something.

#2 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 05 April 2020 - 09:58 AM

I stepped on the scale today ... 142.2!! This is close to my highest weight ever and not cool at all. By the end of this 70 days I should be under 120, around 117 if I do this perfectly. That will be lower than my lowest known adult weight of around 120. I need this. I’m going to be dedicated and stubborn and not give up. I’m sick of being stuck in this fat body. I’m sick of hating myself. I’m sick of holding onto clothes for years and years and saying I’ll wear it when I’m skinny. This is going to be my skinny summer. I’m going to be able to wear shorts and skirts and short dresses. Tank tops, crop tops and sleeveless shirts without feeling ashamed. I’m going to wear my sexiest bikini at the beach with the cutest coverups that show off my perfect body. I’m not going to hide or be embarrassed when someone tries to take a picture. I’m going to be perfect.

#3 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 05 April 2020 - 12:02 PM

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#4 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 05 April 2020 - 12:28 PM

Breakfast: 146 calories.

Charcoal coffee (22) and chocolate mug cake (124).

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#5 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 05 April 2020 - 02:17 PM

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#6 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 05 April 2020 - 03:35 PM

This pesto mozzarella pizza I made for lunch was orgasmic. I think I came. I’m such a gluttonous piece of shit. 503 calories

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#7 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 05 April 2020 - 06:08 PM

Another chocolate mug cake for 125 calories. They’re so good I can live off of these. Maybe I will??

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#8 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 05 April 2020 - 06:32 PM

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#9 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 05 April 2020 - 09:31 PM

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Just under 4 oz of salmon with 4 mushrooms, a tomato and a handful of spinach. 217 calories.

This brings today’s total to 991.

Tomorrow is my first day of 300 and officially Day 1. I’m working from home so hopefully will keep myself busy and not make too many mistakes. Wish me luck!

#10 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 05 April 2020 - 10:23 PM

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#11 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 06 April 2020 - 06:46 AM

I’ve been having crazy vivid dreams lately. I haven’t even started low restricting yet. I’ve been purging a lot and eating 1000 calories a day. It’s all blurry but what I remember:

I was walking through a suburb in the pouring rain. Someone was standing ready to help me up a muddy slippery hill. Next thing I know I’m in some sort of outdoor mall. Then I was back in the break room of a restaurant or something that I worked at. One of my coworkers showed me her dog and it was one of those too cute ones and it had a pink curly wig on. Then I was at a nightclub and there was an explosion and everyone was running. The nightclub owner was telling everyone not to worry and pls don’t leave, they need the money.

The entire dream it was raining outside and I was shielding myself indoors. I think the rain represents the chaotic outside world right now. I barely leave my house anymore, shielding myself from the rain.

Maybe the nightclub is the USA and the explosion is COVID19 and the nightclub owner is Donald Trump telling everyone that it’s going to be okay, go back to work and don’t fuck up the economy.

#12 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 06 April 2020 - 06:10 PM

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#13 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 06 April 2020 - 06:14 PM

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#14 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 06 April 2020 - 07:32 PM

Today’s intake:
2 chocolate mug cake (250)
1 charcoal cappuccino (25)
70g frozen strawberries (25)
300 total.
Also had a small uncounted serving of frozen blackberries.

Exercise:
90 minutes of jogging around the house. (424 calories burned)
Went for a 15 min walk.

It was nice to finally get outside. I was so paranoid of catching the rona, I wore a mask and a scarf over my mask and pulled my jacket up over my mouth. I’m sure I looked like a crazy person. Why is no one else wearing masks????

I went to go see if my package that got delivered to my old apartment was there. The bitch who lives there now is so rude about it. She won’t text to tell me when it’s there, but said she’ll put it on top of the mailbox IN A BUILDING FILLED WITH SKETCH BAGS. so I have to go there and stand around waiting for someone to open the door and check to see if my package is somehow magically there. I don’t think it’s worth catching COVID19 over. It was like $100 worth of slutty clothes from China. I might just say fuck it and not go back.

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#15 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 07 April 2020 - 07:13 AM

for some reason my BF doesn’t want to sleep in the same bed anymore. We’ve been sleeping separate to keep our cats apart after one of them had surgery. We would each sleep with one. The cat has now been healed for a while and he wanted to keep them separated so they don’t fight at night. But now it’s at the point where we don’t need to separate them anymore and it feels like he’s just using that as an excuse to not have to sleep next to me. We haven’t had sex in aeons, which I’m ok with. But now he doesn’t even want to sleep in the same bed?! I called him out for it last night and he said he wants the whole bed to himself. This would never happen if I was skinny. He doesn’t want to sleep next to a fat slob like me.

#16 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 07 April 2020 - 03:40 PM

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Today’s intake:
Dirty chai latte (24)
Cottage cheese and raspberries (77)
Chocolate Mug cake (125)
80g Airfryer spicy tofu (80)
2.5oz Airfryer blackened salmon (108)
1 carrot (30)
1 orange (80)
More cottage cheese (27)
Total: 551

I jogged around the house for 90 minutes and burned 400 calories. My knee joints were aching. Afterwards my fingers got so cold and numb. I put on a cozy sweater, made some green tea and got my heating pad. Feeling a little better now.

68 days to go :) looking forward to the weekend when I can eat like a semi normal person and enjoy a nice meal with bae.

He’s been driving me crazy lately. He sometimes randomly texts me in the middle of the day to tell me he’s suicidal and hates his life. We’ve gone over this 1,000,001 times and it always ends the same. I don’t know what to tell him. He doesn’t want to get help, thinks it won’t change anything. I always somehow manage to say the wrong things. It usually ends in us breaking up. These conversations are never productive and I get really annoyed. I have my own mental health issues I’m dealing with, deal with your own man!

Debating whether or not I should workout the extra calories I ate. My TDEE will be about 2000 so still a loss of like 1450. Better not risk it. I know I’ll feel better after a little jog but it might trigger a binge. I need to get rid of this anxiety. I really don’t want to purge. I just need to make it through tonight and tomorrow’s a new day. Maybe I’ll take a sleeping pill and knock myself out.

#17 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 07 April 2020 - 08:22 PM

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#18 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 07 April 2020 - 09:22 PM

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#19 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 07 April 2020 - 09:22 PM

I ended up binging and having:

(110) Tuna mayo packet
(200) Canned peaches
(140) Turmeric chia Oatmeal

Bringing today’s total to 1000.

#20 Redrocketblacksun

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Posted 08 April 2020 - 07:29 PM

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Today’s intake:

Dolgana coffee (24)
Blackberries and cucumber (21)
Mug cake (143)
Egg white scramble (112)
Total 300

Exercise: 73 minutes of jogging around the house
Walk around the grocery store and home (about 50 minutes total)

TDEE around 2100

I took an enema today and also a lax. I haven’t done a #2 in like a week! Hopefully the scale is nice to me tomorrow.

I’m not sure what I did wrong but my Dolgana coffee didn’t turn out like everyone else’s. It was just foamy, not whipped. I might try it again but wasn’t too impressed. I’ve finally perfected the mug brownie. I added 5g of dark chocolate chips for an extra 23 calories. It was so worth it.


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