Selected rantings of an ortho kitchen witch, and other stories - Orthorexia - Forums and Community

Jump to content


About MPA

MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.


Photo

Selected rantings of an ortho kitchen witch, and other stories

tall uk accountability orthorexia healthy restriction 178cm wild food forage low carb keto

  • Please log in to reply
25 replies to this topic

#1 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 17 May 2020 - 09:02 AM

Hi everyone!  

I'm back yet again after just over a year being away.  

I realised not long ago that my weight has gone back up right to where I started a couple years ago, and I am hovering just around the edge of a overweight BMI.  

When I weighed myself yesterday, I was 75.4kg.  

 

I am much happier mentally than I have been in the past, but I feel that my weight and general lack of fitness is holding me back from living my ultimate best life.  

 

This time around, I want to be as healthy and fit as possible while I'm on this journey.   Despite taking a healthy approach to weight management, and not having any form of ED at the moment which would be considered diagnosable, I feel most comfortable posting on MPA because of my history with ED.  The support and understanding of the community here is amazing, especially when it comes to the emotional and social aspects of our journeys within our bodies.  

I will list my measurements tomorrow morning, since that is the time I am most comfortable with my body.  

I am at the tail end of a handmade pasta challenge right now, so I will have a higher carb count than I normally would for the next few days, after which I will be lowering my carb intake.  

My first goal is to tone up and lose weight for an upcoming meeting with a guy I met on a dating site just before lockdown started.  I don't know when our meeting will be, because I am cautious about venturing into the outside world yet, but I am guessing it will be around a month from now.  I will aim to lose a kilo per week during that month, and I am adding exercise into this accountability, unlike my previous ones.   I want to have 6 days a week of some type of exercise.  I will be counting certain gardening jobs since they involve hauling tonnes of soil around, and certain DIY jobs around the house which involve heavy lifting, as it will motivate me to accomplish 2 goals at once.  

Thank you for reading!  


  • smolfawn, PrettyLilKitty and Nyms like this

#2 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 18 May 2020 - 04:21 AM

As promised, stats as of this morning.  

 

Measurements:

 

Weight:

75.0kg

 

Height: 178cm

BMI: 23.6

 

Arm - 31cm

Thigh - 57cm

Waist - 79cm

Booty - 107cm

 

 

I'll be posting my MFP and Health-Calc stats at the end of today, and 6 days a week from now on.  

My goal is to weigh 71kg or less in 30 days, and to have achieved a waist-reduction of 5cm or more.  

My aim on MFP is 1200 calories a day, and when the pasta challenge finishes tomorrow, I will begin to focus most on my protein intake.  Last time I lost weight I think I went too low, completing the 30,000 calorie challenge for a month and low restricting for two weeks before that.  I think it made my body go into overdrive and crave food so much more when I finally stopped tracking my intake.  

This time, I want to try to be as healthy as possible, and take it slow as much as the excess weight bothers me.  I want this to be sustainable and healthy so I don't just balloon back up at the first sign of complacency.  

 

Hope you all have a lovely day!  Stay safe!  

 

xox

 



#3 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 19 May 2020 - 02:44 AM

I fell asleep before posting my MFP and Health-Calc yesterday... here it is! 

 

 

Attached File  Screenshot 2020-05-19 08.34.53.png   97.13KB   25 downloadsAttached File  Screenshot 2020-05-19 09.00.48.png   144.54KB   24 downloads



#4 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 19 May 2020 - 06:55 AM

So interesting discovery, I just roasted a shit load of garlic and ate a tonne of it and it made me feel SO full, almost queasy.  I think I might try eating a bunch of garlic when I have extra cravings, see if it makes me able to resist temptation.  

Tonight I have a special pasta event coming up, the end of a homemade pasta challenge I have been doing for the last 30 days, so I don't want to go overboard.  Hopefully this garlic will keep me on the right track so I don't binge everything in sight. I'm cooking a few different recipes and they all involve loads of ingredients so MFP will be a nightmare and probably not very accurate to track it all, so
tonight I'll only be posting my health-calc results.  It's a special event and I don't want to be concerned about tracking everything I put into my recipes. 

 

Part of this journey is about trying to be healthy, which means preserving my mental health as well.  Weighing and tracking food is great when I have goals, but it is not always situationally appropriate, and a non-disordered way of being needs to incorporate this type of mindset.  



#5 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 20 May 2020 - 04:59 AM

Last night's pasta challenge went great... ate more than I probably should have, but I have a big hike planned for today and can now kick off my low carb journey. Some pics of the pasta finale:

Attached File  IMG_20200519_204159_787.jpg   105.9KB   18 downloadsAttached File  IMG_20200519_204159_783.jpg   97.98KB   18 downloadsAttached File  IMG_20200519_204159_786.jpg   104.48KB   17 downloads
  • itsmysecret_onlymine, Sweetsorrow, xMurkyMind and 2 others like this

#6 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 20 May 2020 - 05:01 AM

Here's my health-calc stats as well.... I keep forgetting to upload them at the end of the day and just falling asleep.  

 

Attached File  Screenshot 2020-05-20 11.00.09.png   143.34KB   14 downloads



#7 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 08 June 2020 - 01:24 PM

Hey all!  

 

In classic fashion I totally failed at posting every night or even tracking my food.  I had a really emotional PMS after making my last posts and decided to stay away from MPA until the emotions passed, so as not to succumb to more unhealthy thoughts.  

 

I then had an incredibly busy week after PMS subsided, and really didn't feel as though I had the time or energy to track and post everything.  

Anyway, despite not being accountable on here, I have actually done really well with food and have gravitated towards an OMAD style of eating, with a lower-carb focus on most days.  

 

I also had a man whom I met online and had never met IRL come to visit (we have both been totally isolated for months so it was a safe meeting!), which I think subconsciously helped with not overeating.  

 

And it must have worked, because as of this morning I weighed 73.2 kilos.  Of course a lot of that might be period weight, since I was in a 'fat' part of the month last time I posted, and I'm at the 'skinny' time of the month now.  I am guessing in reality that I only lost around half a kilo, but I'll take what I can get at this point!  

 

I already feel some clothes fitting better and hanging nicely.  I'm wearing a playsuit today which TBH looks amazing, whereas it looked a bit blah when it arrived a few weeks ago.  

 

Hoping to continue with this semi-conscious weight loss.  It's refreshing to be making good food choices but not be consumed by thoughts of tracking and counting every calorie.  I might keep going with it and see how far I can get naturally before stepping it up again.  

 

I also know that I need to start incorporating some exercise into my routine, if not for looks than at least for mental health.  The days where I am active I feel so much better about everything in life.  

 

Going to start with core training on the regular so I can build up a solid foundation for all the heavy work I am doing around the garden already.  

 

Anyway, that's all for today.  Not going to be posting MFP or Health-Calc stats today as I have none.  

 

Wishing you all a safe and healthy week!  You are all wonderful people with so much to give!

 

xox



#8 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 10 June 2020 - 02:27 PM

Still can't bring myself to track my cals.  Trying to just focus on healthy choices and following hunger cues.  It's been a really emotional last few weeks and I don't want to eat my feelings.  

 

Something that really helped me during this crazy last few months of total isolation and lockdown is just not ordering any junk food.  
I live in a really remote place with no car, so at first when everyone was panic-buying, it was hard to get food.  When I finally could get a grocery delivery slot, I had to really think about how I could plan my food order to last as long as possible and keep fresh for a month or more at a time.  

 

I decided that to avoid running through my supplies too quickly, I would only buy base ingredients... that means no ready meals, no pasta, no bread, no snack food, no desserts, no binge-triggers.  My thinking was that if I wanted any of those things, I had to cook it from scratch myself.  That would make me cherish what I ate more, and put more time and thought into what I was going to make.  Also, base ingredients tend to be shelf-stable, so I could order them without risk of anything going bad. 

 

For veggies, I ordered a lot of things like squash, cabbage, fennel bulb, apples, beets, and other things that could be kept  for a very long time without deteriorating too quickly.  I grew stuff in my garden, and learned more about seasonality.  I also learned to forage edible ingredients from the woods around me and make collecting food an exercise and a sacred ritual.  I feel like a kitchen witch.  

 

Earlier this year I took a class on lactofermentation, so I took any veggies that I wasn't going to eat on-time and made them into tasty pickles for later in the month.  I also used other preserving and canning techniques to make jars of things that I could keep at ambient temperature for a while.  

 

It worked out super well!!!  If I wanted pasta, I had to make it completely from scratch, same with bread, cake, pizza, anything junky that could easily turn into an overeating situation for me.  It taught me so much and made me appreciate every single morsel.  It cut down on the amount of food I normally waste, and connected me to the true value of each and every ingredient in my cupboard.  

 

This type of conscientious eating has totally changed my relationship with food, and changed my eating habits to be so much healthier and more thoughtful.  Also, it turns out that healthy things are so much quicker to prepare from scratch than junk!  It takes AGES to make pizza, tortillas, bread, cake, pasta, or crackers, etc.  It's effort, and measuring, and waiting, and precision.  

Meanwhile, making some grilled veggies and a bit of protein, or a quick salad or veggie-based stir-fry is so quick and easy by comparison.  It flipped my whole thinking about healthy eating on its head, as I normally would associate refined carbs, bread, pasta, etc as quick and easy food, just pop it in the oven or take it out the wrapper and that's it.  

 

This unintended pandemic consequence is a real blessing for an ortho-mindset.  It feels healthy in body, but also healthy for the soul, and for the planet.  


  • Winterfae, aneles, Sweetsorrow and 1 other like this

#9 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 12 June 2020 - 05:25 AM

So I have been on the verge of relapse for a while, since I had gained past what I felt comfortable, but there was a specific trigger for coming back on here and embracing it.  I had been talking to a guy since just before lockdown, we met on Tinder.  It was so wonderful... he is a scientist, a dancer, and an artist, has a good job, is hard-working and disciplined, and has been really sweet and emotionally available.  We have a tonne in common, and have been cultivating a really amazing intellectual and emotional connection over the last 3 months, talking every day and meeting up virtually every single night to watch a series together.  

 

A few weeks ago we talked about the potential for meeting in person, since the restrictions in our country were starting to ease a little bit.  Obviously I kinda panicked about feeling too fat, so I started to pay a lot more attention to my intake.  

 

I lost a few kilos and then we ended up meeting last weekend and had such an amazing time... walking in nature, drinking beers on picnic blankets in the forest and in sunny meadows, cooking together and teaching each other new recipes, watching our favourite show in the bath together, lots of sex and physical affection.  It was wonderful and I was so happy.  

And then this week.  Fucking hell.  He has totally dropped his affection.  He messages me to meet up and watch our series but that's it.  No cute nicknames anymore, no cute goodnight messages, no long chats, no random messages throughout the day.  
Our series ended last night, and I have this feeling that whatever this is between us ended with it.  I'm going to straight up ask him what is going on, cos I am too old and too world-weary to play games with cowardly fuccbois.  

 

Anyway, the point of all this is to say that it has triggered me SO BAD.  I have barely eaten this week and have dived into the forums and spent so much time fantasising about being better, skinnier, fitter.  As if that's the problem.  Which I know it isn't.  But it just sucks feeling pushed aside and blaming weight is a convenient thing to make whatever problem seem 'fixable' and controllable.  He also never once called me beautiful the whole time he was here.  I'm not one who needs that kind of validation from men or anyone else, but it seemed strange to me since I feel like that is kind of standard chat when you spend time with a potential romantic partner.  He had seen pics of me before, we had chatted over video, and he would call me cute names and clearly liked what he saw.  But then in person.... nothing.  Despite having sex with me the whole time.  It seems like some sort of weird power play or negging tactic at this point to not say anything even once about liking what he sees.  

 

I'm so disappointed and annoyed about the whole situation.  I don't expect people to feel romantic towards me just because of an intellectual and emotional connection, sometimes people tick all the boxes but the spark just isn't there, and that's ok....but I DO expect them to be honest about a lack of attraction.   ESPECIALLY if they have had sex with me for two days straight and given me a whole bunch of false hope in the form of talking about some future plans to meet.  

This guy is a responsible, grown ass adult.  His inability to be straightforward with me is so pathetic and cowardly.  I am going to end whatever this is tonight for my own sake, and move the fuck on.  But I still have a sinking feeling that this trigger will last a while, and it makes me so sad.  


  • PrettyLilKitty likes this

#10 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 13 June 2020 - 08:32 AM

So I ended things with that guy.  Asked him what was going on and he confirmed my suspicions, and then had the audacity to try and gaslight me by saying I never made it clear I wanted more than friendship, and that he was slow in processing his emotions so that's why he wasn't straightforward with me.  

 

Like, BITCH WE MET ON A DATING SITE.  IT'S ASSUMED I'M LOOKING FOR MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP, FOOL.  

 

Also I was super vocal about it being romantic and wanting love.   

 

Not to mention like, boy no way I figured out that you didn't want anything before you did.  That's literally impossible.  If I knew you werent feeling it a week ago, so did you.  

I am proud of myself for having some self-respect and communicating my needs, though.  Felt like a queen last night after my parting shot to his gaslighting, manipulative comments:

 

Of course I know you didn't intend to disrespect me.  But you did prioritise your own comfort over doing the right thing and I don't tolerate that from friends or lovers.  That is a young person's game, and neither of us are young anymore.    That having been said, thank you for showing me who you really are.


  • PrettyLilKitty and Mitsy like this

#11 Mitsy

Mitsy

    Advanced Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 270 posts

Posted 17 June 2020 - 06:23 AM

way to go standing up for yourself! you are soo strong and did the right thing getting ride of him. im sad he turned out to be a dick. it sounded sooo romantic. i really hope you don't relapse badly, you sound like an amazing person and you deserve so much better than to loose your health over that jerk. 

im enjoying all your enteries. hearing about your approach to cooking from scratch, gardening, listening to hunger cues. the way you write about everything is lovely.


  • knockknee likes this

5'3"

cw 109

hw 155

lw 75

sw117

gw 105

ugw maintain above 100 below 115

 

F*** you ED!


#12 Winterfae

Winterfae

    Choose your own title! PM Admin or Bibs.

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13959 posts
  • LocationNot Flirting With You from The Twisted Kingdom

Posted 17 June 2020 - 11:24 PM

So I ended things with that guy.  Asked him what was going on and he confirmed my suspicions, and then had the audacity to try and gaslight me by saying I never made it clear I wanted more than friendship, and that he was slow in processing his emotions so that's why he wasn't straightforward with me.  

 

Like, BITCH WE MET ON A DATING SITE.  IT'S ASSUMED I'M LOOKING FOR MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP, FOOL.  

 

Also I was super vocal about it being romantic and wanting love.   

 

Not to mention like, boy no way I figured out that you didn't want anything before you did.  That's literally impossible.  If I knew you werent feeling it a week ago, so did you.  

I am proud of myself for having some self-respect and communicating my needs, though.  Felt like a queen last night after my parting shot to his gaslighting, manipulative comments:

 

Of course I know you didn't intend to disrespect me.  But you did prioritise your own comfort over doing the right thing and I don't tolerate that from friends or lovers.  That is a young person's game, and neither of us are young anymore.    That having been said, thank you for showing me who you really are.

 

 

This is so fucking badass and I am massively in awe and admiration of you right now. I think you're awesome and he's a total asshole for screwing you around like that, well done for calling him on it. In the best way possible I want to grow up to be just like you (emotional maturity wise, no idea if we might be the same age or if I'm older but I need this kind of role model for not taking shit from uninvested people esp men.)

 

EDIT: Also I think it's great you what you did with the foraging and cooking from scratch. I was trying to do this all year, and while I was managing ok in April to do loads of wildfoods and stuff from the zero waste shop only, I went back hard to bulimia. It's inspiring to read this and makes me want to give it another shot. Thank you for sharing it. 


  • aneles and knockknee like this

Accountability Main Thread - The Abyss: Through-the-Twisted-Kingdom B/P-Free Monos
Fae's Fantastic Guide To Flirting: Fabulous Fuck-ups & How To Avoid Them (A.K.A Awkward Aspie Anecdotes & Appalling Alliteration)

Youtube (shameless self promotion):  https://www.youtube.com/user/TheVioletRaven/

Dx: AN b/p & ASD (Social Anxiety about PM's sometimes) | H: 5' 8" | BMI ?? | LBMI 15 | B/P-Free Record: 4 weeks (2020)
"I am a Titan. A Monolith. Nothing can stop me." ~
"Not finished yet. Still have work to do."


#13 AmethystAna

AmethystAna

    Omniscient

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4017 posts
  • LocationCanada

Posted 18 June 2020 - 09:16 PM

Sorry you had such a shitty experience with that guy and that it had triggered you so bad. I was quite enjoying your adventures in health and kitchen witchery. I hope you can find your way back there soon.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
  • knockknee likes this


 146 145 144 143 142 141 140 139 138 137

136 135 134 133 132 131 130 129 

128 127 126 125 124 123

122 121 120 119 118 

117 116 115 114

113 112 111 

110

 

Gluten free-veg*n accountability


#14 aneles

aneles

    Advanced Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1955 posts

Posted 19 June 2020 - 07:33 PM

holy frick you are so cool and living the life i wanna live (ortho cooking, saying SCREW YOU to ready made treats, foraging in the FREAKING WOODS OUTSIDE UR HOME)

 

 

i also ditched a guy that totally changed his entire personality and treated me badly. breakups scare me but i wanted to do it, rather than let stuff drag out !

 

 

we are strong and brave!


  • knockknee likes this

let me stay sad please because when i am happy i eat too much


#15 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 24 June 2020 - 10:38 AM

Wow guys that you all so much for your words of affirmation.  Im sorry I haven't responded in a while but I try to avoid coming on MPA when I am pre-menstrual as it just makes my disordered thinking worse.  Also I was camping this weekend and just cutting loose and being a normal, fun person, so I didn't want to spoil it by obsessing over food. 

 

way to go standing up for yourself! you are soo strong and did the right thing getting ride of him. im sad he turned out to be a dick. it sounded sooo romantic. i really hope you don't relapse badly, you sound like an amazing person and you deserve so much better than to loose your health over that jerk. 

im enjoying all your enteries. hearing about your approach to cooking from scratch, gardening, listening to hunger cues. the way you write about everything is lovely.

 

Thank you so much for your kind words... the relapse was fortunately not bad and only for about a week before I pulled my shit together and got back on the Tinder wagon.  I haven't talked to the fuccboi since and I don't plan on it. 

Yeah it was romantic, but if I'm honest with myself, I had a gut feeling that it wasn't right a while ago which I should have listened to.  He was one of those guys that is sorta "good vibes only", and when I would bring up social justice issues or whatever he would change the subject or try to sugar coat stuff or worse, give me unsolicited advice.  

Now, I'm not one to sit and complain constantly, or have a negative attitude, but I'm not gonna live in some privileged fairy land where problems don't exist and we can't talk about them.  I love talking about things that are important in this world, and many of those things are heavy subjects.  If a guy is too caught up in his little opposition-free privilege bubble to give heed to those topics, he can GTFO cos I need a 3D human being with a broad range of feelings and conversations, not some bubbly whitewashed good vibes guru.  

 

This is so fucking badass and I am massively in awe and admiration of you right now. I think you're awesome and he's a total asshole for screwing you around like that, well done for calling him on it. In the best way possible I want to grow up to be just like you (emotional maturity wise, no idea if we might be the same age or if I'm older but I need this kind of role model for not taking shit from uninvested people esp men.)

 

EDIT: Also I think it's great you what you did with the foraging and cooking from scratch. I was trying to do this all year, and while I was managing ok in April to do loads of wildfoods and stuff from the zero waste shop only, I went back hard to bulimia. It's inspiring to read this and makes me want to give it another shot. Thank you for sharing it. 

 

Thank you so much!  I'm blushing haha!  

 

To be honest, I never used to be a badass.  I was such a pushover with men and always did everything I could to appease them and it got me absolutely NOWHERE and made me miserable.  I have had to work really hard on setting boundaries and calling folk out, and the more I do it, the better it feels.  It can be daunting at the time, but looking back, I am always so proud of sticking up for myself, and so ashamed of letting people fuck me over.  So from now on, I tell assholes where to go.  

 

I'm 32, and being a doormat tarnished my entire teens and twenties.  Always remember that you need to live for YOU, don't waste time living for other people.  Put out your real energy into the world, do things you like, and don't compromise on your ideals.  It WILL chase people away, but THAT IS THE POINT.  You want the wrong people to be chased far away.  After all is said and done, and you have laid out who your really are, the people that remain will be YOUR people.  They will make you feel safe and fulfilled and understood and there is literally nothing better than feeling safe with your tribe.  If you don't already have that tribe, cultivate those traits in yourself.  Feel safe with yourself, support yourself, fulfil yourself.   Satisfied solitude is better than shitty relationships any day of the week.  

 

 

Sorry you had such a shitty experience with that guy and that it had triggered you so bad. I was quite enjoying your adventures in health and kitchen witchery. I hope you can find your way back there soon.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

I am finding my way back already.  Got some good playlists on the go, eating moderate amounts and mostly healthy, and trying to stay on top of my shit!  Thank you for your words of encouragement.... it means so much to have a supportive community around me!  

 

holy frick you are so cool and living the life i wanna live (ortho cooking, saying SCREW YOU to ready made treats, foraging in the FREAKING WOODS OUTSIDE UR HOME)

 

 

i also ditched a guy that totally changed his entire personality and treated me badly. breakups scare me but i wanted to do it, rather than let stuff drag out !

 

 

we are strong and brave!

 

Yes we are!!!  Glad you binned that loser so you can focus on your happiness.  Breakups are scary, but not as scary as looking back at years wasted on people who aren't good enough!   Proud of you pal!


  • AmethystAna likes this

#16 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 24 June 2020 - 10:59 AM

So I'm back after avoiding MPA during PMS, since it just makes the obsessive thoughts worse.  

 

I had a bit of a trigger today but strangely in almost a good way.  I filmed myself practicing poi, and at first I hated everything that I saw.  My legs are lumpy, my belly is soft and pudgy, my posture is fucked, my fat neck and non-existant jawline are DISGUSTING.  But then I made a few more videos, in different outfits and place and with different hair in each one, and sat with my discomfort for a while, faced it head-on.   After a while I started to see things that were beautiful about me... not to mention I felt pretty good about my actual poi skills!  I know I need to lose some weight to be happier with myself, but I'm not in the depths of despair about it.  I am going to actually get off my ass and do a little butt and core workout after this post, and maybe some yoga once that has warmed me up, and start to plan what I will eat for the next couple weeks.  

 

In other news, after I told that stupid man where to go, I gave it a couple days and got straight back on Tinder.  I had deleted my profile not long after meeting him because of a different creep, so I made a completely fresh profile with different pictures and a much more straightforward bio, which was written specifically to chase off undesirables and be righteous as fuck to anyone who shares my values.... mostly social justice and science stuff to weed out the bigots and idiots.  

 

I get fewer matches now, but they are so much better quality than before, and I am feeling so proud of myself.  I also get people matching me just to harass me for my lefty beliefs but I just screenshot them and send the screenshots to my pals so we can roast them together and it's actually hilarious.  

 

My only regret is not being more vocal about my values sooner.  Now that I have seen the other side, I am so confused as to why I ever thought "chasing men off" was a BAD thing?!?  Like, begone foul beasts!  Plenty of real men out there with similar values who will love me FOR those things and not despite them.  

 

I already moved 3 of them to Telegram from Tinder and they are all lovely in different ways.  I am particularly interested in one of them who makes me laugh so much, and dives straight into deep conversations head first without sugar coating anything or acting like he knows better than me.  It's so refreshing and fun.  We are going to meet up in a couple weeks, socially-distanced, and I'm so stoked.  I dunno if it's healthy or not, but that meeting is gonna be one of my short term goals for sticking to my fitness routine and eating low-carb.  I want to feel confident and strong when I see him.  

 

Anyway, gonna go do that workout and then gonna post on here afterward.  If you don't see my post by 2 hours from now, please holler at me to get on it!  I need all the motivation I can get!!! Haha.  


  • AmethystAna and Winterfae like this

#17 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 24 June 2020 - 12:49 PM

Did a 20 minute glute workout... think i might do some yoga now.  Amazing how starting feels so daunting but once you've started you just want to keep going.  


  • relaxingterror likes this

#18 Winterfae

Winterfae

    Choose your own title! PM Admin or Bibs.

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13959 posts
  • LocationNot Flirting With You from The Twisted Kingdom

Posted 28 June 2020 - 08:30 PM

I'm 32, and being a doormat tarnished my entire teens and twenties.  Always remember that you need to live for YOU, don't waste time living for other people.  Put out your real energy into the world, do things you like, and don't compromise on your ideals.  It WILL chase people away, but THAT IS THE POINT.  You want the wrong people to be chased far away.  After all is said and done, and you have laid out who your really are, the people that remain will be YOUR people.  They will make you feel safe and fulfilled and understood and there is literally nothing better than feeling safe with your tribe.  If you don't already have that tribe, cultivate those traits in yourself.  Feel safe with yourself, support yourself, fulfil yourself.   Satisfied solitude is better than shitty relationships any day of the week.  

 

Heh, we are the same age.
I still want to reach that level of emotional maturity I think I've been stunting in myself by using the bulimia as a buffer.
This is such fantastic advice and resonates so strongly with what I've been trying to live by the last few months. Honestly I think you should be a life coach, get this printed onto t-shirts, keep waving this banner because it's the absolute truth.
I'm so done trying to fit in, if people can't handle me, they were never my tribe to begin with. 


  • knockknee likes this

Accountability Main Thread - The Abyss: Through-the-Twisted-Kingdom B/P-Free Monos
Fae's Fantastic Guide To Flirting: Fabulous Fuck-ups & How To Avoid Them (A.K.A Awkward Aspie Anecdotes & Appalling Alliteration)

Youtube (shameless self promotion):  https://www.youtube.com/user/TheVioletRaven/

Dx: AN b/p & ASD (Social Anxiety about PM's sometimes) | H: 5' 8" | BMI ?? | LBMI 15 | B/P-Free Record: 4 weeks (2020)
"I am a Titan. A Monolith. Nothing can stop me." ~
"Not finished yet. Still have work to do."


#19 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 09 July 2020 - 05:25 AM

Heya folks!  Back after a while... my pal and I decided to start the Chloe Ting 2 week shred and I'm gonna fucking DO THIS

 

Gonna post some starting measurements (not weight though cos I ate a shitload of carbs this week after being pretty low carb for a month and I'm highkey scared of what the scale says.  

 

Looking to reduce my waist and keep my booty, which seems to be what has happened with all the people posting their results of this shred on youtube.  I think it's from all the planks tightening up the transverse abdominis (I know that spot-reduction isn't a thing!).  

 

Alllso, there a boy update!  

 

One of the guys I moved to telegram has become a regular thing, and we have been going on cute zoom dates every week and he is LOVELY.  Like, I actually can't believe how awesome he is.  After our last proper date I stopped talking to the other guys (who were ok, just not really what I'm looking for) cos I think this has the potential to be a real thing.  

 

Example... I wanted to do something regularly together, and we both like reading a lot, so after I suggested we get and read the same book, he took it a step further and suggested we get a book and meet up on zoom and read out loud to each other  :wub:

 

He chose the book, and it's a collection of essays and poems by Audre Lorde, who, if you don't know her, is a revolutionary black feminist lesbian author.  
Now, obviously you all on here don't know me, but this choice of his is exactly the kind of stuff I want to be reading, and to have a white cishet man suggest it without knowing my taste in literature already was just mind-blowing and so perfect. 

 

Also the other day I was a bit upset about something and messaging him about it and he just called to make sure I was ok, which sounds probably like the most basic thing, but I'm really not used to dating guys who treat me well and care about how I'm doing, and just having him call out of the blue to talk to me about how I was feeling was so touching.  

 

There is so much more that we have been chatting about over the course of the past few weeks and it just feels so good and so right... zero red flags, no game-playing... it just feels easy, like I've known him forever and can just be myself around him.  

 

Sometimes I think I might have just actually cracked from extreme touch starvation and Tinder-induced PTSD and I'm actually just imagining this amazing man.  

 

We were going to social-distance meet when I was in his city to do a citizenship application, but that got pushed back, so we have decided to meet at the end of this month out near my town.  So hopefully this shred will contribute to this lockdown glow-up that I've been trying to achieve and I'll be looking and feeling fiiiine when he sees me IRL for the first time.  


  • Winterfae and tove lo like this

#20 knockknee

knockknee

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 972 posts

Posted 09 July 2020 - 05:38 AM

Separate post for pre-shred measurements:

 

Arm:  30.5cm  12in

Neck:  38cm  15in

Bust:  99cm  39in

Waist:  78cm  31in

Belly:  91cm  36in

Hips:  97cm  38in

Booty:  103cm  40.5in

Thigh:  57cm  22.5in

 

I took the belly measurement an inch or so below the belly button, at the widest point.  Hips were taken at the hipbones, and booty at the widest point.  Thighs were also taken at their widest point, a few inches down the inseam.  There are more measure points than I would normally do, because I want to see if this shred changes my shape and proportions, not just if it reduces the proportions I already have.  





Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: tall, uk, accountability, orthorexia, healthy restriction, 178cm, wild food, forage, low carb, keto

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users