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anyone else mad they didn't 'grow out' of their ED


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#1 chili bean

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Posted 16 June 2020 - 07:28 PM

i've had an ED since my late childhood/early teens. i always thought once i got into my early/mid 20s, i'd just... be over my ED. i'm 23 now and here i am. still doing this shit. 

 

i'm mad @ myself over it.


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#2 color me blue

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Posted 16 June 2020 - 08:18 PM

I thought, when I was younger, that it would go away when I got older once I achieved what I wanted. Except achieving my goal was never good enough and I kept going until I realized I couldn’t stop or “grow out of it.”. Now I know I’ll always live this way, because I’ve realized eating disorders don’t just go away, although I wish they did!
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#3 Beakerr

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Posted 17 June 2020 - 08:23 AM

i've had an ED since my late childhood/early teens. i always thought once i got into my early/mid 20s, i'd just... be over my ED. i'm 23 now and here i am. still doing this shit. 

 

i'm mad @ myself over it.

fucking same i just turned 23 a month ago and i am the same i was at 15. and honestly, my health only started really getting worse this year... my poor teeth (i purge too much) :( 
i finally started going to therapy but it's such slow progress and i'm so worried about living the rest of my life like this. and like it's at the point where i'm past weight loss goals which ironically has led me to lose more weight than really trying to lose lol. now i just want to eat something and not feel bad lmfao. 



#4 chili bean

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Posted 17 June 2020 - 10:15 PM

fucking same i just turned 23 a month ago and i am the same i was at 15. and honestly, my health only started really getting worse this year... my poor teeth (i purge too much) :( 
i finally started going to therapy but it's such slow progress and i'm so worried about living the rest of my life like this. and like it's at the point where i'm past weight loss goals which ironically has led me to lose more weight than really trying to lose lol. now i just want to eat something and not feel bad lmfao. 

 

SAME

my behaviors are barely even about weight anymore. it's more stress related for me. i stopped purging for a long time, and i've recently started again and it just feels like i'm going backwards. 

in every aspect of my life, i have grown and changed since my teenage years. but my eating disorder has just.. stayed the same. 

 

it doesn't help either that a lot of eating disorder media and support groups and such cater mainly to teenage girls. i was in treatment for a looooong time when i was younger and even considering going back as an adult, i wouldn't even know where to start?


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#5 ziggy ✩

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Posted 18 June 2020 - 10:53 AM

ugh I feel this, I just purged yesterday (TWICE!!!) bc I went 350 over my limit. Im 21, been strugglin since I was 11.... 10 YEARS OF THIS SHIT! I did, however, use a baking soda/water mouthwash when I got home ( purged @ work) to soften the blow to my teeth


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CW: (8/22) 147.6

GW (10/31): 125

 

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#6 LostAnaGirl

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Posted 18 June 2020 - 12:57 PM

Yup. I have had mine since I was 13. I turn 29 in a few months. 


 
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#7 meee

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Posted 21 June 2020 - 03:29 PM

im 23 and had an ed since i was 10... im mad but at the same time i dont know who i am without it... i have no hobbies, no friends, no social life...just an ed


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#8 Banana__Milk

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Posted 24 June 2020 - 09:25 AM

Yeah, also I’m almost 26 and my teenage angst is still here lmao
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#9 electricheartlilacsoul

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Posted 24 June 2020 - 04:46 PM

I'm about to turn 21 and I'm so angry at myself for being in the same mindset as I was when I was 12


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#10 somethingdramatic

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Posted 24 June 2020 - 04:50 PM

i'm mad because when i think of my future, i always imagine having my shit together, which in my head means being rid of my ED. but time is passing by and its still here and its slowly hitting me that i'm nearing the time that I was imagining of when I thought of my future, when I should be rid of my ED by. but its still here. it's not gonna go on its own either lol i wish it would


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#11 northernsoul

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Posted 24 June 2020 - 05:14 PM

it's been five years and honestly I can't say I'm surprised, still disappointed though

 

its not like having a cold or something, it never really goes away you just progress in your recovery and it comes in waves dude


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#12 brokenangle

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Posted 25 June 2020 - 09:32 AM

Oh god yes.

I am 26 years old.
I started this train wreck at 12.

This is a battle that should be buried in teenage troubles long ago.

But here I am, freezing to death at work because I always get so much colder when my intake is extremely low.

I work in healthcare. I feel like I should know better.

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#13 Sae.

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Posted 25 June 2020 - 02:28 PM

Honestly no because without it I'd eat whatever I feel like and be a fatass. Losing my ED was and still is one of my biggest fears. 


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#14 chili bean

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Posted 25 June 2020 - 06:18 PM

Honestly no because without it I'd eat whatever I feel like and be a fatass. Losing my ED was and still is one of my biggest fears. 

 

mine is kinda opposite

somehow in my teenage mind, by my 20s i'd be over my ED and i'd just eat intuitively and STILL be small (not underweight cause in my teenage mind i'd ALSO get over that desire) and i wouldn't b/p 

 

reality sucks 


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#15 Sae.

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Posted 26 June 2020 - 10:36 AM

mine is kinda opposite

somehow in my teenage mind, by my 20s i'd be over my ED and i'd just eat intuitively and STILL be small (not underweight cause in my teenage mind i'd ALSO get over that desire) and i wouldn't b/p 

 

reality sucks 

Yeah I definitely wish that were the case but I've always been cynical so basically knew if my ED disappeared and I ate normally I'd still gain. I think my only hope for maintaining my GW will be continuing to count my calories, but not restricting. Which sounds miserable but not as bad as hating myself and having to start over again.


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#16 moomu

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Posted 26 June 2020 - 02:11 PM

sadly, yeah. I reached a goal weight of mine and it didn't even end up feeling rewarding. I thought it would 'stop' or i'd 'grow out' of it eventually, but it won't stop. 

i wish i wasn't still dealing with it, but here we are. 


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#17 arryn

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Posted 07 July 2020 - 01:00 PM

I truly thought that by the time I graduated from college and found a good job that I wouldn't have to worry about my eating disorder but here I am... 25 and relapsing

I feel so embarrassed when I come on this app sometimes and see all the teenagers and I feel so ancient and ridiculous for having an eating disorder.
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#18 Wild_Flower_

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Posted 07 July 2020 - 03:03 PM

I "recovered" when I was 20. I'm 21 now and trying to lose weight without relapsing. It was pretty hard to kick old habits and I still haven't stomped a few. I'm still fighting my ED and I wish I never developed it in the first place 


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#19 dancingandreaming

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Posted 09 July 2020 - 12:17 AM

I actually thought I had “grown out of it”. Went a few years without a problem, and then one day it’s back.

lol @ my life


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#20 rainbow_skylines

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Posted 09 July 2020 - 07:31 AM

I'm 22 now. I had thought I started to "grow out of it" back in fall of 2017 (19y/o), thought I was healing, the whole thing.

 

Well, in comes even more trauma to add to the trauma I already had, and within a month I realized I would have to work my life around this disorder, as opposed to pursuing full recovery. 

ugh.


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